Once upon a crime.
More bounce for the ounce
"That is totally insane…" I shouted , quite exasperated.
"What are you doing?" you asked to me.
I felt it was out of distraught.
I hate seeing you in that state.
That is totally getting into me. I would have cuddle you, but those two clowns sitting at our kitchen table, filling out papers work , were totally pushing my anxiety level upward.
I needed air…lot of it. Air and something else.
I didn't realize until I was out and quite far in the street that I had put on that horrible sweater my mother made and gave to me last Christmas.
She'll would have been very proud of 'her boy' now. Wouldn't she?
I remember I told you all something like :"I'll tell you what I am doing. I am doing the only intelligent things any father would do with his daughter missing. I am going out to seek for her instead of waiting for some pseudo-psycho nun and a cop that should have stayed in his office filling up forms with us!"
Somehow, attacking Ilario provide me a vicious pleasure. I felt like doing a homerun. Short lived one, but it was a thrill.
So much that I rammed in the door. For a moment, I was stunt and confused. How do you open a door?
But of course, I figured it out.
I saw you made a move to reach me and I heard that lady, Selima isn't it? She immobilized you so I was able to flee the apartment.
I run down the stairs, not daring shouting Haley's name outside. The day was so crispy and beautiful, who would have guess how dark it was inside of me.
I walked, paying more attention to every details standing alone my way.
I swear I could now tell you who is the owner of that monstrous dog that attacked you last year. I know each cars plate by heart and I can tell you which men in our neighborhood is cheated on.
I meandered in the park after. There is a lot of bush, and you know, if ever Haley passes there and felled asleep under one. I dared not think of what could had happened to her. The weather was chill that night. Certainly it got below zero.
My next stop that I had out of the top of my head was, you must have guessed, the convenience store. The one about five minutes away from our house. How many time did we warned her to wait for us before going there.
You had hard time to convince her. Those candies are very attractive at her age. That was about the only articles that remind me she was not already a teen or even an adult. The rest of her choice in life are so mature.
I thought of that while walking: Why Haley always tended to love things that are not her age?
She is seven and the doll are no more a fashion for her. If you excluded the one your mother gave her coming from your own childhood. The one speaking twenty eight languages?
She dislikes teddy bear and stuffed animals. She likes to cook mostly alone. Remember, I had to make her a bench so she can be at the right height for it. Her room is cleaner than ours. Her vision is perfect, but she insisted to have glasses. And even more, she can pull out her head quotation from Plato. Where did my daughter, our daughter, have take that? We never had Plato in our library.
The tinkle of the chime above the door woke me out my reasoning. This errand took me longer then I believed it would. It was already eleven on the dot when I laid my eyes on the clock, there. I instantly wondered if the duo left you alone in our apartment. I wanted not they did. Although having Selima around was not of the better company for you. Frankly, I would have feel my best friend Moshe would had been better handling you that day than her. You chatted online with him about all happening in your life well before you knew me.
Unfortunately, since you came in our country, Ellen, his wife, has been very suspicious. She thought you came for him when you came more for me. Since when have you been able to talk with him? It must have been so long. It is sad. You too were meant to be friend. More, he could have been your brother. If it would have not been for Ellen that gave credence to every gossip telling you was here to stole her husband, no less.
I thought to all that, while my eyes where searching quite distractedly for any sign of Haley. I was also searching my words. What could I say? What should I say to this lady? What was her name. I placed my hand on my forehead. I never knew her name.
Haley did. She was running all around, collecting all she needed and dealing with the lady very nicely.
"Mrs Youshi !Mrs Youshi !Can I have this and this with my Loony?" I heard Haley excitably inquiring in my head. She was a true whirlwind as soon as we were setting foot in there, but Mrs Youshi was warm and sincerely happy to welcome her. She was allowing her to stay and even to sit on the counter, as long as she was posing like the Buddha. That was this lady trick to calm down our Tasmanian Devil. And Haley was more than willing to do it.
"Mrs Youshi ?" I repeated after Haley's voice in my head.
Sure thing, the lady of no-age appeared as I called her. Had you ever tried to guess her age? I gave up pretty soon. But I am counting, One of those day, she will wilt all of a sudden and then I will be able to say I knew her age.
"Yes, yes, Mister Heart. What can I do for you?" she replied back.
I was astonished that she recalled my name. Especially since I never introduced myself. Surely another of Haley's secrets.
She joined me on that side of the counter and touched my hand. I remarked just that way that I was tightly holding chocolate bars.
"Now, now…relax and gave them to me, either they'll melt or you'll break them up." She justifiably complain, taping on my thumb. I let them go.
"Will you buy them?" she asked, surveying her shop meticulously. "I never saw you here alone. Where is Haley? Where is Rizpah?"
"Huh. No, I wont buy those." I responded, absent minded. I felt like I was melting myself.
She simply smiled and returned behind her counter with them. She disposed them back with the one in liquidation. They were a bit twisted. Straight and holding her head level, she nevertheless narrowed her eyes more than I ever saw her do. "Are they ill?"
"Haley?No, she must be alright.We hope." I answered with a twitch in the jaw. I was very dizzy, suddenly. My hands were shaking. I glanced toward the widow, but there was too much stuff suspended all over to allow me to see through. I return my gaze on Mrs
"Can you call us if ever you see her, here?" I asked, offering one of my business card and biting my lip.
"Oh?She is missing?"She narrowed her eyes even more upon asking that. "Since when?"
"She was not around this morning, I fear we ignore since when." I observed her expression changing.
Mrs Youshi kept silence a long instant. Then, she crouched without a word more, under the counter. I walked and leaned over, worried. You know, she could have passed away, lost conscience or something. No one like hearing about a missing child. More over if like her it is one you are attached to.
When she reappeared, she was holding a black marker and a kind of plastic bank. "How do you spell her name again?" she asked me, holding the marker over the small container.
I backed and blushed. "No, you don't understand. I don't want money, I want Haley." I protested clearly."I just want my daughter back. Can I ask for a space, later, for a poster or something?"
She nodded."And free copy with the machine, of course."
A patron entered at that moment, so I waved her."I must get going. There is still a lot of place to look in, thanking you Mrs Youshi" And I walk, waving the customer on my way out.
"You're welcome Mr Heart. Good Luck to you and Rizpah." She offered.
I heard the guy asking about what was going on and Mrs Youshi discreetly explaining about Haley, but the tinkle of the chime brought it to an end as I got back into the cold.
My intention was to walk directly home. But I had to go look in the park once more.
I inspected each game of the playground.
Swings are not that hard, but I almost got stuck in the orange tubing. You know, the one Haley was used to hide in?
My shoulders are too broads for it. I gained one of this stare for a mother. The one spelling all the letters of "Pervert" or "Lunatic". I finally got out what I was able to pass through. I dusted myself and gave a cigarette to one of the teen in order to 'hire' him to get in the corner I was too heavy. I explained the reason of it, I admit loud enough to get the prior staring mother attention.
The bunch of teen grouped around me, sympathizing. You should have seen that. Under their rough side, I finally made contact and they did searched everywhere, despite night was falling. They even offered their names to volunteer for search whenever it will be done by the police.
The 'staring mother' was unimpressed. She unerringly secured her own son in her arms and paced by me with a snob attitude. Never leaving my presence from her span of vision till she reached the walkway, where she started running toward the car. She never offered any help. She even seemed so scandalized by my presence, it did hurt.
And that is when I crossed Eric's path. That is his patting in my back that captured back my attention. "Hey Caithless! What are you doing there, my man? Rizpah let you out without the doll and the leash? Where is Haley?"
Yes That Eric. The one I agreed never get along with ever again.
I seriously hoped that you'll get to forgive me with this one. I called the teen off the search, inviting them to return home to their parents with, what Eric qualified of, puppy look upon my face. I left the park with him. He said he knew exactly what would do me good. SO I weakly accepted to follow him.
I went to his flat across the street. I installed myself near the patio door. That way, I was having a good glance upon our building. Those two detective where still with you, as I could see. I fiddled a little on the arm of the purple armchair while Eric was rolling the cigar. Stupid as it might look, I counted the ocher flower made by as much botches mishandled through time.
"You seems very tense. Problem within your household?" He asked like for the zillion time.
"I told you…"
"Oh, yeah. Haley vanished. But you know how kids are today. They grew up faster than we did. She probably went out with a boyfriend and forgot to call." He said, holding the 'cigar' with the corner of the lips while lighting it up.
"Eric, she is seven." I retort calmly . "You have no idea what it is to have kids, don't you?" And at that moment, I was ready to depart. He stopped me.
"Relax man. No, I have no idea of it. All the girlfriend I render pregnant aborted in order to 'pursue' their career." He cynically added to that.
I was baffled, so I sat down, a sorry look in my face.
"And I am happy they did. Kids are way too much trouble!" He then joked.
How happy I am he doesn't have a child myself, I can't tell. I didn't want to sound unfriendly, so I kept it for myself,. But quite frankly, who would want of Eric as a father?
That is surprising he is still alive. Yet more that he can do more than score with a woman.
I began to wonder where my sense was to accept to come here with Haley, alone, without me.
I glanced back to our building. There was the usual neighborhood kids running home. No doubt some will be trounce to have been late. Some will be cuddle in relief. By now, Haley vanishing must been something known. How many time? I looked to my watch. At least twelve hours since we realized it. More, surely, since she went missing. I sighed.
"Hey, it is smoking itself …" Eric mentions, pushing the 'cigar' toward me.
He clamped to it.
I knew it got me into lot of trouble. Losing my jobs with the police department was one heavy blow. But since Taggard initiated me to it. I was never freed entirely. I craved for it when ever I felt tense and that day, it was the summit of the tension I ever had in my whole life.
I almost lost you before Haley's birth. You was so discouraged that the man you thought to be so straight and solid was in fact lenient. You immediately contacted Moshe. But it only made it worst for me. Moshe ceased to visit me, to visit us. And you was depressed a while, like if it was my fault altogether. Haley corrected that situation and return a bit of the spine I lost. You bloomed and although I had a few set back, I tried to hide them from you. I was not about to destroy that dream life of yours. I made up excuses, promising myself to never do it again. So I never shared that with you.
But how to refuse a deal on some Costarican Mister Freeze offered to you without a penny to be spend.
So, with Eric, we spoke of innocent subjects while smoking. Light ones.
Like, where is Costa Rica?
"Duh! That is a state of the United States, of course." He affirms.
"Are you sure?" I questioned again. I am not good in geography, but I know by Taggard that it is impossible to import stuff to his side of the border. I took a poof and gav it back to him.
"In some state, if you are caught conducting that kind of business, you deserve 25 years while in other it is directly dead row. That is why that surprised me." I explained more.
He nodded, taking some more for himself, then he coughed before adding a "Nah!More easy to get it out than in. Though very dangerous. But you know me…"
"Oh yes, too well" I let escape. But he was so gone that he didn't noticed it. Or if he ever did, that was well hidden.
He boasted numerous times about that parrot he gets passing the line just by placing it in the car trunk. Or that hermit crab they passed in.
"It was big like my fist!" He specified more than once, showing his more bigger fist.
"I know, you gave it to Haley, she was ecstatic. It is still in our vivarium."
"You are still having it. Wow. Would have been allowed to see it? " He immediately requested.
"Not before we find back Haley." I declared annoyed.
"Yeah. I hope you'll find that jerk that kidnapped her. Tell me when you'll do." He declared showing his hand. "He'll have to meet my five brothers and their five cousins."
I startled. "WHO told you it was an 'he'? DO you know anything? Did you see anything. You are the type of guy that could, you know?" I pointed to the window and continued."You got a place of choice upon my entrance."
"Hey. I don't know anything worthy or I would had called right away. I am perhaps the crook of the place, but I have a heart and your daughter is something dear to everyone that had have the chance to met her. She changed a lot of life. I'll let the word spread, but for the 'he', I presume, ok?" He smoked some more before botching it in the ashtray. "I hate to tell you that, buddy, but most of the time, immigrants are responsible for those mysterious vanishing. The pigs will never admit it. That maniac is certainly a black or an Arab. I know of no fellow white citizen that would do that to one of his kind…"
He was still spilling his venom when I raised up, outraged. "Rizpah is half-hindou." I retorted. I had forget till he onset to speak like that why I was rather passing quickly rather than visiting him in the past.
That speech naturally brought that back abruptly to my memory. It removed all the effect of the 'cigar' and the beer I was drinking from the bottle. I finished my drink at once and disposed of it before I took my leave. I found some excuses, like usual, to not frustrated anyone. Supper was the exquisite one I unearthed that time. But I was not hungry at all. I felt betrayed once more.
He hugged me tight, calling me 'brother', on the porch, then let me flee back to our place.
Upon getting down the stairs, I spotted Ellen in her window. I made a faint smile to her. She closed the curtains, pushing back the little Romain from his observation point. The one he was shearing with her apparently. I've been watched. But I knew it was safe. You'll never be informed by her on my where about. She simply want you far far far away her husband. You too are too well understanding each other. She said that plenty of time. My secret was safe with her and Romain. Less if ever Moshe would have been watching. But it is hard to know if he is down to earth, sometimes. Specially when the only thing you see is his 'tail end' getting out the hood of his truck. A garbage this truck, he should replace this one eventually. It keeps breaking down. I pondered to go and greet him up. If there was someone you'll need to have around, it was certainly him. But I knew Ellen was still hanging behind the diaphanous curtains. She had closed the light in the house, believing that it would concealed her presence, but her petite shadow and the tips of her fingers holding the fabric gave her away.
I stayed on my side of the street. No need to embarrass Moshe more than he will be later on learning where I was hanging. He will be sad enough when I'll see the news.
He liked Haley a lot too.
It was fairly late for a supper when I got to our place, anyway. You was on the bed, staring at the ceiling with your eyes red and wide opened. I saw well that you was breathing, slowly. Your legs where sometimes agitated , or your hand. I talked to you, but you didn’t react to the sound I made.
I undressed there, making sign over your face by moment. You stayed apathetic.
I kissed you, despite my bad breath, Still nothing. I smirked. You was adorably asleep with your both eyes wide opened.
A switched the light off after I tucked you up has you was dressed. Then I went to shower up. I had to erase any blameworthy odors. That would had put you pointlessly against me.
I brushed my teeth, which I rarely do normally. I hate the taste of the toothpaste. It is against my nature. But by then, it was better than leaving the stench of my eve's activities.
I stopped my fusing around only to watch in Haley's bedroom. Cartoons with numbers and scaling papers where left over on the floor, the entrance point. It revealed to me that you're co-worker had dropped by. Although I never saw their van. I hope they were encouraging. They found evidences, but of what?
If I would have been less exhausted, I would had surely woke you up to ask. But I was worn out. Even tears trailing on my cheek were more facing my lack of power upon the event than any true sorrow. I was sadder to be useless in that case than of the fact Haley was not there. The dolor of not knowing where she was uprooted totally the one of any expectation.
There too, I switched the light off. I went to the front door, locked it, but… I let the pumpkin lantern light on. Some drop of hope set into it. By the window, I saw that some neighbors already tied up a yellow ribbon on their front yard. I nodded to it and silently prayed that it gave more than optimism. That it will give us more eyes to look upon our daughter.
On the door, some print dust. I considered them, comparing them with my own an instant. A yawn remembered me I was better to join you on the pillow before I felled there. No matter how shallow will be that rest.
I didn’t sleep very long till you woke me up by stumbling down the corridor. I followed you, but you walked over my toes before I could have said anything. You retrieved and dressed up with my coat before heading out.
I went to the Haley's window, I bent and waited till I saw you to interrogate you. You hushed me and persisted to your odd searches.
So I decided to join you downstairs. I forgot only one element, in the favor of the night: I was naked.
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