Top Of The Table

K-Lee

Aug. 26, 2001

Accessories for Servers What to Wear and What not to Wear This Season

I consider myself rather lucky. My present waitressing job has a loose dress code. In other words, we can wear almost anything we want. Jeans, a mini skirt, a dress, shorts, a t-shirt, a tank top, or a cleavage-enhancing camisole are all accepted wearables where I work. Granted, most of my co-workers are trend setting fashion palettes, so rarely do they look shabby. I do not think we take advantage of this privilege by looking grubby either. Rather, where I work is known around town as a place where cool people work and has been dubbed "…a place where the tragically hip set works and dines…" by one reporter. We have pink hair, tattoos, mod hairstyles, pierced septums and noses, spiked hair, blue hair, long hair and no hair. We are from Lebanon, France, Scotland, England, Germany, Yemen, and Pennsylvania. It is this mixture of heritage, style, and accents that creates such a unique atmosphere. And the fashion thing is totally working! Our clientele loves the look of our staff. Last week, I overheard a couple of ladies comment about how they heard that one had to dress really cool in order to get a job where I work. If only they knew that most of us lead rather bohemian lifestyles as artists and musicians and can't afford expensive flashy clothes from Bebe or J Crew, so we raid our local thrift stores. It is so refreshing that in an age of strict hair, jewelry, and attire regulations held by most restaurants, we have the freedom to wear almost what we want. Granted, the hippie chick that had her hairy armpits bared was asked to refrain from wearing tank tops to work, but aside from the usual health code regulations, we are allowed to be individuals. From this freedom of expression through appearance, I have derived knowledge of what fashion accessories work for increased tips. I have become more aware of other servers when I dine out and notice what works and does not work for me as a patron. Now, allow me to enlighten you.

Kali swears that she makes less in tips when she wears her septum ring. Perhaps it is because our stiff business lunch crowd views it as hardcore and thinks that the snout ring combined with her quiet demeanor indicates that she is tough. She is actually very sweet and a pretty quiet girl.

I have noticed on days that I dress nicely and look more "put together" I make less in tips. Normally you would find me in long, flowy skirts, with tons of jewelry, a mess of hair piled up on my head and some sort of scarf either wrapped around my head, my neck, or my waist. On days when I dress more collegiate, or office-like, my tips decrease. This makes no sense tome at all! My only reasoning is that if I dress better, I look like I need the money less. If I wear my traditional garb, I look like some poor gypsy girl who needs some cold hard cash. It works for me because I am comfortable in my own look and, oh yeah, I do need the cold hard cash!

My boyfriend and I went to IHOP a few months ago. Our waitress was quick, efficient, and surprised us with refills. Normally our check is dropped with our meal and the server silently slips off the face of the earth never to be heard from again, let alone to refill our coffee. This girl sure showed us! As I drooled over my pancakes and contemplated which of the four delicious syrups to apply, an arm bedecked in an unappetizing, graying excuse of a wrist wrap reached in front of me to fill my coffee. I swear if I were any closer to that thing, I would have smelled the funk on it!

I understand the plight of carpal tunnel completely. I too am afflicted. But folks, invest in some suds and wash that thing! Better yet, wear it to bed at night like you're supposed to, not while you're working.

At my favorite watering hole one happy hour, a new waitress greeted me. She had lots of streaks in her salon coiffeur, a generous amount of makeup, and her black and whites were more worthy of a night on the town as opposed to a night of slinging brew. Call me a bitch, but right away I passed judgment. We shall call her "Bimbo who has no clue about busting ass to make money." Unfortunately, I was proved right and she sucked. Apparently this young lady was more concerned with reapplying her gloss than remembering the beer I ordered. Countless other items were forgotten, but her makeup and hair remained intact. Forgive me for saying it, but I need a gal or guy who's got a little sweat on a brow. I gotta see some fur flyin' and a hairdo coming undone. I need stains on that apron and an air of urgency! This girl was way too put together to be a service aficionado! Sure, you can look good and wait tables, but honestly, if ya look like a tramp it's gonna be hard for me to trust that you're bringing my beer instead of giving out your number to the guys at the other table.

The Chester-Cheezeball approach has also never fared well with me as a patron either.
Said in a game show host voice,
"Hi there, how you folks doin' tonight? My name is Bob and I'll be at your service tonight. How about tryin' one of our specialty banana rumcolada freezers…"
this leads into a rehearsed documentation of all ingredients, how it is prepared and the name of the friggin bartender making the damned thing. The night proceeds with "Bob" cracking stupid jokes, way too many table visits from "Bob", and by the way, "Bob" is really proud of his job as indicated by the nineteen pins of good deeds displayed on his lapels, apron, and ticket book. "Bob" executes all server steps as practiced as a politician saying "No comment". The specific appetizer is offered, up sells are offered, check backs are right on time, and "Bob" has enough personality to share with some of his other striped shirt wearing friends. As it turns out, Bob, too much of a good thing might result in less tippy-poo. Too many pins, Bob, way too many pins.

I wonder if boys make more tips than girls. Do hot chicks make more or less than average looking gals? Does an aging waitress make more than her nubile counterpart? Do certain races stiff their server if they are of the same race? Does that damned smiley face thing really work? Do foreigners tip poorly in their homeland too? Do you tip your waitress less because she is wearing too many earrings and they are longer than the one and a half inch they are allowed to be? Do dudes tip other dudes as well as they would if the server dude was a chick? Do gay waiters receive the same great tips their dining friends leave? And why is it that on days when I may be in a piss poor mood do I seem to make more money than when I am as warm and sweet as peach pie? I must not have been wearing a septum ring, a dingy wrist guard, too much makeup or pins of pride that day!