Homeless Once More, Part Twenty-One
By Cathy Roberts
glroberts@bigfoot.com


Since Maggie and John had been out late with Joey and Anna, they didn't even thing about getting up early the next morning.  As it was, when they did get up, it was close to noon and they knew they would be facing the lunch time traffic in their attempt to leave Philadelphia.  Still, they had enjoyed themselves the night before, and neither one could say that they regretted going out on the town.

Faced with the reality that he was headed back to Chicago now, John found himself loath to return.  He couldn't quite put the why of it into words - all he knew was that as much as he wanted to get home, he also wanted to avoid going back.

As he and Maggie were putting their suitcases in the trunk, he asked, "Do you want to drive around some more?  Maybe go to New York, catch a play or something?"

"No, I think I'm ready to head home."

"Are you sure?  There's a lot to do in New York.  You'd enjoy it."

"John, I do not want to go to New York," Maggie firmly declared as she slammed the trunk shut.  "I'm very sure about that, so don't ask again."

"But, I thought you wanted to travel," he said after they got into the car.

"And I thought you didn't.  Buckle up."

As soon as both seat belts were fastened, Maggie started the car and backed out of the parking space.

"Do you have money to pay for the parking?"  She asked.  The hotel where they had stayed came with a parking garage, which had made parking a breeze.

"Yeah.  What about Nashville?  Or Memphis?  We could go see Graceland."

"Are you telling me that you have unresolved issues with Elvis?" Maggie teased.

John made a face.  "No, I don't have any unresolved issues with Elvis."

"Why are you so reluctant to get back to Chicago?  A few days ago you were chomping at the bit to get home."

"I dunno," he sighed, handing her the money to pay the attendant.  Once on the road, he continued.  "Well, I guess I do know.  When we get home, I'll still have two weeks left of my suspension and nothing to do except sit around the house and wonder if I should even try to tell Kerry how I feel about her.  About us."

"Well, not going home won't change the fact that you'll worry about it."

"That's true.  But, it's easier to pretend there's not a problem if I'm not in the same house with her."

"Well, we weren't planning on driving straight through, so you won't be home until Friday anyway."

"Which gives me the whole weekend to spend worrying.  She's off this weekend, so she'll be home."

"Do you have her schedule memorized?"

"As a matter of fact, I do.  Knowing Kerry's schedule makes it easier for me to know if I have to take the El to work or if I can bum a ride off of her."

"Sounds like a practical reason to me."

"Thank you.  It took me two days to think that up," he grinned.

Maggie shook her head, then concentrated on getting through the traffic.  She was debating with herself about whether or not to tell John something that Joey had told her last night.  He had mentioned that before he and Anna left the apartment to come pick them up, he had overheard Anna on the telephone with someone named Kerry.  Anna was telling Kerry that John was romantically interested in her - not in those exact terms, but close enough.  When Anna had finally hung up, she had been very pleased.

So, it looked as if the ball would most definitely be in Kerry's court when John got home.  Maggie wondered if Kerry would do anything to act upon what she knew.  Of course, if Maggie told John that Anna had called Kerry, then John and Kerry would face the weekend on equal footing.  No one would have the advantage.  They could both acknowledge their feelings for each other and let nature take its course, or they could circle around each other and get nowhere fast.

Maggie reflected on all that John had shared with her on this trip.  She knew his fears and his desires.  She knew how scared he was of losing Kerry's friendship.  She also knew that for the most part, it was the woman who ended up making the first move with John.  That was something she just didn't understand at all.  John was a very good-looking man with a charming personality.  Most women would be flattered to be asked out on a date by him.  So why then was he so hesitant to make the first move?  She wondered if he had always been like that or if it was a more recent development.  Perhaps he had been deeply hurt by someone?  She had noticed that when Joey had mentioned Janet Maguire that John had gotten an odd look in his eyes.  Last night, she had tried to ask Joey about John and Janet's relationship, but Joey wouldn't say anything.  It was obvious to Maggie that John had been serious about Janet.  The woman had hurt John and, even though Maggie had never met and probably never would, she hated her for that.

Maggie finally decided that John had a right to know about the phone call.

"Well, I have something that you should think about," she said.

"And what is that?"  John didn't even bother to look up from where he was trying to find a decent station on the radio.

"Kerry knows how you feel."  Maggie glanced over at him.  The panic in his eyes was intense and she suddenly felt guilty for making him feel that way.

"You didn't tell her, did you?"

"No.  Anna called her last night."

John slumped in his seat.  "Oh, no.  Please tell me that you're just joking around with me, okay?"

"Sorry, this is no joke."

"Anna told you she called Kerry?"  He sounded pained.

"Joey did."

"Why would Joey call Kerry?"  He was beginning to get confused.

"Joey told me that Anna called Kerry," Maggie explained.

"Damn.  I should have suspected she would do something like that.  Anna kept trying to convince me that I should tell Kerry how I feel about her.  I guess she decided to force the issue.  Damn."

"Joey couldn't hear what Kerry said, but Anna dropped very broad hints about how you feel.  He also told me that Anna was very happy and pleased when she hung up the phone."

"At least one person is happy," he muttered.

"John, if Anna was happy, then that means she liked Kerry's response.  That's a good thing," Maggie reasoned.

"No, it's not a good thing, Maggie," he sighed.  "Now Kerry will expect me to come home and kiss her or something.  If I don't do any of that, then she'll be hurt."

"So show her how you feel.  How hard can that be?"

His laugh was hollow, "It could be very hard or it might not be hard at all."

It then dawned on Maggie that John was still bothered by his performance problem with Harper Tracy.

"John, when you were fantasizing that you were with Kerry, you had no problem whatsoever.  Relax and just let nature take its course."

"Maggie, there's a big difference between fantasy and reality."

"Yeah, reality is usually one Hell of a lot better!"  She grinned, hoping that he would cheer up a little.  It didn't work.

"Well, you need to come to some decision about what you're going to do.  You have all day today and part of tomorrow to decide.  That's all the time I'm going to give you.  There will be no detours or unplanned stops between here and Chicago."

He slammed his head back against the headrest, feeling frustrated.  He knew that Maggie was right and that Anna meant well, but he felt more unsure of himself now than he had before he ever left Chicago.  Maybe had had been a fool to allow himself to care about Kerry.  He didn't know what to do now, but he would have to do something.  He prayed that whatever he did decide to do didn't end up being the wrong thing.


That night, John simply could not get to sleep.  His worries and fears were working overtime to keep him awake.  He finally gave up trying around two in the morning.  He turned on the light and sat up, wondering if Hugh McIntyre had really meant it when he told him to call any time he needed to talk.  He certainly needed to talk now, that was for sure.  He reached for his cell phone and dialed the psychiatrist's home number, hoping that Mrs. McIntyre would forgive him for waking them up so late at night.

"Hello?" a sleepy male voice answered.

"Dr. McIntyre?"

"John?  It's two in the morning.  Are you okay?"

"Yeah, I'm fine.  You said that I could call you anytime I needed to talk, right?"  John hoped he didn't sound as desperate as he felt.

"I meant what I said.  If you hold on, I'll go to my office."

"Okay."

John waited a few minutes, then heard Hugh tell his wife it was okay for her to hang up.  John heard the click of the other receiver being put down.

"I'm really sorry I woke you up."

"Don't worry about it, John.  It goes with the job.  What's on your mind that has you so bothered that you would want to talk to me?"

John could hear the smile in Hugh's voice and he felt a little more at ease to know that Hugh really wasn't upset about the lateness of the phone call.

"It really isn't a crisis.  It's Kerry."

"Kerry Weaver?"

"The very same."

"And why is she on your mind?"

"That's what I keep asking myself.  One moment she was nothing more than a good friend and the next moment she was - well, let's just say that I can't seem to stop thinking about her."

"I see."

John could have sworn that he heard another smile in those two words.  He impulsively told Hugh what had happened in Maryland regarding his failed attempt to have sex with Harper Tracy and what had happened later with Maggie.  Because of his embarrassment over both incidents, he had not related them to Hugh when he had spoken to him before.  John had been very conscientious about calling Hugh on a regular basis, but he had left some details out, such as those and the fact that he knew he had seen the face of God in the sweathouse.  And Kerry's face as well.  He told Hugh everything now.

Hugh listened carefully, never interrupting.  Finally, John told him about how Anna had called Kerry.

"Before, I was a little apprehensive about coming home.  Now, I'm just plain scared.  What if Kerry was only telling Anna what she wanted to hear, but doesn't really feel that way?  What if she thinks I'm feeling like this because she was nice to me when I was down?"

"John, from what I've observed when seeing the two of you together, she has genuine feelings for you.  That's been obvious to me for a while now."

"Really?"

"Really."

"But, she never said or did anything to let me know how she felt."

"She may not have been aware of it herself.  Do you really believe that your feelings for Kerry came to life in a split second?"

"I suppose not.  I just thought she was a good friend and I enjoyed being around her and living in the same place with her."

"John, sometimes the best loves are those born of good friendship.  Another thing you may want to think about is that she probably has the same fears as you.  She's older and may feel that you wouldn't be interested in her.  Neither one of you is unscarred, John, and I mean that both physically and emotionally."

"You're right.  I had not given any thought to the possibility that she would be afraid that I wouldn't return her feelings."

"May I ask you something?"

"Go ahead."

"Do you love her?"

John didn't hesitate to answer that question.  "Yes.  I love her very much.  I can't imagine living anywhere else or what it would be like to not see her every day."

"And are you in love with her?"

The second question made him pause.  Was he in love with Kerry?  "Well, if the images that run through my brain when I think about are any indication, then, yes, I am in love with Kerry."

"Then that's what you should be thinking about.  You love her and she loves you.  Does anything else really matter?"

"Well, there is the fact that she's my supervisor."

"So is Mark Greene.  I fail to see where that matters.  Your relationship at work is something that can be easily addressed later."

"You're right about that."

"So, do you think you can get to sleep now?"

"I don't know.  You've given me other stuff to think about.  At least I won't be worrying - I'll be thinking.  Doctor McIntyre, I really appreciate this."

"John, don't you think it's about time that you got used to calling me by my first name?  I know that you are my patient, but, we are also colleagues and it wouldn't be inappropriate."

"I'll try to remember that."

"So, when will you be back in town?"

"Sometime tomorrow.  Maggie doesn't insist that we get up early to be on the road, which is good because I don't think I'll be ready to go early tomorrow anyway.  We're in Cincinnati, so it won't be a long drive."

"Good.  Call me if you need to talk some more, okay?"

"I will.  Thanks again for being willing to listen to me tonight."

"It was no problem, John.  Good night."

"Good night."

John ended the call, then snuggled back down under the covers.  As he reached out to turn off the light, he realized that was no closer to falling asleep than he had been before he called Hugh.  But, he certainly wasn't as worried.  He was still anxious about seeing Kerry tomorrow, but it was an eager anxiousness and not one born of worry or fear.


Kerry began flipping through the mail before she was fully inside the house.  There had been no mail from John the day before.  No phone call either.  Had Anna been totally off base when she said that John cared about her?  Her heart did a funny little leap when she came across a postcard with the Liberty Bell depicted on the front.  She quickly turned it over to read John's message:  "Philly's still okay.  Wish I was home with you."

Oh, if it really was true, she thought.  She would find out soon enough because he would be getting home today.  At least that's the way she figured it - if he and Maggie left Philadelphia the day after Anna's call, and if they spent the night somewhere along the way to Chicago, then they would arrive today.  With a start, she remembered she still had John's shirt in her room.  She should put it back on his bed.

She put the mail on the table, telling herself that she would sort it later, then she went up to her room.  She retrieved his shirt from her bed, noticing that even after all this time it still carried his scent.  She held it against her cheek one last time, imagining what it would be like to rest her cheek against his body.

With a heavy sigh she broke off that train of thought.  She told herself to think about something else, like what to have for dinner.  She had a freezer full of main dishes to chose from and she was sure that John would enjoy whichever one she chose to prepare.  She headed down to the basement and carefully laid the shirt on his bed.

As she turned to leave, she spotted a suitcase on the floor by John's dresser.  The same suitcase he had packed to take with him on this trip.  John was home already.

The door to his bathroom opened and he stepped into his room, clad only in a towel that was threatening to fall off at any second.  Their eyes met and they found themselves drawn to each other.

John stopped when he was still inches away from Kerry.

"You're home," she softly said, wanting to reach out and touch him.  He obviously had showered, and even though most of his hair was dry, she knew that if she ran her hands through his dark locks that they would be slightly damp.  He never dried his hair completely.

"Yeah, I'm finally home, Kerry," he smiled down at her.  "So, do I rate a welcome home kiss?"

Kerry slowly nodded, then stepped into his embrace.  His bare arms felt warm as they encircled her waist and he pulled her up against his body.  She lifted her face to his and their lips met.  This was definitely better than anything she had imagined or dreamt.  Much better.  The kiss deepened as they mutely declared their feelings for each other and Kerry became vaguely aware that another part of John's body was making his feelings known.  His hardness pressed against her belly and she couldn't resist sliding her hands down his back and loosening that towel. 

John broke off the kiss, chuckling as he gazed down into her eyes.  He wanted this as much as Kerry did, that much was obvious, but he couldn't ignore the humor that due to the fact she was pressed so tightly against him, the towel had never moved.

Kerry was about to chide him for laughing at a time like this, but her words died in her throat as she saw that the scar on his chest from his surgery had nearly faded away.  She gently traced the outline of the incision with her finger, then looked up at him, a million questions in her eyes.

"It's a long story," he said.

"Well, I'm off all weekend, so there will be plenty of time for me to hear it.  I want to hear about everything that happened."

"Everything?" a smile played around his lips.  "I don't know if that's such a good idea.  I should keep a few secrets to share with you later."

"I insist on everything," she murmured as he lowered his mouth to her neck and gently kissed the tender skin there.

"I was hoping that you would."  He took a step back, allowing the towel to fall away.  But, before Kerry could get a good look at him, he swung her into his arms and gently placed her upon the bed.  His mouth was busy as he placed kisses upon the growing area of skin that his hands were exposing as he undressed her.  Time passed excruciatingly slowly for Kerry as she waited for him to remove all her clothing.  It was clear that he was going to take his time, but her body was telling her that she was more than ready for him and the waiting was going to drive her crazy.

John knew he didn't want to rush this lovemaking.  He had been having the most erotic dreams about Kerry and he wanted to savor the real thing for as long as he could.  He had already seen most of her body, but now it was time to get to know that body and he knew he wouldn't be satisfied until he had every curve memorized.  As his lips softly grazed the scars on her leg, he heard her sniffle and realized that she was crying.  He was instantly by her side, holding her tightly and kissing her tears away.

"Hey, I'm sorry if I did something wrong."

She shook her head.  "You didn't.  John, you're doing everything right."

"And that makes you sad?"

"These aren't tears of sadness, they're tears of joy."  She wrapped her arms around him, holding him as tightly as he was holding her.  "I don't ever want to lose you, John.  Ever."

"I feel the same way, Kerry.  Believe me, if I have anything to say about it, you won't ever lose me."

"Promise?"

"I promise.  I'll be here for as long as you want me here."

"I don't want to ever leave you, either."

"I like hearing that," he smiled, then kissed the tip of her nose.  "Now, shall I get back to what I was doing?"

"Well, I was sort of thinking that you could progress to something else if you were ready."

He grinned, trying to remember if he had ever seen Kerry blush the way she was blushing now.  He didn't think so.  "Oh, I think I'm more than ready for what you have in mind.  Hold on a second."  He rolled away from her and fumbled in the drawer of his nightstand.  There was no way that he was going to put Kerry at risk for pregnancy or disease.  He had learned his lessons about condoms the hard way and he refused to be a slow learner this time around.

Kerry lay back watching him put the condom on, then pulling him toward her when he was ready.  As their bodies became one, she couldn't think of anything besides that moment and how much they cared for each other.  The rest of the world could fall apart, she thought, but for her, all would be well now that John was finally home.


EPILOGUE

The October morning air was chilly in the pre-dawn and John could feel Kerry's shiver as she leaned against his back.

"We'll be there soon and then you can snuggle up to me for warmth," he said, looking over his shoulder at her.

She laughed and he could feel it reverberate through his own chest.  "I like that idea.  How much further is it?"

"Not far.  Why?  Don't you like being on horseback?"

"It's okay.  I could get used to it.  Are you sure these dogs aren't going to make the horse trip or else get themselves stepped on?"  She glanced down at the dogs that were happily running alongside them.

John grinned.  "Nothing will happen.  These mutts know better than to get underfoot.  What you'll have to watch out for is when they ambush you once you sit down.  They won't be happy until they've all been petted and had a chance to lick you to death."

"What a wonderful thought," she dryly replied.

"It's not that bad.  Well, we're here."

Kerry looked around in the growing light of the woods.  She didn't see where this place looked any more special than any other part of the Smokey Mountains that she had seen so far.  Still, John had told her it was special and, before they had left Chicago, Maggie had told her to be sure she didn't miss seeing the sunrise from the mountain.

"Give me your arm," John ordered, reaching around to grasp her arm as he said it.  He held on tightly to Kerry's arm until he was sure that she was steady on the ground, then he dismounted from the horse and retrieved her crutch from the rifle holster.  Ignoring the affectionate dogs, he led her through the brilliant foliage to the outcropping of rock.

"This is beautiful, John," she said as he pulled her down into his lap.

"It gets better.  Just keep your eye on the sky."

He held her close, watching her face as she watched the sky or the signs of the sunrise.  When he saw her eyes light up and heard her gasp of pleasure, he knew that she had noticed the change in the sky.  He then turned his attention to the sky, watching along with her as the sun rose higher.  This sunrise wasn't that much different than the one he had seen with Maggie, although there wasn't as much mist to be burned away by its rays.  But with Kerry here, this one had a uniqueness that could never be matched again.  He quickly found his thoughts drifting back to the day before, when they had been married.  All of his family had come to Chicago for the event and the reception had been a long party.  He supposed that their families and friends were still going strong long after they had left to catch their plane to North Carolina.  Being able to fly in the company's corporate jet had been just one of the many gifts his grandparents had bestowed upon them.  But, John's favorite gift was the one from John and Allie Adair.  They had made arrangements to stay in Chicago with his parents, along with Judd, Keith and Margaret so that John and Kerry could have the farmhouse all to themselves.  Kerry had been delighted with the house, falling in love with it at first sight.  She had been especially enamored of his bed and it had been with great reluctance that he roused her out of it this morning. 

Kerry leaned back against his chest.  "That was gorgeous.  Simply gorgeous."

"I knew you'd like it."

"It's so pretty up here.  It's a shame we only have a week to spend here."

"It will be a week well spent, believe me."

She craned her head around to look him in the eyes, liking the way his smile lit up his entire face with joy.  She wasn't aware that he was thinking the same thing about her.

"So, what do you have planned for us to do today?"

"I thought we'd go back to the house and make love all day long.  Isn't that what newlyweds are supposed to do on their honeymoon?" he grinned.

"Getting a bit racy there, aren't you, Mr. Carter?"

"Sorry, but my wife tends to bring out that side of me, Mrs. Carter."

"I like the sound of that," Kerry said with a smile.

"Me being racy?"

"That, too!  No, the 'Mrs." part.  I think we're probably the only ones who will ever use mister and missus.  To everyone else, we'll be Doctor and Doctor Carter."

"Are you sure you don't mind changing your name?"

"I'm sure.  Besides, it's already irritating Romano, and since Randi caught the bouquet, it might not be that long of a wait before there's another Weaver working in the emergency room."

"If the look in Adam's eyes was any indication, then I think you are totally correct about that."

"John?  Do you really not mind about not being Chief Resident?"  John had taken his name out of consideration back in March, telling Kerry that he didn't want to be an administrator, he only wanted to be a good doctor.  How could she argue with that?  In the end, Maggie Doyle had gotten the position and John had been happy for her.  Still, there were times when Kerry wondered if he had given up on it because of their relationship and that made her feel guilty for harming his career.

John gently kissed the top of her head.  "Giving up on the idea of being Chief Resident was a good move for me.  It was never something I really wanted, Kerry.  I just went for it because other people seemed to expect it from me.  I am very happy being a regular resident.  Besides, you bring home more than enough paperwork."

"I'll try to keep that under control."

"You do what you need to do in order to be a good Attending, all right?  I don't mind watching you work at home.  Now, I might change my mind once a little Carter appears, but I think we have plenty of time before we have to worry about that."

"So, you really do want children?"

"We talked about that, didn't we?  Yes, I want children with you, Kerry.  You're not changing your mind on me, are you?"

"No.  I can't think of anything else I want more than to have your children, John."  Then she grinned and caressed his inner thigh, moving her hand higher and higher until she was caressing something else.  "Although, if I need to, I think I can think of one thing I want right now."

"So I've noticed.  Shall we get back to the house then?"

"I thought I spotted a blanket tied to the back of the saddle."

"You did.  But, we don't have any protection with us, babe."

"That's all right.  If something should happen then we'll still have nine months before I have to worry about cutting back on the paperwork.  Go get that blanket, husband."

She moved off of his lap and watched him walk away, then began to undress.  The air was still chilly and she quickly had goose bumps covering her body, but she knew that they would soon fade.  The two of them could produce enough heat for the entire valley, she thought.

As John stepped back onto the rock, he paused to look at his wife as she sat naked in the sun.  There were times when he still couldn't believe that they were really together, but they were.  A year ago, he had thought that his life was never going to get any better, and for a while there, it had gotten about as bad as a life could get.  Now, he couldn't imagine it ever getting any better.  He had been wrong last October and he could only hope that he was wrong this October as well.

A fluttering of wings caught his attention and he looked up in time to see a white dove fly above their heads.  He smiled as he remembered the last time he had seen a white dove in these mountains.

"Thank you, Lord, for bringing Kerry into my life," he sincerely prayed as he walked over to his wife and proceeded to work on bringing another life into the world.  Another Carter that would share their home.

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