The Spice Girls
Girl Power My Ass

Go and see the hilarious dual between Mr. T and the Spice Girls
Or if you are in the mood, you can always slap a Spice Girl

Oh, how do I hate the Spice Girls, let me count the ways. I have a lot of beef against these shrieking harpies of evil. My first big thing against them is that they are British. I HATE ENGLAND. I really really really hate England. All the British are are a bunch of nose-up-the-ass, queen-lovin' people who were NEVER satisfied enough with their own country, so they had to go around the world and ruin everyone else's lives as well. By everyone else, I mean the IRISH, the Africans, Native American Indians (and then the colonists), Indians, Chinese, shall I go on? If the goddamn British would have just kept themselves on that damn island, where they belong, the world would be a much happier place. The damn fucking British still won't get their sorry Anglican asses out of Ireland, either. So, fuck the British.

My next complaint against the girls of spice is that they are awfully talentless, with the exception of Mel C., whom actually has a very nice singing voice. But the girls might as well have called her Ugly Spice, the way they have tried to hide her in their videos. Of course, she would be the only one worth listening to of the five. The Spice Girls' songs suck big hairy balls. They are unoriginal and full of blabbering baby language, and that's when you can understand what they are saying. And please, explain this to me: "If you wannabe my lover, you gotta get with my friends." Get with my friends? You have to fuck all my friends? Huh? Call me old fashioned, but I don't think that most girls today want their men going around and banging the hell out of their friends. But, hey, the friendship never ends!!!

Okay, I've covered the fact that they are talentless, and Brits. Now time to bring out the big guns. Girl power. The Spice Girls' idea of girl power is painting your fingernails to match your pants. (Which is shiny blue, of course!) The girls talk about being pretty, makeup tips, fashion ideas, and spout incessently mumbo jumbo about having fun with your "mates." This means "friends" in normal English, but those goddamn British can't talk correctly. THIS IS NOT GIRL POWER. This is Victorian age submission. Some little girl focusing on being beautiful isn't going to get anywhere in life, except into Bill Clinton's pants. Haven't we heard enough about being gorgeous. Don't we get to be smart yet? Leave it up to the Spice Girls, and we never will be. They project all the stereotypes, they teach all the stereotypes, and they are making no ground for women to change their status. The only thing they have done is make more men take us women less seriously, again. Enough already! The Spice Girls are hurting us women, and many seem willing enough to let this happen. Having real girl power is standing up and saying that you don't want to be an object anymore, and denouncing the likes of the Spice Girls, and all their hypocritical ranting and raving.



Whaaaaa?