The Buggering Of Canada

A Short Introduction On The Buggering Of Canada.

I’ll try to keep this short. Even though the following piece is only about 2500 words, which isn’t really that long, I thought I should say a few words about it. This is my bitching about some things that are fucking up Canada. Problems that exist and what the causes are. Some of what I say is pure bullshit, I know, but that doesn’t make it wrong.

I had originally called this The Death Of The Canadian Dream, but no one seemed to be able to figure out what the Canadian Dream is, so I changed it.

I hope to expand on what I have here someday (hopefully soon) and maybe, if I have the time and ambition, make it into a book. Maybe add some satire and interviews (or “interviews”), do a nice thing on it.

Hopefully you’ll see a theme running throughout this and get something out of it. Non-Canadians shouldn’t have that big of a problem following it, but why should you care, right? You’re not Canadian.

Well, I am and I’m tired of seeing the shit that follows. Maybe I can’t change anything, but I can bitch about it, right? More than most people are doing.

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You know, I used to believe Canada was the best country in the world without questions. I’d look at the States and laugh at the poor fuckers who lived there. Same with the Brits and the French and every country that wasn’t us. I always saw Canada as the most evolved state as far as the idea of a democratic government went. We looked at what everyone else had done and took what worked and left out what sucked. We didn’t have the illusion that the Prime Minister was god to the country, as the States did with the President. We decided that education and healthcare are essential and made them so. We said taxes aren’t that bad, as long as the money is spent right. We said guns suck, and you don’t have the right to have a weapon that deadly.

But we made some stupid mistakes too. The first and foremost in my mind is keeping ties to Britain in a governmental sense. The fact that the Queen is still the head of state just pisses me off. I don’t care whether the title is legal or ceremonial, it’s still dumb. If it were legal, and the old bag had power, I would be opposed to it on the fact that we would still be living under a monarchy; a dictatorship. We wouldn’t have the democracy we feel so proudly about. And since it is ceremonial, I’m opposed to it since there is no point. She’s the head of state but has no power. It’s pointless and dumb. Older people seem to find some sort of meaning in it, but screw that. Why should we have to put up with something as ridiculous as that because they like the goddamn Queen? I am reminded of something Warren Ellis wrote in an issue of Transmetropolitan: “Tradition: one of those words conservative people use as a shortcut to thinking.”

Why do we still have ties to Britain in a governmental sense? When we created the British North American Act way back in 1867, we became an independent state, but still under British rule. It wasn’t until British Parliament passed the Statute of Westminister in 1931 that Canada was given the full rights to govern itself with no interference from Britain. Then in 1982 we created the Charter of Rights and Freedoms, as our official constitution.

What does this have to do with anything, you ask. The Charter was the point where the country became fucked, in my opinion. Problems existed before that, but after, the country was divided and we haven’t been able to pull it together ever since.

Quebecquois

You want to know who caused the split? Quebec. Not everyone in the province, but those in power. It’s really, in their mind, a battle of Us vs. Them. There’s no living together in peace with the likes of the Quebecquois.

For some reason that I have never truly comprehended, they have a big hatred of all things that aren’t them—but this is indeed a problem with humanity as a whole, not just them. If it ain’t French, it ain’t good enough for them. They have created laws that have prohibited any signs outside of stores being in any language other than French (a law that is no longer in effect, I should add).

In “English” Canada, we don’t discriminate against the French—as a government, I can’t be held responsible for any errors if some dickhead takes it upon himself to give French-Canadians a hard time. We promote French language in our schools, and have our children take it for the first eleven years of education, with the option of continuing to take it. But they do not do the same for English. Now, I don’t want to get into a “we’re better than they are” thing, as it would just further promote the differences and the rift between us, but it’s true. We show common courtesies to them that are not returned. In my mind, the Quebecquois and all the rational behind their cause, is the main reason why Canada is split in various ways.

They don’t seem to get that Quebec is one of the founding provinces of Canada and in that time, has not lost its uniqueness. There have been no attempts to destroy the Quebec culture, as they would have you believe. Quebec’s power, as far as provinces go, is second only to Ontario—which is because Ontario has the largest population, makes the most money; it is the Canadian New York/California/DC.

Keep in mind, that this is only the primary reason, in my mind, for the fractured state of Canada that I see.

Provincial Pricks

The Charter did a lot of good things, but the worst thing it did was give the provinces far too much power. Much of the problems in Canada are caused by the provinces working against one another far too much and not with one another.

The best example I can think of is a few years back when the NDP was in power in British Columbia and they raised welfare. Their welfare was now much higher than Alberta’s, so many people in Alberta moved to BC in an attempt to get more money. When welfare users went up by such a large amount, the government noticed why and tried to stop it by instituting a policy that you must have been in the province for six months before getting anything. The users—and I mean this in a very literal sense—claimed that it infringed on their right to live anywhere in Canada they want, as given to them under section 6 of the Charter. Fine, they went to Alberta, asking them to help out—now, Alberta is benefiting because of the lowered amount of people on welfare—and Alberta said it wasn’t their problem.

The people were using the reasoning that we’re all Canadians and Alberta was saying BC isn’t their problem. Am I the only one who sees the problem with this?

Such cases like this are common between the provinces. It’s all about which one is best, sort of. They are the children and the Federal government is the parent. When the provinces aren’t fighting amongst one another, they are giving the Feds the finger and blaming them for everything that’s gone wrong.

Mike Harris was that kind of Premiere in Ontario. Here was a guy who pissed on education and healthcare in Ontario, got re-elected, did it again, and blamed the Feds for not giving him more money. His six/seven years in office have been pure hell for Ontario residents who actually care about more than their immediate concerns. He appealed to those who want tax cuts and empty promises. The type of people who never take the time to actually think of what those tax cuts will affect. You know that twenty week wait you have right now to get surgery? That was the last tax cut you got from Harris when you voted him in.

Over in Alberta, we have a fucker who wants to institute a private healthcare system. A person Harris seems to have been trying to follow after. They are the Americanizers and they need to be put down—politically, not in a literal sense. They want to be like the worst parts of America. The parts that have people paying off heart surgeries as if it were a mortgage. The parts where the classes keep separating further and further each year. The parts where everyone isn’t equal and money means everything.

Our attitude with the provinces is far too similar to the way the states in the US are. We’re a country for fuck’s sake! Show some unity!

Coastal War

It is East vs. West in the war of Canadian politics on the Federal level.

In the last election the Liberal party was elected for its third straight term much to the chagrin of the Western provinces. You see, they didn’t want a lefty government, they wanted goddamn Stockwell Day and they were very resentful of the fact that we, in the East, got the Liberals into power.

The thing I find funny is that BC just elected a Liberal government into power over there just after bitching about us doing it on the federal level. That’s the kind of thing that pisses me off the most about this: the hypocrisy about it and the utter denial that it is really just about East vs. West. Really don’t see the rationale behind this little squabble, except for the fact that Ontario and Quebec are the province with the largest voting blocks and therefore get the most seats in Parliament.

A Dark Day

But this does bring up the controversy surrounding Stockwell “party pooper” Day. Here we have a guy who had a relatively easy job: get the Liberals out of Parliament. Which is something that should have not been a problem as they weren’t the most popular people at the time. He had lots of press, what with the Alliance party being brand spankin’ new and he being the young guy who can get things done. But, oh no, he couldn’t do it.

His first roadblock was the dividing of the right-wingers between the Alliance party and the PC party—PC leader Joe Clark is also the only politician I respect on the Federal level, which is strange as I don’t agree with any of his views. In public appearances Day often came off as a close-minded fundamentalist while Clark came off as a well-spoken, intelligent person. Although some people might have agreed with Day’s views, Clark was just better at doing what it is he does.

Then there have been the issues of him dividing his own party in the last six months. A growing faction of the Alliance party wanted him gone—consisting of the most respected and powerful members right after him. He, of course, did not want to leave his position of power—which just showed how much of a true politician he is. Around fifteen members left the party in protest and created their own party—which later aligned itself with the PC party in an effort to “unite the right.”

Since then, Day has done the smart thing for his party and has agreed to step down, but not until his replacement is selected in the spring. So now we just have to wait a few more months until one of the vilest politicians of my time is gone. He brought his party to the point of cannibalism, and has not even shown signs of remorse about it—which is quite a remarkable feat considering the fact that the party is only a year-and-a-half old.

I can see him coming back in eight years or so and becoming Prime Minister, only to get kicked out in 2012. For some reason he reminds me of Nixon. Can you say Beavergate?

Native Canadians

The issue of Aboriginals is most likely the most complicated out of any issue in Canada. It is one where no-one is right and no-one is wrong. Their land was stolen by the settlers, but what happens to everyone who is living on it now?

Then there’s the whole thing with Dudley George and the cops and well, I don’t know what’s what really. Was a crime committed? Maybe, I don’t know. The only way to tell would be to get inside that cop’s head, but honestly, I’m not giving him much credit. In a total off the record kind of way, I think the cops wanted to crush those protestors into the ground. It’s what cops do to protestors.

I don’t have much to say on this issue really. I can’t see any solution.

The Buggering Of Ontario By Ontario

You want to know who’s to blame really for all of Ontario’s woes? Ontario, that’s who.

I’m the first one to call Mike Harris a piece of shit, who fucked the province repeatedly for years, but I’m also the first one to point out that we bent over and pulled down our pants.

I already talked about this briefly, but thought I should touch upon it in greater detail.

Harris went after the teachers because the people wanted him to, you know. Teachers weren’t getting any respect from the general public. They were considered overpriced baby-sitters that were around until the kids went to college and got a real job. Becoming a teacher was, and still is, sadly, considered a waste for some of the more gifted people who chose the profession. So, the public says teachers get paid too much and Harris does what the public wants no matter what. Harris shouldn’t have done it. I mean, think for yourself and look beyond the next election.

Then when the public backed out on him. All of a sudden, teachers were important. Yeah, when they refused to work under those conditions and people actually had to look after their kids.

After the teacher thing went sour, Harris heard the public crying for tax cuts, and the people never realized where that money would come from; Harris cuts taxes, but also has to cut healthcare. But, again, the public went sour on him when he cut healthcare to pay for said tax cut.

THEN, the public did something that I don’t think I can ever forgive them for: they re-elected the son of a bitch. We turned over and said we’d like it in another position.

So, he continued on his path of tax cuts, which meant cuts to healthcare and education, all the while saying he wanted to make them better. This was the point where he seemed to know that there was no point in trying for another re-election and just went wild with doing what he felt like doing. At this point, the province gathered its clothes, said that was fun and left, but Harris kept on doing what he had been doing. The only good thing he’s done is quit.

Most of the issues that divide Canada are minor, petty squabbles with little actual merit. The only one I can see that has some importance is the Native issue. Every single one—besides the Native issue—is just dumb, shortsighted problems that are caused by senses of territoriality. East vs. West. Province vs. province. The Quebecquois vs. Anglo-Canada. All petty squabbles with no meaning.

If we’re going to have such fights in Canada, we should just settle them the Canadian way: in the hockey arena. That’s right. We should just settle every feud/fight/argument on the rink. Each group has their own team and if there’s a problem, they play. Things would get settled a lot easier and lot quicker that way. Want to separate from Canada? Team Canada vs. Team Quebecquois in the Referendum Cup.

I know, I know, that wouldn’t work, but it would be fun, wouldn’t it?