NEVER EXERCISE: Exercise wastes a lot of the time that could be spent worrying.

EAT ANYTHING YOU WANT: Hey, if cigarette smoke can't cleanse your system, a balanced diet isn't likely to either.

GAIN WEIGHT: Work hard at staying at least 25 pounds over your recommended
weight.

TAKE PLENTY OF STIMULANTS: The old standards of caffeine, nicotine, sugar, and cola will continue to do the job just fine.

AVOID 'WOO-WOO' PRACTICES: Ignore the evidence suggesting that meditation, yoga, deep breathing, and/or mental imaging help to reduce stress. The Protestant work ethic is good for everyone, Protestant or not.

GET RID OF YOUR SOCIAL SUPPORT SYSTEM: Let the few friends who are
willing to tolerate you know that you concern yourself with friendships only if you
have time, and you never have time. If a few people persist in trying to be your friend, avoid them.

PERSONALIZE ALL CRITICISM: Anyone who criticizes any aspect of your work, family, dog, house, or car is mounting a personal attack. Don't take the time to listen, be offended, then return the attack!

THROW OUT YOUR SENSE OF HUMOR: Staying stressed is no laughing matter, and it shouldn't be treated as one.

MALES AND FEMALES ALIKE-BE MACHO: Never ask for any help, and if you
want it done right, do it yourself!

BECOME A WORKAHOLIC: Put work before everything else, and be sure to take work home evenings and weekends. Keep reminding yourself that vacations are for sissies.

DISCARD GOOD TIME MANAGEMENT SKILLS: Schedule more activities every day than you can possibly get done, then worry about it all whenever you get a chance.

PROCRASTINATE: Putting things off to the last second always produces a
marvelous amount of stress.

WORRY ABOUT THINGS YOU CAN'T CONTROL: Worry about the stock
market, earthquakes, the approaching Ice Age. You know, all the big issues.

BECOME NOT ONLY A PERFECTIONIST BUT SET IMPOSSIBLY HIGH
STANDARDS: and either beat yourself up, or fell guilty, depressed, discouraged, and or inadequate when you don't meet them.