But what's this? Frontier Fanny, a guest at the shower? Or perhaps something more sinister is underway?

“I just can’t thank you enough for putting this wonderful party together!” gushed Verena von Vandervan to Frontier Fanny.

“Well, at Frontier Fan’s Wedding Plans, we aim to please, ma’am,” Fanny drawled in her Southwestern accent. “Since everythin’ seems to be under control, I think I’ll just gather up my posse and hit the trail. Saddle-up, Pardner, it’s time to leave!”

Two tall men, their massive, firm triceps bulging under their tuxedos, stepped out of a cluster of fawning women. Their brains couldn’t comprehend anything above a third-grade level, but their brawn could make any professional bodybuilder cower.

“Look, Mother,” cried a man in his late twenties, addressing Mrs. von Vandervan. “Ms. Kane bought us a set of sterling silverware!”

“Oh, Victor, that’s so sweet!” cooed Mrs. von Vandervan. “Thank you, Katherine, for such an expensive gift!”

“It was my pleasure to buy such a present for two such charming people as your son and his fiancée,” Ms. Katherine Kane genially replied. She swiped a piece of her dark brown hair out of her face then eyed Frontier Fanny suspiciously.

Katherine, as her alter ego Batwoman, was well aware of Frontier Fanny’s shady reputation. Kathy didn’t expect Frontier Fanny to leave the party without stealing something valuable. Her deduction, though, was about to be proven invalid.

Verena von Vandervan addressed her wedding planner once more. “I only wish I could pay you more than this measly bill.” She temptingly waved a check worth quite a respectable sum of money. “If there is anything else you want, just tell me, and I will do my best to get it for you.”

“That’s a mighty flattenin’, Missus Vandervan, but this here payment is enough for an old worn-down cowgirl like me,” replied Fanny, graciously accepting the offered check. “Unless you want to hand over some of those weddin’ gifts.”

Having been eavesdropping, Kathy was appalled at Fanny’s dialogue. 'Here comes the robbery,' she thought. Mrs. von Vandervan laughed wholeheartedly at what she assumed was a joke. She glanced at all her joyous party guests and at the bride- and groom-to-be. She quickly turned back to look at Frontier Fanny. To her astonishment, she discovered the wedding planner was gone.

Katherine likewise was surprised to find that Frontier Fanny had left empty-handed. Ms. Kane surveyed the area only to discover that Howdy and Pardner had also left. 'What is she up to? Has she really gone straight after all those years of associating herself with her daughter Calamity Jan and that dirty Shame?'

Calamity Jan’s Matrimonial Coup

Frontier Fanny heaved a weary sigh as she stepped into her office. “I never knew being a weddin’ planner could be so tirin’,” she moaned to the brick wall in front of her.

“Then why don’t you go back to stealin’?” came a female voice. Fanny’s daughter, Calamity Jan, stepped into view.

“Jan, where have you been all this time?!” demanded her mother.

Jan perched herself on her mother’s desk, sending several important documents sailing to the floor. “With my Shame-honey still recuperatin’ at some psychiatric ward from his fearful experience with the Scarecrow, I've been layin’ low out West. I just heard about your Fan’s Wedding Plans. You should be happy to see me, instead of givin’ me the cold shoulder.” Jan feigned a look of despair, as if the thought of her mother treating her in such a fashion was too much for her to bear.

“I’m only treatin’ you this way, cuz I’m your mother and I know what’s cookin’ in that little brain of yours. You’re plannin’ to come along with me to my next weddin’ shower so you can steal all the gifts for yourself!”

“Why, thank you for suggestin’ it, Mama! I see you still got some spunk left in you!” Jan jumped off the desk with a thud. She paced back and forth, her leather boots clunking on the tiled floor with every step. “Oh, Shame-honey is going to be so proud of me when his brain gets better! We’ll have all these valuable weddin’ presents just waitin’ to be used. And if we don’t like some of the items I stole, we can always sell them on the black market! Then we can take the money we earned and go somewhere far away, where Batman and all his Batfriends can never find us. Oh, it’s going to be like old times again! I can feel it from the tip of my cowgirl hat to the bottom of my cowgirl boots!”

“I won’t take any part in of your connivin’ anymore, especially if you hang around with that no good varmint Shame.” Frontier Fanny defiantly crossed her arms over her chest. “You’ve been together for a long time, and you still haven’t even tried to get hitched.”

“Aw, Mama, things ain’t done like that anymore,” Jan protested to no avail. “People who are in love don’t have to get married.”

Fanny scoffed scornfully, indicating that she didn’t agree with her daughter.

“Listen, if I solemnly promise that I get myself married to my honey lamb, will you help me bushwhack some unsuspectin’ people?” Jan’s offer certainly was enticing to the petulant widow.

“It’s a sad day when a daughter can blackmail her own mother . . . but all right!” Suddenly a troubling concern occurred to Fanny. “But what are we going to do about the Ferocious Five?”

“We’ll come up with a Bat-trap for those caped kooks. With three women helping Batman and Robin, it should be easier than ever. If we can’t handle our own sex, who can?” Jan dismissed the subject with a wave of her leather-gloved hand.

“So, there I was, at the von Vandervan wedding shower, when I noticed that Frontier Fanny was present,” Ms. Kane explained to a curious Commissioner Gordon and Chief O’Hara at Police Headquarters.

“What did that devilish woman do?” demanded O’Hara in his thick Irish brogue.

“That’s just what is so peculiar,” Katherine replied, a perplexed look spread across her countenance. “She did absolutely nothing, except oversee the shower she had planned.”

Commissioner James Gordon tried to hide the amused smile that was stretching across his mouth. 'These millionaires think they know so much about the world of crime!' Nobody could surpass Gordon’s knowledge of criminology, save Batman and his many partners. “Frontier Fanny has done nothing illegal, nor do I think she ever will again. She always ran with a crowd. Unfortunately, her crowd was always on the wrong side of the law, but with her daughter, Calamity Jan, on the run and Jan’s prospective beau, Shame, locked away, Fanny isn't a threat.”

“But--,” Katherine Kane protested.

“We appreciate your concern, Ms. Kane, but you just run along, back to your business, and leave the crime fighting to us policemen,” Chief O’Hara interrupted gently.

Realizing it was futile to argue with the two men, Katherine clamped her mouth shut. She wished she were in her costume. 'They wouldn't have dismissed Batwoman so easily, that’s for sure!' She exited the Gotham City Police Headquarters to head to her office building, where her still highly successful company, Networld, was located.

Commissioner Gordon drummed his fingers on his desk, nervously. “Do you suppose there’s anything to be worried about, Chief?”

The good-natured man shrugged his shoulders nonchalantly. Then, upon seeing his friend’s concerned face, he exclaimed, “Mother McCrea, you don’t think . . ?” He let his voice trail off.

Commissioner Gordon and Chief O’Hara’s heads simultaneously turned to gaze at the red telephone with the hotline to Gotham City's oft-time savior: Batman. In three easy strides, James Gordon had reached the phone, lifted the glass cover that encased it, and pressed the lone red button.

In stately Wayne Manor, home of millionaire Bruce Wayne and his youthful former ward Dick Grayson, Mr. Wayne was in his impressive study, perusing a volume on the art of crime fighting. “This is a very educational book, Alfred,” he commented to his tall, lanky butler.

Alfred set a tray of tea and strawberry tarts down on the desk where his master was seated. “I gathered as much, sir. You’ve almost read the whole book in one sitting.”

“I wonder who wrote it?” Bruce wondered audibly. He glanced at the cover and gazed sheepishly at the septuagenarian.

“Who is the author?” Alfred inquired of his employer in his proper British accent.

“I am.” Bruce’s face turned as red as auburn hair. Just at that moment, the Batphone beeped, saving him from further embarrassment. He cast The Art of Crimefighting by Batman aside. “Yes, Commissioner,” Bruce began, putting on his best Batman voice, which sounded almost identical to his normal voice.

“Batman, this may be premature . . ." Gordon paused uncertainly, "but we have reason to suspect that Calamity Jan is back in town.”

“Say no more, Commissioner. I’ll be there as soon as I can.” Bruce grasped the bust of Shakespeare, tipping the head backwards. He carefully toggled the switch that activated his bookcase. The bookcase slid back to reveal two shining Batpoles. Whenever Alfred found the time, he polished the brass poles until they gleamed in the light, practically blinding everyone in sight.

Bruce excitedly slid down the poles, as if he was heading to his first assignment as the Caped Crusader. Whenever he played the part of the superhero, Bruce experienced an exhilarating sensation that he never got from any other activity, except perhaps when he was with a gorgeous woman.

In mere seconds, the millionaire playboy had made his miraculous transformation into Batman. He hopped into the driver’s seat of his Batmobile, pushed the button that started the sleek, black car, and pulled out of the Batcave. With a squeal of the rubber tires on the black asphalt, Batman began the fourteen-mile journey to Gotham City.

Glancing at the passenger seat, he opened his mouth to make some superficial remark to his partner in crimefighting, Robin. It was unusual not to have Robin in the Batmobile. 'I keep forgetting Dick is at college,” he said to himself with a little shake of the head.

Meanwhile, Commissioner Gordon was obviously satisfied with his conversation with Batman. “Although we don’t know his true identity, I know we can rely on the Caped Crusader for help with any baffling case that comes our way.”

“Begorra,” chimed the Chief.

“Hello, Daddy,” came a very feminine voice. Barbara Gordon, the buxom brunette daughter of the Commissioner, stepped into the room.

“Barbara, what are you doing here?” exclaimed her father in surprise.

“Don’t you remember that you asked me to bring over a copy of The Art of Crimefighting by Batman?” The petite woman approached her disconcerted parent. “You look stressed,” she observed. “Which diabolical mastermind is at large this time?”

James Gordon stooped down, enabling his daughter to plant a large kiss on his withering cheek. “Oh, Calamity Jan,” he replied.

Barbara’s mind raced a million miles a minute. 'It looks like Batgirl is going to be paying a call on the police shortly,' she mused to herself. Barbara tried to think of a suitable excuse to leave, so she could head over to her apartment and make her change into the Dominoed Daredoll, Batgirl.

Just as she was about to utter some feeble lie about returning to her post at the library, Batman burst through the office door. She stared admiringly at the tall, costumed figure before her.

“Good afternoon, Commissioner, Chief O’Hara, and last, but certainly not least, Miss Gordon,” murmured the Dark Knight in a polite tone. “I understand Calamity Jan is up to no good. What exactly has she done?”

“Well, nothing yet, to our knowledge.” Commissioner Gordon glanced uneasily at the Chief. Perhaps Batman would deem him foolish to be so cautious about a second-string escaped criminal, who might not even be in town.

“One can't be too careful with someone as dangerous as Calamity,” Batman stated, relieving Jim Gordon’s qualms. He meditated briefly before asking, “Isn’t her mother working as a wedding planner?”

“Aye, and, so far, Frontier Fanny has been behaving like an angel,” O’Hara answered.

“Do you think she'll want to work with her mother?” Barbara queried Batman.

“She doesn’t usually, but with Shame still recovering from his encounter with the Scarecrow, Jan may turn to her mother for support and assistance in whatever plot she’s concocting,” was the Caped Crusader’s reply. A perturbing silence settled over the foursome.

After several moments of the discomfiting quiet, Batman cried out, “Of course! What a perfect way to get thousands of dollars -- by stealing the gifts from the wedding showers you've planned!”

“And with the prospect of marrying Shame whenever he’s released from the mental hospital, Jan will want to get a hold of as many items she will need for her marital life without spending a dime!” Miss Gordon added pragmatically. “It’s not as if she can ever have a wedding shower. Most of her friends are in jail and can’t possibly come, even if they wanted to!”

Batman turned to gaze at Barbara appreciatively and couldn’t help surveying her voluptuous figure. Her white blouse, covered by a sharp, red jacket, and red miniskirt complimented her body perfectly.

“So, what are you going to do: storm Frontier Fanny's office and drag those no good cow wranglers out?” asked Chief O’Hara.

“No, Chief, for a couple of reasons. First, it's just possible that Fanny has gone straight. Second, if Jan is involved, that’s just what that devious dude rancher would want us to do! She’d plan a Bat-trap for me or Robin or our three female companions, trying her best to eliminate any of us who appeared.”

Batman drummed his fingers on the Commissioner’s desk, deep in contemplation. Then, suddenly, inspiration struck. “I suggest we send in two people undercover, posing as an engaged couple, to see if anything underhanded is underfoot. I’m sure my good friend, millionaire Bruce Wayne, would be more than willing to oblige us in this matter.”

“Who should be his fiancée?” Commissioner Gordon inquired.

"How about Lieutenant Mooney?" Chief O'Hara suggested.

“It can’t be her or any of our other policewomen, because those two female bandits might recognize them and immediately become suspicious,” the Commissioner explained.

The three men looked right through Barbara, their gazes fastened on the window. Barbara resisted the impulse to roll her eyes. She was eager to assist Batman in whatever plan he had in mind, yet he was dismissing her as an option as if she wasn’t capable of doing the job. She cleared her throat tentatively, but the men did not hear her.

Finally in desperation, she blurted, “Batman, I’m offering myself as the fiancée of Bruce Wayne. Bruce and I are known to be good friends, so I’m sure we can pull this off without any difficulty.”

“No, Barbara, I can’t let you put yourself in danger!” Jim Gordon shouted.

“Why can’t I do it?” she demanded.

“Because you’re an untrained woman, unprepared to deal with villains,” the Chief of Police piped up.

Irritated at this chauvinistic remark, Barbara retorted, “Who is Bruce supposed to be engaged to: Alfred? His fiancee should be someone plausible, not an FBI agent or policewoman from out of town. Listen, I dealt with the Penguin when he tried to marry me and again when he sent that exploding penguin to the library in an attempt to kill me.”

“I think your daughter will be perfectly safe, Commissioner,” interjected the Dark Knight in his steady voice.

It was amazing the effect a man’s opinion had on the two policemen. They readily consented to the idea.

“Commissioner, please get in touch with Batwoman, via her Bat-cellphone,” Batman requested. “Tell her about our plans to try to capture Calamity Jan and, possibly, Frontier Fanny. Also call Batgirl. If you can't speak to her, then be sure to send her an e-mail.

"Miss Gordon, please go over to Wayne Manor, as soon as you have the time, to discuss our plan with Mr. Wayne. I will contact him immediately to let him know you are coming, but I'll leave you to tell him the details. I'm sure he'll want you to arrange the meeting with Frontier Fanny. Until we meet again. . .” Batman saluted the threesome and dashed to the office door.

“Batman,” called Barbara, “where’s Robin?”

“Like many citizens of his age, he is in college, studying the art of crimefighting, law, and, most importantly, American government.” With that last comment, the Caped Crusader nearly flew out the door, his cape resembling two large batwings.

Several hours later, Barbara Gordon was in Mr. Wayne’s spacious living room, explaining the situation to him. “. . . So Batman thought that we could pose as an engaged couple,” concluded Barbara. She surveyed her audience, which consisted of three thoughtful men: Bruce, Alfred, and Dick.

“I don’t see why not,” Bruce replied pleasantly, shrugging his shoulders.

“Gosh, won’t you both be in danger?” Dick asked, putting on the role of the ordinary former ward of a millionaire playboy, instead of behaving like the trained crimefighter he was.

“Batman assured me we would not be harmed,” Barbara responded.

“I suggest we don’t breath a word of this scheme to anyone else,” Bruce announced.

“Gee, you mean we’re not even going to tell Aunt Harriet?” Dick looked positively alarmed at the prospect. As Robin, he was quite accustomed to such measures, but he couldn’t let Barbara see through his act.

“Yes, I’m afraid your aunt can’t be made aware of this ruse. She would worry too much.” Bruce patted Dick’s shoulder consolingly.

“Well, I think I’ll be going home.” Barbara rose from her seat on Mr. Wayne’s sofa. “Should I set up a meeting with the wedding planner for tomorrow?”

“What wedding planner?” came a perplexed voice. Mrs. Harriet Cooper entered the living room, a curious expression spread across her face.

“We might as well tell her the truth.” Bruce put an affectionate arm around Barbara, much to her chagrin.

Bruce was handsome, rich and quite the gentleman, but he was so laid back. 'If only he was more dynamic, like Batman,' Barbara silently wished.

Bruce concluded his explanation. “Barbara and I are engaged.”

“Oh, Bruce, that’s the happiest news I’ve ever heard!” Aunt Harriet gushed. She pecked Bruce’s and Barbara’s cheeks.

“Say, since you two are engaged, shouldn’t you kiss?” Dick asked, an impish gleam in his eyes.

“Now, Dick . . .” Bruce began warningly, but he needn’t have worried, for Barbara had disentangled herself from Bruce’s warm grasp, politely excused herself and run out of the mansion as fast as her athletic legs could carry her.

The next day, Bruce Wayne and Barbara Gordon entered the office of Frontier Fan’s Wedding Plans. After a quick survey of the room, they noted disappointedly that Calamity Jan wasn’t around. A desk took up one corner of the room. Frontier Fanny was sitting comfortably behind it, while two chairs faced her. In the other side of the room were several file cabinets. A cloak closet was near the cabinets, and just opposite the closet was a large window. Both wondered silently where the clever cowgirl might be hiding.

Frontier Fanny addressed them. “Are you Mr. Bruce Wayne and Ms. Barbara Gordon?”

After affirming their identities, Bruce and Barbara seated themselves in the two chairs. Bruce placed a loving hand on Barbara’s knee, gently squeezing it. On impulse, Barbara brought her hand down to smack the offender, but at the last moment she realized that Bruce was just playing his part. Before Frontier Fanny could suspect anything, Barbara quickly placed her hand on top of Bruce’s.

“I do declare, I rarely get to talk to the prospective bride and groom. Usually the groom is a workin’ his poor fingers down to the bone, trying to make enough money for his wife-to-be.” Frontier Fanny seemed to expect Bruce to explain, which he did accordingly.

“It just so happens that I’m a millionaire.” Bruce could practically see the dollar signs flash in Fanny's eyes. "Verena von Vandervan suggested I come here, since your wedding shower for her son and his fiancée was such a success.”

“We would like to get married as soon as possible,” Miss Gordon added. “So if the wedding shower could be in two weeks, we would be ever so grateful.”

“Two weeks?” Fan echoed in disbelief. She tried to regain her professional attitude. Here was the couple her daughter had been waiting for, and she didn’t want to blow this opportunity by acting unprofessional. “I think we can organize your party by then,” she assured them. 'We’ll have to steal in order to finish on time, but we’ll pull it off,' she thought.

“I'm so glad you can do the job,” Bruce said. He removed his hand from his “fiancée’s” leg and energetically shook Ms. Fanny’s hand.

“You have such an honest face,” Barbara remarked, hiding her sarcasm successfully. She curled a piece of her short hair around her left pointer finger, making sure Fan saw the gigantic diamond ring on her finger. It had been Bruce’s mother’s engagement ring. Barbara had been quite reluctant to use such an expensive and sentimental item of his mother's just for their hoax. Bruce, however, had been persistent, and finally she had acquiesced.

Frontier Fanny resisted the impulse to drool over the glistening diamond ring. “Do you have any ideas for the shower?”

“Mrs. Harriet Cooper came up with some splendid ones. Here are her plans.” Mr. Wayne handed over two sheets crammed with notations.

“And here are the guests we want invited to the party.” Barbara added three leafs of paper to the pile. “It really is quite small compared to the Vandervan’s. Bruce didn’t want too many people crowding his estate.” Barbara managed to sigh adoringly at the millionaire playboy.

The trio conversed for ten more minutes before Mr. Wayne announced it was time to leave. As he was standing up, Bruce detected a noise coming from the closet. Pretending he didn’t know which door was the exit, he stepped over to the coat closet and pulled it open.

There stood Calamity Jan, completely immobilized with surprise. “Very lifelike mannequin, Ms. Fan,” he commented, feigning a look of complete oblivion. He linked his arm with a smug Barbara and the two quit the room.

As soon as they were near the Wayne limo, Barbara gleefully wrapped her arms around Bruce. “She took the bait!” Barbara cried exultantly.

“Hook, line, and sinker,” Bruce added, trying to suppress a grin. Whether he was smiling because she had her arms around him, or because their act had worked, was an enigma to Barbara.

Barbara looked at Bruce with newfound admiration. She had always thought of Bruce as an affable playboy who had been lucky to inherit his money, but now she began to suspect there was a part of himself he kept hidden.

Alfred interrupted their congratulations by opening the limousine door. The pair slipped inside the limo, eager to report their success to the police and Dick.

Meanwhile, back in Frontier Fan’s Wedding Plans, Calamity Jan was celebrating her good fortune. She shot her pistols up into the air, sending down shards from the ceiling. “We’re goin’ to be rich!”

“Are you sure we can trust them?” Frontier Fanny gazed dubiously at the sheets of papers Mr. Wayne and Miss Gordon had left behind.

“Oh, they’re just as dense as most millionaires and their fiancées.” Jan completely disregarded that Barbara was the daughter of the Commissioner of Police. “Now, all you have to do is coordinate their bridal shower and weddin’, and I’ll take care of everythin’ else.”

Frontier Fan wasn’t convinced, but she didn’t want to back out. If she did, her daughter was sure not to marry Shame, just out of spite.

Later that week, in the Batcave, Batman and Robin were discussing the plans for the wedding shower. “You'll be in the living room, waiting for your cue. Miss Gordon and I will there, opening the shower gifts with the guests. Alfred will be taking the presents to the dining room for storage. As soon as Alfred says that all the presents are safely put away, you'll slip away, change into Robin, then go into the dining room and plant a Bat-tracking device on one of the more expensive gifts.”

“Roger! Then you sneak out of the party to get into your Batman costume and we pounce on the avaricious villains.” Robin made a tight fist with his left gloved hand, pounding it into his right.

“Negative, old chum. I will not be joining you as Batman. It would be highly suspicious if Bruce Wayne vanished and then Batman suddenly appears.”

“That's OK. I can take the female banditos and any help they might have by myself.”

“Don't be overconfident, Robin. Batwoman, Flamebird, and maybe Batgirl will be available to assist you. You see, Batwoman is going to plant a Bat-bug in one of the gifts so she can listen to any conversations. As soon as the criminals make a move, she will contact you on the Bat-walkie-talkies.”

“Gee, Batman, I think it will be more conspicuous if you don’t show up than if you did.”

“Well, in a manner of speaking, I will be present. I’ll put the Batdummy in the Batmobile and announce that as a personal favor to me, Batman is overseeing security. You can have the Batmobile pull up and park for a short time in the driveway.”

“Golly, Batman, you think of everything,” remarked Robin.

“I just remember what my Boy Scouts counselor taught me years ago: ‘Be Prepared.’”

“Gosh. Yes!” Robin paused. "One thing concerns me, though. Do you think people are really going to give you two shower presents? I thought you had everything!”

“I do have everything, but my millionaire friends will bring Barbara and me gifts, just the same. After all, what else are they going to do with their money, if they don't spend it on other millionaires?”

Several days later, millionaire Katherine Kane was reading her invitation to the Wayne and Gordon wedding shower. “It’s a shame we'll be in Hawaii and won’t be able to attend, Betty,” she remarked to her niece and partner in crimefighting.

“I didn’t know we were going to Hawaii! What should I pack?” the youth asked eagerly.

“That’s just an excuse we're using for our absence. We will be there, but dressed as Batwoman and Flamebird,” Kathy informed Betty.

“That’s even better than going to Hawaii!” Betty exclaimed enthusiastically. There was nothing like an old fashioned Bat-fight to get her blood pumping.

Exactly two weeks after Bruce and Barbara met with Frontier Fanny, the Wayne and Gordon wedding shower was underway. Playing the part of the faithful butler, Alfred busily served hors d'oeuvres to the merry guests.

Barbara flitted from one personage to another, chatting amicably to each as if they were old acquaintances. Miss Gordon was wearing a silky, sky blue gown that showed off her curvaceous figure. Several layers of gauze covered the skirt of her dress, and gauze made up the short sleeves. Blue beads outlined the low v-neck of her gown, putting emphasis on her large chest.

Bruce was attired in a tidy, gray suit that he often wore to social functions. He kept glancing at the front door, hoping the last guest would arrive soon so his scheme could begin.

Frontier Fanny and her boys, Howdy and Pardner, were checking to be sure everything was in order. Once it was certain the shower was running smoothly, they turned their attention to the theft. They would join Calamity Jan as soon as all the presents were unwrapped. When they had all the gifts, they would ride away on their getaway horses. In the meantime, Jan was hiding under the dining room table.

Meanwhile, Batwoman and Flamebird were hopping into their two Bat-Gyros, while Dick mingled with the guests. In his pocket was the Bat-remote control for the Batmobile, ready to bring the car and the inflatable Batman up to the front of Wayne Manor.

Forty-five interminable minutes ticked by. During this time, Flamebird and Batwoman landed their personal helicopters a half a mile from Wayne Manor, so the crooked cowgirls wouldn’t suspect anything. “We’ll wait here for ten minutes and then start walking to the mansion,” Batwoman informed her caped companion.

Finally, all the guests had arrived and the gifts had been unwrapped. Stepping through strands of paper and ribbons, Alfred carried gold candelabras, silverware, cherry-wood clocks, and other expensive items into the dining room. Frontier Fanny and her crew lent their assistance in the tedious operation.

Commissioner Gordon approached his daughter. “I wish I knew when Batman and Robin were going to arrive and arrest these villains.”

Bruce overheard this remark, but made no reply. “That dress brings out the color of your eyes, darling,” he cooed to his “fiancée.”

“You’re so sweet, dear,” Barbara answered in a saccharine voice.

“Oh, you two are so perfect together!” Aunt Harriet sighed. “Please, won’t you kiss for me?”

Barbara’s face turned absolutely blanche, while Bruce’s face lit up with anticipation. Barbara regained enough composure to plant an amorous kiss on Bruce’s lips. The whole party cheered with delight.

Commissioner Gordon turned a rather unbecoming shade of green, especially after Bruce enthusiastically returned the kiss with one of his own. James Gordon was about to belt the insolent playboy when Alfred declared, “The gifts are all in the dining room, sir.” Alfred eyes bulged from their sockets in shock at the sight of his master kissing the beautiful Barbara. “Holy Unexpected Public Display of Affection!” he uncharacteristically murmured.

After hearing Alfred’s announcement, Dick excused himself and made his way to the study, closing and locking the doors behind him. A quick trip down and up the Batpoles saw the carefree college student replaced by Robin, the Boy Wonder. After sending the Batmobile up to the front door of Wayne Manor, he stepped out of his hiding place.

Alfred had gone into the living room and was beckoning everyone outside onto the back lawn for luncheon. Robin slipped quietly into the spacious dining room. He removed a round, black tracking device from his utility belt. Quickly, he scanned the presents until his eyes rested on the shiny candelabra. Lifting one of the candles, he placed the tracking device in the holder. It was difficult squeezing the candle back in place, but Robin managed.

Robin then sneaked back into the study, completely unnoticed by everyone. Carefully, he used the remote control to bring the Batmobile back down to the Batcave.

Soon Robin himself was down in the Batcave, looking at the Bat-tracking device system in the Batmobile. He would control the Batmobile from the passenger's seat with the remote control again, following the tracking device signal. When the electronic dot stopped, he would be near the exact location of Calamity Jan’s hideout. Of course, his duty was only part of the elaborate plan; Batwoman and Flamebird would handle the rest and, if they were fortunate, Batgirl would appear and aid them in the capture of the cowgirl and her cohorts.

While Robin was carrying out his assigned duties, Batwoman and Flamebird entered the Wayne mansion. They found their way to the dining room without any difficulties. “Bring out the Bat-bug and move quickly.” Batwoman glanced uneasily around the room, half-expecting the crazed Calamity to burst through the door at any moment.

Flamebird obediently complied with her partner’s order by opening her utility belt and producing a minuscule ladybird beetle. “Where should we put the bug, Batwoman?”

“Place it in one of the more fashionable and expensive gifts, of course.” Batwoman pointed out several Ming vases with beautiful pictures of flowers painted on the bodies. After her niece planted the bug carefully inside the largest urn, Batwoman commented with satisfaction, “Now we'll be able to hear those no good cow wranglers’ conversation.”

Flamebird placed a high-tech speaker in her ear, so small that it was almost invisible to the naked eye. Besides its size, it was painted beige to match the color of her skin. Having a cowl on her head prevented Batwoman from wearing one of the speakers, but she trusted her partner in crimefighting to tell her everything the criminal cowgirl Calamity said.

The two tiptoed quietly out of the room to the kitchen door. They would hide in there until the thieves began to carry out their dastardly deed. Then, like two waiting, ravenous tigers, Batwoman and Flamebird would pounce on their prey. If someone should happen to make a getaway, Robin would be there to track the escaping criminal and arrest him or her.

As soon as she thought the coast was clear, Calamity Jan crawled out from her position under the dining room table. As she jumped to her feet, the dining room door opened a crack. Alarmed, Jan tried to bolt under the table again, but to no avail. The person saw her and dragged her to her feet. “Lemme go, you big varmint!” she cried.

A large, burly hand was clamped firmly over her mouth. Suddenly, Jan realized that the person who had grabbed her was Howdy! When Jan showed that she recognized him, Howdy removed his hand. He immediately wished he hadn't.

“You oversized cow, what are tryin’ to do: git me sent to jail before I can get married to my Shame-honey?” Before waiting for a reply, she added, “Batman and his Bat-folks are on to us, so let’s forget about these gifts and skedaddle.”

Pardner had followed his partner into the room. “Are you serious, Jan? Cuz if you ain’t, I’m gonna lick your tar,” replied Pardner.

“They’ve even planted a Bat-trackin’ device and a Bat-bug,” Jan sputtered in protestation. To prove her point, she removed the ladybug from its hiding place and unceremoniously crushed it beneath her high-heeled boot.

In the kitchen, Flamebird jumped several feet as static and feedback filled her earpiece. “Those rotten criminals just about made me deaf by breaking the bug we planted!”

“We had better stop them, once and for all!” Batwoman rushed to the dining room, prepared to save the defenseless world once more from diabolical masterminds. Expecting the door to move, she rammed her arm into it, but the dining room door held fast! As a result, a sharp pain shot through her costumed arm. “They’ve barricaded the door!”

Flamebird let out a cry of utter disbelief mingled with frustration. She pulled out a Bat-walkie-talkie from her utility belt and paged Robin. “Come in, Robin, Come in! The suspects have locked themselves in the Wayne dining room. We require your assistance NOW, OVER!”

In several seconds her message was returned. “I don’t get it, Flamebird! You say that they've locked themselves in, yet I’m getting a reading on that Bat-tracking device. In fact, the signal is going up the road to Gotham City. Batman and I are going to follow this lead, so I’m afraid you’re on your own; over and out.”

“This is most peculiar,” mused Batwoman. “I wonder what on Earth is going on?”

If any of the caped heroines or hero had been omniscient, they would have discovered that in the several seconds it took Flamebird and Batwoman to realize the bug had been destroyed and to rush to the dining room, Frontier Fanny had appeared and then escaped out the door with the candelabra. Having been told that the candelabra contained the tracking device, she placed it in a saddlebag on her getaway horse, White Stallion. A quick smack on the rear end sent the unassuming horse on his way. Frontier Fanny was about to return to the mansion when she spotted the Batmobile and the Batdummy. Mistaking it for the real thing, Fanny hopped onto Calamity’s horse and rode away in the opposite direction from White Stallion.

In the short duration it took Frontier Fanny to carry out her task, Howdy, Pardner, and Jan had blocked the door with the huge dining room table. Just as they had finished their job, Batwoman fell into the door.

“Quick, fellas, let’s set up some Bat-traps for those boobs!” Jan barked.

“Duh, I thought we were going to set up booby-traps for those bats?” Howdy questioned, scratching his head in wonder. He didn’t have much time to ponder, for Calamity put him and Pardner to the task of setting up a devious trap.

A crystal chandelier hung from the high ceiling in the center of the ornate room. Previously, the dining room table had stood beneath it, but Calamity and her crew had pushed the table over to the door. Howdy and Pardner tied five ropes to the chandelier, making sure plenty of excess rope dangled to the floor. The ends that weren’t fastened to the chandelier were tied into loops big enough for five boots. When the Bat-trap was finished, it was set just like an animal trap in the woods. An unsuspecting person stepping into a loop would be swept off the floor!

As soon the two goons finished their work, Jan helped the dim-witted cowboys pull the table away from the door. As they did, one of the vases that had been on the table fell and crashed to the floor.

“Oh, tarnation, I hate it when a good Ming vase goes to waste!” she complained.

Just then, Batwoman and Flamebird burst through the door. “That’s not all that’s about to go to waste!” Batwoman proclaimed in an ominous tone.

“Yes, all your devious planning is, too!” Flamebird chimed in.

The two athletic women attacked their enemies with an onslaught of judo kicks and karate chops.

Batwoman chopped Howdy in the back of the neck, causing the muscular man to fall to his knees.

Flamebird dove for cover as Calamity tried to flog her with a horsewhip. She turned on Jan and kicked the villainess right in the stomach.

Pardner grabbed the lithe teenager, pinning her two arms behind her. He began mercilessly smashing her into a wall, not heeding her entreaties to stop.

Batwoman kicked Pardner’s shins several times until he turned around to attack her. Gritting her teeth menacingly, Batwoman flipped Pardner over her back with one swift move.

“I guess that proves that crime does not pay!” Batwoman crowed to her winded adversaries.

Calamity advanced to the center of the room, right under the chandelier. “You still haven’t corralled me, Batmaniacs!”

The costumed adventuresses advanced toward their quarry.

In the space of two single steps, the huntresses became the prey. The two female crime fighters had been concentrating so much on their chief adversary that they didn’t even notice the ropes laying on the floor until it was too late. Batwoman and her niece were pulled into the air. They writhed desperately against the secure hold of the ropes. Dangling by one foot was not only unpleasant, but, for the moment, they were also helpless.

“You see, boys,” Jan crowed, “sometimes simple, old fashioned methods do work best.” She turned her attention to the Distaff Duo. “I was hopin’ the other three caped kooks would show their ugly masks, but I guess I’ll just have to make do with you two. Calamity watched the chandelier quake under the weight of the two Bat-beauties. “It appears that chandelier is securely fastened to the ceilin’. If someone evil like me should come along and loosen it a bit, it might just crash to the floor! Why, I should think a fall from that height with that heavy chandelier fallin’ on top of you’s could snap your necks! Maybe I ought to conduct an experiment to find out.” With that last malignant comment, Jan pulled out a silencer, placed it over her pistol, and aimed at the chain that connected the chandelier to the ceiling.

Horrified, Flamebird and Batwoman watched the upside-down image of Calamity Jan as she fired three bullets at various places on the chain. The metal chain weakened only a little and remained connected. Calamity pelted the chain with the rest of her bullets, then smiled satisfactorily. “Let’s see how long you last like that.”

Outside on the back lawn, Barbara fidgeted nervously in her seat. She wished she could be part of the action with Batman and his colleagues instead of listening politely to her father’s long speech about how proud he was to have his daughter marrying his good friend. If she had known that Bruce was Batman, she would have realized that Bruce was thinking the exact same thing.

Meanwhile, Pardner questioned his boss, “Should we carry this loot out to the horses?”

“Nah, we don’t have time. I s’pects somebody is going to take a quick look at all these presents very shortly. We’d better just hit the trails before we git caught.” Jan motioned for her two henchmen to leave the room. Before she exited, she said, “I’m sorry that I can’t watch your demise, but my horse gets worried if I don’t return from a robbery within thirty minutes.” She stifled a malicious chuckle as she left.

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