So what have I been up to? Well, I managed to land myself in the hospital a while back, which was quite the entertainment. I got my own room, thankfully, but the entertainment on the ol' fourth floor is kind of limited to nurses being busy with dying people and a whole lot of TV and peein'. I also did crosswords, but nobody admits to that right at first, so of course you're only finding out about it now, second. Yes, I whiled my time away watching hockey, and a Mr. T bio, and various news programs, and Willow. I also managed to churn through a couple of video games.

Hospitals are rather dull, at any rate, so the only thing I can muster up to talk about is the fact that the fourth floor seems to be the floor with the dire situations. Now, I'm no planning genius, but since most hospital morgues are in the basement, you'd think it would make more sense to put a wing with dying people, however slowly they're managing it, a little closer to the ground.

Macabre wonderings aside, I am now back to school, where I have managed to retain two or three of my five courses that I started out with. These are the hazards of missing a month of time, I suppose. The thing I will truly talk about here is my dear old prof, somethingsomething, a presumable writer who has decided to grace the teaching profession with her...style. That's pretty much all you can call it, since she certainly doesn't teach very well. She's added books to the curriculum she hasn't read, can't understand the meanings of quotes she reads in front of the class, and gives out quizzes a fourth-grader could easily master. She's also very fond of turning everything into a big sexual allegory, and even little old Charlie and the Chocolate Factory isn't immune from her tendrils of doom. Apparently, the river of chocolate is a big old cesspool of poo!

At any rate, you might be wondering why this is one of the classes I kept. Well, there's the whole fourth-grade par quizzes, for one thing, and for another, my friend Karrie is in the class, which is cool because it's the first time in three years in the same program that we've managed to do that. We're not the bosomest of buddies or anything, but you'd think that it would've happened earlier. Guess it's a testament to U of T's impressive girth. And for all the reading-intoers, that might just be the sexual imagery you crave! After all, U of T is run by cocks...

But I digress. This meandering monologue has already gone on too long about nothing, and I'm hard pressed to something it up, so I guess we'll just have to muddle along until something salient pops into my head. Oh, that's right. While babbling my way through the stats pages around here and being impressed that a few people still pop by, I became much less so when it turned out that my little old corner of the internet had been most accessed through the keywords "nekkid kids". It's awfully depressing to think that I've gained hits just because somewhere, at some point, I used the words "nekkid kids" innocently, and now a webcrawler has seized upon them to place me among the dirty porn sites of the world. Screw you, internet!

So where would we be without uninformed political rantings? Actually, it seems a lot of governments have been up to some Very Bad Things of late, which has both caused more information to be available, and leads me to believe that this country is headed into the political crapper. This is a) because a conservative leader would bring corruption AND badness, and Liberal governments are obviously untrustworthy. Paul Martin's heroic and all in his efforts, but I don't think anyone really buys what he's selling. Or at least, I wouldn't if it weren't from the fact that most people don't know fuck about anything. I've overused this anecdote to death, but I think I'll trot it out once more for posterity, and cuz it looks kind of neat in text form.

Back during the Ontario election, I was working and this old lady came in and started rambling about how she was going to vote for Dalton McGuinty because he was going to cut her taxes. I'm not exactly sure which magical dimension she's living in, but in this less-than wondrous realm, McGuinty ran on a platform of no tax cuts at all, leading me to believe that people just don't get that the only way to keep a government remotely accountable is to saddle them with a minority.

More importantly than the simple and utter misconception here is the fact that this woman has singlehandedly destroyed my faith in old people as informed voters. I had always assumed that a demographic that likes to read its papers would have been aware of the issues surrounding an election - I infrequently at best read the news, and I still had a fairly good idea of what was going on. Granted, I joined the crimson tide (that's more of that there sexual imagery, buckos!) but only after it became apparent that the NDP candidate in my riding didn't have enough gumption to be noticeable. I mean heck, even Flaherty went to the bother of sending everyone a note informing the town he was against gay marriage. Way to go, Jim! It really didn't pertain to the election, of course, but nonetheless - it's nice to know that archconservatives still believe in paper.

For his part, McGuinty made a lot of stupid promises that are coming back to bite him on the ass, but at the same time the Sun has been doing its best to malign him at every turn, which is kind of silly. The guy has a four (well, five, but taking five is suicide most of the time) year mandate, so it's kind of silly to expect everything in the first ten minutes, though in their defense, it must be noted that the target demographic of the Toronto Sun cannot be expected to pay close attention to something for longer than that without some sort of pharmaceutical aid. I'm willing to give him the benefit of the doubt for now, because he's not quite as overtly evil as his predecessors.

And speaking of Liberals, I sure wish Shiela Copps would just go away. I lost all respect for her after that stunt with the GST "resignation", and although her current predicament smacks of equally repugnant maneuvering, I can't help but wish she would just give up.

I've come to the depressing conclusion that all I have to do is think about the Leafs winning the Stanley Cup and it immediately makes me euphoric. This effect is amplified by music, and I can only assume that it's a sickness curable only by one means: an actual Stanley Cup. Now, I'm not delusional or anything, but I think this year's team, despite its propensity to lose to crapsacks like the Penguins, has the best chance of any in the past ten years. I'm looking forward to horns honking and people freaking out for at least three rounds, and I don't usually look forward where the Leafs are concerned, because it's a bad idea.

Nonetheless, I shall be optimistic, which may or may not lead to disaster, and I will hope and I will continue to envision leaping out the front door and tearing a mean streak to Yonge St. in the throes of ecstasy (no, not the drug, as much fun as it would make a parade). The downside is that hockey may not be played again for a very long time. I hope these fucks get together on something, cuz I'm addicted, and winter will be far too long without Leafs to agonize over.

Oh, this is ripe! You call that an update? I could make a better update in my diaper! And yes, that's definitely Freudian sexual imagery, delivered with aplomb, impeccable timing, and the odour of peanuts! AHAHAHA!

Yes... Yes, of course...Damn, that stinks!

As well it should, my furry friend. As well it should. And by the way you jerk, I'm seven now! You can't show this picture forever!