MEMO TO ALL STAFF

Due to the current financial situation caused by the slowdown of economy in US since last Christmas, our Management has

decided to implement a scheme to put workers of 40 years of age, on early retirement.  This scheme will be known as RAPE

(Retire Aged People Early).  Persons selected to be RAPED can apply to management to be eligible for the SHAFT scheme

(Special Help After Forced Termination).  Persons who have been RAPED and SHAFTED will be reviewed under the

SCREW scheme (Scheme Covering Retired Early Workers).  A person may be RAPED once, SHAFTED twice and

SCREWED as many times as Management deems appropriate.  Persons who have been RAPED can only get AIDS

(Additional Income for Dependants of Spouse) or HERPES (Half Earnings for Retired Personnel Early Severance).

Obviously persons who have AIDS or HERPES will not be SHAFTED or SCREW any further by Management.  Persons

staying on will receive as much SHIT (Special High Intensity Training) as possible.  Management has always prided itself on

the amount of SHIT it gives employees. Should you feel that you do not receive enough SHIT, please bring to the attention

of your Supervisor.  They have been trained to give you all the SHIT you can handle.

Yours Sincerely,

The Management.

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