Demands a Grand Occasion

The sun set slowly overhead as waves of pain washed over Batgirl’s bound, prone body. The Purple Paragon tried to remain perfectly still. As she reflected on her predicament, she realized the young Ma Parker’s lovely lackeys had compelled her, however inadvertently, to endure one of the most potentially lethal and exquisite tortures she had ever experienced.

Vixen had delivered two shattering kicks to Batgirl’s ribs a very few minutes after Eenie had allowed all of the heroine’s weight to settle momentarily on her breasts. As the pain torturing her torso ebbed, the pins and needles denoting oxygen deprivation at the cellular level began to creep from her toes and fingers along her legs and arms to her hips and shoulders respectively.

Enhancing her physical torment were the psychological barbs her torturers’ parting words had lanced into her psyche. Eenie had suggested they had been merely toying with her, but it was quite clear the game was being played for keeps. Vixen had suggested she would last in the agony they had devised longer than most other heroes, including Batman, could. Perhaps most cruel, however, were the two little words with which Undine had left her. "Don’t move."

Nora Clavicle had left her to die with the same good advice, after having Batgirl and her various companions tied into deadly Siamese Human Knots the first two times.

When the evil feminist’s functionaries, Jennifer and Jessica, who had bound her the second time, returned calling themselves Passion and Ecstasy, the teenage twins had used their newly acquired psychic powers to twist slinkies into instruments of execution, entwining Batgirl and Robin back to back, enabling the wires to constrict about the crime fighters threatening strangulation, choking, or slicing their victims to ribbons.

Batgirl’s thoughts turned from the twins’sinister strands of wire to Catwoman’s similar Cat’s Whiskers, with which she had been bound twice. While the first time Batgirl’s hot body had triggered their constriction, Catwoman had modified her deadly invention so that movement would prove fatal for the second.

In each of these situations, like her current predicament, remaining motionless had been her best means of survival. Perhaps the deadliest similar situation had involved her costume being shrunken to her body, forming a sinister second skin. In the course of those events, her breasts had been sculpted into a pair of beautiful bullets, while the rest of her cute cuddly curves had been molded into ravishing revelations of their own. In her darker moments, Batgirl lamented the effect had been largely lost on her apparently androgynous antagonist.

Batgirl was confident that some day she would be able to look back upon this experience in a similar fashion. In order for her to do so, however, she would have to escape. It was time to focus and get on with getting away. She gasped and began to consider how.

Most of her bonds were centered over the small of her back. This meant her fingers could reach up and along her thighs. This proximity was significant because her belt and the wonders it contained were lost to her, however, since countless criminals had deprived her of her belt in the past, she was prepared for that obvious eventuality. Her gloves and boots held their own treasures, tiny tools capable of freeing her from the most stringent restraints. All she had to do was reach them! but, how could she retrieve the tools she needed without moving?

She let her fingers touch her boot. The smooth fabric beneath her glove dimpled ever so slightly as she curled her fingers, applying gentle pressure.

"Don’t move, Batgirl," Undine had advised.

Curling her fingers had involved movement. She had not noticed the laces at her throat tighten. She reviewed the wicked women’s parting words in her mind, this time letting the hope her tiny movement had fueled enable her to consider the fiendish farewells critically, rather than allowing them to tighten the grip of despair which had been throttling her psyche.

Ma Legs Parker herself had advised Batgirl to relax, knowing that movement would strangle her enemy instantly. Therefore, it wasn’t whether she moved that would determine if she would live or die, but how she moved!

Perhaps there was something else as well.

The fingertip, which had absently been exploring her boot, had encountered something harder than its pliable fabric. Gently she probed. The hardness was long and thinner than the shoe laces binding her. Suddenly, she realized what it was––a wrinkle.

Ordinarily, she would have been annoyed. She strove to keep her costume fitting comfortably while showing off her toned body to maximum advantage. While she could not point to an instance where she had stunned villains into submission with mere beauty, she knew her feminine charms were powerful weapons to be combined with her arsenal of gadgets and her natural talents. She could use all of these crime fighting tools with devastating effectiveness.

Now, however, the wrinkle in her boot might enable her to live. She flexed her fingers to maintain what little circulation they retained. She turned her hand and pinched the wrinkle, sliding the top of her boot toward her ankle.

The boot slid along her calf a few millimeters forming a second wrinkle. Batgirl had to pause and let blood return to her fingers. Once it had, she resumed her torturous efforts. She repeated the cycle of sliding her boot toward her ankle and resting to maintain blood flow until her body was utterly drenched in sweat. She had no idea how much time had passed, but knew the time was coming that would enable her to select a tool and free herself from her painful position.

She worked slowly, by feel in the deepening darkness, managing to maneuver the hilt of a tiny, razor-sharp knife between her fingers. She would, however, have to slip the top of the boot lower to retrieve the blade. The periods of resting to maintain circulation were becoming more frequent. She knew she would have to escape soon if she were to do so at all.

Ma Parker’s words echoed in Batgirl’s mind. "If you find your tight execution schedule is too much to bear, I would urge you simply to relax. All your troubles will fade away with your last labored breath."

Batgirl let a long breath escape her nose. Then she took air in and remained still. She closed her eyes and gripped the hilt of her tiny knife more tightly. Vision had not even been a factor in her escape plans and it would be well past dusk by the time she had freed herself. Batgirl knew if she relaxed, she would strangle, but if she tightened every muscle of her tortured body, she might draw her tiny knife and be able to go to work on her bonds. It was a desperate plan, but it HAD to work!

Batgirl did a crunch, clenching every muscle of her body. As she did, she felt the blade come free between her fingers!

She turned it and tried to slice through the mass of ropes encircling her limbs and holding them together. In that instant, the tingling along her fingers became unbearable! She felt her body relax!

Her eyes widened in horror! Involuntarily, her body convulsed. She was about to die, in precisely the manner the horrible henchwomen had planned!

Meanwhile, in her audience chamber at a Park Row tenement, young Ma Parker had moved to the next stage of her suitors’ extensive examination. Her mother, Grandma Parker, looked on while watching the baby. The young mother had pulled her hair back with the blue ribbon again and knotted her shirt across her breasts to expose her abdomen.

"I have a question for you, Maty Dee," the new matriarch announced.

"What is it, Boss?" the well-dressed thug asked.

"Get over here and I’ll tell you," Ma Parker said evenly. Maty Dee moved to stand before her. "Good boy. Now, how do you imagine our wedding night beginning?"

Maty Dee smiled. "Well, I would need to have a few preparations made."

"Let’s say you managed that," Ma Parker said conversationally.

"Very well. I would lead you to a candle-lit chamber in which a sunken, stone tub of steaming water awaited us."

"Then?" Legs prompted eagerly.

"Then mother wondered why we hadn’t gotten the idea already!" Grandma Parker said sharply.

Ma Parker sighed. "I’m looking forward to hearing much more about this,” she made a face at her mother, “later."

"As you wish," Maty Dee said, retreating.

"What about you, Freddy? How do you imagine our wedding night getting started?"

French Freddy the Fence moved before his intended. "Well, ma cher——"

"Boss," CB interrupted, "are you going to let him get away with that crack?"

"Shut up, CB!" Ma Parker ordered, her voice taking on a dangerous edge. "You’re next!"

"May I continue, ma cheri?" Freddy asked.

"Please do."

"You and I would be together in a sumptuous chamber high above Paris."

"Yes?" Legs prompted.

"You would be reclining comfortably, richly bejeweled and I," he began. French Freddy paused to be assured she had been captivated by the spell he had woven. "I would be worshiping you."

"How?" Ma Parker asked with a wide grin.

"I think we get the idea!" Grandma Parker said.

"Mother!" Ma Parker protested. "I know what I think. I want to know what Freddy and the other boys think."

Grandma Parker fixed her daughter with an unwavering stare.

"Thank you, Freddy. We’ll return to this topic. I promise."

"I look forward to it, ma cheri." French Freddy said, yielding the floor.

"CB!" Ma Parker said.

"I propose a demonstration," CB said, motioning for his intended to approach.

"Proceed," Ma Parker ordered.

CB reached for her hand and she placed hers in his. He drew her hand to his lips and kissed her knuckles with a courtly gesture.

"May I continue?" CB asked.

"Certainly," Ma Parker said.

"Carefully!" Grandma Parker said ominously.

CB glanced at the senior matriarch and returned his gaze to Ma Parker. His expression was pained.

"I look forward to the conclusion of your fascinating demonstration," Ma Parker said.

The baby made an unhappy noise. Ma Parker seized the advantage. "Mom, why don’t you put the baby down for a nap?"

"All right, dear. I know everyone understands what your questions are and what they are not!" Grandma Parker said.

"Yes, mother," Ma Parker said. Once Grandma Parker had gone, she quickly asked her question of Bolt.

The tall thug stepped up and literally swept Legs off her feet, catching her deftly. "I’m impressed," Ma Parker said, reaching up to put her arms around his neck.

"It gets better."

"Show me."

Bolt set her gently on the dais and bent his mouth to hers. As they kissed, he slowly slid a hand along her abdomen. Legs stopped him when she felt the knot over her breasts begin to loosen.

"Bolt," she said, disengaging herself and sitting up, "later on you and I will get locked into an embrace where I will be very disappointed if you don’t finish what you started here."

"Thanks, Boss."

Ma Parker’s attention turned to Spade.

"I take it you expect me to top that?" the blue-eyed thug said with devils dancing in his eyes.

"I would not be at all disappointed if you did," she said hopefully.

Spade stepped up and put his arms around her waist, to gently draw her body to his. He kissed her gently and began to let his hands slide along her bare back, gently massaging as they went.

Ma Parker closed her eyes and let herself respond to his kiss. When she felt his fingers flirting with the waistband of her shorts, it was time to reluctantly disengage herself.

"Thank you, Spade. We’ll pick up where you left off, later on."

Ma Parker returned to her seat atop the dais and addressed her suitors. "All right, boys. We have a big day ahead of us. I expect all of you to be ready to commit crimes on a moment’s notice. For now, the girls and I are going to discuss what just happened in delicious detail. So, get out!"

Back in the topless enclosure outside America’s Mall at the Crystal Castle, little had changed.

"God, death hurt!" Batgirl thought.

She felt each of her joints throbbing with pain. This was not fair. She had been a good girl all her life and just suffered a heinous death at the hands of a sextet of the underworld’s elite henchwomen. The idea of going through her afterlife suffering as she had in her final moments was repugnant.

She opened her eyes to find someone to whom to complain.

Batgirl was alone. Realization gradually dawned that wherever she was in the afterlife, looked remarkably like where she had just come from on Earth!

She moved her shoulder to ease some discomfort and felt pain shoot through her body again. Her head throbbed. She moved her arm to touch her head and felt something trail slowly against her butt. Was it rope? Probably not. She had, after all, been bound with shoelaces. A loud humming began and distracted her from these considerations.

Something was happening. Whatever it was could be important for her. She had to think!

Liquid splashing across her cape distracted her.

"What?" Her gag prevented her from distinctly voicing the question.

"Did you hear that?" someone asked.

"Hear what?" another voice answered.

"I thought I heard something. Omigosh!" The first voice was female.

"What?" Her companion was male. Both were young.

"Batgirl is in there!" the girl said excitedly.

"Batgirl?" the boy asked. "No way!"

"Turn it off!" the girl ordered.

"I can’t!" the boy replied.

Realization struck Batgirl like a thunderbolt. The well-honed blade had cut through her bonds like butter as her body had relaxed! The pain she had felt was an indication she was alive –– not dead. That, however, was all about to change.

The two children had come, thrown a drink into the crusher, and turned it on. If Batgirl did not move out of the closing confines of the crusher very soon, Ma Parker’s original plans for her passing to the afterlife would be executed——along with her!

Batgirl flattened her palms against the floor of the crusher and did a push up. She moved one foot forward and pivoted to face the exit. The moving wall of the crusher touched her back heel a second before she dove for the shrinking exit. Her body passed through the aperture and she tumbled to the ground, slapping it hard as she came to a stop.

"It is Batgirl," the boy said in wonderment. "Are you all right?" the girl asked, removing Batgirl’s gag.

"I am now," Batgirl said, raising a hand to shield her eyes from the late morning sunlight.

"We didn’t mean to turn the machine on while you were in there. We didn’t know," the boy explained.

"I know," Batgirl said, blinking.

"We’re sorry," the girl said.

"Don’t worry. You couldn’t have known." As Batgirl spoke, she stripped the shoe laces that had bound her away from her body and tossed them aside.

"Hey!" the boy said. "What’s this?" He pulled Batgirl’s blade from where it had lodged in the wooden enclosure.

"The reason I’m alive right now. It’s a good thing I keep it sharp. Because if I didn’t . . . ."

Batgirl took the blade from the boy and put it away.

"I thought you carried all of your gadgets in your utility belt," the girl said. "Where is your utility belt?"

"That’s what the bad guys thought, too. That’s why they took my belt before they left me to die."

"Do you carry a watch in your utility belt?" the boy asked.

"Batgirl wouldn’t carry a watch in her utility belt, silly," the girl declared. "Would you?"

"Well, I have an exploding pocket watch I found chasing Clock King," Batgirl said, employing diplomacy.

"Wow! Could it have killed you?" the girl asked.

"I doubt it," Batgirl said. She was recovering quickly as she spoke with the youngsters.

"Gee! We almost murdered you. We really are sorry, Batgirl," the boy said.

"It wouldn’t have been your fault," Batgirl said, smiling and putting a hand on his head.

"What time is it, anyway?" he asked, feeling better suddenly.

"It’s ten o’clock," the girl said, glancing at her wrist before Batgirl could consult her own timepiece.

"The arcade is finally open. I call the pinball machine. Goodbye, Batgirl." The boy hurried off.

"It was nice meeting you, Batgirl," the girl said and ran after him. "I didn’t want to play pinball, anyway!”

The heroine smiled, waved at the children, returned to her Batgirl cycle, slipped on her spare utility belt, and drove off. "Could the pain have knocked me out all night? It looks that way. Good thing I don’t have to work today."

Batgirl had only driven a block when a police call came over her radio. "Calling all cars. A silent alarm has gone off at the Gotham Ring Store. Please respond." Having just turned into Gotham City’s Diamond District, Batgirl steered toward the alarm.

Outside the store, a lavender convertible waited with the engine idling and the top down. As Batgirl passed, she recognized both the blonde driver and her passenger——Undine and Vixen.

Batgirl turned around and raced toward the car. As she approached, she retrieved a marble-sized capsule from a compartment of her belt. She pulled in behind Undine and tossed the capsule between the women in the getaway car. Moments later, the perfidious pair had collapsed in a cloud of knockout gas. Batgirl dismounted and quickly checked on them as she made her way inside the store. Aside from being unconscious, the henchwomen were unharmed.

"Turnabout is fair play, ladies," she remarked. "The car is probably stolen. No time to report it now, though."

Every display case inside the jewelry store had been smashed and cleaned out. Batgirl heard an explosion from the back room and dashed to the door.

"Well," Ma Parker said.

"The safe is open, Boss," Bolt reported superfluously.

"Thank you, Bolt. Do we know if cracking it was worth the trouble?"

"It may have been," French Freddy said. "They have some pricey accounts here."

"Good. Because we didn’t interrupt while they were working on one."

Ma Parker stood at a workbench, looking disappointedly at the stones the jeweler had been working on. French Freddy the Fence sat at a desk, looking through invoices, while Bolt knelt in front of the opened safe.

"Hold it right there, all of you!" Batgirl ordered.

"Batgirl!" Ma Parker said, shock registering in her voice as she turned toward the curvy crime fighter.

"That’s right, Legs. You set off a silent alarm."

"You’re supposed to be dead!"

"Sorry to disappoint you."

Ma Parker regained her wits. "We’ll have to remedy that some other time. Bolt, Freddy, I’ll get the stuff. You two get Batgirl. Now!"

Bolt pivoted on his heels and dove at Batgirl, who dodged to one side. As the heroine prepared to make sure the tall thug stayed down, he somersaulted to his feet and slid into a fighting stance. Batgirl glanced at French Freddy, who was circling the desk, and stepped forward with one foot. She kicked with the other.

Bolt prepared to block the kick, but was surprised when Batgirl turned her hip and slapped the ball of her foot into the center of his ribcage. Freddy the Fence lunged at her and saw her spin past him, slamming the side of her forearm into the back of his head as she passed. Batgirl awaited both of her opponents in a fighting crouch.

Bolt came for her in a bull rush and was stopped as Batgirl raised a knee into his face. Stunned, he paused as the heroine followed up with a kick snapped from the upraised knee. Bolt straightened and watched as Batgirl pulled her leg back, turned her hip, and shot her leg out again, launching the thug with a side kick. Bolt hit the wall and dropped out of the fight for good.

Freddy the Fence had slipped into his own fighting stance and was waiting for her. Batgirl moved toward him warily and tried to dart a punch at his face. He blocked and hit the opening she had given him with a knife-edged chop. Batgirl gave ground and hit him with a roundhouse to the ribs. Then she tried to kick him high and pulled her foot back and slammed his ribs in the same spot again, hard. Freddy backed off and Batgirl got both feet under her.

"Very fancy footwork, Batgirl," French Freddy complimented her, “reminiscent of the French boxing style which includes the feet and the hands, savate.” She ignored him, waiting. He began to weave a pattern in the air before him with his hands. Batgirl waited for the strike to come and caught his wrist when it did. She pulled him off balance and hit the spot she had been punishing on his chest. She favored him with a smile as he winced.

What happpened next was executed in a purple blur. Freddy felt her let go of him and was aware she had backed off. Suddenly, she was spinning in front of him and her leg was thrust toward him with titanic force. Freddy the Fence felt himself propelled backwards until a wall rudely interrupted his parabolic trajectory. The fight was over.

Ma Parker was still kneeling in front of the safe when Batgirl turned from her fallen foes. "Now it’s your turn, Legs." Batgirl approached and loomed over the young criminal. Ma Parker felt a gloved hand fall on her shoulder. When Batgirl spun her around, Ma Parker tossed a tiny package of powder she had taken from Batgirl’s utility belt. It opened into the heroine’s face.

Batgirl began to cough. "I don’t think so, Batgirl. I’ll take care of you later. Right now, we have to get out of here before the cops show. Come on, boys.”

By the time Batgirl had recovered enough to pursue, Ma Parker and her men had left with their loot. Moving the unconscious Undine and Vixen into the convertible’s back seat, though, delayed the crooks long enough for Batgirl to keep them in sight.

Bolt guided the lavender convertible from the Diamond District onto a long straight stretch of road with the Batgirl cycle in hot pursuit. Both vehicles picked up speed dramatically and Batgirl started to close the gap between them as they approached a gentle curve. As Batgirl negotiated the curve, her bike rolled over several tiny crystals Ma Parker had dumped into her path. The rubber of Batgirl’s tires adhered instantly to the road, sending the Dark Knight Damsel spinning over her own windshield. She hit the pavement several yards in front of her bike and lay motionless as pain wracked her body once again.

Concerned police officers surrounded her as she regained her breath and stood. "Are you all right, Batgirl?" their leader asked.

"I will be as soon as you tell me you caught those crooks," Batgirl responded, resting her palms on her knees. She had instinctively avoided allowing her head to hit the pavement, thus remaining conscious. There was a slim chance the effort would prove worthwhile.

The police spokesman looked apologetic. "I’m sorry, Batgirl. When we saw what happened to you, we broke off the chase to be certain you were all right."

"I appreciate your concern, officer. I’ll be fine in a moment."

"We should get after them."

Batgirl shook her head. "Never mind. They’ll be long gone. Besides, I know who they are." She was disappointed, but tried to encourage the officers despite her feelings.

"Who and what happened to you?"

"Ma Parker’s daughter Legs, who is a new mother herself, a pricey call girl named Vixen, and two of Jokers’s former employees, Bolt and Undine, attacked me. They used some crystals on my Batgirl cycle to caused a chemical reaction which made the tires stick to the road."

"You might have been killed."

"That’s true, officer. I’ll need to get going as soon as I’ve counteracted this chemical agent on the road." Batgirl spread the counteragent on the road, which dissolved the crystals. Then she bid her would-be rescuers farewell and went on her way.

Batgirl had just found a comfortable position in which to drive when another call on the police band led her to Vivienne’s in Gotham’s Fashion District.

No getaway car waited out front when Batgirl pulled up. The heroine entered the store cautiously.

"Hello, may I help you?" a woman behind the counter asked, hanging up the telephone. Batgirl detected the faintest trace of a French accent.

"I understand you sent for the police."

"Did we? I’m sorry, Batgirl. I’m afraid that was a false alarm. We made a mistake. I’ve just finished calling the police to ask them to disregard it."

"Are you sure everything is all right?" Batgirl asked, leaning close to her over the counter. Then Batgirl whispered, "Tell me if you’re in danger when I ask my next question. Understand?’’

The woman nodded. "I’m quite positive, Batgirl. Thank you for being concerned."

"By the way, do you sell wedding dresses in colors other than white?" Batgirl asked in her normal voice.

"Yes, Batgirl. You’d be quite welcome to look around and try on whatever you would like in the back."

The Crime Fighting Cutie made her way to the changing room and paused to listen at the door.

"Well, Eenie, would you say it’s purrfect?" a woman asked, giggling.

"It sure looks good to me, Ma Parker," a man said.

"It’s supposed to, Spade. It’s all supposed to look good to you. On either of us," Eenie said.

"Good thing it all does, Eenie."

"Shall we try another?" Ma Parker asked. "Find something with a lower neckline."

Batgirl stepped through the door and put her hands on her hips while spreading her legs to shoulder width. "I’d say it’s the end of the line for all of you! And wouldn’t it be better for your dress to show off your legs, Legs?"

"Batgirl!" Spade said.

"Batgirl," Eenie repeated.

"Batgirl again," Ma Parker said. "Why don’t you just go away?"

"I will, but I’m taking you with me."

"Not if we take you out first. Get her, you two!"

Eenie pounced. Batgirl raised her arms to fend off the woman’s attack and was able to catch her in midair. Batgirl twisted and threw the former henchkitten to one side and turned to meet the attack she anticipated from Spade.

Spade had moved, however, and gave the heroine a shove from behind. Ma Parker dodged. Batgirl hit the wall with her hands and became aware of Spade pressing his advantage. He was behind her in a heartbeat and aiming a powerful blow at the back of her head.

Batgirl turned her body and shot her foot hard into Spade’s gut. He doubled over involuntarily and felt Batgirl’s hands fall on his shoulders. She sent him skidding helplessly to the floor and approached the spot where Eenie had fallen. "Had enough?" Batgirl asked.

"Not hardly, honey," Eenie said. She came off the floor in a snarling rush, clawing and scraping at her enemy. Batgirl waited for her flailing foe. Their brief battle more closely resembled a catfight than a typical Batfight. Batgirl took Eenie by the wrists and flung her aside almost effortlessly. In the process, she endured little more than a minor, not particularly deep, scratch on her face.

"Now it’s your turn, Ms. Parker," Batgirl said, stepping toward the malevolent young matriarch.

"Not just yet, Batgirl," Eenie said from behind her.

"What do you mean?" Batgirl demanded, turning to regard both women Something was happening to her!

"The drug I applied to my claw-like fingernails should just be starting to function, Batgirl." It was true. Batgirl’s vision blurred before her and she concentrated to regain focus. She took a step toward Ma Parker and felt an overwhelming dizziness.

Ma Parker realized Batgirl was in trouble and closed the distance between them with a confident stride. She pursed her lips and blew a kiss at her enemy and formed her lips into an ‘‘o’’. The breath she let out would have barely have moved a feather, yet it toppled Batgirl, who remained lying helpless at the women’s feet. They both laughed.

"What was it?" Batgirl whispered.

"Catatonic," Eenie said. "So far, I’ve only scratched you with it. You’ll be paralyzed for a minute or two, however, that will give me time to administer more." As she spoke, the henchkitten dipped the points of one of her Kitty Claws into a tiny vial. "Boss, with your permission."

"Go right ahead. She’s all yours."

Eenie smiled wickedly and bent over her victim. Batgirl felt herself positioned on her stomach and the Claw placed against the back of her neck. "I’ve got a better idea," Eenie announced, chuckling wickedly. She removed Batgirl’s cape and tossed it carelessly aside. Then she raked the Claw along the length of her victim’s backbone and settled it at the base of her spine. Her final touch was to tap the tips of the Claw into Batgirl’s glutes with her toe. "There. She’ll be helpless for more than long enough for us to clear everything we need out of here."

Spade looked admiringly at Eenie. "Boss, why don’t I haul her to the roof and send her to the street the short way?"

"No, Spade," Ma Parker disagreed. "I need you to help us load the van. I have a much more interesting end in mind for Batgirl, since it seems she will continue to hound us until we kill her. We’ll attend to that later, though. Eenie, use this Bat-Sleep and get that seamstress out front. Spade, carry her. Then, I want you to hit the cash register and the safe. Now go."

The villainess produced Batgirl’s cell phone and dialed. "Grandma, pull the van around front. We’ll be ready to go momentarily." She hung up and addressed the helpless heroine. "Thanks again for all this fancy equipment. I’d back off if I were you, though. The next time we meet will probably be the last. I’ve warned you."

"I’m going to stop you, Legs. Count on it."

The young mother favored her with a smile. "Not today you won’t. Bye." Ma Parker left her alone to listen to the remainder of the robbery, which she was helpless to prevent.

Much later a shriek tore Batgirl from her thoughts. "Batgirl," a woman’s voice behind her said. "Get the Claw out of me," Batgirl whispered. "Don’t touch it. Then, call the police."

By the time Chief O’Hara and Commissioner Gordon arrived, Batgirl had recovered almost fully. She had her cape on again and had calmed the store owner enough so beleaguered shopkeeper could begin to inventory what had been taken. "In addition to money from the cash register, my petty cash box, and the safe, they took mostly fabrics and tools. When I say tools, I mean needles and thread. None of that is important, though. They took Marie!"

"What could they be after?" Chief O’Hara asked.

"They’ve robbed a jewelry store and the dress shop so far," Batgirl said.

"I received a report similar items were taken from Mr. Mike’s Gentlemen’s Clothier by Ma Parker, Spade, Bolt, CB, Maty Dee, and French Freddy the Fence. It seems Grandma Parker was driving their getaway van," Commissioner Gordon reported.

"That information fits in with something Ma Parker told me before she left me to die. She said she had, ‘many other pressing engagements to consider.’ I think she’s planning to marry one of those men and hasn’t decided on which one yet!"

"Begorra!" O’Hara exclaimed.

"That could very well be," Commissioner Gordon remarked, "but her indecision isn’t stopping her from making wedding plans."

"She’ll still need food, a site, decorations for the ceremony, and to kidnap people like a minister and perhaps a photographer," Batgirl said.

"So where will they strike next?" O’Hara asked.

Commissioner Gordon took a call on his cell phone, which answered that one. "A number of alarms have been tripped in Little Bohemia," he reported. "It seems Ma Parker is coordinating her gang’s efforts."

"French Freddy the Fence has probably targeted several stores they’re hitting," Batgirl guessed. "I’m on my way." Gotham City’s Purple Protector sped off.

She drove through the narrow streets of Little Bohemia, surveying the shattered windows and store owners on the streets guarding their wares against looters. She slowed to a halt in what she judged to be the center of the effected area. She learned, once she had gotten one person to speak at a time, that Ma Parkers’s gang had driven in and dispersed rapidly. They had smashed windows to get at the items they wanted, loaded the loot into their van, and driven off after repeating this procedure a number of times. The police would have to determine the value of the goods stolen. Batgirl sped off in the direction the victims indicated the crooks had gone.

She sped for miles without encountering hostility, monitoring her police radio. After half an hour, she heard the police trying to locate her. She picked up her microphone. "This is Batgirl. Go ahead, please."

Chief O’Hara began transmitting. "Batgirl, we just got a report Ma Parker, Matey Dee, CB, Moth, and Chickadee have arrived at the Royal Mushroom Club. I thought I’d better check with you before sending my men."

"Good thinking, Chief O’Hara. I’ll meet you there."

When she met the police, they asked her advice. "I’d like to go in ahead of you. Give me half an hour to scout out the situation and then come in after me. If we can keep the crooks from escaping, that would be tremendous." The police readily agreed.

Batgirl quickly crossed the grounds on foot and let herself in through a first story window. She found a receptionist unconscious, but unhurt, at her desk. A telltale sound led her to the kitchen. Ma Parker, Matey Dee, Chickadee, and Moth were packing food and an unconscious chef had been dumped in one corner.

"I think that’s everything, Boss," Matey Dee said.

"Double check the list, Chickadee," Ma Parker ordered.

Her shapely sycophant circulated among the packed items with a clipboard. "We’ve got everything except the wine," she reported.

"The wine cellar is this way," Moth said.

"This is the best chef they have?"

"I’ve sampled all of their food," Matey Dee said. "I think this chef handles what you want to serve best. He turned down a job at Cameron’s by the Park to work here."

"How do you know?"

"One of the servers there told me."

"And just what were you doing with one of their servers?" Chickadee asked ominously.

"Hey! Before we hooked up, I hadn’t seen you since we worked for Penguin," Matey Dee protested. "Then, you started working for Egghead and got yourself arrested. What was I supposed to do? Besides, now that you’ve escaped, you’re trying to marry me off!"

"Careful," Moth advised.

Matey Dee swallowed hard as he realized he may have made a mistake. He glanced quickly at Moth before turning to Ma Paker. "Not that I mind, of course."

"Boss," CB called, running into the kitchen. "We’ve got company."

"What do you mean, CB?" Ma Parker asked.

"I spotted Batgirl outside on the security cameras. She’s sneaking up on us. Everything else is set."

"We’ll go find her after we pack up," Moth offered.

"That won’t be necessary," Ma Parker said. "I’ve come to know Batgirl well enough to predict she’ll turn up soon."

"Sooner than you think, Ma Parker. I’m canceling your order."

"Batgirl, how utterly unexpected," Ma Parker mocked her adversary. As an aside she said quietly, “But at least you’re now calling me by my proper title.” Then she continued, “Anyway, I think you’re about to find yourself wrapped up to go instead. Take her out!"

Chickadee rushed toward her adversary. Batgirl stepped back and to one side, slapping her well-rounded rival in the butt with the side of her foot. Chickadee sprawled.

Maty Dee came at her and feinted high to send a fist into Batgirl’s gut. She doubled over and lunged, slamming a shoulder into him. She lowered her center of gravity and wrapped her arm around his waist. As the cultured thug collapsed onto her back, she stood, lifting his legs to dump him unceremoniously behind her.

CB used the opportunity to shove her toward Moth, who waited with a cast iron frying pan. Batgirl realized what would happen and lowered one hand to get her balance. Then she dove at Moth with a lowered shoulder. The purple pair fell to the floor and rolled, fighting for control of the frying pan. As Batgirl reached for Moth’s wrist, she felt her opponent swing the improvised weapon. Gotham’s Dark Angel changed tactics, slamming her elbow in the other woman’s chin. Moth was stunned and Batgirl easily twisted the frying pan from her fingers and flung it beneath some shelving out of everyone’s reach. She then rolled on top of Moth, preparing to crack the blonde’s head against the floor and make sure the ephemeral henchwoman stayed out of the fight.

"I’ll get her," CB said and wound his arms around Batgirl’s shoulders from behind. "Oh, no you don’t, Batgirl," he told her as she began to struggle. He laced his fingers behind her neck and began to apply pressure.

Suddenly, Batgirl thrust herself backward with her legs and slammed her attacker into the floor. "I see you like it on top," CB mocked her, maintaining pressure with a laugh.

"In your dreams," Batgirl replied weakly, lifting her legs, separating them, bending her knees, and slamming her heels into CB’s ears.

Ma Parker had been edging toward the fight and snapped a Batcuff on one of Batgirl’s ankles. "No!" Batgirl protested.

"Oh, yes, Batgirl. You are all mine." Ma Parker clamped her arm around Batgirl’s shackled leg and used both hands to take control of her other leg, which was Batcuffed seconds later. "Keep holding her, CB!" As the thespian thug obeyed, Ma Parker tossed the shackled ankles aside and took hold of one of Batgirl’s wrists. "Almost," the villainess commented as she pulled the shackled arm straight and blocked a defensive blow Batgirl launched at her. "You shouldn’t have done that," Ma Parker said, taking the free wrist and cuffing it to the other. "Let go of her."

As CB released Gotham’s shackled sentinel, Batgirl whipped her legs and cut him down with a smack. Ma Parker stepped back and gestured for Chickadee and Maty Dee to pull her to her feet. The pair kept away from her legs as they approached and took her by the elbows and lifted her roughly to a standing position.

"What are you going to do now?" Chickadee asked mockingly.

"Stop you, of course.’’

"Not likely," Maty Dee said.

"Over here," Ma Parker said, opening the door to the wine cellar. "You’ve given me a lot of trouble, Batgirl. It’s past time I did something about it."

"You tried. Remember?"

"Let go of her." Chickadee and Maty Dee stepped away as Batgirl stood, restrained at the top of the wine cellar staircase. "I’d love to spend about an hour smacking you around, but with cops outside I can’t spare the time. Chickadee, put her down."

Ma Parker noticed her healthy helper had pulled a pistol. "Down the stairs, I mean. I promised Batgirl a more interesting end than that."

Batgirl felt herself tumbling painfully toward the bottom as Ma Parker’s leggy lackey delivered a swift kick. Chickadee raced down the staircase after her. "Did that hurt, Batgirl?’’ she asked with mock sympathy. Batgirl moaned in response. "Well, it’s only gonna get worse." With that ominous declaration, the tiny temptress kicked her victim hard in the gut. Once Batgirl had stopped writhing, she followed up with another kick.

"All right, guys. While Chickadee gets her kicks, I want you two to load the van. Moth and I have another little chore. Get busy." They obeyed. As Chickadee worked Batgirl over, Ma Parker descended the stairs with Moth. "All right. Let’s find it." Moth let the way across the cellar and the women began stamping the floor with their feet.

"What are you doing?" Chickadee asked.

Moth explained. "Mr. Riddler’s River Rat Gang tunneled in here years ago to kidnap a Moldavian king. Apparently, the Club had the tunnel walled up, but not filled with cement. I think they left behind a hole the size of a chimney."

"Once we find it, I have a plan," Ma Parker confided. "Chickadee, I need you to leave Batgirl alone and find enough good wine to fill a few cases."

"Here it is," Moth announced, as her tapping yielded a hollow sound.

"Stay right there," Ma Parker ordered. She moved to a closet and opened it with a device from Batgirl’s utility belt. From the closet she retrieved a sledge hammer.

"What are you going to do?" Chickadee asked as Ma Parker began banging away at the floor to open a square of darkness.

Legs knelt beside the hole and explored it with her hand until she found a ladder. Quickly she descended into the darkness. The bride-to-be reappeared a moment later. "It’s excellent," she reported. "Moth will string up Batgirl with her own rope. You get the boys down here. I’ll need a few heavy things moved and I know we all want to watch. When everything is set, I’ll explain."

Once the job was done, Moth looked up at her handiwork. "She’s ready do go, Boss," the baby-faced bombshell reported.

For Batgirl, the plan became all too obvious. She was soon suspended with her Batrope and grappling hook upside down above the hole in the floor. A bag of cement dangled from her wrists to keep her body perpendicular to the floor. CB and Maty Dee moved a cask of wine to each edge of the squarish hole beneath her. Each of the women enjoyed that show in her own way, Batgirl in spite of herself.

"Looking very good, guys," Ma Parker complimented them. "Is everything packed?"

"All the food is packed, Boss," Maty Dee reported. "I think we have company outside, so I kept the chef handy in case we need a hostage."

"I expected the police. You two take the wine to the van and get it started. We’ll finish up here and join you in a few minutes." The men obeyed while Ma Parker lowered Batgirl until her feet had vanished into the darkness beneath her. "Now then, Batgirl. Before we leave, we’ll lock the heavy security door behind us. It should keep the cops out long enough for this little arrangement to finish you off once and for all," Ma Parker said, laughing. "Moth, Chickadee, tap her out."

Ma Parker’s marvelous-looking minions first stole a wicked glance at each other, then slowly activated the dispensers on the wine casks, causing the contents to spill into the shaft in which Batgirl had been lowered. The henchwomen joined their mistress on the stairs.

"Oh, Batgirl," Ma Parker said. "I hope you find this death as delicious as I do." Batgirl did not respond. "By the way, we’re using a fine vintage of Amontillado."

"A very Poetic choice," Batgirl said darkly.

"That awful pun is the best you can come up with, Batgirl? Pathetic," Ma Parker said.

With the police outside, Batgirl knew any delay might work in her favor. From the pit she answered, “How about, ‘I never drink - - - wine’?”

“Hmmph!” Ma Parker snorted. “That’s even worse! I never thought you were a vampire bat.

“Anyway, it’s time we were going. In a matter of minutes, the shaft you find yourself in will be completely filled. Moments later, you’ll have drowned. As you won’t be around for my wedding, which you’ve no doubt guessed I’m planning, I propose a farewell toast." Ma Parker laughed and handed her henchwomen a pair of wine glasses, filled them, and took one for herself. "To your health. Salute!" The wicked women drank their wine and threw the glasses to the floor, shattering them.

A moment later, they had finished climbing the stairs and locked the door behind them.

In the cellar below, Batgirl hung alone in the fragrant darkness. A quartet of wine casks slowly continued spilling their contents around her.

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