Once upon a crime.

Dear Haley.

AS we are preparing ourselves to pass Christmas without you, despite we would have so wishes otherwise, I decided to write something up.

The paper will be bumpy, I fear. Those are my tears returning once more. I can’t restrain them some times.

I hear the wind moaning from afar. It is like the violin in that song you made me discovered. That song you heard at school. I hope you remember the title of it, because I do not. You will have to teach me again.

I so would want you to be there.

That would be so hard passing that Christmas without you. Any feastive time without you around is hard.

You are growing up so fast that your Halloween costume you made for this year won't fit next year. I did keep it till now. I just can't disassemble it.

In my head, I am under the impression that you will cross this door, giggling and running to fetch Berny at anytime.

I hear you at night, when the apartment noises are all subdue. I had to get up several time because I thought you was back and asleep in your bed. I never stopped hearing you breathing softly.

Christmas without you will be in few hours from here. Perhaps we will have a surprise. I heard that some benevolent people in the city are looking over for you. They set up a watch to get Ilario on the right track. But since it snowed so hard in the last few days, they did have problems. More, they do need to celebrate with their family.

So, there is only a man, a giant, which continues till late on the night. They told me that it is the same man that thought he found your body in a trash can. He was really shook up. So we don't know if we can trust what he said about seeing you around, walking with a woman holding your hand and other little girls. That is hard to believe this person that kidnapped you will be that bold. I'll need to have a proof. But what?

If ever it was you, daddy received your message. He said he loves you too, very much. He want you back. You will have that CD you was asking for. He would had promise you tone of thing if he knew that would bring you back, you know. Even quitting smoking.

I hear the people laughing and singing, now. Midnight must have just ringed. Me, I am alone with your daddy once more. Are you alone as well? I do hope you are not.

My clear view on the window on the other side of the street allowed me to see the little toddlers that were unwrapping their gifts earlier. Yours are still uptight under the tree. I am as excited as usual and if it was not of the fact I believe in your return, I would have opened them. I always have been more curious to see your gifts than to see mine.

That makes me remember: we found Suzy in the hedge under your bedroom window. She was laying there, reciting her usual list of prayers. She was quite a mess of herself, though. It rained all night. And you know, stuffed doll are not pretty resistant to water. But, nevertheless, she spoke all the time. She pried for your safety, grand-ma said to me.

Only, we had to bring her at the lab. They performed an autopsy on her. You would have been thrilled. Sef collaborated by making her own autopsy report. Now, she actually survived the intervention, which would have not been your case.

Better again, Saira did repairs all and ‘healed’ her so she has not a scar of the intrusion.

The sample they collected on her was of no use for the moment. The hairs were no match with any of us, nor anyone they got in their database, so far. But we are somehow worry, because they still have to test the fiber and the hairs found on other little girls they discovered lately. Some cases were as old as two to three years. If it appears that the sample are connecting those victims to Suzy, which would mean a lot. But not in the direction of what I want to expect.

Ilario is trying to prepare me for the worst. I do see it. But I just can’t believe that you could be already where ever you go when you pass away. I just can’t reason myself to that. For me, you are still alive.

Daddy thinks alike me. He compared this to a travel in a strange country. You have a map that is old, and since the map has been made, there had been changes. Some roads were developed. Where there was supposed to have gravel, now there is asphalt. Other has collapsed in a landslide. Houses have been built. So, even with the map, and the testimonies of previous travelers within those borders, we are still astray and even mislaid.

We put all our chances on our side.

I and daddy are driving two hours to go to a group discussion, each Tuesday. Parents there are parents that lived either a run-away, a parental abduction or, well, not or. We are the only one with a child that went missing by the hand of a total stranger. The animator said it is common, because most of the little girls and little boys that disappear like you did are doing so unlikely without a reason or help from someone near the family.

It is Very seldom that a pure stranger attempt that.

So, you are an exception. Or you were: since all those corpses turned out. We even went to identified one that Ilario truly assumed it was you. It was not.

More the time passes, more they told us to abandon hope. But what would be left of you if we do so? What would be left of you in our life if I and daddy give up? What would you have left when you will come back if we were to mourn you, already?

Even Berny continues is Hermit Crab life, like if you were still there.All is in place. Only some things changed, mostly due to the fact we have to clean things once in a while.

Like, we replace the pumpkin lantern with a fir. It was rotten beyond recognition. When we hoist it up, it smashed in tiny pieces. You would have laugh to see that squirrel you use to feed up. It stole one big chunk and escaped with it.

Now, we are having hard time keeping it from biting at the electric wires and decoration. You would have been thrilled. It is putting some food reserve in the bucket holding the tree up.

It sure doesn’t know we will remove that tree in less than ten days. No worry, I won't be heartless. I'll put back what ever it brought in on the balcony.

We put more light than usual, in hope you will see them, where ever you are.

Moshe will sure call soon. You know how he likes calling us on holidays. He is the first one, each time, at midnight on the dot. Speaking of him, let me a moment my feather, I have to answer.

Back. That was Moshe, indeed. His ribs are doing better. Oh, I forgot to tell you that one. He was playing with Jonathan, in the parking lot. A ball game of some sort, I am not good at this. The point was to throw a ball in a bin. So he was hovering his arms over his son. But then he lost his balance and, at some point, he shifted. Apparently, Jonathan was all bewildered when he saw that massive guy falling aside him. He ran to his home and warned up Ellen. I was not there to see that, I would have sprinted there too. But his wife is a nurse. So she does know what to do in those cases.

He had cracked ribs. Not totally broken, but that was painful. That is now in good ways.

I remember we were so happy the day you left. Sure, you made us worried and argued because you tried so hard to watch up those shows we forbade you to see. We have our reasons. No need to make a meal out of it. Eric and Taggard have been told about when we learned they let you glimpse at it. This is just because, you got to understand that there is an age for everything to be appropriate.

If you want to see gruesome situations suitable to your age, there is Goosebumps. But not CSI, my sweetie. We don’t want you to have nightmare and to deal with grown-up problem. That would happen so fast. Perhaps that had happened at this same moment, while I was writing to you. I would wish not.

I would wish you still believe that if you get into a cavern, you will have access to Middle-Earth.

I do wish you still think butterflies are kiss that lost their ways while going from a person to another.

I do desire you’re good, above everything else, because I love you. You are more than just my daughter. You are the light in the lighthouse. You are what make me find the port where I can rest. I just can’t talk of it in the past tense.

I know that chance you will come back tonight were near null. Why tonight and not another one?

What does Christmas night have of so difference compare to other days? My expectation was possibly set too high. But I hoped you were to knock at the door.

I had an announcement to make. I didn’t say it to your daddy yet. How about you were having a little brother or a little sister to cuddle up when you will be back?

That will be nice, huh?

I so wished that this was an addition to our family, not a replacement. No child can ever replace another one in the heart of a mother. Not totally. Each of you are as unique as the stars I showed you in the night sky when we went camping in the mountain. Remember?

From the naked eyes, all of them seemed alike. Some had a slight tint: red, blue, amber, and greenish. Some were almost dark. But then as soon as you picked up the telescope, you saw that the pale yellow one was not at all like the red one. It has rings. And when I gave you the name she has, you were blissful.

“So they are truly all exclusive if someone took the time to name them. Venus is neither Mars nor Polaris.”

And I told you they were indeed, a lot different. So you asked me if there was a start with the same name you have. And I told you there is a comet. I explained to you what was a comet and the fact the Comet was not to be around till in sixty one year, or so.

You wondered if you will be still alive. I replied that it was likely that you will be looking at the sky, alone by yourself. That I would not be there, but that most likely you will. You hugged me, crying.

My heart splinted and I cried too. Here are my tears again.

Oh, Haley! If I had knew, I would have left you to Grand-Mother place that night.

That was something odd for me to do, but that would have probably ruined the plan of that individual.

I concluded that, perhaps, since we so much like our routine that we tend to forget malevolent person are as interested in our cycle that you were about the night sky.

Is it what make me feel so guilty about your depart?

I am taking glimpse to the stars, as I am still writing up to you.

My remembrances of you are vivid, but they are like the dot in the sky: some are lifeless. I only see of them the mark it left, but one day they will fade. I just hope that they will because my night sky suddenly counted more luminaries than it can bear.

And that will only happen if we gather some more remembrance together, when you will be back.

I wish for constellations of it. I long to hug you up. You can’t be dead!

I have to stop writing. Your daddy is drinking some rhum and coke and he made to me a Tia Maria with milk. You got a milk chocolate with a cherry and an orange hanging from the wall of the glass.

Don’t worry, no one will drink it. It will wait for you till the morning and if ever you didn’t show up, we’ll figure out something. Because it is yours.

Have yourself some sweet dream, we kiss you. You miss us every minutes that you are away and that we ignore if you are sheltered and loved.

Cheers!

Maataa and Daddy.

Word Count=2160

Back - Chapter 21