I didn't want to feel it

Testimony of Fina, a Chinese girl who became a rape victim in Solo

GATRA Magazine
Number 37/IV, 1st August 1998

WHEN the riot occured in Solo, Central Java, on previous 14th and 15th May, my hometown was ruined. My name is Fina (pseudonym). I was born here 24 years ago. Many shops were burnt by the crowd and all the goods were looted. Thank God, our house and shop were safe from the destruction. Althought many Chinese evacuated to other cities - or abroad - we decided to stay in Solo, although the situation was not quite stable. If not student demo, sporadic looting kept occuring.

And then came that 8th July evening, the evening I could never forget. That day, it rained heavily in Solo at about 19.30. Outside our house was already quiet. Only a few people were seen sheltering themselves in front of shops along the street. That time, besides me, there were a housemaid and my 20-year-old brother at home. I read a book in my room. The air was chilly. Suddenly there was roaring sound of a car, followed by squeeky sound of brake and car door slamming amid the sound of rain and gushing wind. Then, I heard a knock on our front door. We were a bit suspicious. When our housemaid opened the door, we saw four men, neatly dressed in black and white clothes, having athletic figures, rushing into our house.

One of them said that he wanted to see my father to discuss business. Although our housemaid told them that my father was not home, they didn't want to leave. One of them even closed the door and locked it from inside. I startled and began to worry. One of them told us not to be afraid. They told us, they were not robbers. We have no choice but trying to believe them, although deep inside we were scared. I thought, something was certainly not right. But I couldn't do anything.

They asked me, who were at home. Our housemaid said, "Only three of us." Then suddenly the look of their faces changed. They started to speak loudly. They insulted us. They accused us being haughty. Making people suffer. My brother tried to explain that they should not make bad generalisation for all Chinese. My brother said, we're not rich people, and we get along very well with people around us including Indonesian pribumis. Our father is just an ordinary worker. But our guests didn't want to hear all our explanation. Yelling profanity, they pulled out sickles and an object that looked like a gun -- I don't know whether it was real gun or not. We were getting scared to death. I begged them not to do us any harm. I told them, we were just an ordinary family. We're not cheaters.

One of them gave me a hideous smile. They dragged my brother and the housemaid into the bathroom. And then, they pushed me into my bedroom. Oh, my God, I was very disheartened. I remember, they touched me, all over my body. I remember, I begged them not to rape me. Please, take pity on me. Please don't do it. But they went on. They whispered dirty words, disgusting.

Those four men stripped me naked. I resisted and prayed. I kept praying, hoping that my parents went home. Or there were guest who came and knocked the door so that these men stopped their act. But nobody came. They just went on. When they carried me and stripped me naked, I could only close my eyes. I didn't want to feel it...

Days after that tragedy, I locked myself in my room. My parents were sad. I could only cry. Do we have sins that we don't realize? All this time? I am not a naughty girl. Who are they that sacrifice me? --

- BLU and Kastoyo Ramelan

IHCC - Indonesian Huaren Crisis Center Back to Witnesses/Newsi