I had my first romantic relationship when I was 16 with this girl named Bertha who was from a different high school.  (You can read all about my relationship with Bertha in my autobiography that I am working on.  Remember to ask for a copy when I am done, hopefully by the end of the summer of 2001.)  Bertha and I actually remained friends after our relationship.  Actually, she was the only girl I was able to maintain a friendship with after a break up.  (All my other break ups wound up ending pretty ugly.)  Well, she apparently still liked me, however, so I introduced her to one of my best friends John, hoping sparks would fly and get her off my back (Aren’t I a good friend???  Some may say other wise.)
But you have to realize, John is my oldest friends.  We met in sixth grade, when I first moved up to Ellenville.  I remember one of our first conversations was talking about the 1988 presidential primaries that were going on.  (Talking about this stuff at 12????  Isn’t it obvious that I was destined to work in politics????)  At the time, I remember I was rooting for Dick Gephardt.  (I even convinced my father to vote for him, but he never made it to the primaries in New York.)  You see, there was a big Japan scare in the 80’s and everyone thought Japan was going to take over the country.  Gephardt was pretty much a mercantilist, and promised he would shut Japan out of our economy my charging higher tariffs.  Now I would totally disagree with that since I believe in free trade.  It is amazing how my politics changed since I was 12.
Well, John and I use to hang out a lot.  I remember this one time in eleventh grade, he bragged to this guy Larry and I that he had this unbelievably hot girl friend who went to Wallkill High School.  During Easter vacation, Wallkill still had school because they used too many snow days that season.  John promised Larry and I that if we drive him to Wallkill High School to see his girlfriend, that she would set us up with one of her friends.  Larry and I were certainly down with that.

So we drove John to Wallkill, which was like an hour drive.  When we got there, we met John’s girlfriend in front of the school.  Larry and I both agreed that this girl was anything but hot.  (Larry called her Gonzo????)  Worse yet, there were no “friends” around her.  SHE WAS BY HERSELF!!! 

So John and this girl run off someplace, leaving Larry and I in front of Wallkill high school, by ourselves.  We tried to talk to some people, and found out that the next day was “cut day,” where lots of people in the school were going to play hooky.  So Larry and I started bragging to everyone that we were going to play hooky tomorrow, making everyone believe we went to Wallkill high school, when a teacher over heard us and threatened to send us to the principals office.  About an hour later John came back and we went home.  We let John hear it on the way back home, but he claimed that it was not his fault.  He also didn’t pay for any of the gas, just adding to the mounds of money that he owes me.
It’s all good though.  I’ve done my fair share of messed up things.  Like trying to hook John up with Bertha.  This one time, Bertha invited John and I to this party in Fallsburg.  John must have said something rude to this one girl, because when he walked away, she said, “That guy is really obnoxious!!!!”  Being a great friend, I defended my friend to the death.  I said “Yeah!!! He sure is!!!  So hi, my name is Nick.  What’s your name???”  I wound up talking to this girl the whole night!!!! 

John is my boy though, so I would never intentionally sell him out.  I would never really set him up with Bertha for example.  And I am confident that he wouldn’t sell me out either.  We would never do anything that is messed up when it really counts.