TWENTY-ONE (PG) by Camryn January 2007 ~*~ The annual holiday party had turned out to be a big success after all. Neelix had already put a great deal of work into it before his departure, and to the crew, in many ways, it felt as if he were still among them. Chell had taken over preparations for the party and everyone agreed he'd done himself and Neelix proud. This year there were no uniforms. The women shone in their beautiful gowns while the men dazzled in their formal wear. Tom had chosen the holodeck program and was very pleased with the crew's reaction. The setting was a grand ballroom with chandeliers and marble floors. Dining tables set with elegant china and crystal lined three walls while along the fourth were continuous glass doors which led to a large stone terrace with elaborate gardens surrounded by a tall hedge. Beyond a single opening in the hedge was a moonlit beach complete with a salty sea breeze. Other than formal wear, there was another significant change in this year's party. One that lifted more than a few brows when word got around that the Captain had signed off on it. Synthehol was replaced with real alcohol. Only the command team knew the EMH had designed an airborne agent that would instantly neutralize the affects of alcohol. At the first sign of an emergency, he would instruct the computer to deliver the agent through the ventilation systems thus enabling the crew to report to their stations with faculties intact, albeit wearing their fancy party clothes. Kathryn reasoned that the crew could be trusted to use their judgment and not overindulge. Chakotay was not as confident as she was, but hoped no one let her down. Following an exquisite meal and a very emotional tribute toast to Neelix, the party had begun in earnest. Many danced while others mingled and enjoyed just being together, free from duty. Kathryn was no exception. Her spirits were extremely high, most likely due to the spirits she'd consumed. No one who noticed begrudged her the right to enjoy herself however she saw fit. Aware of the enormous weight of responsibility she carried, and seven years of service without a real break, they were thrilled to see her having some fun for a change. Chakotay was probably more pleased than anyone to see Kathryn so light hearted and happy although he was a bit concerned with how much she'd had to drink. An expert at watching her without being obvious, he managed to have a good time himself while ever aware of where she was and what she was doing. He would know when to suggest a breath of fresh air on the terrace. To ensure the safety of the captain was in his job description, yet his diligence was more out of love than duty. When Kathryn accepted an invitation to dance with Harry, Chakotay decided to take a breather and made his way out to the terrace, which he was surprised to find empty. He stood at the opening in the hedge and gazed out at the holographic ocean, breathed deeply of the simulated salt air, and wondered if he'd ever be free of Kathryn's spell. He thought he'd made great strides in his attempt to move on. This was further re-enforced when he'd started dating Seven and found he quite enjoyed her company. He even considered the possibility of a future with her. Now, it was clear he'd only been fooling himself. In the short span of a couple of hours, all of his efforts were undone. Watching Kathryn dance and laugh and happily interact with people had awakened feelings he thought he'd buried deep enough to no longer be a threat. There was no joy in the realization that he was still in love with her, but defeat and sorrow. Would he ever be destined to love a woman he could not have? He was alerted to a presence by the soft rustle of fabric behind him and turned around just in time to catch Kathryn when she stumbled straight into his arms. Miraculously, neither of them spilled a drop of their champagne. Chakotay couldn't help but chuckle when she blamed the near fall on 'these damned high heels'. "I'm sure it has nothing to do with the amount you've had to drink," he teased. Kathryn hadn't moved away after he'd steadied her. She seemed perfectly content to remain pressed against him with one arm draped over his shoulder, so he didn't bother to remove his hand from her back. His better judgment told him he should step away, perhaps lead her to one of the garden benches to sit down, but his body refused to cooperate. "Maybe allowing the real stuff wasn't such a good idea after all." He gazed into her eyes. Even bleary they were beautiful. Kathryn worked up a small scowl. "You've got something against having a good time, do you?" "Not at all," he answered with a gentle smile. "But I don't need alcohol to have a good time." She feigned a gasp and tried not to smile. "Why, Chakotay! Was that a little ninendo...udendo.." "I think the word you're looking for is innuendo, and no, it wasn't." With her lips already partially around the rim of her glass, she mumbled, "Damn." Chakotay's brows lifted in surprise. She'd definitely had a little too much. She still hadn't moved away despite the danger of being discovered the moment someone came onto the terrace. And still he could not make himself move away. It could very well be the only opportunity he'd ever have to hold her this close, and he wasn't willing to give it up. "Let me ask you something," she said, her words only slightly slurred. "Alright." "Why don't you ever bring a date to these things?" He nearly choked. Tonight was supposed to be his and Seven's first public appearance but she'd canceled on him at the last moment. Her reasons included unease at social gatherings, a report she wished to complete, and the need to regenerate. "I could ask you the same thing, you know." Kathryn drew in her chin and lowered her brows. "You know the rules concerning a captain making advances on someone under her command." "I thought we were talking about a date. I didn't say anything about making advances." "Are you implying I have a dirty mind?" She was teasing him and enjoying every moment. "I would never imply such a thing!" he answered with exaggerated innocence. "But you do think I'm drunk?" His chuckle was soft, his gaze tender. "A little, yes." Kathryn slowly tilted her head back and looked at him with narrowed eyes. "News flash, Chakotay. It doesn't take a dirty mind, nor am I too drunk to know what's pressing against my..." "Kathryn!" he exclaimed and tried to step away. Her arm over his shoulder prevented him from going very far. He felt his cheeks flush and saw her expression soften in response. "It's alright," she said very quietly. Chakotay shook his head slowly. "No, it's not. As much as I wish..." He took her arm from his shoulder and gently squeezed her hand before releasing it. He exhaled slowly and looked into her eyes. He hated having to do this. He would hate himself more if he didn't. "Kathryn, you're not yourself. You've had too much to drink and it's affecting your judgment." His tone was patient and understanding. "I'm trying to save you the embarrassment of saying or doing something you'll regret later. I hope you understand that." "Always the gentleman," she whispered as she tilted her head and allowed him to see the affection in her eyes. She looked past his shoulder and spotted a bench. "May we sit down, please?" "Of course." He moved to her side and offered his arm. With a wink and a grin, he added, "We wouldn't want to take any chances with those damned high heels." Her laughter rang out as they turned to follow a short stone pathway to one of the benches. For a few minutes they sat in silence. Kathryn slowly traced the rim of her glass with a forefinger and seemed to be gathering her thoughts while Chakotay pretended to watch the party goings on through the glass doors but was keeping an eye on her from the corner of his vision. He sensed she had sobered considerably and was already regretting her behavior. Kathryn shifted her position to better face him and crossed her legs. She rested an arm on the back of the bench between them and settled her fingertips on his shoulder. With a sad little smile, she spoke softly but clearly. "I have to confess, I had an ulterior motive for allowing alcohol at this party." She lifted her glass and looked at it then reached out and let it fall into a nearby bush before meeting his eyes. "I needed a bit of liquid courage. Granted, I took it a little too far. I apologize for embarrassing you so." "Forget it," he said with a gentle smile. Kathryn looked down at her fingers as they slowly brushed against the material of his jacket and worried her lower lip for a moment before meeting his eyes again. His heart hammered in his chest in anticipation. He thought she must've seen his desperation because her words came out in a rush. "I miss you, Chakotay." Not only was it not quite what he'd expected, but he wasn't sure what she meant. "I've been right here, Kathryn." She smiled sweetly and ducked her head toward him. "I mean, I miss you... us... the way we used to be." She rolled her eyes. "I'm so bad at this." "I miss you, too." He delighted in the way her eyes lit up and her smile grew at his words. Her reply was almost shy. "You do?" Chakotay could only nod. Kathryn slid closer and watched her fingers fiddle with a button on his shirt. It was a nervous gesture uncharacteristic of her and he found it completely endearing. He lowered his head toward her and spoke just above a whisper. "Do you mean you want to go back? To the way we used to be?" She looked up sharply and for a moment he thought he'd misunderstood. "I was thinking more along the lines of moving beyond that. If that's still something you'd be interested in." Without breaking eye contact, he took her hand from his shirt and drew it to his lips. He watched her lips part slightly when his touched her hand. "Oh, I'm interested." He released her hand to put his arm around her shoulders and pull her even closer, then looked down at her in surprise. "Kathryn, you're trembling." She smiled crookedly. "Well, excuse me if I'm a little nervous. This is a huge step for me." She pulled back a bit to look at him with lowered brows. "Can you honestly say you're not the slightest bit nervous?" "I'm too happy to be nervous." They laughed together then grew serious again. "Kathryn, I know this is a big step for you and I understand. I want you to know I'll never push you. We'll take this at whatever pace you're comfortable with." He gave her shoulders a reassuring squeeze. "We can do this." "You seem very confident," she said with a half smile. "I've had years to think about it." He was sorry for the words when sadness clouded her face and quickly sought to take it away. "Dance with me." "In front of the entire crew?" Chakotay blinked. "I'm sorry. Of course you want to keep this between..." Suddenly Kathryn was on her feet. She grabbed his hand to tug him up and across the terrace. Without letting go, she opened one of the doors and led him straight to the middle of the dance floor. Chakotay noticed the questioning looks and all out stares while Kathryn seemed blissfully unaware. She stood in front of him and waited while he remained rooted to the spot drinking in the happiness on her face. He was sure his own face looked much the same. There would be no keeping their new relationship from the crew. When he made no move to take her into his arms, she stepped closer and placed his hand on her hip then leaned up to speak quietly near his ear. "I believe you asked me to dance?" When the command team began their third consecutive dance, Tom had seen all he needed to see. There was definitely something up between them. No pun intended, he thought with a smile. He went out into the corridor and reached under his jacket lapel to tap his commbadge. "Paris to Seven." "Yes, Lieutenant." "I've got to hand it to you, Seven. You were right." "I am pleased to hear it." "They look like two teenagers in love. How did you know?" "I cannot tell you." "Why not?" "I would have to terminate you." There was a long dead silence before she added. "A joke, Lieutenant." Tom just laughed and shook his head. When Chakotay moved his hand from Kathryn's waist to gently stroke the bare skin of her back, she opened her eyes and lifted her head from his shoulder. Surprised to find the room empty, she looked up at him. "Why didn't you tell me everyone was gone?" "I saw no need," he answered and gazed lovingly into her eyes. She too took advantage of being alone with him and moved her hand from his shoulder to the back of his neck and stroked her thumb through the soft short hair. "How long have we been alone?" "Oh, about twenty minutes." "Do you mean you could've kissed me twenty minutes ago?" Chakotay gave a slight shrug and tiny grin. "You seemed so peaceful, and I was enjoying just having you in my arms. The crew seemed intent on slipping away quietly to leave us alone and I..." "Chakotay," Kathryn said as she looked from his lips up to his eyes. "Don't make me wait twenty-one minutes." ~ end ~ -- Camryn, December 2006 Flip back to the Poems & Prose Index page!