“Katie, I’ve got something to tell you.” Owen sat down on the sofa opposite his daughter and lowered his head. He didn’t want to have to tell her. He knew she wasn’t all that keen on the idea of a baby brother or sister to begin with but he really thought she was coming round to the idea. Now to have to tell her what happened…. He just couldn’t.
“Daddy, what is it? You’re scaring me.” Katie was fiddling with the cords on her top and looking worriedly at her father.
“Listen sweetheart, it’s about the baby.”
“What? Did Chrissie have it already?” The 10 year old asked excitedly then looked concerned when she saw the expression on Owen’s face.
“Yes, she did. But I’m afraid she wasn’t very well.”
“A girl! I always wanted a baby sister! Can we go and see her?” Katie leaped across the room and sat down on Owen’s lap.
“Katie, listen. The baby was very poorly, she was starved of oxygen when she was born. Everybody did their best to save her but it didn’t work.”
“But she’d going to be alright isn’t she? It’s not fair if she dies, she can’t die.” Katie squirmed off her dad’s lap and sat on the sofa next to him close to tears, with her back to him and her arms crossed.
Owen reached over and put his hand on her shoulder but she wriggled out of his grasp. “Katie, I’m sorry. She died.”
Katie turned round and looked at him. “No!” she shouted. “You’re lying! I’ve got a baby sister and she’s fine!” She jumped of the sofa and ran out of the room. Owen heard foot steps thump up the stairs then the sound of a door slamming.
He breathed out. He didn’t think she’d take it so badly. He knew she didn’t like Chrissie, how ever much she wanted the baby, and thought she might be even a little bit glad that she was her Daddy’s only girl still. She was resentful of the fact that her parents weren’t still together and wanted more than anything for them to be a family again.
Owen stood up and walked into the kitchen. He didn’t know, maybe he had a lower opinion of his daughter than she deserved, but he knew what she was like and he knew she could be a right spiteful little madam when she wanted. But he still loved her, and he couldn’t stand seeing her this upset.
* * *
Owen paused outside her bedroom door and knocked warily on the door.
“Go away!” came a muffled response from inside but he still pushed the door open and went inside. “I said leave me alone!” she said again, but it didn’t deter him.
Katie was lying with her face buried in her pillow. Owen sat down on the end of the bed. “I know it’s not fair, but sometimes bad things happen.”
“Babies shouldn’t die, it’s not right.”
Owen sighed, he was getting upset now. Ever since everything happened yesterday, it hadn’t fully hit him what had happened. Saying it out loud finally made him realise. “I know you’re upset, I am too. No one can explain why it happened, it just did.”
She lifted her head and looked at him. “Did Chrissie do something? Is it her fault?”
“No!” Owen said, urgently and a little too loudly. “Don’t say that. It’s no one’s fault.”
Katie sat up. “Sorry. I didn’t mean that.”
Owen put her arm around her again but this time she didn’t try and pull free. She rested her head on his chest and he kissed the top of her head and stroked her hair lovingly.
“Why do bad things happen? It’s stupid.”
“I know” he replied, sighing. “I know it is.”
* * *
“How is she Mubbs? Is she sleeping?” Owen walked into the maternity department and caught sight of his registrar standing by the reception desk, staring at the wall.
“Uh, no” he said, focusing on Owen, “she’s to upset to sleep.”
“Can we go in?” Katie asked, tugging on her Dad’s hand and looking up at him expectantly.
Owen looked at Mubbs. He nodded. “Yeah, of course. I expect she’d be happy to see us. I’ll go in first though, ok? You wait outside.”
Both of them walked over to Chrissie’s side room and stared through the half open blinds that covered the glass windows. Owen gave Katie a half-hearted smile and slowly entered the room.
“Hey” he greeted in a soothing voice and walked closer to the bed. Chrissie didn’t reply for a moment, she just stared at the blue teddy she was holding in her hands.
“Mum bought her this” she said, playing with the red ribbon that was tied around it’s neck. “It’s bit stupid really, they had run out of pink ones.”
Owen looked painfully at his wife. Even after all the hard times, all the differences they had had and all the problems that there were between them, he understood completely how she was feeling. Everyone always says it’s different for mothers, but he didn’t think that was true. He still had deep feelings for the baby, even if there was a chance she wasn’t his.
“What are you doing here?” she continued, "I thought you were going home for a rest."
“I was” Owen said, “ I brought someone here to see you.” He gestured outside to Katie, who was chewing her sleeve nervously and gazing at them trough the window.
Chrissie looked surprised. “You told her? I thought you were going to wait?”
“I didn’t see much point, she’s a big girl, she needed to know.”
Chrissie nodded. “How does she feel?” she asked bitterly, “I thought she would be happy that she’s still the spoilt little baby.”
“Give her some credit!” Owen said, sounding annoyed. He didn’t admit that he had thought the exact same thing earlier. “She’s really upset about it. She wanted a baby sister.”
“Ok” Chrissie said, "she can come in.”
Owen motioned for Katie to come in and she opened the door nervously. “I’m sorry,” she said, walking over to the bed. “I’m sorry your baby died.”
Chrissie smiled. Whatever she had thought about Katie in the past didn’t matter now. The little girl looked genuinely upset and her voice was shaky and uncertain. Chrissie reached out and took her hand. Katie climbed up onto the bed.
“Was she ok? Did she suffer?”
“No” Chrissie told her. “She wasn’t in pain.”
“Did you give her a name?” she asked.
Chrissie leaned over and picked up a Polaroid from the bedside table. She handed it to Katie. “Yeah, her name’s Amanda” she said, smiling slightly, then the tears began to flow.
“It’s ok” Katie told her, then paused. “Do you believe in Angels?”