Roxy sat at the moonlit window, tears streaming down her face, the gentle breeze blowing through her hair. What had happened to her life? What had she done to make it turn out so badly? There were hundreds of questions swimming around in her head, leaving her thoughts in turmoil. None of which sh imagined ever getting the answers to.

Nicole...

The one single good thing to come out of her sorry little life and she couldn't even get that right. She had resented her daughter for so long, always looking at her with discust and contempt, leaving everyone around her to do her job. Nicole had taken away her freedom, changed her life in so many ways that she was far from ready for. But only now had she come to realise that having a baby was filled with joy and happiness, the good things far outweighed the bad.

But the first few months of Nicole's precious little life had taken their toll. Ignoring her child, not wanting anything to do with her at all had left a mark. Roxy had made a mistake. One which she was paying for now.

She now loved her baby more than anything, but the way she had behaved before had stuck in the child's mind and nothing she could do now would change that.

It was painfully evident every day that Nicole prefered the care of Nikki and Anna to that of her mum. Even complete strangers got a giggle while she never seemed settled around Roxanne. Her own flesh and blood hated her and that hurt more than any physical pain she could imagine.

Roxy wept even harder, pining after the life she could be living and the relationship she could have had if only... If only she had grown up, taken responsibility and realised sooner what Nicole meant to her.

She stared at the bottle of pills sitting on the window ledge, illuminated by the moon and the street lamp across the road. Roxy felt discusted with herself that she was even considering doing this but one thought stuck clear in he rmind: Would everyone be better off if I was gone? She always considered ending her life as the cowardly way out. She had come to the end of the road and didn't see anyother way to fix this whole mess.

She reached out cautiously in front of her. Her hand was shaking but she managed to clasp the small white bottle, wrapping her sweaty fingers around the object, all the while debating her next move.

Four pills, maybe five. That's all it would take for the anguish to go away. It was fairly strong medication that she had stoled from the hospital. She was pretty sure someone would notice soon that they were missing but she wouldn't be around to deal with the consequences. She tipped the contents out and gazed, through blured vision at the tiny capsules in the palm of her hand, still not sure she would have the guts to go through with it.

Her senses went blank. No conceivable, competant thought able to force it's way through the overwhelming block of emotions that enveloped her whole being; Pity, anguish, hurt, regret. None of which even came close to that of hatred. Hatred of the way she had treated the perfect little gift from God that someone like her didn't deserve. Nicole was worthy of a far better life than the one she was living now, one Roxy knew she would never be able to deliver.

She took one final glance over at her gorgeous baby girl, so peacefully asleep and obliveous to the harsh world around her, before she finally did what was, in her twisted, fragile mind, the only worth while thing she had ever done.

Roxy stood up and shut the window, not wanting her child to catch a cold and remembering what Anna had said before about the heating bill. She found it quite amusing in a morbid way. Here she was about to kill herself and all she cared about was a couple of quid. But her mind was so far past reasoning that no thoughts passing through her mind were rational. Nothing made sense, nothing mattered.

She took a deep breathe and thrust 10, maybe 20 pills into her mouth. She swallowed hard, the toxic chemicals not taking long to take effect.

She slumped to the floor, her head spinning from the suden nausia the pills had induced. "Good bye, sweetie" she whispered through laboured breaths, sweat pouring down her face, and collapsed into unconscious oblivion.

* * *

"Bloody hell." Nikki groaned and dragged herself out of bed on the way to the bathroom. Her first day off in weeks and she had been woken at eight in the morning by a screaming baby.

Eight? What was Nicole still doing here? Roxy's shift started at seven and she would drop her off at daycare on the way to work. Unless she remembered that it was Nikki's day off and thought she'd save some money by leaving her at home. "Thanks a bunch, Rox" Nikki murmoured under her breath then, "Roxanne, shut that baby up!"

Nikki paused. There was no hint of movement coming from the next door bedroom and Nicole made no sign of quietening down. A sudden wave of nervousness came over Nikki and she ahd the feeling that something was terribly wrong. Surely Roxy would have told Nikki that she was leaving her daughter at home? She wouldn't just leave her, would she?

She cam to th edoor of the bedroom and stepped further inside. She cautiously walked round to the other side of the bed and froze. She stood there, unable to move, utterly shocked at what she saw.

She backed away, not knowing what to do and collapsed against the wall. She was gasping in disbelief and driven close to tears by the sight in front of her.

Nicole's screams still filled the air and Nikki struggled to stand up and went over to her. She picked the baby up and sank back down to the floor, just staying there for wht seemed like hours, cradling the baby protectively in her arms. Gazing in shock at the empty bottle and the few spilt pills that surrounded the pale, lifeless body of her friend lying motionless on the floor, it finally hit her what had happened. Roxy was gone.