Greetings! I have submitted a review of "Curse of the Ghost Dance" to J.P. Carson's Fanfic Reviews under the pseudonym "Aristophanes." [He] opted to go for my short version of the review, so I thought I would send you my extended version for comment and rebuttal. The review itself cuts deep, as I'm sure you will note, but I would also like you to know that I laughed my ass off in numerous places throughout. [Aristophanes] COMMENTS: ---------------------------------------------------------------------------- "Curse of the Ghost Dance," by Code Name "D" is one of those stories that probably inspired Discovery.com's ad people to come up with the "ahhhh... the atmosphere... ahhhh..." spot. After reading a few paragraphs, you are left standing, mouth agape, uttering this same phrase over and over, horrified for some reason that you are not completely able to put your finger on. Perhaps it was that bump on the head I took earlier, but I found this story to be so awful that it manages to cross over the threshold from bad to entertaining. In spite of gratuitous, even painfully ignorant spelling errors, absolutely hokey plot devices, and terribly contrived new characters, the story does actually manage to capture some of the manic flavor of the original series. The plot, such as it is, is that the Tendo Dojo, upon failing once again to obtain any form of financial backing from Japanese investors (thanks to Happousai's unwanted meddling), is suddenly saved by two cowgirls from Dirt Hill, Texas. Cindy and Kelley claim to represent a wealthy American named Goldoil, who is looking to start an international health spa chain, and who wants the Tendo Dojo to become the Japanese branch. Of course, all is not as it appears. Powerful forces bent on starting Armageddon have summoned Ranma and Company to Texas, and the pig-tailed boy and his fiancee are to be served up medium rare with a side of beans and cornbread. You think I'm kidding? WILL SOMEONE PLEASE TELL ME WHAT IN THE HELL IS GOING ON HERE? (A listing of some of the bizarre and/or hilarious aspects of this story.) ---------------------------------------------------------------------------- Shampoo imagining Akane as a waitress working in Mel's Diner from the 70s sitcom, "Alice." The Clearwaters and the Darengers [sic] are a mirror image of the Saotomes and Tendos. Similar, and yet opposite. Curses too. Ukyou's duel with The Cajun. Kudos to Code Name "D" for such a ridiculous battle. Pure Takahashi. The Cajun. 'Nuff said. Sheriff High W. Robbery's phone call. SPECIFIC CRITICISMS: ---------------------------------------------------------------------------- A spell-checker would have spontaneously combusted if it was forced to examine "Curse of the Ghost Dance." Code Name "D," are you by chance a product of the Public School System? As I refuse to take this story seriously, I am unable to offer any legitimate criticisms regarding plot or characterization. Aside from the horrendous spelling, the prose is straight-forward and direct, if suffering occasionally from head-scratching grammar mistakes. CONCLUSION: ---------------------------------------------------------------------------- Weird. (Or as Code Name "D" might say, 'Wired.') This fanfic is probably best enjoyed while under the influence of mind-altering chemicals. It is also one of the most fertile fields for MSTing that I have seen in a very long time, and it isn't even a lemon. (Are you reading this, Megane 6.7?) In spite of its greater than zero rating, the loss of brain cells is still possible while reading this story. You just won't mind as much. I'm probably being overly generous by giving it 2 whole points, but after reading the Mel's Diner bit, I couldn't stop laughing - though I'm not sure that it was because I thought the scene was actually that funny, or that I was in some kind of shock over the fact that someone had actually written a story like "Curse of the Ghost Dance." 2 out of 5 -Aristophanes