The next few weeks went by quickly for Anna. John had quietly made an appointment to see a psychiatrist, not telling her about it until he had completed his first session. When he reported to her that it had gone well and he was going back, Anna felt like shouting out for joy. It wasn't a big step, but it was a step forward for John, and that's all that mattered to her.
John progressed from the wheelchair to crutches. He still wasn't able to get back to work. That wouldn't happen until he progressed from the crutches to a cane, but Anna knew that it was just a matter of a week or two until John would be back in the E.R. He probably wouldn't be running any traumas, but he would be able to treat patients. Knowing that seemed to lift his spirits as well, and seeing John happy again went a long way to easing the guilt that Anna still harbored over the argument they had the day he was injured.
On the personal front, John spoke often of Laura and Barbara, but not so much about Roland. Anna did learn that John's father had reluctantly agreed to therapy, but if anything good was coming from it, she had no idea. Roland Carter was an off-limits topic, and she wasn't going to talk about the man unless John mentioned him. But, Roland wasn't coming around any longer, and Anna felt relieved at that. John was more relaxed at home, and the two of them fell into a companionable relationship. Anna still wanted more, but she felt hesitant to reveal her feelings to John. She wasn't sure if he would believe that she loved him. That she had loved him even before Max had come to Chicago and turned their lives upside down. She had been afraid of the love she had felt for John and she had used her previous relationship with Max to push John away. When she had told John that her feelings for Max were unresolved, she had only been halfway lying. She knew she would always care about Max, but the love had died a long time ago.
But she couldn't find the courage to let John know all that. Instead, she found herself acting as if they were a couple, cooking for him and taking care of him. Sharing her day with him and letting him massage the tension out of her shoulders, even as she dreamed he was doing it for another reason. They would spend time reading in comfortable silence, occasionally interrupting each other to talk about what he or she had just read, then talking about it. Of course, their reading materials were medical related, but that didn't seem to matter. They still enjoyed the time they were spending together. They found they had the same taste in television shows, preferring the old comedies over the newer stuff the networks had to offer.
Their evenings together were so insular that Anna was surprised to get home from work one evening to hear from him that he had made reservations for them at a restaurant for dinner. She rushed to shower and change, then drove them.
John smiled at her from across the table, noting how bright her eyes were as she looked around at the other patrons.
"You've missed not being able to go out, haven't you?" he asked.
"No." She saw him shake his head, then she nodded. "Okay, yes. I've missed it a little bit. But, not necessarily this. Don't get me wrong, this is a wonderful restaurant, but it's not someplace I would go to every night."
"Where would you go?"
She shrugged. "Different places I guess. I like the Pier. Despite the number of people who go down there, I find it relaxing to walk around. I guess that's why I enjoy hanging out in malls. It can be fascinating to watch the people walk by."
John laughed and Anna noticed how it reached his eyes. She had missed that old twinkle, and now it was back. John Carter was back. She smiled at him.
"What?" he asked.
"Nothing," she grinned even wider.
"Tell me. Is there something stuck in my teeth? What?"
"We haven't gotten anything to eat yet, so how could something be stuck in your teeth?"
"Anna..."
"You can relax. I was just enjoying your laughter, that's all."
"Oh." His smile faded for a moment, then returned. "Since we haven't ordered anything yet, how about if we leave here and go to the Pier?"
"I'm a little overdressed for the Pier, and I don't think you'll enjoy walking around using your crutches."
"It's not cold outside, so your dress will be fine. And I'll do okay walking. If I get tired, we can sit on a bench and watch the people go by. We can grab a couple of hot dogs and beer," he cajoled her.
"Okay. You've convinced me. Let's go."
Not much later, they sat down at a table on the pier. Anna passed out the food and beer while John arranged his crutches so they wouldn't trip anyone who happened to walk near the table.
"Did you see the look on the maitre d's face when we left? He just would not believe that everything was all right and we just preferred to go somewhere else," John laughed.
"I know I wouldn't want to be one of his staff tonight, that's for sure. He's probably going to give them all a stern lecture about lack of proper service." Anna took a bite of her chili dog, then reached for her beer.
"Wait a second. You have mustard on your face," John said.
Anna grabbed her napkin. "I do? Where?"
"Right about here," John said as he reached his hand toward her.
Anna froze, hoping that he was going to wipe her lip with his tongue, or some other hackneyed romantic thing like that. Instead, he touched his finger to the tip of her nose and as his hand pulled away, she could see that he still had mustard on his finger.
"Haven't outgrown childish pranks, have you, Carter?" she asked as he laughed. She rubbed the end of her nose with the napkin until she was sure she had removed all of the mustard he had placed there.
"Not entirely, no." He was still laughing at his little joke.
"Well, fight the urge to pull any more pranks, all right?"
"I'll do my best," he promised, looking serious. Then he burst into laughter once more.
"You know, I'm beginning to realize that it was a good thing we left that restaurant when we did. I can only imagine what you would have done with the sauce from the veal scaloppini I was planning to order."
"Oh, I could think of a million things I could do with that," his grin was no longer funny. It was now definitely naughty. Anna decided that two could play that game.
Anna picked up her food and moved around the table until she was sitting beside John and no longer across from him. "I think I can keep a better watch over you if I sit here."
"So you think I need watching?"
"I do. Every second of every minute of the day."
"So, does this mean you watch me at night?"
Blushing, Anna found herself nodding. She would awaken at night and not be able to get back to sleep until she had stood in the doorway of his room and made sure he was all right.
"Really? And here I thought I was dreaming when I kept seeing you at the door of my room. It always happens after I have a nightmare."
"I think that I hear you and it wakes me up. So, I go to check on you, to make sure you're okay. Then I go back to bed. It isn't a big thing."
"It is to me," he softly said. "Do you remember the evening I broke down crying?"
"Yeah." She remembered it all right. Remembered how her heart ached for him and his pain. And she remembered how nice it had felt to fall asleep in his bed and wake up beside him.
"I could have done without the crying part, but the comforting part was really nice." He looked away from her. "I liked it that you were there when I woke up." His psychiatrist had said he should admit to Anna that he still had feelings for her. That he was in love with her. John knew in his heart that the man was right, but he didn't want to tell Anna he loved her and then end up hearing that she only thought of him as a good friend.
"Me, too," she said.
John looked back at her, his gaze intent. The amused twinkle was gone, replaced by a look that she didn't think she had seen in his eyes before. It was a look that went straight to her soul, as if he could see everything in her heart and mind. A look that said he wanted her.
"I love you, Anna," he said. Then he wished he hadn't as she began to cry. "Hey, don't cry. I'm sorry. I shouldn't have said anything. I've ruined everything between us, haven't I? Anna? Please talk to me. Please don't tell me that this means we can't be friends? I'll never say it again."
"John Truman Carter, you had better say it again," she said. She grabbed another napkin and wiped her cheeks.
"What?"
"I said that you had better say that again."
He slowly smiled. "I love you, Anna."
Anna smiled and leaned toward him. "I love you, John. I've loved you for a long time. Even before Max came back. I've been waiting for the right time to come along to tell you that. I wasn't sure that you would believe me."
"I believe you. I never had a problem believing you. I...I had a problem handling the idea that you didn't trust me with the truth. But, I never had a problem with you."
He reached out and pulled her closer, then kissed her tenderly on the mouth. Anna's arms encircle him, holding him tightly and when the kiss ended, she laid her head against his shoulder. She took a deep breath, savoring the way he smelled and she knew then that she had been a fool to have kept him away for so long. It felt right to be sitting like this with him, just as it felt right to be living with him.
"I have another wild idea, John," she bravely said, hoping that he wouldn't think she was being too forward.
"And what would that be?"
She could hear the humor in his voice as he asked and she had a suspicion that he knew what she was going to say. "Why don't we forget about dinner and go home? I don't want to run the risk of getting arrested for lewd behavior, do you?"
"Well, if I could be alone in the holding cell with you then it would be worth it. But, with my luck, I'd be stuck with Strike again, so you're probably right. Let's go home, Anna."
"I'll get rid of the trash." Anna threw away the rest of the food and their drinks while John got to his feet. "If I run to go get the car, I can pick you up at the curb."
John laughed. "You are in a hurry to get home, aren't you?"
Anna felt herself blush as she acknowledged to herself how much she wanted to make love with John. "I don't want to give you any time to change your mind," she replied.
She felt his hand tenderly caress her cheek and she looked up into his smoldering eyes. "That won't ever happen, Anna. I just want you to be sure that this is what you want. I'm not a prize, you know? My body has definitely seen better days."
"John Carter, I've seen your body, remember? You're perfect in all the ways that are important," she laid her hand against his cheek, then gently touched her fingers to his lips. A thrill ran down her spine when he kissed her fingers, and she had to blink hard several times to keep from crying.
"Go get the car, Anna," he said, his voice thick with passion.
"I love you," she repeated. Then she took off at a run, knowing that they couldn't get home soon enough. John loved her, her heart cried out. And she loved him. It was a good beginning.
Anna gazed into the mirror, frowning as she shoved another bobby pin into her hair. No matter what she tried, she just couldn't get one stray lock of hair to stay put.
"Hey, you aren't supposed to be frowning today," Barbara said from behind her.
"My damn hair will not do what it's supposed to do. It was fine at the salon, but now...look at it!" Anna snatched up another bobby pin, but Barbara took it from her.
"You need to relax, Anna. Let me see if I can do something with it." Barbara removed the other bobby pins that Anna had used and started over. In a few minutes, with only three bobby pins and hair spray, she had the stray lock secured.
"There. All done and you look beautiful." Barbara turned her around so Anna could see the end result in the mirror. "John is going to be the envy of every man out there."
"I think I'm the one that's going to be envied," Anna replied. She hadn't seen John yet, but she had been there when he had tried on his tuxedo, so she knew he would look breathtaking. She had insisted on an evening wedding so he could wear a black tux. The other colors just didn't look the same on him.
"I think you've got that right. I just saw him and he looks fine tonight," Chuny commented.
"Now that's a fine thing to say to a bride about her prospective groom," Carol chided.
"As if Anna doesn't already know how good he looks," Elizabeth said. "Why do you think she was so quick to stake her claim on him?"
Anna laughed as she listened to her attendants discuss her soon to be husband's attributes. A year ago, when she and John had verbally voiced their love for each other, she hardly dared to dream that this day would happen. But, a lot had changed in year. They had both grown so much during that time. John had finally accepted the fact that he had not been to blame for the abuse he had endured at the hands of Roland, and he had even told him that he forgave him for all he had done. Not that it mattered to Roland Carter. If there was any blight on what should be the happiest day of their lives, it was that Roland had not changed. He still insisted he had done nothing wrong, that any beatings John had endured had been ones born of John's own disobedience or character flaws. He was the only member of the Carter family who would not be present for the wedding, even Chase would be there, and even though John had assured Anna that he didn't mind, she knew that it hurt him that his father wouldn't even respond to the wedding invitation.
As for the rest of John's family, they had stayed in Chicago, close to John. Laura had obtained a formal separation and was getting ready to file divorce papers, if she could only know for sure where Roland would be from week to week to have them served. He was staying on the go, continually travelling from country to country, never staying longer than two weeks in any one city. Barbara had found a job and a place of her own. Having his mother and sister nearby had gone far in making John feel secure with his family, and Anna was grateful that they had made the choice to stay.
A knock on the door signaled the arrival of her father. Dominic's eyes were teary as he held her at arms length and he knew that he had to give away his baby girl.
"You look beautiful, Anna."
"Thanks, Dad. You're looking very handsome."
"Good looks obviously run in the family," he joked. "Are you ready?"
Anna nodded. "I'm ready. Let's get this show on the road."
Carol and Elizabeth carefully pulled the veil down over Anna's face, then, after some last minute mirror checks, they all filed out of the room.
John nervously coughed into his hand, then looked toward the back of the church. The priest had already entered the church, so that meant the wedding was supposed to start now, right? So, where was Anna?
"Nervous?" Peter whispered from his side.
"Anxious," John grinned as he whispered back. From the moment that Anna had excepted his proposal he had known who he would ask to be his best man. Peter Benton had been his teacher, his mentor and his savior. He knew that it had been Peter's surgical skills that resulted in him standing in the church today. He had been glad when Peter had agreed to be his best man. Choosing the rest of the groomsmen had not been as easy. Anna didn't want a large wedding party, so he couldn't accommodate everyone he wanted to honor. So he settled for those who had touched his life: Mark Greene, who had been a patient teacher and good friend; Doug Ross, who had always been there to listen to him; and lastly, Gregory Dawes, the man who worked as a butler for his grandparents. He had known Dawes all his life, but it still amazed him that the man had been so willing to drop everything else in his life so he could help take care of him back when he was injured. If anyone in the Carter family was aghast at the idea of a servant being a member of the wedding party, they were keeping quiet about it, which was fine with John. He wanted Dawes there and that was all there was to it.
The organist finally reached the end of the song, then there was a short pause and she began to play "The Wedding March". Anna was traditional in many ways, not that John really cared about the music. All he cared about was that Anna was going to be walking down that aisle toward him in a few minutes.
When he spotted her at the back of the church, her arm entwined in her father's, John felt his heart beat faster. She was beautiful, even if a veil was partially hiding her face. John kept his eyes upon her as she made her way slowly down the aisle, and when Anna and her father came to a stop in front of him, he couldn't keep from smiling. Then Dominic lifted the veil back and placed Anna's hand in John's and it was time for the important part of the ceremony to begin. John dutifully repeated everything as instructed, knowing that the words were being burned into his heart as he promised to love, honor, cherish and protect Anna for the rest of her life. Oh, he would do all that and more, he vowed. And he could see in her eyes that she felt the same way. The rings that Peter handed to the priest for God's blessing were tokens of their vows, but the two of them knew that their vows weren't dependent on rings of gold for validity.
And then the ceremony was over and it was time for photographs and hugs, then a short ride back to a hotel where Robert and Millicent had rented a ballroom for the wedding dinner and reception. Just one of their many gifts to the couple.
Anna's stomach kept growling as she stood in the reception line and she was beginning to regret the number of people they had invited to the wedding and reception.
"Just a few more people, Anna, then we can eat," John said.
"So, why isn't your stomach making noise? You're usually the one with the huge appetite?"
"Hmm? Could it be the fact I ate a late lunch and you didn't?"
"Hmm. That just may be it. Smile, here comes another guest."
"Kerry, thanks for coming to the wedding," John said as he gave the petite woman a big hug.
"I wouldn't have missed it for the world. The two of you make a wonderful couple and I know you'll be happy. I'm not going to be able to stay for a long time, so I won't be here to see you off. Someone has to work tonight."
"I thought Maggie was handling things at the hospital," John teased.
"She's trying her best, but I think it would be nice for another doctor to be there. Congratulations, you two." Kerry left them and headed for a table. John watched her walk away, thinking how lucky he was to have such an understanding boss. Most of the E.R. staff was here, and John had made arrangements for food and cake to be delivered to those who had volunteered to work and miss the wedding.
When he turned back around, Anna was getting a hug from Max Rosher. A feeling of possessiveness shot through him then, but it quickly faded when Max energetically shook his hand, then introduced them to his girlfriend.
"You know, I had just about given up hope that the two of you were going to do the right thing and get married. Then the invitation arrived. I know that you will be very happy," Max told them.
"Thanks. We're already happy."
Max and his date moved on, then there was no one left. The others in the line started for their table so the dinner could begin.
"We need to sit down now, John," Anna grasped his hand.
"Yeah. I just wanted to make sure that no one else was coming." He tore his gaze away from the doors, saddened that his father had not walked through them. Then he shook off that sadness. This was his wedding night, and he had a lot to look forward to. If his father couldn't or wouldn't be a part of that happiness, then so be it. He had Anna, and as long as he had her, then nothing else really mattered. He smiled down at her. "Let's get you something to eat. I can't have my wife wither away from hunger, now can I?"
"You most certainly can't. As a matter of fact, I know I heard Father Tom mention something in those wedding vows about keeping me fed."
"I thought it was keeping you happy."
"Same thing," she grinned.
John laughed. "Aha. I see. Well, if feeding you is all it takes to keep you happy, then I think I can keep you ecstatic over the years to come."
"I certainly hope so, John." She led him to their table where the rest of the wedding party waited. The minute they sat down, the servers began serving dinner. Anna watched John as they ate, loving the way his smiles reached his eyes as he talked with their friends and family. Simply loving everything about him. And her heart sank as she saw his smile vanish, his eyes glued to the doors. She followed his gaze and saw that Roland Carter had indeed arrived. She sent a quick prayer to God that the man had not come there to cause a scene. She knew it would be too much to pray that he had come to apologize to John and tell him that he loved him. Way too much. But, she could at least pray that he didn't do or say anything further to hurt John. Not tonight of all nights.
"Excuse me," John said to her as he pushed his chair away from the table and walked toward his father.
"He hasn't seen his father in a long time, has he?" Peter asked her.
"Not since he told him that he forgave him for what he had done. That was over six months ago. Excuse me." Anna got up from the table and followed John. He was her husband and her place was at his side.
When she reached John and Roland, it was in time to hear Roland say that he had intended to be at the ceremony, but his plane was late.
"Anna, you look beautiful. I'm sure it was a nice wedding."
"It was. There's a seat for you at the head table, Dad." Please stay, John thought.
"I don't think your mother will be too comfortable if I'm up there sitting beside her. Things aren't going well for our marriage."
John nodded. "I know. Dad...you can sit by me."
Anna found herself holding her breath as she heard that offer and the hope in John's voice as he said it.
Roland finally nodded. "That would be nice, son. I'd like that."
"I'll go ask people to move over one seat and get a plate brought out for you." Anna walked back to the table.
"What does he want?" Laura asked her as Anna paused by her chair.
"He wants to stay for dinner. John asked him to sit by him and he accepted."
"Well. That's a start then, isn't it?" Laura asked.
"I hope so. Excuse me, I need to get another plate sent out and have room made at the table for him."
"I'll get people to move over and Barbara will tell them we need another plate up here. You can go on back to John."
"Thanks." Anna walked back to her husband.
"It's all being taken care of," she informed John.
John looked back at the table, seeing that people were moving aside so his Dad could sit by him. Not everyone looked happy about the fact that Roland was there. Doug Ross was glaring at them, and even Peter looked a little angry. So did Anna's father and step-father. Anna's family, at least her parents and step-parents, knew the truth about his father. As far as his own family went, Barbara looked angry, his mother looked pleased and he couldn't tell how his grandparents felt. His aunts and uncles didn't look happy either. Roland had to have known that his presence wouldn't be taken well by everyone, so John gave him credit for showing up anyway. Even if it was just a gesture to save face and not because he really wanted to be there for him.
"Let's sit down," John suggested.
"In a minute. Anna, would you mind going to the table without us?"
She minded, but she left them alone anyway. If Roland said or did anything to hurt John now, then she knew he wouldn't leave the room untouched.
"Everything okay?" Doug asked her.
"Just fine. Is your prime rib all right?" she responded.
"It's wonderful. Just wonderful," Doug answered, but he didn't take his eyes from John or Roland.
"John, this isn't an easy thing for me to say. Which is strange, because as a lawyer, I should be pretty good with my words." Roland took a deep breath. "I let you down when you needed me the most, and I'm sorry about that. My plane wasn't late, but I really did want to be at your wedding. I sat in my car in the parking lot, but just couldn't make myself go into the church. I know we've never been a very religious family, but I didn't think that God would approve of me being there, not after all that's happened. After all I did to you. I've been doing a lot of thinking the past six months, and I can see that I was the one to blame. Not you. Never you. I can't explain to you why I hurt you. I can't explain it to myself, either. All I know is that I did hurt you and that at the time, I wanted to hurt you." Roland shrugged. "I guess that makes me a sick person, but it's the truth."
"I already told you that I forgive you for all of that. I just want us to start fresh, Dad. Can't we forget about all that happened in the past and concentrate on the present and the future?"
"I don't know if I can ever forget what I did to you. If you can forget and forgive it, then you're one Hell of a person, John."
"No, I'm not. I'm just a person who realizes that we can't change what's happened. We can only make sure that it never happens again."
"Did you learn that from your shrink?"
"No. From my wife. Anna's a Hell of a lady."
"She sure is," Roland agreed, "you're lucky to have someone like her in your life. I can see that I need to watch myself around you. From the looks she's giving me, if I should so much as touch you, she'll claw me to death."
John looked at his wife and saw that his father was right. Anna was looking very protective at the moment.
"Well, the longer we stay here talking, the worse her look will get. Let's go eat."
They headed toward the table.
"John?"
"Yes, sir?"
"I'm proud of you, son." Roland stopped and he reached out and touched John's arm, stopping him. Oblivious to the tension in the room, Roland continued. "I'm glad you didn't die. I really am."
John didn't know what touched him the most -- his father's words or the tears in his eyes. Maybe it was both. He gave Roland a quick hug.
"Thanks, Dad. That means a lot to me." John could see that Roland was going to say more, but he cut him off. "Let's eat."
They went on and sat down. Anna leaned over toward John.
"Are you okay?"
John nodded, then looked at her, a smile on his face. "He said he was proud of me, Anna. I'm great."
Anna stroked his arm. "Oh, honey, you've always been great in my book."
"I know. But, it's not quite the same as hearing it from my father."
"I understand. And I'm glad you finally got to hear it. I'm also very glad that he meant it."
"Me, too."
"And I'm glad he showed up."
"So am I. Now all I have to worry about is keeping Doug away from him. And a few hundred other people. Your father isn't a violent man, is he?" John didn't like the way Anna's father was glaring at his father.
"No. But, my step-father used to be a boxer in the Army."
John didn't like the way he was looking at Roland either. "I think I'll need your help to keep them away from Dad."
"I think your mother will be more than willing to help keep your father away from everyone else. She seems quite pleased that he's here."
"She still loves him."
"I know. But, it's up to them to work out their problems, not us. We have our own life to plan."
John smiled again. "That we do. And it's going to be a long one, Anna. Filled with lots of happy children."
"I think I can handle that, provided you're willing to do your part."
"Ready, willing and able. And we can start tonight," he suggested, a decidedly wicked twinkle in his eyes.
"We'll see," she said. "There's still a lot of champagne left to be consumed. Most men can't perform up to par once they're drunk."
"May I remind you that, according to you, I'm great?"
Anna rolled her eyes. "We weren't talking about your performance in bed, dear."
"So, you don't think I'm great?" He turned sad, puppy dog eyes on her and she couldn't keep from laughing.
"I think you're wonderful, but don't go spreading that around, okay? I'm not in the mood to be fighting off every woman in Chicago."
"There's no worry about that, Anna. You're the only woman who will ever have my heart."
"And you're the only man who will ever have mine," she promised. "Until the end of time."
"Until the end of time," he agreed with a kiss.