Abby lead the way into her apartment and slung her coat onto the hooks by the door and gestured for Carter to follow. She sat down on the sofa and moved a pile of magazines onto the coffee table to make way for him to sit down.

Carter still was not himself. After their shift, they had walked back to Abby's apartment. He did not say anything on the whole journey back and she hated the way he was acting because his moods rubbed of on her. When he felt bad, so did she and right now, she felt awful.

How could she have not remembered? She had found the knife, for Gods sake. Only an idiot would forget a co-worker being murdered and a very close friend almost loosing his life.

She had remembered when Paul Sobriki had been brought into the ER again, and had tried so hard to keep Carter from seeing his would-be murderer. Her efforts were not good enough, though and she was not sure how he felt about her trying to hide it and didn't know if he wished she had just said something.

There was a lot they didn't know about each other. Abby wanted to learn all there was to know about the man that had always been there for her. He had always been there to help her, without ever asking for anything in return. He had driven halfway across the country to help her bring her mother back home and had been there to listen to all her problems. From big things like that to simple things like helping her to replace Luka's fish tank when she had accidentally smashed it while moving out. It was like instinct. whenever she needed help or someone to talk to, she automatically went to Carter and she had not once got the feeling that he was not willing to comfort and reassure her.

They both sat there in a silence that would have been awkward if it had been anyone else but the pair were totally comfortable with each other.

Abby finally spoke.

"Do you want to talk about it?"

John sat there for awhile longer, not sure what to say. He did want to talk about it, but he had so much he wanted to say that he was not sure where to begin.

"It's all my fault." He told her quietly, without shifting his gaze from the ornament on the bookshelf that he was concentrating on to stop himself from crying

That seemed like as good a point as any to start from.

"Why is it your fault?" Abby replied, "you couldn't have known what was going to happen, you couldn't keep your eye on her all the time."

Carter took this in. He knew it was true but he was playing the event over and over in his head, every time thinking of different ways he could have saved her.

"Just one phone call!" he yelled and stood up, walking towards the kitchen, needing to compose himself.

He was angry at himself, no one else and at that moment, hated himself for taking his frustration out on Abby. He was sure she understood and would not take his outburst personally but he still apologised. He did not want to push away the one person he cared about.

He took a deep breath and strode back to the living room.

"I could have saved her. Just one phone call to the psyche ward and he would have been properly restrained. I was too caught up in my own patients to listen to her."

"What do you mean?" Abby replied, caught slightly off guard.

"She kept trying to tell me that he was schizophrenic but I kept dismissing it, saying that it was nothing to worry about. IT SHOULD HAVE BEEN ME HE KILLED, IT WAS MY FAULT!"

John broke down into tears. He wanted to be completely open with Abby but he felt stupid that he was crying his eyes out in front of her

Abby watched him for a few minutes, not entirely sure what to say to put his mind at rest, if it was possible. It was true that Lucy was his responsibility at the time and he should have been supervising her but she also knew that he had had faith in her to make her own decisions and you had to let med. students do some things for themselves or they would not learn anything knew. Besides, there were other patients to care for and new ones coming in all the time so he was trying the best he could to set his priorities straight and he believed in Lucy's ability to handle the patient.

She thought about telling Carter what she was thinking but decided that it wouldn't do any good as he would only deny it so she picked up a box of tissues from the coffee table and walked slowly over to where Carter was crouched on the floor over the other side of the room.

She handed him the box and smiled at him. Carter lifted his head and half heartily smiled back, sitting down on the floor. She followed and they both stayed there with they're backs against the wall, ready to comfort one another if it was needed.

Another example of their deep bond. Carter was the main reason she had split up with Luka. He had suspected for a long time that She and Carter had feelings for each other and that were true, but the fact that he couldn't tell that it was only friendship let jealousy get in the way of their relationship and they could've worked things out. Abby was not sure, however that she wanted to work things out with a man that did not trust her to stay faithful.

She remembered that time by the river roof when Carter had told her he loved her. She wanted to say it back to him but she was involved with Luka then and wasn't sure what she felt. She used to think that the fact that she was seeing someone was the only factor that had stopped her from saying it back, but now that she was single, there was still some unseen force stopping her from telling the man she loved what she needed to say. She had a hidden suspicion that it was that she didn't want to spoil their friendship. He had told her that he didn't want friendship, that he wanted more, but had still continued to be a friend to her, even though, she was sure, she had hurt him deeply by not reciprocating his feelings.

So they stayed there, in silence, like they had done back at the hospital, until he went home. He just stood up, gave her a kiss on the cheek to say 'thank you' and left the apartment.

Some one else, if they were Abby, might have been offended that he had not said anything but she understood that he didn't mean anything by it and just wanted to go home.

Abby stood up when John had left and went into the kitchen to make herself a coffee. She hoped she had made him feel better and she felt she had, but she scolded herself for not saying all the things he said to her that evening by the river.