I remember the look on his face, the look he wore when he first told me about his test results. It’s the same look he’s wearing now, only a hundred times worse. No one ever could have predicted that trying to save the life of a poor poisoned bird would have such far-reaching consequences. And impulsive act of goodwill and selflessness changed his life for the worse.

He looked at me then, across from Lyn’s sofa as I knelt on the floor in front of him, searching for some comfort and reassurance while trying to hide how he was feeling. Thinking of his family first, his mum, although she rarely though of him before herself. When I first met him I never would have imagined him feeling anything like that. I was wrong.

I feel the same now as he did then, and he the same as me. In an ironic twist of fate, he’s the one now worried for me. He gets off his bench and crouches on the floor in front of me. He opens his mouth, wanting to say something, but no words come out. His face says more than words ever could, and I understand perfectly. When he first arrived, I understood nothing, about him, about his life. But now we seem to read each other’s minds. One look, and we can see into one another’s souls, gazing at the good and the bad that rests in all of us.

We’ve got close, more quickly than either of us intended or thought possible. More than either of us have got with anyone before. Now our bond will either grow in incredible, unbreakable strength of be violently ripped apart by some cruel god looking down on us, laughing.

He has tears in his eyes. Silent, but they’re still there. Or maybe it’s just sadness and regret that radiates from his still form. I don’t blame him. Or myself. The blame lies with some faceless, nameless being within a multinational company who started all this off to begin with. Greed destroys lives. Indirectly sometimes, as this was, but ultimately people get hurt.

My mind once again drifts back to the original conversation that is now being mirrored here. I was concerned for him, sure, but only as a friend. He’s now concerned for me, for both of us, in a far deeper sense than I was then. I feel guilty for not feeling worse, as bad as he is now. For not feeling guilty that it was my crusade that made him ill in the first place.

I should have gone with him, to see Karl. I should have been there for him from the start rather than being intent on digging up dirt on Paul Robinson. None of that seems to matter now, and I wonder why I ever bothered with it. My mind is not capable of thinking of anything other than here and now.

He takes my hand gently in his, and I look down, watching his fingers entwine in mine. He gives them a squeeze, his warm touch penetrating my barrier. The wall behind which I am trying to keep my emotion hidden is crumbling brick by brick. He’s trying to break though, to share my pain equally, and in turn let me feel his.

We’re in this together, whether we like it or not, but there’s nowhere I’d rather be than with him now. He releases my hand and moves his arms towards my face. He tucks my hair behind my ears before brushing away a tear that I didn’t even know had fallen.

‘We’ll get through this’ I can hear him saying, ‘We’ll see Karl and…’ But I squeeze my eyes tight shut, and his voice simultaneously grows muffled. I’m so optimistic, always trying to find the best in any situation. But this is different, it’s not just me. And I know deep down what the outcome will be.

I open my eyes again to find that he now has his eyes shut, and his head bowed, his curly brown hair flopping over his eyes and obscure his face from me. It’s as if as soon as he knew I wasn’t watching him, he let his strong boundaries fall. He thinks he has to be strong for me, he’s allowed to feel guilty or upset or worried.

When he realises I’m watching him again, he snaps out of it and erects the barrier keeping his emotions locked away. I move closer to him and his arms instinctively snake around my waist. He pulls me in, his strong arms connecting my body to his and my fears vanish. My fears about this breaking us apart, although my worry about this situation doesn’t disperse.

I feel bad about giving this worry to him too, but we made a promise to never keep anything from each other. I had to tell him first so we could work through this together. He’s the only one that fully understands. My family don’t know about the poison, what it did to him. As close as I am with them this is for us to deal with together.

I started to tell Serena. The words were on the tip of my tongue but I stopped myself. I wanted so badly to tell my Dad everything when I spoke to him on the phone but I just couldn’t.

But know that I’ve told Dylan, we can take the next steps together. I lean my head on his shoulder, taking comfort from the fact that he’s here, holding me, helping some of my anxiety ebb away. He’s helping me more than he’ll ever know. I was so reluctant in this past to rely on a man this much for anything, and for the longest time Dylan was the last person I would have turned to. But I can’t imagine my life without him.

He rubs my back as my tears finally escape. ‘I’m sorry’ I manage to squeak out and immediately starts to soothe me.

‘Shh, stop it. It’s me, I should be apologising. It’s my fault.’

We can’t see each other’s faces, but I can feel his eyes looking at me regretfully. He kisses the top of my head and hugs me tighter. That just makes me cry harder.

‘What am I going to tell my Dad? When?’

‘When you’re ready.’

His voice is was despite everything, but as he speaks now his voice is beginning to crack. ‘It’s my fault, for running in like without thinking like I always do. I can handle what I did to myself, but…’

We’re suddenly disturbed by a bird squawking loudly as his flies out of a tree. I am suddenly aware again of where we are. The creature has snapped us out of our own little world. We are kneeling on concrete, I’m vaguely aware of my legs growing numb but it doesn’t bother me.

It’s a sunny day. He walked along, a smile on his face, enjoying the day and anticipating another one of our days of fun. I sent him a text to meet me, afraid to call incase my voice worried him. I said to meet me at Lassiters. I didn’t say ‘doctor’s surgery’ because I knew how he’d react.

I am startled by a hand on my back and I jump, making Dylan jump too. I see Karl’s smiling face looking down at me and try and force a smile back.

‘I’m sorry I’m late, come inside.’

I stand up and follow obediently, with Dylan’s hand helpfully guiding me towards the door. Karl unlocks it and opens it, walking straight through to his consulting room without even putting down his bag. I freeze in the doorway, Dylan slightly behind me, and try to muster up the energy to force me those few extra steps.

Karl’s welcoming smile has turned to a frown and he studies me and Dylan, trying to decipher our expressions, searching for a clue about what we’re about to say.

‘I’m, er…’ I look down at the floor and suddenly grow very timid. ‘I’m pregnant.’

I’m unable to say anymore and Dylan has me enveloped in a hug instantly. He carries on. ‘It’s erm… the radiation… How bad has it affected me? How bad will it affect our baby?’

Karl nods and sits down at his desk, urging us to sit on the bed. ‘We’ll need to take some tests… I honestly can’t say. We’ll just have to wait and see, I’m sorry.’