The board of health has proposed that warning signs be placed on booze bottles to tip off drinkers about the possible perils of having a few...

1.WARNING: consumption of alcohol may cause you to wake up with breath that
could knock a buzzard off a manure truck at 100 yards.

2.WARNING: consumption of alcohol is a major factor in dancing like an geek.

3.WARNING: consumption of alcohol may cause you to tell the same boring story
over and over again until your friends want to SMASH YOUR HEAD IN.

4.WARNING: consumption of alcohol may cause you to thay shings like thish.

5.WARNING: consumption of alcohol may cause you to tell the boss what you
REALLY think while photocopying your butt at the office Christmas party.

6.WARNING: consumption of alcohol may lead you to believe that ex-lovers are
really dying for you to telephone them at 4 in the morning.

7.WARNING: consumption of alcohol may leave you wondering what the hell ever
happened to your pants anyway.

8.WARNING: consumption of alcohol may cause you to roll over in the morning and see something really scary (whose species and or name you can't remember)

9.WARNING: consumption of alcohol is the leading cause of inexplicable rug burn
on the forehead.

10.WARNING: consumption of alcohol may create the illusion that you are tougher, handsomer and smarter than some really, really big guy named Psycho.