Homeless Once More, Part Five
By Cathy Roberts
glroberts@bigfoot.com
Kerry slowly opened her eyes only to quickly shut them again. The room was spinning and her head throbbed in time with her heartbeat. She took a deep breath to steady herself, then opened her eyes once more. The room was still moving, but not as wildly as it had before. She focused on a spot on the ceiling, concentrating until the room came to a gradual halt. So far, so good. She knew that the minute she moved it might start back up again. Serves you right for getting drunk, she scolded herself. Somehow, she managed to sit up. Her crutch was propped against the night stand within easy reach and she was grateful for the extra support as she made her way to the bathroom. Her memory slowly returned to her and she recalled how Carter had carried her into the bathroom and then back to her room. Wait a minute. She paused in front of the mirror and looked carefully at her reflection, then she looked down as if to confirm that the mirror had not lied. She was wearing Teddy Bear pajamas. Not only did she not remember changing into them, but if she had, she would not have chosen this particular set to sleep in. A gift from her niece, they were saved for whenever her niece came to visit. If she didn't pick them out to wear, then that meant someone else took them out of her dresser drawer. Someone else dressed her. Someone else undressed her.
"Carter," she yelled, immediately realizing that yelling was not a good idea right now.
She headed for the kitchen, hoping to find him, but he wasn't there and it didn't look as if he had just left it either. The room was spotless.
"He must still be asleep," she reasoned.
The ringing of the telephone made her head ache even more and she was very out of sorts when she answered.
"What?"
"Kerry? It's Mark Greene. I hope I didn't wake you."
"No. I was already up. What can I do for you, Mark?"
"I was just calling to make sure that you were feeling okay. Carter told me that you were sick. You've never stayed home sick before."
"Uh, it's just a stomach virus or something I ate that didn't agree with me. I'll be in."
"That's not necessary, Kerry," his calm voice assured her, "Just stay home and rest. Things are quiet so far this morning."
So far this morning? Did she hear him correctly? She looked at her watch. It was already eight. She was supposed to be at work an hour ago. Carter had obviously taken it upon himself to decide that she would stay home. Well, we'll see about that, she thought.
"Is Carter available?"
"You just missed him. He has an appointment upstairs. Well, I'll let you go now. If you need anything, call us."
"Thanks, Mark."
"I'll see you tomorrow. Bye."
"Bye."
Kerry hung up, still angry with Carter. He should have awoken her. How dare he make decisions for her. There would be Hell to pay when he got home, that was for sure! Her mind made up that she would not let him get away with this, she made her way back to the bathroom and a long, hot shower.
Dr. McIntyre smiled as Carter arrived right on time.
"It's good to see you, John."
"Wish I could say the same," Carter replied as he sat down. He had been on since six, and all morning he had thought about how unfair it was that he was being forced to see a psychiatrist. He didn't like it one bit and he had decided that he would go, but be wouldn't be nice about it.
"I can see that you're in a good mood this morning. Did you sleep well last night?"
"Very well." Carter lied. Even though he had fallen asleep on the couch, he had not slept long. By one in the morning he was wide awake and unable to get back to sleep in his room. He stretched out on his bed, thinking. Thinking too much. Maybe that was his main problem - he thought too much. That was how he lost Anna. He had spent so much time thinking about how and when to tell her how he felt that when he was finally ready to share his feelings, it was too late. Maybe he should be more like his sister, act first and think later. Just let everything roll off of his back.
"Last time, we were talking about how you felt after your brother died."
"I remember that."
"Do you want to continue with that?"
"No."
Dr. McIntyre smiled, "I was hoping to avoid this, but after the way I threatened you, I'm not surprised that you're behaving this way."
"I feel much better about things. I don't think I need to be here."
"And I happen to disagree with you about that. Since I'm trained in psychiatry and you're not, then you should defer to my opinion."
Carter glared at him, unable to argue with that. "Fine," he snapped, "I defer to you."
McIntyre sighed and wondered what happened to his cooperative patient from the other day. He looked at his notes and found a new topic for discussion.
"When was the last time you saw your parents?"
"I saw them both on Halloween. I saw my Mom the other day."
"Were you expecting to see them?"
Carter shook his head.
"Do they often show up unexpectedly?"
"If they did, it wouldn't be unexpected, would it?"
"Right." McIntyre was glad he was a man with patience. "Were you surprised to see them?"
"Yes."
"Happy to see them?"
"Yes."
"And when you saw your mother the other day, were you surprised?"
"Yes."
"Why?" the doctor was getting tired of Carter's one word answers.
"She never goes anywhere without Dad and he never goes anywhere without her. I think they're joined at the hip or something."
"Were you happy to see her?"
Carter shook his head.
"So what changed between Halloween and the other day?"
"What changed?" Carter asked. "Well, I lost my R. A. job and my room."
"What else?"
"That's it."
"John, I can handle it if you want to make my job difficult by giving me incomplete answers. I'll just work harder to find out what's going on. But, I can't work at all if you lie to me."
"Isn't my time up?"
"No. We have plenty of time. I don't have another patient until ten."
"Good for you. There are probably two or more patients waiting for me right now."
"You're really upset with me, aren't you?"
"We've been over that already."
"True. Can you tell me why you refuse to speak to your father? Why do you hang up on him?"
"I hang up on him because I'm not interested in anything he has to say," Carter angrily replied.
"And why is that?"
"Because he's a controller. He wants to run my life. He always thinks that he knows best about what's good for me."
"Sounds like a typical father to me."
Carter laughed, "Oh, he's anything but typical."
"You told me that he supported your decision to go to medical school. That sounds like he cares about you."
"He wanted me to be a surgeon."
"And is that what you wanted to be?"
"I wanted to make my parents happy. Last year, I realized that being a surgeon would not make me happy and I switched to trauma."
Carter felt a little more at ease now they were discussing work and not his parents.
"You like working in the Emergency Room?"
"Oh, yeah. I like it a lot. It's challenging and I can see that what I do makes a difference in people's lives."
"Isn't it the same for a surgeon?"
"All they care about is cutting someone open and doing the procedure. They don't care about what happened before or what happens next, or how afraid the patient is about having surgery or being ill. Get that procedure done. That's the bottom line in surgery."
"I think that you're lumping all surgeons together in one pot, John. Not all of them are like that, you know."
"All the ones I know are that way. Don't get me wrong, I have a lot of respect for surgeons. What they do is amazing. I even enjoyed operating. I just didn't agree with the attitude that surgery is the only answer. I also had a problem with the concept of avoiding surgery because having the patient die would make the surgeon or hospital look bad. Sometimes you have to take that chance, give someone a shot at life, statistics be damned."
"Well, I can agree with you there. So, were your parents upset when you switched?"
"By the time they finally found out about it, I had been down in the E. R. for quite some time."
"You didn't tell them?"
"I think my Gamma told them. She's good at doing things like that. She'll take anything I tell her and exaggerate it all out of proportion when she tells my folks about it. Then they're all upset when they call me to find out what's going on. They never come right out and ask me how I'm doing, they just jump right in and tell me how wrong I am to be doing what I'm doing, or living where I'm living and so on. Then I'm stuck having to defend myself. It gets old fast."
"At least they care."
"I don't need their kind of concern. Parents should be there for their kids. They were there for Bobby throughout his entire illness, then they took off. Sure, I got the monetary support. Hell, I even had a trust fund. But, it doesn't take the place of having your parents."
"It never does, does it? What I don't quite understand, John, is with you feeling this way, why won't you talk to your father? Why weren't you happy to see your mother?"
"Because they betrayed me, that's why," Carter jumped up and began to pace, rubbing his face with his hand, "They betrayed my trust. They have constantly done that to me and this time I refuse to put up with it!"
"What happened?"
"They hired a woman to get close to me and report back to them on what was going on in my life. She was a patient. She had come in with a broken toe. On a follow up visit, she more or less asked me out. I was beginning to care about her. Then, on Halloween, I found out what had been going on."
"That must have been very painful for you."
"Oh, yeah. It hurt. It still hurts. He wants to apologize for what he did, but I'm not interested in hearing his worthless apologies. He's only sorry that he was caught. And Mom, well, she lets him get away with this stuff. She came here to talk to me, to tell me how upset he was. She told me a lot of things, things about her and Dad. Things that happened when Bobby died. It's too tiring for her to fight him. She would rather see me hurt then to fight him." He slumped down in the chair, near tears. He had promised himself that he wouldn't cry over them anymore. Damn.
McIntyre sat back and watched Carter cry, giving him time to compose himself and grateful that he had opened up and told him all this. He was very curious about what his mother had told him, but he wasn't going to push his luck today.
"John, I think it says a lot about your mother that she left your father behind and came here just to talk to you. She wouldn't do that if she didn't love you or care about you."
"I know that," Carter snapped, "Believe me, I really do know that. But, it doesn't change things, does it? The damage is still done. She can't remove herself from my life for almost twenty years and then expect to be able to just walk right back in as if nothing had ever happened! Neither one of them has the right to interfere in my life. They gave up that right and they'll never get it
back. Never."
Carter stood, "Look, I've been here long enough. I've got work to do."
McIntyre nodded, "I'll see you tomorrow at one p.m. Please don't miss it."
"I'll try not to." Carter left.
Hugh McIntyre stared at his hastily scribbled notes, wondering where to go next with Carter. He was hurting and it was obvious that he was still holding a lot of pain inside. He wondered if it would be possible to get John's parents in for a session with John. There was a lot that the Carter family needed to work through. Carter needed to realize that his parents were mere humans who were trying the best they could, just as everyone else was. He needed to quit looking at them as some elusive dream or as demons. They were neither. McIntyre was quite sure that the Carters loved their son. He just needed to find some way to help John realize that.
Later in the day, Carter found himself pounding the wall of the lounge in frustration. Every single time that he thought Lucy Knight was doing what she was supposed to do, she wasn't. Every single time he thought they were getting along, they weren't. It was driving him crazy. She was driving him crazy. Why wouldn't she listen to him? He had worked hard to be a good doctor, so why wouldn't she listen to him? Why wasn't she willing to learn? It was bad enough when he was having to deal with only her, but now Mark was yelling at him about Lucy. He had sat the both of them down and told them to work through their problems. He might as well be back upstairs in McIntyre's office. Work through their problems indeed. Duct tape over Lucy's mouth might be more constructive. Well, that was probably not a reasonable solution, but it certainly had its merits. He even smiled at the image - Lucy unable to talk back to him. Only able to listen and learn.
Feeling a little better, he exchanged his lab coat for his overcoat, grabbed his bag and headed out.
"Good night, Dr. C.," Jerry waved at him.
"Good night, Jerry. I'll see you in the morning. Night, Lydia."
"Good night," she replied.
At least things would be calm and quiet at Kerry's place. It would be a nice change from the hectic day he had just finished. He was almost to his Jeep when his cell phone rang.
"Hello?"
"John, did I catch you at a bad time?"
He made a face, "No, Mom. It's not a bad time. I thought you would have gone back to Paris by now."
"I told you I was staying here. I know that it's already late, but do you have any plans for dinner?"
"I just got off work and was heading home. Kerry usually has..." he stopped himself from revealing to his mother that he was living at Kerry's apartment. "I don't have any plans."
"Would you like to come over here and have dinner with me? It's a little lonely over here."
"You're not alone, Mom," he frowned. How could she be alone in a house that had a live-in maid, a live-in butler, a live-in cook, and a live-in gardener? How was it possible that a mountain girl from North Carolina had reached the point where she couldn't talk to the people she employed?
"I might as well be. Everyone around here has a routine and I'm just in the way. I went to see Chase today. He asked for you."
"How's he doing?"
"The doctors think that he should be released from the Institute. They say they've done everything they can for him."
"Not that again. Every few months I get into it with Gamma over this. I know that he's not improving by leaps and bounds, but he is getting better. They just don't work with him often enough."
"Well, we can talk about it when you get here."
"Sure. I'll come right over. I cannot believe that they want to discharge him."
"I'll see you in a little bit then. Drive safely, John."
"I will. Bye."
"Bye."
He hit the power button and frowned. Why would this have to come up again? He got in his Jeep and dialed the apartment.
"Hello?'
"Kerry, it's John. How are you feeling?"
"Much better. Are you on your way home? We need to talk."
She sounded angry. Maybe it was a good thing that he was having dinner with his mom, he thought. "Well, my Mom wants me to have dinner with her, so I don't know when I'll be home. If you haven't eaten yet, I can stop off somewhere and bring you something."
"That's not necessary. We'll talk when you get home."
"Okay. Bye."
"Bye."
His parents' house was as big as the one his grandparents owned. But, while he felt at ease in his grandparents' house, he had never felt at ease here. His mother had arranged for them to eat dinner in the smaller dining room which contained a normal-sized table. The cook was glad to see him and promised him that he would be having a lot of his favorite foods.
Carter smiled at his mother, "You were pretty confident that I'd come over, weren't you?"
"I tried to be."
"So, tell me what Gamma said about Chase."
"We can talk after dinner. I don't want you getting upset and ruining your appetite."
"I won't ruin my appetite."
"John, every time you get upset, you can't eat. Sometimes, you even get sick. I said that we'd discuss Chase after dinner and we will."
Carter knew that he wasn't going to win this round with his mother. She was right. Stress made him ill. Time for a new topic.
"Mom, can I ask you a legal question?"
"Sure."
"There's a doctor at work who is being forced to see a psychiatrist."
"When you say "forced", just how do you mean?"
"Well, he was told that if he didn't see the shrink, then he wouldn't be allowed to continue to work in the E.R. Can they do that? Keep him out of a department like that?"
"Well, why is he seeing the psychiatrist? I mean, if he's been going around harassing people, or is a danger to himself or others, then yes, I think the hospital would have grounds for that."
"He isn't any of those things. He just...got confused one day and the next thing he knew, he was face to face with the shrink."
Jenny looked thoughtful, "Well, off hand, I would say that they can't force him to attend counseling sessions. Of course, I don't know hospital policy. There might be provisions that would allow for that."
"So, he's trapped then, right?"
"I wouldn't say he was trapped, John. Therapy never hurt anyone."
"You said it didn't help you."
"I don't think anything would have helped me back then, baby," she put her fork down. "It has helped at other times though."
"You see a therapist?" He was shocked. He didn't think that his family, well, his grandfather, thought highly of people who needed psychiatric help.
"From time to time. I don't think a person can deal with your father and grandfather and stay sane for long without having someone to vent to. Seeing my therapist gives me a chance to say how I really feel about things without me having to worry about hurting anyone's feelings. You know, it might not be a bad idea for you to try at least one session."
"I don't need to see a psychiatrist."
"I didn't say that you "needed" to, John. I just thought that it might give you an opportunity to vent your frustrations."
"I'll think about it," he said, wondering if she knew that he was already seeing someone.
Jenny watched him eat, then nodded and returned to her meal. The rest of dinner was spent discussing mundane and safe subjects.
After dinner, they went into the living room, where a fire blazed in the fireplace. It did little to actually add any warmth to the room.
Carter sat down on the sofa, "Okay, let's talk about Chase."
Jenny sat down in the armchair across from him, "Well, as I said on the phone, his doctors feel they've done as much as possible for him."
"It's not as if they need an empty bed over there. As long as we're willing to pay, they should let him stay."
"Your grandfather doesn't see any need in paying for something that won't do any good."
"He wrote off Chase the minute he heard that he O.D.'d. All grandfather wants to do is to stick him in some home and forget about him."
"That's not true, John. Your grandparents plan to have Chase live with them. He can be provided with twenty-four hour nursing care and someone can come in to do therapy. No one intends to just sweep Chase under the rug."
"Yeah, right. I'll believe that when I see it." There was no way that he was going to trust his family as far as Chase's welfare was concerned. "And just what do his parents have to say about this?"
"They trust your grandparents to make the right choices for Chase. So far, they haven't been wrong."
"Maybe they should think again," Carter thought, remembering all that Chase had been forced to give up so that he could live the way his grandfather wanted.
Carter's thoughts were interrupted when he heard the sound of footsteps in the foyer. His father walked into the room, a smile upon his face.
Carter and his mother were on their feet in an instant.
Jenny rushed to her husband and gave him a hug and a kiss, "I thought you weren't going to be here for another day or two."
"I was able to finish things up early, so I got a seat on the Concorde and here I am," he hugged his wife back, then regarded his son.
"Hello, John."
Carter was feeling a mixture of emotions over the homecoming of his father. He was feeling both hurt and angry with his mother regarding her reasons for inviting him over for dinner. He looked over at her, the anger winning over the hurt.
"You set me up. Asking me to come to dinner just so I'd be here when he came home!"
Jenny shook her head, "No, Johnny. I had no idea that Roland was coming back today."
"I wish I could trust you." He started to walk away from the couch, heading for the doorway.
"John, sit down," Roland ordered.
Carter glared at his father, "Haven't you ever heard of asking someone to do something, Dad? All you ever do is give orders. Well, I'm not following your orders any more."
As Carter continued to head for the door, his father cut him off. The two men faced each other; one angry and the other contrite.
"John, you're right. I shouldn't have told you to sit back down. Don't go. I want to talk with you."
"Maybe some other time, Dad. I have to go home now."
"This is your home, John."
"This has never been my home. This is just a place where I was allowed to stay when school wasn't in session. I hate this house. I always have."
"John, I want to apologize to you."
"Forget it, Dad. I'm not interested in hearing your apologies right now. Now, please get out of my way. I need to go now."
Jenny had her hand over her mouth as she watched her husband and son stare at each other. It was as if she were watching an old movie of one of the many conflicts that had occurred between Roland and his father. Finally, Roland stepped aside and John walked on out. The two of them jumped as the front door slammed behind their son.
Roland turned to his wife, a sadness in his eyes, "I've really messed things up with him, haven't I?"
Jenny went to him and hugged him. "He's more hurt than angry."
"It didn't look that way to me. I'm sorry. I didn't know that you had invited him over. But, when I pulled up and saw the Jeep, I thought that you had been able to smooth things over with him."
"Roland, his hurt goes far deeper than what we pulled with Roxanne. Much deeper. I don't think it's possible to 'smooth things over' right now. We've neglected our son for far too long and we need to stop now or we may lose him forever."
"I have worked hard to provide a decent life for us, Jenny. John and Barbara went to the best boarding schools; they had the universities of their choice. I put John through medical school. He had everything that money could buy. How can you call that neglect?"
She shook her head, "Roland, the one thing he wanted the most, we never gave him. All he wanted was for us to be a family. To be together. I believe it's what he wants most now."
"That's pretty childish of him, Jenny. He's a grown man and he should be thinking about having a family of his own. Once he does, he'll realize that he had it pretty good growing up."
Jenny sighed. Roland just didn't seem to understand what she was trying to tell him. It had been a long time since he had understood her feelings, so why was she expecting him to understand John's?
Roland went over to the bar and poured himself a drink. "Would you like something?"
"No. John and I just had dinner and I'm full," she curled up on the sofa.
Roland came over and sat down beside her, "So, did he happen to give you an address for where he's living at now?"
"I didn't ask him for one."
"Why? Jenny, we need to know how to get in touch with him."
"He has a cell phone, Roland. That's how I got in touch with him tonight."
"So you're telling me that you don't even have a phone number for his new place?"
"That's exactly what I'm telling you."
"That's unacceptable. He just can't cut himself off completely from his family. I was willing to allow him to give up his trust fund. Hell, it even made me a little proud of him when he did that. I always thought the trust fund was just a means for father to keep his hooks in his grandchildren. But, I refuse to allow John to cut himself off from us."
"What difference does it make? We're never here to see him."
"We do call him, dear."
"When we happen to remember him."
"That's not true and you know it."
"Roland, most of the time, the reason we call John is because Barbara asks us how he's doing and we don't have an answer for her."
"That doesn't mean that I don't think of him. He's my son. Of course I think about him. But, I realize that he has his own life."
"If you realize that, then why were you so hot on hiring someone to spy on him?"
"'We' hired someone."
"No, you did the hiring. I just sat back while you put it all into motion. I didn't like the idea. I thought you were wrong. But, I didn't tell you. That was my mistake. Your mistake was hiring someone."
"I think that we have the right to know how our son is doing, Jenny."
"Then we should ask him, Roland."
"We did. And all we got from him were vague answers. I wanted the truth. You know that he wouldn't tell us if something really was wrong. Look how long it took before he told us that he gave up on being a surgeon? Hell, he never really told us." Roland shook his head, then downed the rest of his bourbon. "I've given him everything, and he owes me this much, Jenny. I don't think I'm asking too much to ask him to be truthful and tell me how he's doing and what's going on with his life. Now, I'm tired and I want to go to bed. Are you coming?"
"No. I'll be up later."
"All right." He put his empty glass on the bar, then came back and gave her a kiss goodnight.
"Shall I wait up for you?"
"No."
She felt a little guilty over how hurt he looked at that answer. She very rarely refused his advances. Well, it was about time that he got used to the fact that he wasn't going to be getting everything his way from now on.
He finally nodded, "Wake me if you wish. Good night."
"Good night. I'm glad that you made it home early," she smiled up at him.
He smiled, "Me, too. Maybe tomorrow I can try to talk to John again."
"That's a good idea. Just try to keep an open mind."
"I always keep an open mind, Jenny."
She watched him leave the room, wondering what happened to the man she married. It had been a long time since she had seen that man and she wasn't sure if he was ever going to return to her. She knew she loved Roland Carter, she just wasn't sure if she wanted to spend the rest of her life with him anymore.
By the time Carter arrived home, he was hoping and praying that Kerry had gone to bed early because he didn't want to have to talk to anyone else. He wasn't sure if he could trust his mother. Was she being truthful when she said she didn't know if his Dad was coming home tonight? He really didn't know. There was a time, back before Halloween, when he would have trusted her totally. Not now.
When he walked through the door, he saw that Kerry was busy in the kitchen baking something that smelled terrific.
"I didn't expect you back so soon," she said, not even bothering to turn to look at him.
He put his coat in the closet, then walked into the kitchen, "Dinner didn't take very long. How are you feeling?"
"I'm a little surprised that you would actually ask me that, John."
"What is that supposed to mean?" He was getting tired of people playing games with him.
"Well, this morning you decided that I was too "sick" to work. I don't recall you asking me how I felt then." She finally turned to look at him and he could see the anger in her eyes.
"Kerry, you ignored your alarm when it went off. When I tried to wake you up, you rolled over and told me to go away. By then, I figured that you weren't going to be in any shape to work today. I'm sorry if that offended you, but I did not just arbitrarily decide that you should stay home! I certainly won't make the mistake of being considerate of you again."
He turned on his heel and headed for his bedroom, slamming the door behind him.
Kerry leaned back against the sink, a little taken back by his words and attitude. John Carter had never spoken back to her like that. She wasn't sure that she liked it. Still, at least it told her he wasn't walking on eggshells around her, afraid to offend the boss lady. He obviously wanted their conversation to come to an end, but there was still the matter of the pajamas to discuss. She wiped her hands off, tossed the towel on the counter and followed him to his room.
Carter lay atop his bedspread, the darkness of the room giving him a slight sense of comfort. A soft tapping at his door told him that his quest for solitude was futile.
"John? May I come in?"
"It's your apartment."
When Kerry opened the door, she was concerned to find he had not turned on the lights. There was enough light from the hallway to enable them to see each other. As she walked over to the bed, he got up and sat cross-legged at the head of the bed. Kerry sat down at the foot.
"I can understand your concern, and I suppose that I do appreciate it. I'm not used to having someone around to...well, to uh.."
"Take care of you," he said.
She paused. He had certainly done that last night. She could remember that much. "Yes. I'm not used to that. I value my independence and being able to do things for myself."
"I understand that, Kerry."
"Hopefully, there won't be a next time, but if something like this ever happens again, please wake me. If I'm stupid enough to get that drunk, then I should have to face work with a killer hangover," she smiled.
After a moment, he smiled back at her. "I'll try to remember that."
"Good. John, another thing that upset me was when I realized that you changed my clothes."
"You threw up on what you were wearing and I couldn't let you go to sleep like that. I swear to you that I did not take advantage of the situation." He didn't think it would be a wise thing to do for him to tell her how difficult it had been for him to be a gentleman.
"I believe you. It just shocked me, that's all." She stood, "I made some cookies, would you like some?"
"No thanks. I had a big dinner and I'm stuffed. I think I'll just go to bed now."
"It's still early."
"I'm beat. Besides, I need to get all the good rest I can now since I go on night shift next week. Once I get used to working midnight to noon, it's not so bad, but those first couple of nights are real killers."
"Tell me about it. I hate pulling the late shift. Well, I'll leave you alone now. Good night, John."
"Sleep well, Kerry."
She walked out, gently shutting the door behind her. It was beginning to look as if Carter was starting to break out of his depression. She heard the timer buzzing and headed to the kitchen to tend to her baking.
Carter did leave his room to brush his teeth. Afterward, he washed his face. As he was drying off, he caught his reflection in the mirror. He didn't much like the person he saw there. He couldn't believe that he had told his father off. He was a little surprised that he had gotten testy with Kerry. There was so much spinning around in his brain that he knew he would never get to sleep. Where did Kerry put those pills that McIntyre had prescribed for him? Maybe it was time for him to put aside his stubbornness and take one. He sure could use a good night's sleep. The last one he had was the first night he spent here, and he only slept soundly then because he had been emotionally exhausted.
He opened the medicine cabinet. Sure enough, his medication was on the top shelf. He removed a tablet, washed it down, then replaced the bottle and closed the door. In the morning he would try to figure out a way to keep Chase at the Kenner Institute. If he started thinking about that now, he would never fall asleep. He also needed to figure out what to do about Lucy Knight. There had to be some way for the two of them to work together without being at each other's throats. Another problem to put off until tomorrow.
The days passed in a quick blur. He had begged his grandmother to give Chase more time and she had finally agreed to tell the doctors that Chase would be staying at the Institute for another six months. After that, if he had not shown considerable progress, he would be brought to the Carter mansion. That gave Carter six months to work with Chase and get his grandparents to lower their expectations of what constituted 'considerable progress'.
His sessions with Hugh McIntyre had progressed to the point that the psychiatrist decided he could drop to one session a week. Carter stubborn refusal to allow an in-depth conversation regarding anything other than work was taxing the doctor's patience. He hoped that by reducing the number of sessions, that Carter would at least feel as if he was making progress and finally open up to him.
Carter still refused to speak with his father, but he did accept calls from his mother. Jenny called him daily, desperate to keep the lines of communication open. He was finally beginning to believe that she had not trapped him when she invited him to dinner, and to Jenny, that fact alone brought hope.
As far as Carter's and Lucy Knight's working relationship went; not much was changing. He tried to be more patient with her, making the effort to be concise and clear in his instructions. She tried to follow them to the letter and not assume things.
They had been on the midnight to noon shift for a couple of days, and Carter was in the groove of things. His body had grown accustomed to the hours and he didn't need any medications in order to get to sleep. The nights had been quiet; it was usually the mornings that brought in patients. Today was no exception. It had been continually busy since six. Carter's latest patient, or patients, were a father and daughter who had been injured in an auto accident. The girl had a tear in her spleen, but it was believed that it would stop bleeding on its own.
The young girl, Corinna Sawyer, was in more than enough capable hands - Carter, Mark Greene, and Peter Benton. Then she had problems with the blood they were giving her and all Hell broke loose. The father bailed out of the E.R. after asking Lucy to call the girls' mother in Cleveland. Turned out that his real last name wasn't Sawyer, it was Nelson and he had kidnapped her from her mother two weeks ago. The bastard was also a perfect match for his daughter. At some point, Doug Ross wandered in, even though it was his day off and he and Benton began to immediately argue about the child's condition. Mark noticed that it was past noon and told Carter to go home. Carter didn't want to leave her. She looked so helpless and she was his patient. There had to be something that he could do to help her. Lucy stormed out, determined to find the father and bring him back to give blood. Carter knew she was on a wild goose chase. The man had kidnapped his daughter, there was no way in Hell that he had put his real address down on the admit form. After speaking with a police detective who had come about the kidnapping, Carter left. It was after that when things began to get really strange for him.
He decided that maybe Lucy had the right idea about finding Mr. Nelson, even if she was looking in the wrong place. With the father's blood, Corinna Nelson had a good chance of a complete recovery. The detective had told him about a used car lot where Nelson had obtained the car. Carter headed there. One lead led to another and, much to his surprise, he found himself face to face with Lucy. Seemed the address was old and not fake. Together, they set off to find Nelson.
A good lead from a butcher sent them to a housing project in search of a young man by the name of Toby. While looking for him, Carter encountered a woman with TB. God only knew how many people in that neighborhood were infected. Carter prayed there wasn't many. Lucy didn't find Toby, and when he told her they had to wait for the paramedics, she began to walk away, going in search of the teen. That's when Carter blew up at her big time. They were really getting into it when Lucy spotted Nelson up on the El platform. Without thinking, Carter sprang into action, nearly getting hit by two cars as he dashed across the street. There was no time to waste on buying a fare or explaining to the transit guard why he was there. A train was coming in and he had to reach Nelson before he boarded it. He came close to him, but the guard grabbed him before he could reach the man. Carter and the guard nearly got into it up on the platform, but Carter kept from hitting the man, resorting instead to throwing harsh words and money at the man. He stormed out of there and back to the apartment to wait for the paramedics. For some reason, Lucy stayed with him. Good thing, too. Toby came home while they were waiting. Sure enough, he gave them another lead. That one resulted in them searching out a cock fight somewhere down on the South Side. They didn't find one. Didn't find much of anything except pain. That's when he was his usual graceful self and after taking a fall, discovered he had an anterior dislocation of his left shoulder. Lucy had wanted to get an ambulance. Hell, he was in too much pain to explain to her that if they had to climb fences to get to where they were, how was she going to give them directions? He told her that she had to do the shoulder reduction. He should have known that they would need counter-traction. He had done enough of them to know that. The pain was clouding his thinking, but after the first failed attempt, he was able give her more thorough instructions. Dear God in Heaven how that had hurt. There he was, in pain, wet and cold from the rain. Luckily, Lucy had her scarf, so she was able to fashion a sling for him. They needed to get back to his Jeep, but there was no way he could climb fences now. So, they took the long way. And for what? To reach their destination only to discover that his wheels had been stolen and the Jeep set afire. More walking. Every step he took jarred his shoulder, but he was determined not to complain to Lucy. No telephone in sight. They kept walking until they found a take-out eatery and a phone. They ordered and Lucy went to call a cab. She also called the hospital to check on the Nelson girl. At least that's what Carter thought. The little vixen called Toby. After he had said no to the idea. Well, Toby did come up with an address for Nelson. They had the cab take them there - a trailer in a freight yard. Hell of a place to take a child. What the Hell kind of a father was Nelson? Kidnapping his daughter and bringing her to this? Lucy tried to defend the man, but Carter just couldn't buy into her line of reasoning. Parents were there for their kids when they needed them. They stuck by them when they were hurting. Hadn't his parents been there for Bobby through-out their entire illness? Carter knew that even though they were at odds right now, if he were to be ill or hurt, they would be there for him. At least he hoped so. Nelson had left a message on his own machine, telling his girlfriend Inga to go to the hospital to check on Corinna and call him. He was just across the street. What street? Well, at least they had a chance of finding this Inga at the hospital. Enroute, they both realized that Nelson had to be at Doc Magoo's, and sure enough, there he was. Carter ignored Chuni's efforts to get him to sit down and have his shoulder treated. He took Nelson straight to an exam room and he and Lucy began to draw his blood. Not that it would end up doing much good. Corinna had multi organ system failure and was in a coma. Carter couldn't face anyone else right then. After seeing the looks on everyone else's faces, he went to get cleaned up. Benton was still around, looking like Hell. Some things never changed. He couldn't say much of anything to Carter about how either one of them felt, but he could tell Carter to put his arm in an immobilizer.
Carter had checked on Corinna one more time. Lucy was gone. Probably went home to get some sleep before their shift began at midnight. Carter went down to the E.R. and allowed Maggie and Chuni to check him over. All he had wanted was an X-ray of his shoulder and an immobilizer, but Maggie went off the deep end when she saw the massive bruising on his back. Part of that came from the irate husband of the woman with TB. He had thrown Carter around the apartment because he thought he was up to no good. The rest of the bruising came from his fall. Maggie sent him for a CAT scan, making sure that he wasn't bleeding internally. Then she helped him get his clothes back on and she and Chuni put the immobilizer on him. Maggie even had a spare rain coat in her locker to loan him since his went up in flames. He then called the police, the insurance company, and the cell phone company. He had no idea if his phone had been stolen or if it had also burned. Right now, he really didn't care. Maggie tried to get him to take some pain killers and an anti-inflammatory. The latter he took, the former he declined. He would be on soon and needed to have his wits about him. Randi mentioned that Lucy had said she wasn't going home. She had to be somewhere. He found her up on the roof. His attempt to boost her confidence resulted in a half-way hug, him providing her with a shoulder to lean on. They talked for a long time, then she helped him down the steps and they began their shift. He knew that a lot had changed between them that night and he hoped that it had been a change for the better.
As their shift wore on, he thought he was holding up fine, not really minding the pain in his shoulder too much. Lucy was doing well, performing procedures as he talked her through them. Not much there was really that much to do. Finally, at around five, Maggie had had enough of his suffering. She had seen the pain in his eyes every time he moved and she gave him a choice - go home or end up being sedated and put to bed in the E.R. He chose to go home. A wise choice, she assured him. He went to the admit desk to call for a cab. Much to his surprise, Randi disconnected him.
"You are not taking a cab home, doc."
"I don't have much of a choice, Randi," he laughed. "My Jeep is history."
"So I've heard. It's pretty dead here. I don't think Maggie will mind if I leave early."
Maggie shook her head, "Nope. I think we can handle things. Jerry's usually early anyway."
"Then it's settled." Randi grabbed her coat and purse. "Go get your stuff."
Carter went to his locker to get Maggie's coat and when he came out, he saw Maggie handing something to Randi, which Randi promptly stuck in her pocket.
"Ready, doc?"
"As ready as I'll ever be."
"Let's go."
He walked with her to her car and gave her directions to Kerry's apartment building. He hoped that she wouldn't insist on coming with him to the apartment. As far as he knew, only Mark and Doug knew that he was staying with Kerry Weaver. Randi pulled up in front of the building and put the car in park.
"Delivered safe and sound."
"Thanks, Randi. I really do appreciate this."
"It was no problem, doc," she reached into her pocket, then handed him a packet of pills. "Maggie thought you might need these. She said that you should take one every twelve hours or as needed."
He looked at the label. 100 mg each of sustained release of morphine sulfate. He knew that Maggie was risking a lot of trouble by giving them to him. He nodded, "I appreciate this. I'll see you later, Randi."
"Sleep well, doc."
Carter got out and put the pills in his pocket, then shut the car door. Randi didn't leave until she saw that he was safely in the building. He watched her drive away, then took the elevator up to his floor. At least he wasn't so dumb that he left his keys in his Jeep. He quietly opened the door, stepped inside the apartment and closed the door with his body, wearily leaning against it. What a day. Night. Whatever. He needed a hot shower and a long sleep and he headed straight for the bathroom. Getting the immobilizer off was a piece of cake. Getting his clothes off wasn't as easy. While getting his shirt off, he had to struggle to keep quiet because he knew Kerry wasn't yet awake and he didn't want to disturb her. She would only ask him questions about what had happened and he just wasn't ready to discuss any of that yet. At least he didn't have to deal with an undershirt. Chuni had cut that off of him back at the hospital.
He stepped under the hot spray and let it wash over him, soaking into his skin. He could still smell that trash pit. He hoped that he hadn't smelled like that at work. If he had, no one said anything about it. Then again, maybe the smell was the real reason he had been chased away from the E. R. before his shift was even half over. It had been all for nothing, he thought. Getting hurt, losing his Jeep. All for nothing. Corinna Nelson was still in a coma, still facing permanent renal failure. All because of two stupid men. Her father, because he left her alone in the hospital. Himself because he had a chance to grab Nelson on the train platform and couldn't get to him. Mere yards separated them. It might as well have been a million miles. If he would have Had caught Nelson then, Corinna would have had the blood she needed for surgery. She would be in much better shape now. All because he couldn't run faster, or didn't think to shove money in the machine for a fare. He shook his head, feeling disgusted with himself. He wished he could really believe most of what he had told Lucy, that what mattered was that they fought hard and gave the little girl a chance. That was bullshit though. But, oh the times he wished that Benton would have taken him aside and told him that back when he was student. Lucy had looked so forlorn and sad that he knew she needed a hug, a shoulder to rest her head on. So, he had given her one. He wished he had someone to hug him. He hadn't really thought anything about the hug, but the look in Lucy's eyes when she pulled away made him think that maybe he had gone too far. He had never seen that look in her eyes before. It was unreadable, and that scared him. Was she angry with him for hugging her? Did she realize that he was just bullshitting her in an effort to make her feel better? He had no idea. During their shift, she had acted all right. Better than all right. Maybe getting hurt wasn't such a bad thing after all if it resulted in her finally learning something from him.
He turned off the water and dried off, then wrapped the towel around his waist and gathered up his clothes and the immobilizer and went across the hall to his room. He dropped his clothes on the floor and tried to put the immobilizer back on. For some perverse reason, it didn't want to cooperate with him. It had gone on easily enough when Chuni had helped him. Of course, Chuni wasn't here right now.
A soft knock on his door let him know that Kerry was up and about.
"Are you decent?" she asked.
"I'm never decent, Kerry. Come in anyway." He needed help with the damn thing or else he would never get the sleep he needed.
Kerry smiled gently at him as she entered his bedroom. "I called the hospital. Maggie filled me in on what happened with you. She said that you have some pain medication to take."
"Yeah. It's around here somewhere. Right now I'd be happy if you could help me get this thing back on."
"No problem." She came closer to him, trying to ignore the fact that he was dressed in only a towel. She helped him get the immobilizer in place.
"I hope you had went for a CT?"
"Yes, Kerry. Maggie checked me over thoroughly. I'm fine. It was just a simple anterior dislocation. Lucy did the reduction for me."
"I know. I spoke with her, too. She said that you were in a lot of pain."
"I have a whole new empathy for my patients right now. I will never do a shoulder reduction without first offering copious amounts of pain killers."
"That's a nasty bruise on your back. Several."
"Yeah. Well, it was a long day and night."
"You know, John. There's no way that you're going to be able to get dressed right now.", she grinned.
That thought had also occurred to him. He had considered sleeping nude, but he would still have the same problem when he awoke. He figured that pants wouldn't be a problem. It was socks and underwear that would present the challenge.
Kerry went over to his dresser and took out sweat pants and a pair of boxer shorts. Plaid.
"Thanks."
"You're welcome. Now sit down on the bed and stick out your leg."
"Why?"
She held up his underwear, "So I can help you get dressed."
He shook his head. "I'll manage."
She chuckled and he had to smile at the gleam in her eyes, "Revenge is sweet, John Carter. You had your fun dressing me. Now, it's my turn. Stick your leg out."
"Yes, ma'am."
He sat down on the edge of the bed and stuck out his right foot. She slipped the underwear over it, then he held up his left foot and she did the same there. She pulled them up to his knees before telling him to stand.
"I think I can handle the rest."
"It's still my turn, John."
He stood and tried to think of all of the bad things that had happened to him in the past couple of days. Anything to avoid thinking about what was going to happen when she began to pull his underwear up his thighs and over his hips. Thank God they were boxer shorts. Maybe if he thought about all the pain he had been in while Lucy was fixing his shoulder - yeah, thinking about that would keep any and all wayward thoughts away!
"All done," Kerry announced.
"Amazing. You did that without removing the towel?"
She shrugged, "It's a gift."
"Thanks, Kerry. I suppose that I'm going to need your help for a little while."
"Either that or you need to find a girlfriend really fast. What happened to that blonde you were seeing?"
"We went our separate ways."
"Too bad. She seemed like a nice person."
"People aren't always what they seem, Kerry. Could you do me a really big favor? There is no way that I am going to drag myself out of bed to go see Dr. McIntyre today. Would you cancel the appointment for me?"
"Sure. Do you need me to reschedule it?"
He shook his head, "No. I'll handle that later."
"I'll take care of it. Sleep well, John."
"Have a good day at work."
She left and he managed to get his sweat pants on. He still couldn't figure out how she got his underwear on without disturbing the towel. It should have come loose. He found the pain killers and took one, then climbed into bed, hoping to fall asleep quickly. He thought it would be an easy thing to accomplish, considering how long he'd been awake. He was wrong. He just couldn't get that little girl out of his mind. Then out of nowhere he thought about how his mom wouldn't be able to call him now that he had lost his cell phone. Maybe it was time to give her this number. Hell, considering all he had gone through just because no one could find Corinna's father, maybe he better give her his address as well. What if something happened and they needed him? It didn't occur to him that she had his pager number. Pain, exhaustion, guilt and morphine were beginning to take their toll on his brain. He got out of bed and went out to the living room to call his mom, not realizing that she would still be asleep. The butler sounded alert enough, but then again, he always sounded alert. Soon, his mother was on the line.
"John, what's wrong honey?"
"Nothing's wrong, Mom. There's nothing for you to worry about. I just wanted to call you to give you my phone number and address."
"At five thirty in the morning? It doesn't sound as if you're at work." She knew he was on the late shift.
"I'm not. I'm home. I don't have the time to go into the details right now, but I got an anterior dislocation so they sent me home early."
"In English please."
"I dislocated my shoulder last night. Anyway, I think my cell phone was either stolen or else it got burned up when my Jeep was set on fire."
"Your Jeep was set on fire?"
In the background, Carter could hear his father beginning to question his mom.
"Hush, Roland. Johnny, are you sure you're okay?"
"I'm fine, Mom. Really."
"You don't sound fine."
"That's because I took a pain killer for my shoulder and I'm dead on my feet. Let me give you the number and address, then I'll let you get back to sleep."
"Let me get a pen and paper. Okay, go ahead."
Carter gave her the information. Luckily, the phone number was on the telephone, so there was no risk of him getting that wrong.
"Well, I'll talk to you later, Mom."
"Okay. Be careful, John."
"I will. Mom?"
"Yes, dear?"
"If I was hurt in a car accident, would you be there at the hospital for me?"
"Of course I would. Why on earth would you ask such a question?"
"No reason. Bye."
"Bye. I love you, John."
He hung up, then went back to bed.
When Kerry exited her bedroom, she was expecting to see Carter in the living room. She knew she had heard his voice. She had forgotten to tell him that her brother Adam was coming for a visit. She had already told Adam that he would have to take the couch because someone else was renting her extra room. He had good-naturedly agreed, immediately pestering her with questions about her boarder. She had promised him answers later. Since Adam had his own key, it looked as if he would be meeting Carter before he had a chance to question her any further.
Kerry paused outside Carter's room, wondering if she should awaken him to warn him about Adam's arrival. No, she should just let him sleep. Adam's plane was due in around ten and there was a chance he might stop by the hospital to see her. If not, then she could catch him here. She was sure that Carter wouldn't be joining the land of living any time soon. She gathered up her things and left for work, hoping that Lucy Knight would still be there so she could find out exactly what had happened to her and Carter last night.