Chapter 8
"I still can't believe you did that." Haley said as she watched Kerry dabbing concealer around her eyes- puffy from two days of crying. She'd hated watching Kerry mope around the house, kicking herself in the ass for what she'd done- letting go of probably the best thing that had ever happened to her.
"Well, I did." Kerry replied, before squeezing her eyes shut, trying to stop the tears threatening to spill over. "I miss him." she whispered.
"I do, too. You've been miserable since you told him and I don't like it! Call him, apologize and ask him to give you another chance." Haley said, disbelieving she was encouraging Kerry to go after a guy.
"I.. I can't." Kerry turned and left the bathroom. "I gotta get to work." she called as she slammed the frontdoor shut.
Haley sat on the bathroom counter, thinking. This was stupid. Kerry really liked him. He obviously liked her or he wouldn't be calling all the time and asking her out. Ignoring the feeling that Kerry would most likely kill her, she went into Kerry's room and ruffled around through her drawers until she found what she was looking for.
******
Nick sat staring at, but not seeing the television. He didn't want to watch anything, just wanted something to take his mind off her. He couldn't figure out what the hell had gone wrong. He thought he'd been doing things right, being careful, that it was going well. What could he have unintentionally done, was he trying to rush things? He'd been thinking for two days and had yet to come up with anything. He knew he had to go do something, gt out of the house or he'd go crazy- just sitting, thinking.
He got up and turned off the tv. Maybe he'd go to the mall. Buy a new jersey, or a new game for his Dreamcast- that should make him feel better. But Kerry was at the mall. He glanced at the clock. Well, maybe not. And even if she was he didn't have to go by the photo lab.
He got to the mall and was sure he saw her car in the parking lot, but tried to convince himself that he didn't. He just wanted to. Wanted to see it. Wanted to see her. He went to the sporting goods store- and looked at everything, but nothing appealed to him. Nothing seemed right, it wasn't what he wanted. After having the same thing happen while standing in front of a million games he normally would have gone crazy over, he couldn't not do it anymore. He had to go look, had to see if she was here.
He walked quickly to the photolab, stopping just outside the door. He felt hs breath catch when he peered in the store and saw her, grinning as she oohed and aahed over pictures of a customer's grandchild. He smiled for a just second before feeling the ache of loneliness settle in his heart. He wanted her, to hold her, make sure she was always smiling and ... to love her. 'You could love her.' he heard his mind saying.
He walked back out to his car, wondering if the idea he'd just gotten was crazy or not. He figured it probably was, but also felt it was worth a chance, if it would help him get Kerry again.
*****
Haley lay on her sister's bed, crying as she read through various entries of Kerry's journal. She knew it was bad, that Kerry was still haunted by Josh, even though they hadn't seen him in a long time- but she had no idea she had nightmares about him so often, or that he still scared her so badly. Haley thought back on the times she'd been awakened by Kerry's shrieks in the middle of the night, and how she wished she could help, but never knew what to do. The thing that bothered her most that she read, was how much Kerry obviously felt for Nick, yet thought she had to let him go because she thought she wasn't good enough- sentiments no doubt left over from Josh's continous torment.
Haley jumped when the doorbell rang. She wasn't expecting anyone and Miah wasn't supposed to be back from her friend's house until later this evening. She ran downstairs and cautiously looked out the peephole, and was surprised to find herself looking at Nick, standing nervously on the other side of the door.
She opened the door quickly, startling him. "Hey Nick."
"Hi, is it okay if I'm here?" he asked.
"I'm surprised, but yeah. Kerry's not here."
"I know, that's why I came by." He replied, glancing past her into the living room.
"You came by because you knew she wasn't here?" Haley was confused by his reasoning.
"Yeah, I wanted to talk to you."
"Me? Um... okay. Come on in, sit down." Haley stepped aside to let him walk through the door.
"I'm sure you know what happened." Nick said, settling down on the couch.
"Yup, sure do." Haley said, thinking back rather unfondly on the past two days of listening to Kerry alternately cry and sniffle.
"I don't want to be rude or anything, but I gotta know.. I can't figure out what went wrong... I thought everything was going great..." he started.
Haley interrupted him by saying, "You just answered your own question."
"What?"
"Everything was going great and that was the problem." Haley said.
"How can that be a problem?" Nick was clueless. He didn't think things were supposed to fall part because they were going well.
"You were too good to her, and she didn't know how to deal with it."
"Too good?" The concept was almost beyond him. He'd always been taught to treat people well, and now he was being told he'd been too good.
"Yeah.. I know it's sounds weird.. but it's the truth. It was so different for her- you weren't making her do things she didn't want to, you weren't roughing her up- she's not used to that." Haley said, almost apologetically.
"And I'm not going to do that either! I'm not going to hurt her, ever. I just want to get her back."
Haley watched his face fall, sadness appear on his features. He really did like her. "Nick, she's just scared. She likes you. She wants to be with you, but she doesn't think she's good enough."
"She what?"
"Nick, if someone constantly told you that you were worthless, just a whore, didn't deserve to live... you'd probably feel the same way."
Nick's hand balled into a fist without him even thinking about it. "Josh..."
Haley nodded. "He messed her up bad... physically, mentally, emotionally... I don't know what she's told you..." She stopped, waiting for Nick to give her a place to start from, if he wanted to hear anything.
"Just a little about how they got together- and that he'd hit her sometimes..." he said softly. He didn't even want to think about someone hurting her.
"Sometimes? She had a new bruise or scratch everytime I saw her. She cried every night- I'd hear her.. laying in bed, sobbing. No matter what she did it wasn't good enough for him. I hated him so much- for what he did to her... and I hate myself for not trying to do anything about it, when I knew the whole time. And I hate it now... he still scares her, she still has nightmares about him. I wish you could have known her before she met him... she was different.. well, not different, just more lively, or something. She loved everything, everybody..." Haley's voice trailed off, like she was lost in her memories. "That's it right there, Nick- she's afraid of getting too close to you, because she knows she could fall in love with you."
He'd been getting angry, listening about him again, but his mood changed considerably hearing Haley's last sentence. "What's so bad about falling in love?"
"I guess to her it's like losing control again. She's worked so hard to get everything together, be independent... and giving that up would be scary."
Nick thought about what Haley said. "I don't want her to give anything up... I want to make her happy..."
"You do make her happy, and that's why I'm trying to help you. For some reason that I cannot comprehend, I want this to work for her."
Nick smiled. He knew he'd just recieved quite a compliment. "So, can I get her to talk to me, ya think?"
"Don't call, come back by tonight. Miah and I will disappear for awhile. Um.. how about 7:30-ish?"
"Yeah, cool. Thanks alot for helping me, Haley." Nick said, smiling at her as he got up and headed to the door.
"You're welcome, just don't make me regret it, okay?"
"I won't, I promise." Nick jumped down the front steps, smiling to himself. He could do this, he could win her over again.
******
Kerry came home from work exhausted. Acting happy for nine hours when all she wanted to do was curl up with her pillow and feel sorry for herself. She was convinced she was now going crazy, she was sure she'd seen him today in the mall, watching her. Or maybe she just wanted to think that. Wanted to believe he cared enough to come after her, not give up on her. She shook her head. 'Doesn't work that way in real life, Kerry.' she told herself while changing out of her work clothes, into her preferred lounge wear of blue and white flannel pajama pants and a white baby-tee.
"Momma!" Miah came running into Kerry's room and jumped up into her mom's outstretched arms.
"Hey babygirl" Kerry hugged Miah tightly to her, while sitting down on the bed. "What's going on?"
"Me an' Aunt Hayhay are going out! She's takin' me to McDon-ads." Miah said excitedly.
Haley appeared in the doorway, "That cool?"
"Sure. Be good, munchkin." Kerry said, flopping back onto the bed. As bad as she felt about it, she was actually glad they'd be leaving so she could sulk alone.
Miah kissed her mom and bounced off the bed, "Let's goooo!" she said, grasping Haley's wrist and trying to drag her down the hall.
"We'll be back later, Kerry!" Haley called.
Kerry lay on her bed staring at the ceiling for a few minutes. She thought again of looking at that old lady's pictures, and just glancing up, swearing she saw him there- right outside the door. She let her mind wonder and couldn't say she was completely shocked as she pondered what it might have been like to be staring at the ceiling, lying under Nick. She got up, glanced at her dresser - the picture smiling back at her just like it always did, 'You really messed up on this one, Kerry.' her mind was telling her. "I know I know" she said outloud, then laughed for talking to herself.
She headed downstairs and sprawled on the couch, hoping she'd find a sappy movie on that she could cry over. She had no such luck, but soon dozed off listening to the whine of the country music video station.
The doorbell rang, causing Kerry to almost fall off the couch she was so startled. She walked to the door, flinging it open without even looking out. She gasped when she saw Nick standing there, holding a single red rose and looking hopeful.
"Hey Kerry." he said softly, holding the rose out to her.
She bit her lip as she reached for the rose, unable to get any words to come out.
"Can I come in?" he asked.
She nodded, her voice still not cooperating. 'This can't be real. He's not really here' she kept thinking. She couldn't believe he'd come back.
"I miss you, Kerry." he said, looking into her eyes.
As hard as she was trying to fight it, it wasn't working and she sat down on the couch, crying. "You... you're here..." she couldn't say anymore, she still couldn't believe he'd come back, he missed her- she'd heard him say it.
"Yeah, I am. I wanna be here. And I want you to want me here." he said, sitting beside her on the couch.
'I do." Kerry whispered so softly it was barely audible.
Nick thought he heard her, but didn't want to be mistaken. "What did you say?"
Kerry sniffled and looked up at him, "I do want you here... I just can't believe you are."
He looked at her, his heart breaking that she couldn't understand that he really cared for her. He took her hand is his, "Kerry, I want to be here. I want to be with you. I want to be your Prince Charming. Let me be good to you."
She took a shaky gasp of air, and leaned towards him, allowing him to embrace her. 'Let him, Kerry. He cared enough to come back. Josh lied, you know you deserve this. Say yes Kerry.. tell him you want him.' her mind was screaming at her.
"Whaddya say, Cinderella, will you let me?" he asked quietly.
She nodded against his chest, "yeah" she whispered.
He smiled and tightened his hug around her. He kissed the top of her head and said, "I"m not ever going to hurt you, I promise."
Kerry sighed contentedly in his embrace. This was new to her, but she could learn to like it, she told herself, especially the feeling of safety, wrapped up in his arms. "Thank you." She tilted her head back to look him in the eyes. She had her second chance and wasn't going to let him go this time.
He pressed his lips softly against hers, as he carefully pulled her onto his lap. She turned her body to wrap her arms around him and return his kiss sweetly, before slipping her tongue into his mouth for a passionate kiss to show him just how glad she was he'd come back for her.