Tip #1 -- Ask, ask, ask

If you are ill, you probably grow weary of answering the question, "How are you?" Guess what, your partner probably gets sick of many people asking her how you are doing. Some months I could answer that question 20 times and not have one person ask how I was doing. It will seem odd for both of you at first but get in the habit of asking the question and waiting for the true answer.

Tip #2 -- Boot 'em out

Your partner might feel guilty about taking care of herself or, heaven forbid, having fun. Encourage her to do things with friends. Perhaps you used to ski together but your body no longer allows that. Urge her to go skiing with a buddy. She will be a better support person and a more pleasant partner to live with if she has opportunities to connect with friends and hobbies.

Tip #3 -- Be optimistic

Sometimes we partners mirror your moods. So whenever possible, be optimistic about life. It will give her an emotional break and could cause a snowballing of good vibes in the home.

Tip #4 -- Thank her often

We partners often feel guilty because we don't have the burden of illness to carry around physically. But remember, we suffer, too. It's hard to see loved ones hurting. So occasionally thank us for the tangible and intangible things we do.

— Gregg Piburn, Beyond Chaos: One Man's Journey Alongside His Chronically Ill Wife (Arthritis Foundation, © 1999, ISBN: 0-912423-20-X, Paperback, 320 pages, MSRP: US$14.95)

[Ed. note: Pronouns in the above quotation have been changed to female to aid interpretation by the expected audience of this site.]