To: freewillie
From: Jeanne Bojarski
Subject: Stoopid Laws
Note that this message is forwarded from my company's engineering site office in Hong Kong. Just let them try to send messages like this once the Chinese take over!
These are real standing laws from around the United States of America. Hope you enjoy them and remember, Law Enforcement is no joke!
Jeanne
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Alabama:
1. It is illegal for a driver to be blindfolded while operating a vehicle.
It should be illegal for legislators to act as if they were cretins.
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California:
1. Community leaders passed an ordinance that makes it illegal for to try and stop a child from playfully jumping over puddles of water.
This law is a crime against human nature!
2. The Chico, California, City Council enacted a ban on nuclear weapons, setting a $500 fine for anyone detonating one within city limits.
What would we do without government?!
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Connecticut:
1. You can be stopped by the police for biking over 65 miles per hour.
(Or walking over 35 mph!)
2. You are not allowed to walk across a street on your hands.
That would be painful - especially in golf shoes!
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Florida:
1. Women may be fined for falling asleep under a hair dryer, as can the salon owner.
And we thought only her hair-dresser knew for sure!
2. A special law prohibits unmarried women from parachuting on Sunday or she shall risk arrest, fine, and/or jailing.
Women? Unmarried? Sunday? What about sky-diving? Hell! What about skinny-dipping!
3. If an elephant is left tied to a parking meter, the parking fee has to be paid just as it would for a vehicle.
Do you have any idea how much it costs just to print these stoopid laws?!!!
4.
But you can dance in a swimsuit...or sing naked?
5. Men may not be seen publicly in any kind of strapless gown.
Honey, men just don't have the equipment to go strapless. Think of the Children!
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Idaho:
1. It's safe to make love while parked in Ceour d'Alene. Police officers aren't allowed to sneak up and peek in the car window. Any suspicious officer who thinks sex is taking place must drive up from behind, honk his horn three times, and wait two minutes before getting out of his car to investigate.
How velly considerlate! How conwenient!
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Illinois:
1. It is illegal for anyone to give lighted cigars to dogs, cats, and other domesticated animals kept as pets.
Health Nazis! Ok. I'll give White Owls to Spotted Owls.
2. In Oblong, it's punishable by law to make love while hunting or fishing on one's wedding day.
But what about the thrill of the chase?!
3. A state law in Illinois mandates that all bachelors should be called master, not mister, when addressed by their female counter parts.
And rightly so!
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Indiana:
1. Bathing is prohibited during the winter.
Must get pretty gamey around there about the Ides of March!
2. Citizens are not allowed to attend a movie house or theater nor ride in a public streetcar within
at least four hours after eating garlic.
What about them pesky Italian immigrants?
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Iowa:
1. Kisses may last for as much as, but no more than, five minutes.
Good law. After five minutes the danger of dreaded lip-lock increases dramatically.
2. Warn your hubby that after lovemaking in Ames, Iowa, he isn't allowed to take more than three gulps of beer while lying with you or holding you in his arms.
MeMa alays let me take fuor.
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Kentucky:
1. By law, anyone who has been drinking is "sober" until he or she "cannot hold onto the ground."
The sponsor of this law can't even find the ground!
2. It is illegal to transport an ice cream cone in your pocket.
Rate this law for: Public Interest [ ] Being any of Government's Business [ ] Inanity [ ]
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Louisiana
1. It is illegal to rob a bank and then shoot at the bank teller with a water pistol.
How about the bank President? How about with a flame-thrower?
2. Biting someone with your natural teeth is "simple assault," while biting someone with your
false teeth is "aggravated assault."
This law is both simple and aggravating.
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Massachusetts:
1. Mourners at a wake may not eat more than three sandwiches.
Even those teeny-weeny hors devoirs sammiches? And what about rejoicers?
2. Snoring is prohibited unless all bedroom windows are closed and securely locked.
Locked???? And what if you have a estate several miles square?
3. An old ordinance declares goatees illegal unless you first pay a special license fee for the
privilege of wearing one in public.
Outdated laws cost more than just the tax-money to print them. They are an invitation to the corruption of selective law enforcement.
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Minnesota:
1. No man is allowed to make love to his wife with the smell of garlic, onions, or sardines on his breath in Alexandria. If she so requests, law mandates that he must brush his teeth.
But what about the Venus Butterfly with garlic!
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Missouri:
1. In Merryville women are prohibited from wearing a corset because "the privilege of admiring a curvaceous, unencumbered body of a young woman should not be denied to the normal, red-blooded American male".
Damn right!
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Montana:
1. Bozeman has a law that bans all sexual activity between members of the opposite sex in the front yard of a home after sundown - if they're nude.
But mayhem between same-sex couples in the back yard before sunset while 'wearing' bullwhips is OK?
2. A law in Helena mandates that a woman can't dance on a table in a saloon or bar unless she has three pounds, two ounces of clothing on.
A nice tiera should take care of that, my dear. :)
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Nebraska:
1. A parent can be arrested if his child cannot hold back a burp during a church service.
Issue all parents a healthy supply of duct tape!
2. The owner of every hotel in Hastings is required to provide each guest with a clean, pressed nightshirt. No couple, even if they are married, may sleep together in the nude, nor may they have sex unless they are wearing one of these clean, white cotton nightshirts.
We should be grateful it wasn't leotards!
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New Mexico:
1. Females are strictly forbidden to appear unshaven in public.
Again, what about those pesky Italian immigrants?
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New York:
1. A fine of $25 can be levied for flirting. This old law specifically prohibits men from turning
around on any city street and looking "at a woman in that way." A second conviction for a
crime of this magnitude calls for the violating male to be forced to wear a "pair of horse
blinders" wherever and whenever he goes outside for a stroll.
Did you know that way back when, it was polite custom to dress piano legs in trousers so their sight wouldn't incite lust? Tis truly true!
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North Dakota:
1. Beer & pretzels can't be served at the same time in any bar or restaurant.
Sacrilege! What about beer and quiche?
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Ohio:
1. Women are prohibited from wearing patent leather shoes in public.
And you know why to, don't pretend you don't!
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Oklahoma:
1. Violators can be fined, arrested or jailed for making ugly faces at a dog.
Even in self-defense?
2. Females are forbidden from doing their own hair without being licensed by the state.
And I thought I'd heard all the schemes for getting Government to restrict competition!
3. Dogs must have a permit signed by the mayor in order to congregate in groups of three or
more on private property.
Guess we're gonna hafta start some Midnight Reading for Canines Program.
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Oregon:
1. It's against the law in Willowdale, Oregon, for a husband to curse during sex.
Even if it wasn't good for him?
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Pennsylvania:
1. A special cleaning ordinance bans housewives from hiding dirt and dust under a rug in a
dwelling.
Why this isn't intrusive at all, is it!
2. No man may purchase alcohol without written consent from his wife.
But she's often the reason he needs it!
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South Dakota:
1. In hotels in Sioux Falls every room is required to have twin beds. The beds must always be a minimum of two feet apart when a couple rents a room for only one night, and it's illegal to make love on the floor between the beds.
Aha! They forgot under the beds!
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Texas:
1. A city ordinance states that a person cannot go barefoot without first obtaining a special
five-dollar permit.
This is a legitimate fee. You wouldn't believe the amount of tax-money it costs to track these unfortunate incidents!
2. It is illegal to take more than three sips of beer at a time while standing.
Now this makes about as much sense as prohibiting fish from wearing Tampax!
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Vermont:
1. Lawmakers made it obligatory for everybody to take at least one bath each week -- on
Saturday night.
Let's not get rigid now.
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Virginia:
1. In Norfolk it is illegal for a women to go without a corset. (There was a civil-service job for men-only called a corset inspector.)
By the time you got it undone, you'd lost the urge!
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Washington:
1. All lollipops are banned.
Ralph Nader must have heard that some kid once choked on one.
2. A law to reduce crime states: "It is mandatory for a motorist with criminal intentions to stop at the city limits and telephone the chief of police as he is entering the town."
While we're at it, let's just make it mandatory for convicted mass-murderers to pull their own switch in the electric chair.
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Wyoming:
1. An ordinance in Newcastle specifically bans couples from having sex while standing inside a store's walk-in meat freezer.
Wouldn't want to get a reputation for being frigid!
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