Abby sat at the dressing table staring back at the pale, worn out figure in the mirror. She reached for her lipstick in a vain attempt to make herself look presentable. She applied the sticky red make up to her lips and set the gold container back down in front of her. She paused for a moment, regarding her reflection.

She picked up her mascara, thinking maybe that would improve her exhausted appearance, and carefully applied it to her tired brown eyes. She had no idea why she was feeling so bad. Weddings were meant to be happy occasions, especially when it was two of your closest friends getting married.

Abby shook her hair, dispelling those thoughts from her mind. She wasn’t going to go down that road. She had no reason to. She loved Carter and had raised a beautiful child with him. She didn’t care for Luka anymore either, not like that. He was officially becoming part of his perfect newfound family. In a couple of hours him and Sam would be husband and wife.

She exhaled loudly, brushing a few stray strands of hair away from her face. She picked up the hair spray to fix it in it’s place and knocked over her glass of water with her elbow.

She swore loudly and started pulling tissues put of the dispenser in the corner. Abby watched as the ice-cold liquid soaked into the hotel room carpet, spreading in every direction. She sighed in annoyance and knelt on the beige floor, taking the tissue box with her. When she had just about mopped it all up, she put the glass on the chair and stayed on the floor, leaning against the bed hugging her knees.

The room was quiet, too quiet. “I’ll be fine” she had told Carter yesterday. “Go look after Luka, make sure he doesn’t get tied to a street lamp or something. I’ll see you later when I arrive with Sam.” Carter was off performing Best Man duties. It took a lot of persuading for her to agree to be bridesmaid. She’d done the wedding thing; she was fairly cynical about the whole tradition. Which was perhaps why she and Carter had never tied the knot.

Luke and Sam had planned a gorgeous moonlit wedding. Abby looked out the window to the fading daylight and knew it was going to be special for them. She wished she still had the same romantic view of the convention that she did when she was a child. But that had all changed.

Abby was happy for Sam and Luka, no question. But she had little faith in a couple of “I Do”s to stop all the crap life throws at you from interfering in a relationship. She counted her lucky stars every morning when she rolled over in bed to see Carter staring back at her, every dinner time in the kitchen when Carter would wrap his arms round her waist and kiss her neck when she stood at the stove cooking. Every time they stole a sneaky glance at each other across a trauma room and could just tell what the other was thinking. And every time she kissed her little girl goodnight.

She’d loved Luka once, that was all in the past. That wasn’t the reason she was apprehensive about going, she was afraid Carter had picked up on her jumbled feelings and interpreted them the wrong way. It would tear her up if she thought for one moment she was hurting the man she loved. She’d caused him enough grief in their time together, but every second of the day, every second they were together in each other’s arms, she knew there was more to come. She couldn’t escape the nagging feeling of guilt that refused to leave her.

She had never been much of an open book, never one to let her feelings show. But what you show the world and what you tell the person you love are two different things. Every dark intimate secret you have you are meant to share with the one you love as if you were telling it to yourself. And she had, everything but one thing, one thing she should have been honest about from the word go.

Abby knew people could tell something was up. Ever sinse her daughter’s 2nd birthday a month ago, she’d been off with Carter. She knew it, he knew it, she was pretty sure everyone around noticed it too. It surprised even her that the queen of false expressions was not able to put up a front this time. She guessed some secrets just weren’t meant to be kept. Why now though? How come she’d managed to keep it quiet all these years? Maybe someone somewhere figured enough was enough.

She knew they were right. It’s not the sort of thing you can keep secret for ever. And she knew she shouldn’t. Abby was hurting a lot of people, including the 2 most important to her in her life. But she didn’t know if she could find enough strength within herself to tell the truth, she was terrified of loosing what she had. She wished some outside force would intervene and make the decision for her.

There was a sharp series of taps against the doorframe and Abby expected it to be Sam. Some last minute emergency. Run out of nail varnish? Forgotten her vows? Definitely not second thoughts. They were meant for each other. She expected her beaming friend to appear in her gorgeous white dress so when Carter pushed open the door and stepped inside, she was a bit surprised. He closed the door behind him and sat down on the bed.

Abby was still sitting on the moist carpet, but had shifted into a cross-legged position. Carter only looked at her oddly for a moment. “That was Maggie on the phone. Marissa’s running a slight temperature. I didn’t want to worry you, you know how she over reacts. I just thought I’d better tell you.”

There was slight apprehension evident in his voice. Like he could sense something was wrong with them and didn’t want to do anything to make it worse. Abby could only manage a feeble smile, no doubt doing nothing to quell his fears. He reciprocated her halfhearted gesture with even less enthusiasm and looked at his feet.

“So” he said. “How’s Sam doing?”

“She’s, erm, coping. A little nervous.”

“Yeah, Luka too. They have nothing to be nervous about, they’re perfect.” There was another uncomfortable silence. “We should get married.” He began again. “You know, not that we need to. Our relationship is great how it is right? I mean, I know there have been some problems recently. I don’t even know what they are but we can sort them out right?”

Carter was beginning to babble. Abby had fixed her gaze on a particular flower on the pink floral wallpaper though and didn’t dare look up for fear that she might start sobbing. It wasn’t fair, none of it. Not on her or Marissa but most of all not on Carter.

Or Luka.

“Carter, we’re fine…” she began but they caught each other’s eyes and looked at each other, transfixed. Carter could tell from Abby’s stare that everything was far from fine. And he had a feeling he was about to find out why.

There was the unmistakable click of a key turning in the door lock. “What are you doing?” Abby could hear in Chuny’s thick Spanish accent in the hallway outside.

Abby could tell Susan was there too. There was more muffled conversation that she couldn’t decipher. Carter had stood up and was straining to hear too. “I’ll let them out before the wedding, relax. It’s about time those two sorted things out.”

Carter sighed, his endearing enthusiasm dissipating. “She’s right you know, we need a chat.”

Abby said nothing, a sudden wave of nausea washing over her. Tension hung, stagnant in the air. It had been lingering for days Abby knew there was only one way to dispel it. She opened her mouth to say something but the words caught in her throat.

“Abby, I don’t know what’s going on, but I can tell something’s wrong. You’ve been acting strange around me all week.” Carter cut in. He pulled up the dresser chair and sat down, looking at Abby with a gazed filled with a mix of confusion, worry and annoyance. His eyes bored into her, piercing her emotional shield slowly with every second they both sat there, unmoving.

Abby heaved herself off the floor. “Sam and Luka will be wondering where we are, I’m going to kill Susan.” She gave a nervous laugh and fiddled with a strand of hair that was falling loose. Carter wasn’t going to let her change the subject that easily, she knew that before she even started trying to stall.

“Abby…” His soothing voice touched a nerve. “What’s going wrong? So much has changed, why won’t you talk to me?”

Abby was standing at the window looking at the setting sun outside. She watched a street lamp flicker on in the fading darkness and stared at it transfixed for the best part of a minute. Concentrating on an insignificant little thing just to try and get her head around her own life.

“It’s so out of the blue Abby, ever sinse Mari’s birthday you’ve…”

Abby thought he might have realised, she would never be sure. Because she didn’t give him much time to speculate before the truth spilled out. She snapped her head round to look at him and her eyes met his. “She’s not yours” Abby blurted out then cowardly turned away. Seeing his dreams shattered would be too much to take. His perfect little angel…

“Marissa isn’t yours John, I’m sorry.”