These are some of my thoughts on why adoptees (at least why I) search.
(c) March 1997
Why do I search?
Why do they keep my past from me?
Why does the rain fall and the grass grow?
That is the way I was made. Unfortunately, I have no way to see the mold I was taken from
nor can I see the recipe that made me who I am. I am an adoptee, who had loving parents and
a decent childhood. I do not want to replace my family, I just want to know where I came from.
However, a small group of people have decided that I have no say in my background,
and so I am denied my background.
Confidentiallity, that was not promised, at least in the law, to birth mothers.
Closed adoption records started in the 1930's as a shield for illegitimate children.
The closed records were to create a "clean" slate for these kids.
These birth mothers were "fallen" women in the eyes of society,
their rights were not considered in these laws, only the rights of the adoptive families
to create "families". Unfortunately, old society morals are now being used as a cloak to
continue the petty fiefdoms of bureaucrats who have ultimate power over adoptees.
Many of the arguments used on the open records issues and why the laws should not be changed
continue to treat adoptees as if they were still the infants passed over to their adoptive families
at a very young age. WE ARE ADULTS. We should have the same rights to our
pasts as every other person has, good, bad or indifferent.
Not every adoptee wants to be reunited, nor do all birth families want to be "found".
However, shouldn't every person who wants to know their ethnicity or
their medical history be allowed to have it? Why are adoptees treated like children even as adults?
We can handle someone saying "No, I don't want you in my life", as long as we are given that chance.
Unfortunately, in 47 of the 50 United States today, this option is not possible for
90 percent of adoptees. Not only are we denied our birthrights and medical/genetic history,
but we are denied the most basic document leading to our identities, our birth certificates.
The birth certificate is the single most required form of identification in this country today.
You cannot get a passport, a social security card or a driver's license without having a birth certificate.
Adoptees only have amended certificates. We do not get our original birth certificates
because they are locked away in vaults in 48 capitols.
Every American can pay $15 for a certified copy of their original birth certificate, except adult adoptees.
Not knowing where I came from or what my ethnicity is has plagued my emotional life since I was a small child.
In first grade, I ran out of class crying when the teacher announced a "family tree" assignment.
When asked what the problem was, I replied, "I have no family!"
Basically, living relatives of my adoptive parents are "family" for me, however, their parents and cousins, etc. are not.
At the age of 30, I finally figured out a parallel. When you marry, your spouses family becomes your "family",
whether you want them or not. Yet, all the dead relatives mean nothing to you. Who cares, they have no meaning.
As an adoptee, this is similar to my feelings growing up. It is nice to be able to say that one of my mother's
great-to-the-nth-grandfathers was a signer of the Declaration of Independence.
As you can see, it is my mother's grandfather, not mine. That is the difference between a birth family
and an adoptive family. Everything belongs to someone else, not the adoptee. The birth family may not be wonderful,
but at least you can, hopefully, make a connection.
