The Halloween pumpkin on your front porch has more teeth than your spouse.

You let your twelve-year-old daughter smoke at the dinner table in front of her kids.

Last year you hid Easter eggs under cow pies.

You've been married three times and still have the same in-laws.

You think a woman who is "out of your league" bowls on a different night.

Jack Daniels makes your list of "Most Admired People."

You think Genitalia is an Italian airline.

You wonder how service stations keep their restrooms so clean.

Anyone in your family ever died right after saying, "Hey, y'all watch this!"

You've got more than one brother named 'Darryl.'

You think that Dom Perignon is a Mafia leader.

Your wife's hairdo was once ruined by a ceiling fan.

You go to your family reunion looking for a date.

Your Senior Prom had a Daycare.

You think the last words to The Star Spangled Banner are, "Gentlemen, start your engines."

You lit a match in the bathroom and your house exploded right off its wheels.

You take a six-pack cooler to church.

You had to remove a toothpick for your wedding pictures.

The bluebook value of your truck goes up and down, depending on how much gas it has in it.

You have to go outside to get something out of the fridge.

One of your kids was born on a pool table.

Your dad walks you to school because you are both in the same grade.

You need one more hole punched in your card to get a freebie at the House of Tattoos.

You have flowers planted in a bathroom fixture in your front yard.

Ya can't get married to yer sweetheart 'cause there's a law against it.

You dated one of your parents' current spouses in high school.

You think loading the dishwasher means getting your wife drunk.

Your school fight song is "Dueling Banjos."

Your toilet paper has page numbers on it.

You've ever shot anyone for looking at you.

Your kids take a siphon hose to "Show and Tell."

Your good deed for the month was hiding your brother for a few days.

You can entertain yourself for more than an hour with a fly swatter.

You think Liberation was that funny dressed guy who played the piano.

You've ever stolen toilet paper.

Your wife has ever burned out an electric razor.

You list your parole officer as a reference.

You have to curl the sides of your cowboy hat so your wife can ride in the truck too.

You paint your car with house paint.

You've ever committed a crime with a lawn mower.

You think espresso means eight items or less.

Your trim your beard and find a french fry.

Your satellite dish has more square footage than your house.

Your TV gets 512 channels, but you go outside to use the bathroom.

Your wife would rather fish off a bridge than shop for clothes.

There are tobacco stains down the side of your school bus.

You've ever used pantyhose as a coffee filter.

You think Roe vs Wade deals with boat ownership.

Your car breaks down on the side of the road and you never go back to get it.

You've ever stood outside a bathroom and heckled someone inside.

Your riding lawn mower has cup holders.

You think the Super Bowl is a top of the line bathroom fixture.

You've ever left Santa a RC and a Slim Jim.

The last photos of your mama were taken from the front and the side.

You have to mow your driveway.

You don't think baseball players spit and scratch too much.

Your wife's hairdo has ever ruined a ceiling fan.

You think "The dishwasher is broke" means your wife has no money.

There are more than 10 lawsuits currently pending against your dog.

You've ever been caught in a crossfire at a family reunion.

You strip naked to the waist to eat barbecue.

You have ever given your mama jumper cables for Mother's Day.

You drove to elementary school.