RAJIV SHAH
January 4, 1991 - February 8, 1995
than to have never loved at all."
WRITTEN BY: Kimberly on May 26, 2001
As I was going through some boxes tonight I came across your picture.
I had disposed of all the photos so as not to remember you in the future ...
... or so I thought. Now I sit wondering how this one was tucked away
and how I haven't noticed it since we departed on that cold February day.
I knew when I was giving you back all of the momentos and gifts you gave
that this would not cause me to forget you, though at the time I was acting brave.
I knew if I kept any tangible items this would cause me to hang on to your memory,
for despite the fact we had to leave each other, it caused me a great deal of misery.
My heart shattered knowing I was getting rid of so much, but it was something I had to do,
for I know if I laid eyes on anything from the past, it would immediately remind me of you.
Little did I know that even through these efforts, the memory of you never faded,
because with each month that passed by without you, I grew more depressed and jaded.
It took me nearly five years to avoid shedding a tear when I talked to others about you,
but now having seen your sweet face again, it seems that crying is all I can do.
A wave of emotions flooded my body when I held that picture of you in my hand.
It brought fond memories of us together on the beach enjoying the warm summer sand.
Remember all those endless nights we cuddled in our favorite park?
And how it never bothered us that we would stay there way past dark?
Remember the times we'd go shopping and pretend to be husband and wife?
I had to let everyone know that I wanted you as mine for the rest of my life.
It never mattered where we went or what we did, as long as you were by my side,
for I know the love I had for you was so immense that it was impossible to hide.
You taught me so much in the four years you so graciously gave to me.
How could I ever make you understand that you opened my eyes to see ...
... to appreciate the beauty within and not be concerned with what others think
and that if I planted my goals on solid ground then there's no way they could sink.
For you taught me not to get caught up in this world's selfish points-of-view
and that if I truly set my mind to achieve then there's nothing difficult to do.
I'm sorry things ended up the way they did and that we went our separate ways,
but please know I've thought of you so often that I can't even count the days.
I wish I could go back in time and change what caused us to say good-bye,
for it bothers me to know I have to live with this guilt until the day I die.
But I hang on to the ray of hope that once I leave this earth I will see you once again,
for I truly believe that you're my soulmate and that you'll be my angel up in Heaven.