I was born in the Para-dice Inn on the Realm Where the Planes Meet as we called it when we would go there and spend our spare time. My mother went by the name of Spirit and was a lovely gray wolf while my father was a black timber wolf. My mother raised me for a while with my father making occasional visits, though in hthe end, I never really did get to know my father very much. He was simply never really around. I was only about nine weeks, just starting to get used to my exploring when I was handed over to the loving care of Aslina. After that I very rarely saw any of my family again which was always kind of depressing, but that doesn't mean I never enjoyed myself... oh no... Jaszt was there for my fun.

Much of this went the same as it did with the other Lizas that you will hear stories from as well. Jaszt was a pain in the ass and deserved to die and Lina was too sweet to see that... at first anyway. Our stories really part when Aslina and I were turned into vampires. You see in the timeline I'm originally from, Dani was gone and she couldn't be brought back. She wasn't there for us when we were turned into Greater Vampires by Angelique herself. Because of this, when we were turned, we ended up being warpped as well, and so we both turned to Angelique and were brought under her wings to rest there for a very long time to come. Aslina instantly went out to prove just how much she had changed to Jaszt, and the next time he tried to whine at her, she came back carrying some human skin and wondering how best to use it. You know, I never figured out what she did with that... I'll have to ask her someday.

Anyway, I'm not going to go too much in the next four hundred years. It gets really weird going over things that here are never really going to happen or never did happen. Especially when I remember them so clearly. I did a lot of fighting mostly. I really didn't bother to be a thinker. Aslina had always been there to take care of that, and so unless I was fighting or scouting, I really didn't have a huge amount of work to do. I had my nasty streak of course. I know very well just how nasty my mind can be, though I would like to avoid having to give out examples on people I like. I wonder where Auntoni is... Oh! Back to the story. As I was mostly just fighting, my skills went up. Ares was actually rather fond of me in that timeline too. I never did try to even both holding back my temper then against foes and would leap into a flying rage. So of course I appealed to the man, but then I don't know if there is an attractive female that doesn't appeal to the man. Gods! I tell you! In fact it was that temper that would cause the start of my long journey once I was pulled to another timeline, but that's later in the story.

Or maybe it's not so much later. There really isn't much more to tell you about the four hundred years except that Angelique's side came out on top. A pretty bleak world if you ask me. Well finally Lina and I both got a sudden call we both heard and then there was this really weird feeling of being sucked through a vacuum. At first it seemed like I was in space, there were lots of little glimmering lights everywhere in a vast sea of black. I learned later that those were other timelines that I saw on the way to the one I was going to. Then everything got bright suddenly and poof! There I was standing in front of Angelique with my ever so great and wonderful pal Lina. Angelique explained that she had needed more power for her side here in this timeline and so decided to pull us from another. That was a weird feeling. Not only was I pulled like that to another dimension, but to a past one just a couple years after I had become a vampire. Talk about deja vu.

Now we're getting to that temper of mine. Things were going well and I was getting to have my fun when we just had to do and get ahold of Danielle of all people. All I can say is that she has one hell of a mouth. I can't even remember what she said to me. All I remember was that we were alone at the time so there was no one to hold me back. Funny how you can remember times you get pissed off and yet can't remember for the life of you what pissed you off. I ended up attacking Dani there and then though as my temper came out. So I went a little too far and accidentally killed her. I really didn't mean too. I just hit her a little too hard. Whoops? After that I was zapped right out of Angelique's realm thanks to a ring that Dani had been wearing to help protect her. Helpful things unless you're one to kill one of those wearing a ring. I got to have a face to face meeting with Apollo and not a pleasant one. I can see why Set was out of it for a few days after he got hit with the pain. It hurt like hell. Not only that, but he also made it so the sun would hurt me should I step out into it, giving me just a small disadvantage against the others. Ah well, not that it mattered much. After that I made sure to become a night owl and so avoid the sun. After I got some rest anyway. I knew I couldn't go back to Angelique's realm. After all, Maurice had found out by then, I'm sure, that I had killed Dani. I knew he wouldn't take kindly to that at all and so I had to start exploring my other options.

Well for the first time just about ever, I was without Lina. So I had to start doing some thinking on my own. I had a few brain cramps along the way obviously, including a major one, but ah well. No sense dwelling on it. I decided that I would go to Set's side and find out what fun would lie for me there. Once again I was up to my usual tricks, though that thinking for myself gave me the biggest brain cramp of my life and I actually had sex with Miller. Willingly. Yuck. Anyway, that's how I got my Tonya. I really didn't do much while I was pregnant except go off to be bitchy elsewhere. Tonya was born, and I still have my wonderful little girl. Well she's not so little anymore. Anyway it was after all of that went down that a new man came to visit Set and Hecate. This was the father of K'Sith, or as he liked to call himself, the Emperor. Talk about super ego from Hell. I think we should have locked him alone in a room with Patrick for a few hours. See if he'd be so egotistical when he walked out.. crawled out... was carried out then. I've always had a problem with respect to those I just meet. Respect has to be proven to me in some shape or form before I'd give it, especially back then. This guy was a total asshole to everyone except the gods. He seemed to think that he held power over us, and I damn well was not going to just show my throat and accept that. The guy then got pissed at my lack of respect and so asked Set if he could send me to a place called the Paradoxy. Now I don't know just why Set agreed, whether it was a sign of good will or if he simply thought I deserved that shit, but he agreed and let the asshole do as he wished. That was it, I was gone. I hear my body was left behind in a catatonic state and that I was simply thrown mentally into the place. I don't know, I was too busy focusing on just what I was actually facing now.

Months... I spent months in that place though it seemed like years. During that time I was locked up right with all the other prisoners. I don't know just how exactly to explain the horrors of the Paradoxy, but it was just terrible. Everything was just wrong there and I even had to face down myself several upon several times. I couldn't take the pressure and it was slowly driving me insane. You know, I'd rather go the Malkie way and be snapped insane than have it happen over months like that. Goddamn. Well that's enough even thinking about it, so I'll continue on. I thought I was stuck there forever and that happened to make it worse for the most part. To think about facing those horrors forever, but that wasn't to be. During my scrambles through the place, I happened to come across the spirit of an intelligent sword. That was rather odd, but it was the only light in the whole place and so I had to cling to what I had found. We ended up talking for quite a while about many things, though what came up as the main topic was where my loyalties lie and where they should lie. After awhile, I came to the decision that my loyalties should lie only to one person, myself. Because of that, I decided that I wouldn't stay with Set. The spirit had tried to turn me all the way to the good side, but he didn't quite make it. I wasn't ready for that at all. Not yet, and I still wouldn't be for a while. I woke up in the prison and there I stayed. I hated that too, absolutely hated it. I never did like being locked up and I've always been claustrophobic, but you know... I'd rather sit there than go through the Paradoxy again.

I was locked up for months there too. I wasn't granted my freedom until Miller found himself in quite a state of confusion. One even greater than his usual one. I'm surprised his head didn't explode. Wow... I don't know exactly what happened to them at all, perhaps they're a group we need to be watching out for, but both Miller and Sheila had been captured by this race of giants that had decided that they wanted to do experiments on Greater Vampires. For what purpose, I don't remember, but the fact they wanted to do the experiments was bad enough. Well Miller found out that there's a little quirk to his personality that when he's captured, he doesn't bother picking on those he's captured with but rather helps them. I'd learned this in my four hundred years of knowing him in the other timeline. Because of my wonderfully helpful help, Set ended up agreeing to let me go under the condition that I never work against their side. That never did set well with me, but better than being stuck in that cell the rest of my damned existence.

After I left, I decided to stick true to my new loyalties, and so I became an independent. I was determined to never join up with another side and do only as I pleased. Damn was I naive. When you're an independent, someone's bound to reach out to suck you in. I'm surprised at how long Gabrielle's managed to not be on any side. Of course Jeremy likes her. I wonder how much longer it's going to last. Oh, that's off the topic of my story! I ended up getting ahold of a single platinum piece that I used for all of my decisions to prove just how chaotic I could be. That coin slowly but surely became my life. I had fun though, and that was all that mattered at the time. The coin would decide everything including what side I would hinder and which side I would hit. It was an interesting time of my life, but certainly not one I'll ever be proud of. I was still downright nasty at times and so I still have problems facing my past, and all I've done. There were really only a couple major actions I took under the influence of that blasted coin. One of these events took place with Danielle. See, she had ended up getting pregnant and didn't want to either face it or for it to be known at all. I noticed that she wasn't having her usual ale and stuck to juice, something Danielle never does unless she has to. It didn't take me long to figure out that she was pregnant, and due to the flip of the coin, I started to taunt her about it. I ended up pissing her off, but nothing more really came out of it except her anger and dislike.

Well then all my shit was blow to hell in one fell swoop set up by of all people, Martinique. She came up with this horrid disease set up against Greater Vampires to make them weaker and that was all if you weren't turned evil. It could take away constitution and vampiric powers and gave one hell of a nasty fever. I ended up getting cut while I was randomly out and about and I noticed that the cut wasn't regenerating. That's right, the disease also killed regeneration for the length of time one was stuck having it, which sucked too. Well I figured out that I wasn't the only one who had it. I ended up running into Miguel and finding out that he too had it. Poor Miguel, this was during the time when he was being forced to act as though he was really an asshole. Too bad Amanda ended up falling for it. I happen to like to keep up with all the going ons I can and so I would do so by spying. Because of that, I knew of the entire ploy and so got away with not falling for the act. It was a couple days after the initial meeting that Amanda, who also had caught the disease, ended up pissing me off. Well she was a bitch to Miguel even when he was feeling rotten, and even if she thought he was an asshole at the time, I really didn't care. So I ended up and started to yell at her about that as Miguel was driven off before going after him. It was there on his roof after I followed him that he told me I should go to the palace to get helped. I think Amanda saw my point too because she also came by to apologize. She always had a really nasty temper too, and I guess the disease didn't help that any. Well I took out my coin and flipped it to see if I should go or not. That was the other big decision I made based off the flip. It told me to go to the palace. That was the start of it all, too.

It wasn't until later that I realized I had stood up for Miguel and helped to care for him without even bothering to flip the coin at all. He just has this effect on people, I suppose, and I wasn't able to get past it. It was just an odd feeling that he actually suggested that I go to the palace. I mean no one was supposed to care about me at all. That's what I had always believed. Because no one cared for me, I was able to do things against everyone easily and now Miguel was starting to mess with the nice little bit of thinking I got myself set into. Ah well, all the more power to him! I even got to see my daughter as these people had ended up getting her out of Set's Realm. Sure I was pissed when it happened, but now I'm more than thankful. In the long run, it was the best. It was odd just to have people taking care of me. After all, I was supposed to mean and tough to everyone, and I had already done a lot of shit to these people. But that's the good side for you.

After this all carried through, I had to go hide out and think. I spent a lot of time thinking and then thinking some more. It was just so weird. I had never expected something like this to ever happen to me. It wasn't long after that that Miguel was allowed to reveal to Amanda that everything had been an act to protect her by keeping Paco away from her. Amanda was overjoyed, and I was happy with that. It gave me less to worry about while I was busy thinking. Well it was just a little while after that that Phlynn got into a fight in the meadow. I was sitting under my tree when the one Phlynn was fighting used some sonic attack. Damn it hurt like hell. I couldn't hear anything and it gave me a horrible headache that last quite awhile. Poor Miguel got stuck being deaf for some time too. But this one action in a battle that wasn't even really any of my business was what through everything out the window. Miguel hugged me. That really turned everything around for me. I mean when you haven't really been hugged or anything close to that for over four hundred years and then suddenly get one from someone you would have never expected one from, then you'll understand. Along with Amanda and Andrew, that turned the tides and dragged me off to the good side. Where I still am today amazingly enough!

Well I started to help them then, but I still spent almost all my time in the forest I had come to love dearly. Richard ended up getting rather pissed off at me. I don't know why. I mean how could anyone be angry with me? But what he did to relieve that anger... He ended up burning down my home, my forest. It really was terrible. I would have easily been able to move on however, if the forest had been any old forest. Fires happen and being four hundred and some has given me a perspective on life that it's really all one big cycle. However, the forest wasn't a normal one. It was a sylvan forest, meaning there were many upon many living creature there, including magical ones. I was really upset and Miguel ended up coming there to help. Chandal and Jeremy also showed to start healing the still living. But that was still too little. So Chandal went a step up and went to Artemis. She showed after that and with an arrow, brought the entire forest back to life, though they were still very weak. Jeremy then got another idea and went off to get Aurinia who ended up healing the forest entirely with her power. Up until then, I don't know if I had been so overjoyed. With the resurrection of my home, I was granted guardianship of the forest by Artemis herself. I guess you can say that I have worked for her ever since even though I'm not officially a druid or anything like that. Since then the forest really has expanded and gained in protection, even with Lathair's help. I do love my home, no other place is better.

I guess this takes me to one of the darker times of my existence. Once you learn to love, it always hurts whenever you somehow hurt those you've come to love; even if it wasn't really your fault. Eternity's side caught hold of me and ended up making it so I couldn't control my love/lust for Miguel. He had ended up with a special place in my heart, after all. He was the first to accept me. I got ahold of him even during this time and that was no fun. At least I wasn't successful. Cleo ended up giving me the idea on just how to get away from this attack on my head. The minds of the insane are much harder to crack through, and so I was to be given a derangment. Sadly, the derangement didn't turn out exactly as I wanted or expected it to, and so I ended up with an obsession of Thomas. Now at the time that was just disgusting as hell, but he took advantage of it and so I ended up pregnant again. It wasn't too long after that that I was rescued and the derangement I had was replaced by another one, a hatred for Thomas. This was great for the time, though obviously was taken off when Thomas came to our side. That's all right, I'm fine now anyway. At least at the moment I am.

During this time is when I ended up getting with Marco. I'm really glad I told Miguel that I liked him, because I would have never had the courage alone to actually manage to tell Marco as well. Despite how I've acted, I really haven't had very much in the way of self-respect ever since I've joined with the good side. I've really had a hard time getting past all that I've done in the past. I know that the others don't judge me for it, but that really doesn't help me much at all. I think I've been slowly getting some of my self-respect back though, mostly thanks to Marco. He can actually manage to make me feel like I deserve the love I get from him and the others. Anyway, Marco and I got together after that and we haven't broken apart since which I'm really happy for. I still have a hard time seeing why I deserve all of what I get most of the time, though, but I'm certainly not going to complain. In fact it was under his watch that I was finally able to throw away the platinum piece for good. That gave a great sense of relief even though it was really hard to do.

Well not much more has happened since then, really. I have of course had my second child... Alano Hector Howlwind. I gave him the middle name Hector in honor of Marco and Miguel's father. It just seemed like the right thing to do. Also it wasn't too long ago that I started to get involved again. I really do like the Garou a lot. They're fun to hang around, especially since I can really relate to them. I get into my fair share of battles again, though of the most recent ones was the worst. I ended up facing down a Black Spiral Dancer who goes by the name of Lillith. I was actually doing really well against her until she pulled out an attack that I was very far from ready for. She inflicted me with a madness, but not any madness... I swear it was so much like the Paradoxy and I just completely freaked out until I was knocked out. It haunts me still, but then I think the Paradoxy will be haunting me for a very long time to come. It's not exactly something you can forget about and get over so easily.

Well that's about it of the story, I believe. Carmichael would be proud I do believe. After all I'm not Fianna, Galliard, or even Garou for that matter. I feel better now. All there is left is to give thanks to Miguel. Without him, who knows where I would be now? Because of him I have everything I have today and well, there's nothing I can do that will ever make up for just what has been given to me. It's just amazing the strength we have, and it's because of that strength that we will win in the end, come what may.

I knew there was somebody somewhere
Like me alone in the dark
Now I know my dream will live on
I've been waiting so long
Nothing's gonna tear us apart
-From "Anastasia"

In the warrior's code - there's no surrender,
Though his body says stop - his spirit cries - never!
Deep in our soul is a quiet ember,
Knows it's you against you, it's the paradox that drives us on
-Survivor