Top Of The Table

Caroline Barden

Sept. 2, 2001

It’s just like being the new kid in high school. Or maybe junior high given the lack of maturity of some individuals involved. You feel nervous, shy and insecure, an outsider looking for ways to fit in with the popular kids. So what the heck am I talking about this week? Getting a job at a new restaurant and trying to fit into the cliques that rule the roost.

When you think about it, there’s not much difference between restaurants and school. Both can be pretty sophomoric. There is the pressure to achieve (make money), the allure of fitting in(being accepted and making new friends) and maybe even the challenge to take over the crown from the reigning queen(not a gay thing I assure you). Whatever you walk into when you get a new job, I have some helpful hints for easing the transition and not losing sight of your goal, which is to do a good job and make tons of money.

At age 40, I went back to working in restaurants. As if that wasn’t a tough enough milestone, I had to deal with taking what would be perceived as a backward step in my career. To go from being a highly rated radio announcer to a lowly restaurant server is not what most people would envision as climbing the ladder of success. It turned out to be a wonderful thing for me, but when I first walked into that restaurant with all those cute little age 20- something servers, I had to fight the urge to run out screaming. And they certainly let me know that I didn’t fit in.

It wasn’t just that I was older, I was invading their turf. Servers can be like dogs, very territorial especially when it comes to the good tables. If they’ve marked it and claimed it, it’s theirs. Anything they can’t control that could possibly jeopardize their livelihood is fair game. In hindsight, I’d like to think that they were intimidated by me, after all I was friends with the bartender who was God in that establishment. That was the only reason I got hired. My skills were not up to snuff, but I worked hard to learn the art of four star dining. The girls I worked with were not very professional, but they had strength in numbers. Theirs was a sisterhood of sorts as not only did they work together, they hung out together and this restaurant was their life.

So how did I survive? Actually it was pretty easy because one by one, they all got fired soon after I got hired. One girl stole champagne, another didn’t call in when she was on-call, and I’m totally convinced that the biggest bitch got fired simply for being...such a bitch! Before you knew it, a whole new crew was hired, and we worked together like a well oiled machine. We were friends but we weren’t a clique. All of us had lives outside of our jobs, but we still formed a certain sisterhood. They were the most generous and helpful servers I have ever worked with. And yes we did party together occasionally which worked to cement our bond. People commented that we were the best staff the restaurant ever had.

Do you think those other girls would have been fired had they all worked hard and done a professional job? Of course not, they would have been given second and even third chances, because good help is hard to find. They did not do the right thing by the restaurant, and eventually it all catches up to you. So when you get a new job and feel intimidated by the crew that is already set in place, just do your job to the best of your abilities. Show up on time and on the days you are scheduled to work. Those two simple things will score a lot of points with the boss. And when you come right down to it, pleasing the person who signs your paycheck is more important that being popular with your coworkers. If you really want to fit in, help out. When something needs to be done, do it. Don’t let the other servers take advantage of you but when you see an opportunity to go above and beyond the call of duty, take it. Of course your big payday comes from your customers, so make them your focus and you will go far. Good work gets good rewards and people will notice you for the right reasons. Just think of the tortoise and the hare, slow and steady wins the race.

This gets back to what I touched on last week. It’s great to have friends at work, but when they take you away from focusing on your job, that’s not a good thing. Remember the cool kids at school? They didn’t have real friends like us nerds did. The popular kids were good at collecting and manipulating people around them to make themselves feel good. You see the same thing in restaurants. There is usually at least one feared and revered ringleader. Woe to the person who tries to invade their turf. They get the best tables by schmoozing the right people, and usually have the bartender and chef right in their back pocket. They misuse and abuse people to their hearts content. It’s my theory that these were the unpopular kids in high school and this is their revenge, almost like a restaurant version of the movie ‘Carrie’.

I’ve seen servers trying to fit in by going shot for shot with the die hard drinkers, kind of like a college hazing. All they get is a tremendous hangover and lots of humiliation. I’ve tangled with waiters who thought they were entitled to all the good parties just because they had seniority. Not happening, not with me anyway, I have three kids to support and I can’t do it on leftover crumbs these alleged senior members of the staff want to toss me. In every situation it took time for me to prove I could do the job. But once I did, the battles were fought for me.

Just last week our so-called ringleader went to the boss because I got some real good parties she thought were hers. Problem is that while she has been there longer, she messes things up a lot. Every party she does is fraught with high drama, not to mention that she’s a control freak who always manages to screw up the count. I’m very focused and the boss sees a lot less problems with me. Chalk one up for the old lady.

What has been my experience is the more popular a server is, the less work they do. For some reason they sucker everyone else into doing their job, while they walk away with the most money. If you see this, don’t fall for it. If you’re doing this, come on, stop being such a bully. Play nicely with the other kids for a change. And if you are in the popular clique, just remember what if felt like to picked last for the kickball team or to not have a date for the prom. Why not make an effort to welcome a new server aboard, show them the ropes the way you wished someone had done for you. Because if you don’t, just remember, what goes around comes around. If the tables ever get turned on you watch out, because we all know payback’s a bitch!

When you make a true friend in this business, you have a friend for life. It’s like old war buddies, once you’ve been in the trenches together, fought the good fight and emerged victorious, you share a bond like no other. You need to get together every so often and re-tell those old war stories, it’s good for the soul. And we all have them don’t we! So to wrap things up, just bear in mind that there are a lot of dynamics associated with working in restaurants. It’s more than learning the menu, putting on the uniform and showing up on time. The good thing these days is that if it doesn’t work out for you at one place, there are plenty of other opportunities. Compare it to when you date a lot of people and then finally find the right one. You’ve got to kiss a few frogs on the way, but it’s worth it to find your Prince Charming. In the restaurant business however, you shouldn’t have to kiss too many asses on the way, because it’s not worth it. Do your job, be professional, work hard and don’t let the bastards get you down.

Are you a manager who is a little frustrated with your staff? Okay very frustrated! Why not try calling in a consultant? We are those quirky people who can focus on what needs fixing and then proceed to make you look really good to your boss. We have ways of helping your staff work better together so they make more money for themselves and for your establishment. They also tell us things they wouldn’t dare tell you! For a free consultation you can contact me at this web site, I would be happy to troubleshoot with you. Let’s all raise the standards in this industry together!

Caroline Barden Restaurant Consultant.