1. The Pillsbury doughboy is way too happy considering he has no
genitals.

2. When something is "new and improved", which is it? If it's new,
then there has never been anything before it. If it's an improvement, then
there must have been something before it.

3. People who are willing to get off their ass to search the room for
the TV remote because they refuse to walk to the TV and change the
channel manually.

4. The Norwich Life commercial where the old fart answers the phone,
says hello and then immediately tells his wife "It's Patrick! He
bought life insurance!" Excuse me? How did Patrick find the time to tell
you this? You barely breathed between "Hello" and "It's Patrick".. And
why the hell do you have big sheets of bristol board and thick markers by
the phone? Do you people play pictionary over the phone often?

5. When people say "Oh you just want to have your cake and eat it
too". Fuck off. What good is a goddam cake you can't eat? What, should I
eat someone else's cake instead?

6. When people say "It's always in the last place you look". Of
course it is. Why would you keep looking after you've found it? Do people
do this? Who and where are they?

7. When people say, while watching a movie "Did you see that?" No
dicknose, I paid $8.50 to come to the theatre and stare at that thing
over there. What did you come here for?

8. The radio ad "Hi, I'm Jeff Healey from the Jeff Healey Band. Don't
drink and drive. I don't". Well, I hope you don't drive sober either
Mr. Healey. You're blind for god's sake!

9. People who ask "Can I ask you a question?" Didn't really give me
a choice, did ya there buddy?

10. People who point at their wrist while asking for the time. I know
where my watch is buddy, where the fuck is yours? Do I point at my
crotch when I ask where the bathroom is?