This is the tale of Freddy Law~
whose sexual equipment got jammed in the door.~
By the time they freed him, he didn't feel well~
for his private parts were mangled to hell.~

They rushed him to hospital, the ambulance flew,~
but when they arrived, there's nowt they could do.~
What a bad blow for Fred, condemned without choice,~
to live with no sex and a high squeaking voice.~

But lucky for Fred. so he wouldn't feel a fool,~
some bright spark suggested a "Bionic Tool".~
A smart new electric one, made out of brass,~
though the batteries would have to be kept up his arse.~

Now newly equipped and after a rest,~
Fred thought he would put the tool to the test.~
So finding a woman, the nearest one handy,~
supplied her with drink and made her feel randy~

She, without waiting, put her hand in Fred's flies,~
as she felt what was there, gave a cry of surprise.~
"That's my Bionic Chopper. Now lets have some fun".~
"Cor blimey" she said, "It felt like a gun."~

They both stripped quick and Fred entered her fast,~
he turned up the control knob and gave her full blast.~
They clung to each other as Fred's dick shook some more,~
then they bounced off the bed and onto the floor.~

Now the pace hotted up and they started to choke,~
as the room became filled with blue dirty smoke.~
With a bang Fred's left bollock shot up in the air,~
and his other one went bonkety-bonk down the stair.~

So back for repair went Fred full of woe,~
Was this how his sex life was destined to go ?~
To return to his doctor at the end of each shag~
with his tool in his pocket and his balls in a bag ?~

But they fixed up young Fred, made him manly again,~
for they boosted his batteries with a flex from the main.~
So if he cant get a girl, now poor Fred doesn't cry,~
he just flicks on the switch and jerks himself dry.