The Bill of NO Rights
     We, the sensible of the United States, in an attempt to help everyone get along, restore some semblance of justice, avoid any more riots, keep our nation safe, promote positive behavior and secure the blessings of debt-free liberty to ourselves and our great-great-great grandchildren, hereby try one more time to ordain and establish some common sense guidelines for the terminally whiny, guilt-ridden delusional, and other liberal, pinko-commie, bed wetters.

     We hold these truths to be self-evident, that a who le lot of people are so stupid, ignorant and obsessed with lust for money and power that they are confused about the Bill of Rights and therefore require a Bill of No Rights.



ARTICLE I

You do not have the right to a new car, big-screen color TV or
any other form of wealth. More power to you if you can
legally acquire them, but no one is guaranteeing anything.


ARTICLE II

You do not have the right to never be offended. This country
is based on freedom, and that means freedom for everyone --
not just you! You may leave the room, turn the channel,
express a different opinion, etc., but the world is full of
idiots, and probably always will be.


ARTICLE III

You do not have the right to be free from harm. If you stick a
screwdriver in your eye, learn to be more careful, do not
expect the tool manufacturer to make you and all of your
relatives independently wealthy.


ARTICLE IV

You do not have the right to free food and housing.
Americans are the most charitable people to be found, and will
gladly help anyone in need, but we are quickly growing
weary of subsidizing generation after generation of
professional couch potatoes who achieve nothing more than the
creation of another generation of professional couch potatoes.


ARTICLE V

You do not have the right to free health care. That would be
nice, but from the looks of public housing, we're just not
interested in public health care.


ARTICLE VI

You do not have the right to physically harm other people. If
you kidnap, rape, intentionally maim or kill someone, don't be
surprised if the rest of us get together and kill you.


ARTICLE VII

You do not have the right to the possessions of others. If you
rob, cheat, or coerce away the goods or services of other
citizens, don't be surprised if the rest of us get together and
lock you away in a place where you still won't have the right
to a big-screen color TV or a life of leisure.


ARTICLE VIII

You do not have the right to demand that our children risk
their lives in foreign wars to soothe your aching conscience.
We hate oppressive governments and won't lift a finger to stop
you from going to fight if you'd like. However, we do not
enjoy parenting the entire world and do not want to spend so
much of our time battling each and every little tyrant with a
military uniform and a funny hat.


ARTICLE IX

You do not have the right to a job. All of us sure want you to
have one, and will gladly help you along in hard times, but
we expect you to take advantage of the opportunities in
education and vocational training laid before you to make
yourself useful.


ARTICLE X

You do not have the right to happiness. Being an American
means that you have the right to pursue happiness -- which,
by the way, is a lot easier if you are unencumbered by an
overabundance of idiotic laws created by those around you
who were confused by the Bill of Rights.



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