Sean stood on the doorstep of a small B&B on the outskirts of Holby and stared blankly down at the crumpled note he held in his hand. The writing looked neat, he thought, focusing his mind on insignificant details in an attempt to avoid the very serious and very real situation that was thrown his way without any warning earlier in the day. Far too neat to be a scribbled note, he thought. She must’ve been waiting to tell him.

He lifted his trembling hand to knock on the door. He had hardly said anything to anyone at work. Duffy had been curious, obviously, at why Chloe came back, but he had just mumbled something about missing home and hurried away. Avoiding Tina was the worst thing. Less than 3 days ago, he had asked her to be his wife. And he was already keeping secrets.

He couldn’t face telling Tina yet. He knew it would hurt her and that was the last thing he wanted to do to her, not again. Not now, not ever. He had only seen her briefly at the hospital before his shift ended and, to be honest, he had hardly noticed her. He had too much else on his mind.

He had to focus on this at the moment. On Chloe and… He had a hard time actually saying it. A son? Him, Sean Maddox, a father? How?

He laughed inwardly at the stupidity of that last question, just reminding himself to calm down. This was something he had to do, no matter how apprehensive he was. He wasn’t going to be one of those fathers who never saw their kids. He was going to face up to his responsibilities. That one, reckless night of passion was partially his fault, he was going to face the consequences.

He finally knocked on the dark green door, after leaving his hand raised in mid air for a couple of minutes. It made a light, friendly tap on the door and a middle aged lady, with greying hair and a beaming smile, opened the door a few seconds later.

“Hello. Can I help you?”

Sean backed away a little. He wasn’t expecting such an enthusiastic welcome from a complete stranger and it threw him off slightly. He was mentally building up this event in his head, and he was imagining it would be tense and awkward. This was not what he thought it would be like.

“Umm… Is Chloe Hill in? She gave me this address, I was meant to come and see her?”

“Ah yes.” The woman stepped aside and gestured for Sean to walk through the door. He slowly walked over the doorstep and wiped his shoes on the doormat. He wasn’t sure how to act and he just wanted to get out of there. “Can I offer you something to drink?”

“Uh, no. Can I just see Chloe?”

“Oh, yes, of course. She’s just upstairs in number 4. Ben was being a little pickle earlier, but it sounds like she’s just got him down, you two should be able to catch up in peace. Did you know her before she left?”

“Uh, yeah…” Sean replied half heartedly as he began to walk slowly up the stairs in a subdued and slightly confused state.

Ben. Ben. He said the name over and over in his mind. The name of his son. Ben. He liked it.

* * *

“Duffy, have you seen Sean?” Tina walked out of the staff room and grabbed the ward sister as she walked passed, on her way to resusc.

“Umm, he left. He went about 20 minutes ago. Sorry, I really need to go.”

Tina let Duffy past and just stood there. He had been acting strangely half his shift. He hadn’t spoken to her fro ages, he didn’t even tell her he was going. 3 days ago, they had been so happy and he was already keeping secrets.

“Hey, Tina!” Barney called to her down the hallway. “Fancy a drink after work?”

“Um, no” Tina replied, a little more bluntly than she had intended and Barney looked at her with concern.

“Are you alright?”

Tina smiled and nodded her head. “Yeah, I’m fine Barn. I just need some sleep, that’s all.”

* * *

Sean knocked apprehensively on the door to Chloe’s room. He heard the door being unlatched and the hinges squeaked slightly as Chloe opened the door.

She had a slightly shocked look on her face when she saw who it was standing there. “Oh, Sean. I…”

“What? Didn’t expect I’d come?” Sean said, raising his voice a little more than he intended. “How can you tell me I have a son and not expect me to turn up? Is that the sort of man u think I am?” Sean sighed. “I’m sorry, Chloe, it was just a bit of a shock, that’s all.”

Chloe nodded in understanding and stepped aside to let him pass. Sean smiled and entered the small room.

He glanced around. There was a worn green carpet and pink flowered wallpaper. A single bed was in the middle of the room, a wardrobe and dresser on opposite walls.

There was a wooden babies cot underneath the bay window. Sean subtly tried to look over without being obvious.

“I’m sorry Sean” Chloe said. Sean quickly looked back to her. “I never meant for all this to happen.”

Sean didn’t know what to say. He just stood there and let her carry on.

“I didn’t know what to do,” she continued, sitting down on the bed, “I thought leaving was the best thing to do, I didn’t want to come between you and Tina.”

Chloe rested her head in her hands. She didn’t cry but Sean sat down next to her on the bed next to her and placed his hand on her shoulder in comfort.

She took a deep breath and stood up, composing herself. “I’m ok” she said “It’s not me who should be upset.”

Sean had not said much the whole time he had been here. He had a hundred different questions charging through his mind, but apart from is initial outburst, no words would come out when he tried to speak.

“Um, I… What?”

Chloe looked away. Ben started to stir in his cot and Chloe went over to him.

“I thought you had an abortion” Sean said, then realised how stupid that question sounded. “I mean…”

Chloe looked regretfully up at him. “I know” she replied, “I just couldn’t.”

* * *

Chloe had been having doubts all along. Ever since she had found out she was pregnant her thoughts and emotions had been in turmoil and she knew it wasn’t only the hormones that were to blame.

Her conscience had a large part to play too. She had been in denial. At first about what happened with Sean and then about the baby, all the way through being racked with overwhelming guilt over her betrayal of Tina, her best friend.

She would never have done anything usually, but she would have been stupid to believe that it would have made any difference to how Tina felt. She had been emotional and vulnerable and Sean was just there to comfort her.

Having to turn to a man in a time of need was a trait that Chloe couldn’t stand about herself but what happened, had happened and however much she wanted to, she couldn’t turn back time.

Now she was seated in the waiting room at St. Thomas’s hospital. Soon it could all be over. In ten minutes time, everything could be in the past and she could finally get on with mending her fractured relationships with Sean and Tina, and more importantly, their relationship with each other.

Tina was sitting next to her. She was deep in a magazine, no doubt reading about fashion or those tacky ‘Real Life’ stories she liked. All the girly things she used to share together before Chloe made some very bad decisions. Tina seemed to be making an effort to get their friendship back on track but she couldn’t help feeling that the only reason she came was to make sure the final nail in the coffin of their one night stand was firmly in place.

She didn’t want to get in the way. Sean was a great mate, that was all. He was Tina’s. Always had been, always would be. Nothing she did would change that. She knew she should’ve told Sean her decision to get rid of the baby but she didn’t want to tell him when, right now, she wasn’t sure herself.

“Miss Hill, we’re ready for you”

Tina lifted her head and gave her a reassuring smile. Chloe nodded and numbly walked towards the nurse who was looking at her expectantly. Chloe was close to tears as she followed her into the white sterile room. It was not too late to back out, She couldn’t go through with it.