- You lose arguments with inanimate objects

- You have to hold onto the lawn to keep from falling off the earth

- You can't hold on any more and fall off

- Your job's interfering with your drinking

- Your doctor finds traces of blood in your alcohol stream

- Your career won't progress beyond bouncer

- The back of your head keeps getting hit by the toilet seat

- You sincerely believe weed to be the elusive 5th food group

- 24 hours in a day, 24 beers in a case - coincidence?? - I think not!

- You can focus better with one eye closed

- The parking lot seems to have moved while you were in the bar

- Your twin sons are named Barley and Hops

- Your twin daughters are both named Mary Jane

- Hey, 5 beers has just as many calories as a burger, screw dinner!

- Mosquitoes die after attacking you

- You begin AA meetings with: "Hi, my name is... uh..."

- Your idea of cutting back is less salt

- You wake up in the bedroom, your underwear is in the bathroom, you fell asleep clothed

- The whole bar says 'Hi' when you come in

- You think the Four Basic Food Groups are hash cookies, acid, Jim Beam, and Jolt

- Every night you're beginning to find your roommate's cat more and more attractive

- Roseanne looks good

- You don't recognise your girlfriend unless seen through bottom of glass

- Your woman tells you you're 'not your usual self' when you start to straighten out

- You realise that dogs are really funny

- You know that the only thing funnier than dogs is the fact that we keep them as pets

- That darn giant earwig won't stop following you home

- The shrubbery's drunk from too frequent watering

- You wake up screaming "TORO TORO TORO!" in the middle of the night