Coda Addition
By CJ
Rating: PG -13
Summary: This is set during Coda. This is what Chakotay should have said at Kathryn's Memorial!
Disclaimer: Paramount own all characters from Star Trek: Voyager, if they did what we wanted them to we wouldn't be here writing stories about them.
Author's note: I've never read a fanfic that covers this and I always wanted to, so I thought 'what the hell, I'll write it myself!' This is dedicated to all my new pals at JetC21! :)
"As you all know Captain Janeway and I have known each other for several years. I do not believe she would mind if I told you that she came to rely on my logic and stability that she so often needed when we first entered the Delta Quadrant." Tuvok paused as he recalled the many times Captain Janeway had sought him out. Throughout the speech his demeanour remained the same, stoic and expressionless.
Kathryn watched from the side, several tears falling down her cheeks. She felt a familiar pain in her heart, the one where you lose someone close.
Tuvok continued with his memorial speech "I admired Captain Janeway, her strength and compassion have allowed us to come this far and I, like you, will miss her." Tuvok gave a Vulcan prayer and stepped back into the crowd, allowing another crew member to speak.
Kathryn looked at the sea of faces, all the friends...no, family...she had made over the past few years. She had never wanted to leave them before, death wasn't going to stop her now. No, she would stay with them in spirit to ensure that her crew...her family...made it home safely.
Kathryn briefly looked over to her 'father', he then turned to her and smiled "They're certainly devoted to you Kathryn."
"Yes...yes, I know." she replied in a sad voice.
As Kathryn returned her gaze to the group of people who were here for her, she watched as Chakotay stepped forward. His eyes were surrounded by dark circles, he looked sad and no longer the peaceful man she had come to know and love. Her eyes went wide as realisation set in. She had finally admitted it to herself and she couldn't tell him...it was too late. her life hadn't been fair and neither was her death.
Chakotay began to move round the sea of faces and he began to speak "Captain Kathryn Janeway..." Chakotay paused briefly "there were times...times when I was awe-struck by her. The way she would stand on the bridge and look one of our many foes in the eye, I knew we would be okay, I knew that she would keep her promise and find her crew a way home. When we were flung into the Delta Quadrant, she was my enemy, but I soon learned to trust her and we became friends..."
Kathryn watched him, that pain in her heart becoming stronger and more painful. He was hurting and she wanted nothing more than to make him feel better. Chakotay came to stand beside her at the window, looking out at the stars, the place her body would soon call home.
Chakotay spoke again "as you all know we were stranded on a planet we named New Earth. That's when we realised... when I realised that our relationship had deepened and I trusted her with my life... and I even gave her my heart." He whispered that last part, but Kathryn had heard him.
"Oh Chakotay"
Chakotay spun round to face everyone and gave a small, sad, smile "I always wanted to be a Starfleet captain, but I would trade that and my life to have Kathryn back with us."
Kathryn stared at him, wanting to tell him that she was here and willing to take his heart and care for it with all that she is... was. Her heart broke in that moment, as it had before, yet this time it was her who had died.
Chakotay stepped back to allow another to speak. A lone tear slid down her face as B'Elanna stepped forward to speak.
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Kathryn sat in her ready room, reading over a data PADD in one hand and her beloved coffee in the other hand. To those on the outside she looked like she was deep in thought over the PADD. On the inside she was mulling over the feelings she had experienced while in that alien's 'matrix'.
She took another sip of coffee when the door chime rang.
"Come in" she didn't look up till Chakotay spoke.
"I could have sworn I heard the Doctor tell you to take it easy for a few days."
Continuing to look at the PADD, Kathryn responded.
"Taking it easy usually makes me feel worse."
"You shouldn't push yourself, you've been through a lot." with that he brought a rose from behind his back.
It caught Kathryn's eye "Aww... to tell you the truth, I'd rather stay busy than dwell on what happened."
"I can understand that." Chakotay looked at her feeling a sense of relief that she was alive and well and that he would be there to protect her and be there for her when she needed him.
Kathryn looked up at Chakotay and saw the emotion that his deep, brown, orbs held. She needed to discuss her feelings and he was the best man for the job.
"Chakotay..."
"Yes Kathryn?"
"Join me on the couch?"
He smiled and nodded his agreement and made his way to the couch. He sat down and saw that Kathryn was still seated behind her desk looking somewhat apprehensive.
"Kathryn?"
She turned to look at him, smiled, took a deep breath, then stood up and made her way round her desk and towards the couch. She sat down at a comfortable distance, yet not too far from him.
She turned to face him.
"Chakotay, what I experienced wasn't real..."
He interrupted her "It was real to you"
She smiled at him "Yes, that true, but that isn't what I mean. The only things that were really real, were my feelings."
"That's understandable, that alien was playing on those feelings"
"I suppose so, but I saw things that weren't physically real, yet if I were in that position...if we as a crew were put in that position, I think that similar steps would be undertaken to bring me back.
"We would do anything to keep you safe Kathryn."
She smiled again "I know...and I'm grateful for that...but..."
"But?"
"You know I told you about my memorial."
"Yes"
"Well...you said a few words and they didn't catch me off guard as much as I thought they would."
"Kathryn, you're not making much sense. What could I possibly say that would catch you off guard?"
Kathryn looked him in the eye, she was going to say this. "you basically said that...that you...uhm...loved me. Really I knew that deep down inside, but what really hurt was the fact...was the fact that I couldn't tell you that I loved you back." There she had said it.
Kathryn watched as several different emotions crossed his face and shock was definitely among them.
Chakotay remained silent.
Kathryn looked down at her hands. At one point she had grasped his, they felt warm and secure, she was about to squeeze his hands when he removed them from hers.
He didn't want her, she'd been a fool to think otherwise. Her mind was racing. 'I have to get out of here.'
She was about to get up when she felt this pressure on either side of her arms and a pair of warm lips were placed on hers.
It finally registered that Chakotay was kissing her and he felt good...real good. Her arms moved behind his neck and she pulled him closer to her - she needed more contact with him.
His hands had left her arms and his left hand had moved round to her back and his right hand was at her side, just below the curve of her breast. Unconsciously his thumb began to stroke the curve.
Kathryn moaned into his mouth.
Finally their lungs betrayed then and they broke apart, far enough to breathe, but remaining in contact with each other. With their foreheads together, Chakotay spoke for the first time since her confession.
"Do you know how long I have wanted to hear those words and taste those lips?" The dimples came out in full force.
"Probably the same amount of time I have wanted to taste those lips and see those dimples up close." They both laughed.
Kathryn brought her hand up to trace his tattoo.
"There have been many times when I have wanted to declare this tattoo..." she kissed his tattoo "and those dimples..." she kissed each side of his face "a hazard to my health!"
He laughed at her "I would hate that to happen my love."
Her eyes were wide and she gave a large grin.
"What?" he asked, curious as to her odd response.
"I've never been called someone's love before."
"Never?"
"No"
"Not even by Mark?"
She shook her head "No...but I like it...especially coming from you."
She kissed the tip of his nose, then his lips.
"I love you, with all my heart and soul."
Those dimples came out again.
"Kathryn...you are my heart and soul and I *kiss* love *kiss* you *kiss*"
"Those dimples are deadly you know!"
"You should see my other ones." He gave a wide grin.
Her response was a deep, throaty laugh.
Finis
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