Here's the difference between Men's English and Women's English

WOMEN'S ENGLISH:

Yes = No.

No = Yes.

Maybe = No.

We need = I want.

I'm sorry = You'll be sorry.

We need to talk = I need to complain.

Sure, go ahead = I don't want you to.

Do what you want = You'll pay for this later.

I'm not upset = Of course I'm upset, you moron!

Are you listening to me? = Too late, you're dead.

You have to learn to communicate = Just agree with me.

Be romantic, turn out the lights = I have flabby thighs.

You're so...manly = You need a shave and you sweat a lot.

Do you love me? = I'm going to ask for something expensive.

It's your decision = The correct decision should be obvious by now.

You're certainly attentive tonight = Is sex all you ever think about?

I'll be ready in a minute = Kick off your shoes and find a good  game on TV.

How much do you love me? = I did something today that you're really not going to like.

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MEN'S ENGLISH:
 
I'm hungry = I'm hungry.

I'm sleepy = I'm sleepy.
 
I'm tired = I'm tired.
 
Nice dress = Nice cleavage!
 
I love you = Let's have sex now.
 
I'm bored = Do you want to have sex?
 
What's wrong? = I guess sex is out of the question.
 
May I have this dance? = I'd like to have sex with you.

Can I call you sometime? = I'd like to have sex with you.
 
Do you want to go to a movie? = I'd like to have sex with you.
 
Can I take you out to dinner? = I'd like to have sex with you.
 
Will you marry me? = I want to make it illegal for you to have sex with other guys.

You look tense, let me give you a massage = I want to have sex  with you within the next ten minutes.

Let's talk = I am trying to impress you by showing that I am a deep person and then I'd like to have sex with you.

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