The 21 things you would NEVER hear a Southerner say, no matter how much they've had to drink, or how far from the South they've wandered...

21. Duct tape won't fix that.

20. We don't keep firearms in this house.

19. You can't feed that to the dog.

18. I thought Graceland was tacky.

17. No kids in the back of the pickup -- it's just not safe.

16. Wrestling's fake.

15. We're vegetarians.

14. Honey, we don't need another dog.

13. Who gives a crap who won the Civil War?

12. Spittin' is such a nasty habit.

11. I just couldn't find a thing at WalMart today.

10. Trim the fat off that steak.

9. The tires on that truck are too big.

8. Unsweetened tea tastes better.

7. Would you like your fish poached or broiled?

6. Checkmate.

5. She's too young to be wearing a bikini.

4. Hey, here's an episode of "Hee Haw" we haven't seen.

3. You All.

2. Those shorts ought to be a little longer.

1. Nope, no more for me. I'm drivin' tonight.