“Brian? Brian, are you awake?”
The girl tiptoed towards her friend, who was sound asleep, and asked again, “Bri you awake?”
All she got was a snore.
She backed up to the door slowly…and ran. And jumped onto the older man, knowing how to land as not to hurt him.
“OOF!” he grunted as she landed on him. “UGH!!! Get OFF me!!!!”
“You’re awake!”
“Ugh…can’t a guy get some decent rest? I’ve been on tour for forever Jess…I want sleep. Wake me when it’s 11. At night.” With that Brian flipped over on the bed and closed his aching eyes. More than anything he wanted to swat her away, to get some much needed sleep. He was a bit angry at the interruption, but somehow kept silent.
Jessica sighed. “Fine. Sleep all you want. But just know not even Lance is sleeping.”
She got off the warm comfort of the bed and headed toward the kitchen where Lance was eating.
“Good morning Mommy,” he sing-songed, smiling brightly.
She couldn’t help but smile and pinched his chubby cheek, shaking her head and cooing at him. She laughed when he pushed her face away to a more comfortable distance.
“Where’s Uncle Brian?” he asked.
“Sleeping.”
“Again?” he pouted.
Jessica laughed as she made way for the counter. “Yes again. Uncle Brian has been very, very busy, and he wants to rest today, before going back to work.”
“Aww,” he said in disappointment.
Jessica shook her head in amusement as she turned on the TV to Barney. She laughed when Lance protested and she let him change the channels. To football.
‘Do they show these things so early in the morning?’ she thought to herself. Personally, she had never been really fond of sports.
With a high ringing, the phone sounded.
“Phone Mommy.”
“Yeah I know sweetie,” she said, already making for the cordless phone in the other room. “Hello?”
“Is this Jessica Stang?”
Something about the voice was sickeningly familiar, and she strained to keep her composure. It could be some telephone marketer after all.
“Yes this is.”
She could hear the man’s hesitation before he said, “Do you remember?”
Jessica was puzzled by this. “Remember what?”
“Me” was the simple answer.
“Who are you?” she asked, desperate to know who it was and if he were dangerous or not.
After another hesitation, the answer came.
“This is Chris.”
Jessica grabbed her stomach to stop the bile from rising to her throat. Just as when she saw Lance, her blood ran cold and heat drained from her face. It was lucky she had turned on the television, or Lance would have been pelting her with questions.
“W-what?”
“This is Chris. I know you remember me now. I finally found your number under this mess.”
“What do you want?” she asked lowly, as not to disturb her son.
“I want to meet with you. Face to face.”
“What? Why?”
“You’re not going to let me by without an explanation are you?” Chris asked.
“No, I’m not. Now tell me what the hell is going on before I report you to the police,” she said as her hands shook. “You have no right at all…”
“No right to what? Protect my friend? You had no right to render him as helpless as he is now. He is nothing but a shell of despair to me nowadays. And I know for a fact that you are the cause of it. I’ve seen first hand what grief has done to him ever since he saw you, and every anniversary. And I demand that you see him.”
“You have no right to demand that of me,” she said, her composure dissolving moment by moment. Tears were rising in her eyes. “I don’t have to.”
“Please Jessica…you don’t know how bad this is hurting him…you can just see it in his eyes. He’s been dying for three years plus two days…please, I beg of you please just say something, ANYTHING to get him back to normal. Please…”
Jessica choked back her sobs as she heard the pleading in his voice. She cried so much easier now…because of him. How was it that hard to just meet him? Simply because… Lance was Lance.
“Chris…please…I don’t know…I don’t know…”
“Just…you have to say something to him…he’s devastated about you, please…”
“It’s so hard Chris…” she whispered. “It’s too hard…”
“He still loves you Jessica…and I know for a fact you still love him. Just give him one more chance.”
“Chris…” Jessica squeezed her eyes shut, knowing what came out of her mouth that moment would change her fate. “What do I do?”
“Thank you so much…just…where do you want to meet? I’ll make this easy for you.”
“I don’t know…”
“Can we meet over at your apartment?”
“But…Brian…”
“Oh yeah. How about at the park?”
All the while her stomach was lurching with stress, pain, anxiety, and eagerness. “That’s fine. When?”
“As soon as possible.”
“I’ll meet you tonight,” she whispered. “At six on the bench. One more chance Chris… that’s all he’s getting.”
“That’s all I ask. I can’t thank you enough. Maybe then we can replace this ghost otherwise known as Lance Bass.”
“I’ll see you.” Without another word she terminated the connection. Jessica took in a deep breath and let it out slowly.
“You’re going to see him?”
A stab of fear and shock stabbed at her heart as she whipped around to see a boxer clad Brian inches behind her.
“B-Brian…” she stammered.
“What’s going on?”
“I couldn’t say no Brian…he was begging me…” she whispered, feeling her tears come back down her face.
“Oh sweetie…” he said softly, pulling her to him for a hug. “It’s ok…if it’s what you want, then I’m ok with it.”
Immediately he could feel her relax in his arms and sob openly into his chest. “It’s ok…” he whispered, rocking back and forth and soothing her. “It’ll be alright.”
“Oh thank you Bri…I love you so much,” she whispered, hugging him harder, if that was possible. “I love you so much…”
He shook his head at her childish desperation. “I love you too…so what’s up?”
“I’m going to see him tonight. At the park.”
“I’ll stay. And always remember: if he does anything wrong, call me and we’ll be on ‘im like a pack of wolves,” Brian joked, desperate to ease the situation. Jessica giggled. “Have I told you how much I love you guys?”
“Only about a bajillion times since last night,” he smiled.
“Do you think he’s changed?” she asked carefully.
“Who? You mean Lance?”
“Yeah.”
“It’s been three years. He must have.”
Jessica sighed. “And to think I was happy two days ago.”
“Don’t tell me you’re not happy to see him.”
“Fine. I won’t tell you.”
Brian looked at her sternly. “Look. He loves you. I can see that. It was clear as day. And I want you to give him a shot. Just ignore your past ok? I want this for you.”
Basically, they had a staring contest. Only one could back down.
“...Ok,” she agreed.
“That’s my girl.”
“Sometimes I’d think you were my dad.”
“Maybe I am.”
“Eew.”
Brian laughed. “Ok, now you’ve got me awake. Might as well do something useful.”
“Everything you do is useful Bri,” she said sardonically, rolling her brown eyes.
“Shut up. Tell ya what- I’ll make you breakfast.”
Jessica stared at him and blinked, her face blank. “I wonder if McDonald’s is open,” she said absentmindedly, turning toward the other room for Lance.
“Hey!”
-;- -;- -;-
“Lance, COME ON, PLEASE?!” Chris begged, falling on his knees and his hands clasped together.
“What is so important that I have to go to the park for?” Lance asked, sitting back and watching the TV.
“Lance, PLEASE. It’s super important.”
“Get one of the other guys.”
“It can only be you, please Lance.”
Lance rolled his eyes. “You of all people should know why I’m saying no.”
“But that’s not the point! You have to come!”
“No I don’t.”
If it worked before, it’ll work now, Chris thought.
“Fine. I’ll tell her hi for you,” Chris said, getting up and going to the door.
In a half moment Lance’s hand was in a death lock around the older man’s wrist.
“You don’t have to lie to me to make me go.”
“I’m not lying.” Chris yanked his wrist from his grip and kept going for the door.
“Chris WAIT!”
He turned around, trying hard to keep the smirk of triumph off his face. “Hmm?”
“I’ll go.”
-;- -;- -;-
“Could you wait here?” Jessica asked, almost pleading.
“Just gimme a call when you want to come home. I don’t see why I had to drive here in the first place- you know how to drive,” Brian said, prying her hand off his arm.
“I couldn’t come by myself.”
“I have to get back- I have a feeling that having AJ watch Lance is a bad thing. I gotta get back before he takes out the hair dye, now come on!”
Jessica could resist laughing. Brian was like that. And she was grateful for it. She sighed. “Fine. Have it your way.”
“Yes I’m glad. Now try and get out of the car.”
-;- -;- -;-
“What if she slaps me and runs away? What if she doesn’t believe me? What if-”
“Aw can it!”
Lance finally fell silent.
“That’s better. Now, we’re going to do this calmly, without nervousness- get your hands to stop shaking- and it’s gonna work out. Don’t worry about it,” Chris said calmly.
“Easy for you to say- you didn’t almost kill your girlfriend.”
“Shut up.”
“Oh my god there she is,” Lance said, immediately terrified. His hand gripped the door handle tightly. “What do I do? What do I say? How do I stay conscious?”
Chris had to laugh. “NOW you’re getting hysterical. Just get out there and put on your charm.”
“He he…right.”
“Ok just pull the handle…and get out.”
Lance stared at the lone figure of the woman on the bench. She was staring at the sunset. He was struck with memories of doing that with her three years ago, and that only made him three times as nervous and sick.
At long last he opened the door and stepped into the night air. The night was perfect. At least it wasn’t raining, that would only have made him feel worse. He stepped forward and slowly started for the bench. But he found himself stopping behind a tree to admire her great beauty. She wasn’t the most gorgeous woman on earth, but to him, she was perfect. He could see her shining black hair, cut just below her shoulders, blowing behind her. Her hand came up to brush away a strand of hair. Lance strained to see her eyes, the one thing he loved so much about her, but he was just too far away. He wanted to reach out and hold her, kiss her, love her, but he knew at that moment it was impossible. So he watched.
-;- -;- -;-
Jessica stared out into the vast park, bathed in the deepening glow of the fading sun. Purples and blues were slowly creeping in from the east as the sun set.
Her thoughts were on a rampage and she couldn’t make sense of them. It was too hard to keep hold onto one for long enough to put it together with another. But one stood out- he’s not here.
Until finally when her head dropped to her chest she decided that he truly wasn’t going to show. She stood up. And suddenly, she felt like a fool.
“He’s not here,” she whispered to herself. “I should’ve known.”
“Waiting for me?”
Like the day before, her heart froze and her insides churned in a frenzy of feeling. She found herself turning around.
“L-Lance?”
“Jessie…I’m so glad you’re here,” he whispered, coming a little closer.
Still uncertain, she backed away a tiny step. But he still noticed. And it hurt.
“Um you want to sit?”
“Yeah, sure,” she said, her nerves getting the better of her as she fidgeted with her hands.
She stayed on one edge while Lance stayed on the other.
“So how have you been?” she asked.
“I’ve been…I’ve been miserable for the past two days. But other than that…ok I guess.”
“Having fun with the band?” she asked, ignoring his first statement.
“Yeah. It’s our dream, we’re livin it up.”
The silence was deafening to Lance’s ears as he desperately tried to find something to say. So he spat out the first thing that came to mind-
“Sorry.”
Jessica turned her head and looked at him. “What?”
“I’m sorry.” With that Lance gained a little more confidence. “I was so wrong Jessie, I had no idea about your son. Our son. I just jumped to conclusions and I was so worried after I you left, I felt so bad. You don’t know how much it hurt to see that note, how much it hurt to know what I did. I wish I could take it all back and never said anything to hurt you. I promised myself a long time ago that if I ever dated you I wouldn’t hurt you, and that was the one thing I did do. I’m so sorry please forgive me.”
In the remnants of the sun’s dying light she could see his face, shining with his tears. Her vision blurred as her eyes grew wet, hot tears threatening to spill over. It was what she had been hoping to hear for the past three years. Three long years. And now that they were spoken, her heart exploded with joy. She threw her arms around his neck and sobbed.
Sobs of relief and joy shook him to the very core as he tightened his grip around her and he wished he could never let go.
Their hearts were joined again. In the miracles of miracles, they triumphed over the greatest obstacle they had ever faced. They won.
And in the shadows of the trees, a man watched, his eyes never leaving the two on the bench. His eyes watered and the sight tugged hard on his heartstrings. He would never forget the sight of the two, and he realized the truth more than ever. Only she could never know.
-;- -;- -;-
“So how’d it go?” Brian asked blandly as he watched the show on TV, engrossed. He heard her open the door.
“It was…great. I’m so glad I went Bri,” she squealed and jumped onto the couch to join him. “You couldn’t imagine how wonderful it was…”
“Ok, ok so basically you guys made up, right? Spare me the mushy details,” he said jokingly, poking her in the ribs.
She pouted. “Meanie. You spoiled my fun.”
“That’s what I’m here for,” he laughed, turning his attention away from the TV.
“Whatcha watchin?”
“Some Disney movie…don’t know the name.”
“Kids of the Roundtable,” she said. “I watched it with Lance once.”
“You mean Lance or Brian-Lance?”
“Duh, my son Lance.”
“Ok could you just call him Brian so I know who you’re talking about?” he asked, getting confused.
“But then the other guys will think I’m talking about you.”
“So? Not like I use a training-potty.”
Jessica laughed and nestled up to him to watch the movie.
“Hey there kids,” AJ said, announcing his arrival. He sat down next to Brian. “What’re we watchin?”
“Kids of the Roundtable,” they chorused, eyes trained on the movie.
AJ looked at them from the corner of his eye. ‘Pity we have to leave in two days’
-;- -;- -;-
“Hey Sunshine,” Joey smirked, watching Lance come in, his smile nearly lighting up the dark room.
He only smiled at Joey’s comment.
“Ok what’s goin on? You look love struck,” Joey said, waving his hand in front of Lance’s face.
“How right you are,” Chris winked. “Go to bed Lance.”
“Can’t.”
“Then try,” Chris said, pushing him out the door.
“What’s with him?” Justin asked, watching the human light bulb leave the room.
Chris sat down and made sure Lance was gone before telling.
“Ok yesterday, Lance went to the park-”
“I told him not to.”
“Shut up. Anyways, he’s sitting there, on the bench, thinking. And then he hears someone yell, Lance! And so he looks. There she was.”
“There who was?”
“HER.”
The thought registered into their heads in a few moments.
“What?”
“Are you crazy?”
“This is whack!”
“It’s true- I saw her. I called her. She lives not very far from here. I called her and she was nearly sobbing into the phone. I swear…and that’s not the scariest thing.”
“What?”
“How can it be any weirder?”
“Well, you know ‘Where Can We Go From Here?’?”
“Yeah…”
“Guess who she lives with.”
Silence.
“Oh dear lord,” JC said, his eyes wide. “You’re not serious, are you?”
“She lives with Brian Litterman?” Joey said, incredulous.
“Littrell,” Chris corrected. “Turns out he stopped her from jumping…”
“Jumping? What are you talking about?”
“That was how she planned to kill herself. Jumping off a cliff.”
“There are cliffs in Minnesota?”
“Apparently,” Chris said, shrugging his shoulders. “And well, I got her to meet Lance tonight…and voila!”
“Miracle,” they mumbled.
Chris beamed. “Cool huh?”
“You don’t know what you’re getting yourself into, do you?” Joey asked.
“What are you talking about?”
“You’re not supposed to interfere man…it’s only gonna get worse.”
“Whatever. Oh yeah! She’s got a son.”
Their eyes were saucers.
“WHAT?” they cried, alarmed by how he said it so casually.
“It’s his too.”
“WHAT?!”
“Yeah. Interesting eh?”
They gawked at him.
“INTERESTING? That’s downright unbelievable!” JC spluttered. “This…”
“So THAT’S why he said I wouldn’t understand!” Justin said, realizing the truth to his words. “He told me I wouldn’t understand…”
“And you wouldn’t. Have YOU ever had a son?” Joey asked, eyebrow cocked.
“Well, no but…”
“Exactly his point,” Chris broke in. “He was guilty of supposedly killing Jessica AND their son. And we had no idea whatsoever…”
“He couldn’t tell us?” Justin asked the air, resting his head on his fist.
“I guess he thought we’d abandon him as well,” JC said, shrugging his broad shoulders.
“But doesn’t he know we wouldn’t?”
“I do now.”
Their eyes made way for Lance, standing just outside the opening.
“Thanks guys.”