Where would you like to go?

Visit the Grounds

Sports Center
The Station

Visit the Outter Complex

The Lobby
The Information
Center
The Mess Hall

Visit the Inner Complex

The Bunks
The Officers Lounge
The War Room
Limbo
The Hallway

If you are wishing to be a spud soldier you must take and pass the following test.

What is your name?
What is your E-mail address?
Where are you located?
Are you an Eggplant? Yes No
Are you currently employed by or volunteer for another intellegence other than our own? Yes No
Are you willing to do whatever we tell you to do? Yes No
Are you aware that our mental stability is questionable? Yes No
Are you aware that you may be "corrected" just for taking this test in a sane state of mind? Yes No
Are you aware that you will be "corrected" if you don't pass this test successfully? Yes No
Do you regularly consume non-edible substances? Yes No
Are you able to bash your head against solid things repeatedly without feeling the sensation of pain? Yes No
Can you count to 10? Yes No
Without using your fingers? Yes No
If, in your next life, you could choose between being pudding or linoleum which would you be?
Are you under the impression that western civilization is going to collapse shortly? Yes No
Are you a member of the Cult of the Young Life? Yes No
Are you a sick puppy? Yes No
Do you like sick puppies? Yes No
Are you able to work along side sick puppies? Yes No
Are you in sick puppy denial? Yes No No, I'm not a sick puppy! I SWEAR!
Do you lie to your mother? Yes No
A lot? Yes No
Are you good at it? Yes No
Do you believe that the Walt Disney Corporation monopolizes the world and is a sinister enemy to everyone that needs to be destroyed? Yes No
Is your name Ross Perot? Yes No
Do you suffer from:
Pyromania?
Schizophrenia?
Manic depression?
Telepathy?
?aixelsyD
Tourette's syndrome?
Psychopathic outbursts?
Alcoholism?
Delusions?
Hallucinations?
Paranoia?
Idealism?
Did you just check yes to a bunch of the last 12 questions because your a soggy excuse for a human being and you wish you suffered from them? Yes No
Are you affiliated with Jehovah's Witnesses? Yes No
Do you have some weird and freakish deformity that allows you to touch your shoulders together in front of you or do somthing similar? Yes No
Are you a spy? (We'll know, ya know. Don't try and mess with us man, we'll have you shot!) Yes No
Are you frequently complimented on your outstanding weirdness? Yes No
Do you converse with extraterrestrials? Yes No
Are you immortal? Yes No I am until I die
Are you a vampire? Yes No Only at night
Do you need to read the instruction manual before firing a spud gun? Yes No
Do you eat potatoes? Yes No
Would you like Mr. Potatohead to be president? Yes No
Do you know where Jimmy Hoffa is buried? Yes No
If olive oil comes from olives, where does baby oil come from?
Why don't sheep shrink when it rains?
Why do we call them apartments if they're all stuck together?
How much wood would a woodchuck chuck if a woodchuck could chuck wood?
How many licks does it take to get to the center of a tootsie pop?
Do you know the muffin man? Yes No
Do you have sucidal tendancies? Yes No
Do you wish you had sucidal tendancies? Yes No
Do you want us to give you sucidal tendancies? Yes No

Thank you for participating in our little survey. While you were pondering its mind-boggling inquiries as to your suitability for future recruiting material your modem was traced and a team of S.P.U.D. soldiers were dispatched and is now on their way to your place of residence to capture, imprision and bleed you for every last drop of information you possess. Afterwards you will be beaten within an inch of your life with a lead pipe and thrown in a ditch to die. Don't try and escape us, we have spies everywhere and you'll only be prolonging the inevitable and worsening your punishment for having thought you were clever enough to spy on us successfully within our ranks. Ta ta.
-The Admiral
Legal Disclaimer: Though we are undoubtedly responsible for any offence that comes as result of this obnoxious little questionaire we refuse to take any blame for any mental injuries that it may have caused. You read it, its your fault!!

After you finish the test you set down your number 2 pencil and and slide the test into an unmarked envelope. A small man dressed as a pirate appears from a hidden doorway to your right and takes the envelope quickly, says something to the effect of shiver me timbers, and leaves through the same door. The wall becomes flush and no trace of the door can be seen.

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