Your New PC (Pussy Cat)1Your New PC (Pussy Cat)1Specifications:
Standard Input: Bilateral frontal tactile sensor array
Bilateral adjustable audio dishes (range: 20-20,000Hz)
Stereoscopic scanning device w/night vision
Velcro
Odor sampling devices (2)
Standard Output:
Internally mounted purr-box
Single speaker with separate growl mode
Rear-mounted, fully-jointed semaphore device
Processor:
Parallel neuron array with Random Access Memory and Autonomic control of system software
Included Hardware:
Calcium-based skeletal structure
Byte-to-bit conversion array
Retractable document shredder/hole-punch
Paw-pad printer
Mouse (Standard Catnip)
Also included:
natural-fiber protective covering in various colors
System software:
your PC will come preloaded with one of the following:
DOS (DOmestic Shorthair)
OS (Other Shorthair)
MS (MegaSoft, installed in units with fuzzy covering)
Conversion to UNIX can be done by a simple operation. This is recommended to prevent the proliferation of cheap PC clones.
Bundled software:
May include the following:
Mortal Kombat
Acrobat
Explorer
Stuffit Expander
Your PC will automatically convert from laptop to desktop as needed. There are no user-serviceable parts inside.
Operating your PC:
To start up your PC, push the power button (on any electric can opener). Your PC has an energy-saving mode known as Sleep. Your PC will Sleep automatically if unused for a short period of time, or you may invoke Sleep mode by placing your PC in a soft, warm area. To wake your PC from Sleep, you may press the power button as in Start, shake the mouse, or tap any of the PC's input devices (see specs).
To perform a warm boot:
Remove your shoe, then tap the PC gently with your toes.
To perform a cold boot:
Same technique as for warm boot, but leave your shoe on.
To reboot:
Repeat the warm boot.
Cleaning your PC:
Use only mild soap and water, no solvents. Surface wash only. Total immersion is not recommended. If partial immersion is necessary, wear proper hand and face protection and make sure your PC is fully dry when finished.
Compatibility and networking:
Your PC is designed to independently assess compatibility with other PCs. Running UNIX will generally give your PC greater compatibility with other PCs. It may be necessary to install a firewall between incompatible PCs as each may attempt to breach the other's security systems. Compatible PCs may share thermal energy and cleaning tasks and may network for gaming purposes. Please note that your PC will be incompatible with units of type BIRD and FISH unless appropriate security measures (such as a firewall) are installed. Your PC may tolerate one or more DOG units provided they occupy a subordinate position within the hierarchical structure.
Power requirements:
Alternating supply of canned cat food and dry cat food
Direct supply of water
Direct access to solar and thermal energy sources
Troubleshooting:
PC HAS DIFFICULTY EXITING:
Perform a warm boot.
PC SHARES FILES FROM DINNER/TABLE/PLATES WITHOUT PERMISSION:
Boot your PC prior to running food-related software.
PC HANGS UP PHONE DURING CONNECTION TO ISP:
Try invoking sleep mode prior to connecting to ISP. Otherwise, perform a warm boot.
PC IS FROZEN:
PC is probably scanning for small life forms. Reboot until it responds.
1. I don't know the source of this clever piece. It came as a forwarded e-mail. I have done some minor editing to the original.
Last updated 07/14/00