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M*A*S*H-The Pilot Episode |
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| The episode that started it all, The Pilot. Starring Alan Alda as the ravishing Captain Benjamin Franklin "Hawkeye" Pierce, Wayne Rogers as the talented Captain "Trapper" John Xavier McIntyre, McLean Stevenson as the funny Lt. Col Henry Braymore Blake, Loretta Swit as the sexy Major Margaret "Hotlips" Houlihan, Larry Linville as Major Frank Burns, and Gary Burghoff as Corporal Radar O'Reilly. |
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| Just getting out of surgery, Hawkeye starts to head towards his tent, called the Swamp. Frank, being all gun-ho, starts a confrontation with Hawkeye about his conduct in the Operating Room. Frank starts to tell Hawkeye and Trapper about how much they disgrace the outfit. Being so tired, they really don't care what Frank says about them, because Frank's technique as a surgeon is that of an undertaker. |
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| Radar brings mail to Hawkeye and Trapper. Hawkeye gets a letter from Dean Lodge, the head of his old Alma Mater, accepting Ho-Jon to go to his college. It will cost $1,000 to pay for the tuition, then another $1,000 for transportation and clothing and everything, but Ho-Jon can stay with his parents. In order to raise money, Hawkeye thinks about what everyone at the camp wants. So, Hawkeye thinks about a party. All you can drink $10 a head, giant door prize weekend pass for two in Tokyo, lucky winner to share the company of a gorgeous nurse. |
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| Next, they have to go to Henry to get the two-day pass. Hawkeye tells Henry about the letter and tries to talk Henry into it. They need to pick the nurse, but Hawkeye already has an idea: Lt. Dish. Hawkeye tries to ask Dish about the raffle, but never really does. He's too busy having his "lunch." |
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| They get $600 to start off. Hawkeye goes through Frank's stuff to find money. Frank goes off, starts throwing papers, but then grabs their still. He starts to run around the tent with it. Trapper threatens that if Frank drops the still, his head is gonna go in the shop. Frank throws the still on the ground and breaks it. Hawkeye and Trapper handle Frank in their own way: putting their bag over his head and kicking him out the door. |
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| Henry finds out what happened, and withdrew the weekend passes. Henry's real reason is that he has to go see Gen. Hammond down in Seoul. Radar still gets Hawkeye the weekend passes by tricking Henry into signing what he thought was for a ton of ice cream, fudge ripple. But, with Henry leaving means that Frank Burns is in command, which means no party. Hawkeye knows a way around this though: sedating Frank. He orders that Frank is sedated every hour on the hour. Let the party begin! |
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Margaret knows that something happened to Frank. She barges into the party, finds Hawkeye and demands to know where he is. Hawkeye doesn't cooperate, so she calls Gen. Hammond. He is on his way to the 4077th. Mean while, Margaret goes looking for Frank everywhere in the camp, except Pre-Op, which is where he is. At the party, they raised over $1,800 that night. Margaret finally goes in there; checks each bed, to see what needs to be done with each patient. She goes to Frank's bed, sees that he hasn't been sedated that hour. She pulls down his pants and says "Frank!" |
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Hawkeye announces the winner of the raffle. Of course he has the raffle rigged so that Dish wouldn't have to go with anyone who would "do anything" because she is engaged. And the winner is Father John P. Mulcahy! General Hammond and Lt. Col Blake come in when he announces it. General Hammond put Pierce and McIntyre under arrest, and Margaret comes in with Frank. When Margaret and General Hammond see each other, Margaret says "Hamilton!" and the General says "Hotlips!" and Pierce and McIntyre look at each other and say "Hotlips?" |
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Casualties come in, and General Hammond helps out. Unfortunately, Pierce and McIntyre are sure that they will be court-martialed, so the put handcuffs on and walk out. Hammond was too impressed to have them arrested. So, they would remain at the 4077th. "We screwed up in reverse." |
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| The following personnel are assigned to the 4077th Mobile Army Surgical Hospital: |
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| Alan Alda Wayne Rogers McLean Stevenson |
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| Loretta Swit G. Wood Larry Linville |
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| Gary Burghoff Karen Phillip George Morgan |
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| Patrick Adiarte Timothy Brown Odessa Cleveland |
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