15. For lack of a more effective weapon, you find yourself threatening other drivers
with the cigarette lighter.

14. You exchange your Uzi with laser sighting for a "more serious weapon."

13. You've stopped wearing pants in the car to make it easier to moon tailgaters.

12. Local Crips now have a hand signal for "Get Off The Road, That Psycho's Coming!"

11. On your license, under "restrictions", it says, "Valium Required."

10. That Yugo hood ornament on your 4X4 is not *actually* an ornament.

9. The only thing that calms you down is your trusty Megadeth CD.

8. The need to wring Dr. Laura Schlessinger's neck is just a bit more urgent than usual.

7. You swear more before you get to work than most gangsta rappers do all day.

6. You threaten to run over the person in front of you, even though you're in line for communion.

5. The car's a year old, but you're already on your fifth horn.

4. Your saw blades don't work, your voice is out of sync with your mouth, and Speed Racer has just beaten you in another race.

3. You've traded your plastic statue of St. Christopher for one of A.C. Cowlings.

2. You'd flash your brights at that slow dumbass Jacob ahead of you if your buggy
only had headlights.

and the Number 1 Sign You Suffer From "Road Rage"...

1. You've plowed more pedestrians than Wilt Chamberlain.