The rules listed below apply to the proper procedures to take when waiting at a red
traffic light. These rules are definitive and binding.

Section I
The Basic Rules

1. Stop your car.

2. Open all windows and turn up the volume on your radio.

3. If you are listening to crap (country music or something of that nature) you MUST IGNORE rule #2.

4. If the song currently playing has a good beat, turn the bass up as high as your
speakers allow. If a subwoofer is present, it must be turned up to full capacity. If a
subwoofer is not present, WHY NOT?

5. When the light turns green, you must start moving within three seconds.

Section II
Advanced Light-Waiting

For experienced drivers only!

1. In the insteance that two or more people are present in the vehicle, everyone must get out of the vehicle, run around it, and get back in through a different door, thus ending up in different seat. The Rules of Shotgun do not apply in any way during this procedure.

2. In the instance that three seconds have passed since the light turned green again,
and you are the second car in line, you may honk the driver in front of you.

3. In the instance that you are the third car back, you may honk after four seconds.
Add one second for each slot back you are in line.

4. In the instance that you are third in line, providing that the two cars in front of you are not taller than your car (so that your view of the insides of the cars in front of you is not obstructed), you may honk three seconds after the light turns green if you observe that the first in line is completely oblivious to the fact that the light has changed (searching pocketbook, applying make-up, looking at the chick in the next
car, shaving, etc.).

Section III
Special Cases

These special exceptions to the rules above should be considered in the order
presented; the case listed first will take precendence over any of the cases beneath it, when applicable.

1. In the instance that you are not of sound mind, you must forfeit all light-waiting
privileges and simply go when the light turns green.

2. In the instance that there is only once licensed driver present, when all occupants
get out of the car as stated in Rule 2.1, the driver must go completely around the car and back into the driver seat, as there is nobody else to drive the vehicle.

3. In the event that the driver in front of you flips on his/her left turn signal AFTER
the light turns green, causing you to be stuck behind his/her car, not being able to
switch lanes, you have the right to get out and kick the person's ass at your discretion.

Amendments

Amendment I: The Breakdown
In the event that the driver behind you has really pissed you off, and you are lucky
enough to have them stuck behind you at a red light, turn off the engine and pop the hood. Jump out acting really pissed off, while cursing, as if your car has just broken down. Once the car behind you has managed to get back in traffic, jump back in your car and catch up to him/her. Once caught up, flick them off and laugh at them, to finish off the payback.