“Stop a minute.” Luke heard a noise, Josh did too.

Josh snapped his head round to see the frightened look on Luke’s face as he was grabbed from behind and held in a firm headlock. A menacing, yet desperate pair of eyes stared right at Josh, but at the same time didn’t seem to focus.

“Don’t stop, keep driving!”

“Just do what he says, he’s got a gun.”

Josh fixed his eyes back on the road ahead. He sped up, desperately wanting to be somewhere safe. His whole body went rigid and a wave of nausea swept through him.

“He’s fine. He’s got a gun but we’re fine.”

Josh struggled to take this in. His mind slowly began to register what was going on and he suddenly realised he was holding his breath. Focus, deep breath, stay calm. He was trying to remember his training and all the years he’d been putting it into practice. He could hear the struggle going on behind him and found it increasingly difficult to concentrate on the road.

For God’s sake Luke, don’t do anything stupid.

“Just give him the drugs Luke.”

All Josh wanted to do was slam on the breaks and pull that guy off his friend. It then dawned on him with awful realisation that it was his fault.

Why didn’t I lock the door?

But he couldn’t help, all he could do was what the man said. Josh felt utterly powerless. “I can get you help” he could hear Luke say, “If I give you the keys I’m as good a killing you.”

Better him than you.

“Don’t be stupid Luke, it’s not worth it.”

But Luke didn’t seem to hear. At that moment, Josh’s mind went blank. Where was he going? Holby. Which way was it? He couldn’t remember. He must have driven these streets a million times but he suddenly felt like a lost child and all the could concentrate on were Luke’s words.

“Do you have a wife, kids, a mum and dad?”

“What?”

“Think about what you’re doing to them.”

In the unfathomable mess of thoughts in his mind, all screaming to be heard, one thought jumped out at him. Something Nikki had said.

‘There’s nothing in the rules that says you have to be a hero.’

“Give him what he wants!”

The man’s voice was getting louder and more frantic and so was Luke’s as he still tried to reason with him.

Listen to Nikki.

He glanced in the mirror to see the look of absolute terror on Luke’s face and caught a glimpse of the gun in the dim light that had managed to fight it’s way through the tinted windows.

“Keep moving!”

It was then that the bright light hit Josh full force and all he could see was red. A whole flood of emotions hit him head on and he struggled to form words.

“Traffic lights.”

“Keep moving!”

Then all other sounds were forgotten and all Josh could hear was Fin’s voice next to him, telling him to slow down. But he couldn’t, he wouldn’t. Luke was in enough danger. Some little voice at the back of his mind was telling him that he was too but he didn’t care about that.

He saw, as clearly as he had two and a half years ago, the boy’s face, in that split second between seeing the car and the violent impact. Then the wall of the bridge hurtling towards and Fin and Nikki both yelling to stop. But he had frozen.

He saw Luke knock the gun out of the man’s hand, Josh stepped hard on the pedal, hoping that the momentum would throw them apart. Instead there was a crash as they both hit the back doors. There was a simultaneous screech of brakes as several cars stopped suddenly to let the ambulance pass. The image imprinted on his mind of the ambulance hanging over a railway track was jolted out of his mind long before the red glow was gone from view.

Red. The colour was burning into him like fire. He was no longer at that bridge, he was no longer thinking about the events that were unfolding then. It was a still June night and he was driving along the main road with Comfort, waiting for the end of the shift. A moment that would stick in his mind forever, much like this one.

‘3018 to Holby control, Code Red. Code Red!’

‘3018, this is 3019. Fin, what’s happened?’

‘Nikki’s been stabbed.’

Josh remembered exactly how he had felt when he’d heard those frightened words out of nowhere. He didn’t want Fin and Nikki to hear the same tonight. Luke’s been shot. No, that wasn’t going to happen.

‘You told me to go in first, and I went in.’

He had. He’d never stopped blaming himself for what happened to Nikki. It wasn’t going to happen again. ‘You thought you had to go in…’

You know you don’t have to play the hero Luke, just give him the keys.

Josh would’ve been in Luke’s place in a heartbeat if he could.

‘Nikki, if I could be lying there instead of you I would be’

‘Josh, it’s the blood loss. Her GCS is down, she’s confused.’

‘Doesn’t mean to say she’s not right.’

That was the difference. Nikki had been right, Luke wasn’t. Nikki had wanted to help that man, Luke only wanted to help this one. Josh had felt helpless before, and he felt the same way now but this was different. He wasn’t there with Nikki, he was here with Luke. He understood them what Fin must have gone through.

It was still down to his mistake. Nikki had listened to him and almost died. Luke wasn’t listening and now…

That fateful night of Nikki’s attack was only a fleeting thought but it lingered for what seemed like a lifetime. Josh turned around to see the man still on top of Luke. He had to do something. He saw Luke’s arm reach out and his fingers touch the handle of the gun.

Under different circumstances that would have registered with Josh sooner and he might have yelled out. He didn’t have time though, he looked forward again just in time and swerved to avoid a pedestrian in the road.

There was an earth shattering bang and Josh slammed on the breaks, instinctively ducking and covering his ears. Everything was still, he didn’t want to look up, he didn’t want to know what had happened. “Luke!”
“Fin, Luke’s been shot. I’m on route to Holby A+E.”
“He’s got an abdominal wound and has lost a lot of blood…”
“The ambulance was hijacked, the man got away!”
“Bex, it’s Luke…”
“Please! You have to save him!”
“Time of death, 10:18pm.”
“I’m so sorry…”

“Josh? ED. Now.”

Josh sat up quickly and glanced over his shoulder, afraid of what he might see.

“Luke, are you OK?”

“Yeah. I’m OK, I’m good. But we need to move now.”