__/\/\__ _(_ )_ \__\/__/ You turn around at the sound of a snare drum and flute being played. And much to your surprise, you discover two men and a boy marching proudly down the street US Colonel Army uniform. One proudly carrying the US flag, a second hobbling along with one eye bandaged up, and the boy playing the drum. You admire them as they march grandly past. Then, you discover a shady character crawling along the ground after them. He looks like he was run over a Mack truck. He spots you, and addresses you from the ground. "I was just on my way to see you, when I tripped and fell, and got marched over by this parade. But I, Code Name D, your loyal and devoted fan fiction smuggler, can not even be stopped by death to bring you the latest in underground literature." Oh great, you decide. That’s just great. He reaches into his spy cloak, and produces a manila envelope. It reads, Tarry 1/2. Episode #2, The Barn Is No Place For Horsing Around. "Don't read it aloud!" He says, "Rumiko Takahashi will here you. She has little Benedict Arnolds every where." "Moshi Moshi" Looking to your right, you see a friendly Japanese copy right agent, waving a tiny little US flag. Both you and the agent then look to your left, and see an army of revolutionary war soldiers marching down the street, and the sneaky little spy is still laying crippled in the street. The army marches over him, as both of you wince at the humanity. Ow, that’s got to hurt. "Trust me, it dose." +-----------------+-----------------+ | Tarry 1/2 | +-----------------+-----------------+ | #2: The Barn is no | | Place for Horsing Around | +-----------------+-----------------+ | By Doug Kulp | +-----------------+-----------------+ All the rains from yesterday was nothing but a memory now, but the consequences of the passing storm still had a renewing effect on land, helping to make the morning seem even brighter and clearer than it usually was. The sent of blooming flowers was carried on crisp, clean breeze of fresh air, and dazzling spectacle of the sunrise was displayed in East, as if God himself was a painter this morning, performing arts on a vast canvas of sky. Young Redd Darenger looked out the window of his greenhouse, and at the dazzling display of the morning. He then gently opened it to allow the cool crisp breeze to ventilate his charges. "Smell that fresh air my friends? Just as soon as the son comes up, you all can grow up big and strong for me," Redd said. He then began to gather his guarding tools and collect his unused potting soil back into its container. "But I have other things I have to do right now, so I will see each and every one of you later," he said, just as he stepped outside the green house. Suddenly, the calm quite of the morning was shattered by a loud crash. Redd quickly retreated back inside a greenhouse, even as he looked on and surprised and shock at what was going on outside. "What is with the family anyway?" Redd said. Kelly Clearwater and her daughter once again engaged each other in battle, looking each other into a hold. "Well, so much for all that training," Kelly said, "Looks like I was just a wasting my time. You haven't learned a fool thing." "I'll show you that I learned," Tarry Clearwater hissed as she disengaged, then charged with a punch. Only to have her mother neatly catch it. "Well I'll be darned. You lowered my expectations of you even more. That is a neat trick," Kelly said. Tarry responded with as low a growl as her mezzo-soprano voice could manage. < + + + > Cash Darenger slowly made his way down the stairway, still residing in the twilight world between sleeping and alertness. His hair was still rumble and his night shirt wrinkled, even as he stepped into a dining room. There, he discovered his mother, engrossed in the morning paper, and that his older brother was already eating his breakfast. "Why good morning little brother," Dusty said with a warm ear to ear smile, "How did you sleep?" Cash's only response was grumbled, even as he pulled himself up to the table to poor himself some cold cereal. "Not the morning person I see," his mother said from behind her morning paper. Cash's only response was a grumble to himself once more. "Well now, you think you can do better this time?" the voice of Kelly Clearwater shouted from outside. "Thinking is not part of formula. The only question I have for you is how much it's going to hurt," Tarry said. Suddenly, there was a heady exchange of shouting and punches was taking place just outside the dining room door and passed the front porch. Tarry Clearwater and her mother engaged at point blank range in an extremely fast-paced fist fight. "Yep, I can clearly see thinking was not a part of your formula, see'in that your swinging at me like a pair of trousers in a dust devil," Kelly taunted. Terry's only response was to growled angrily at her mother. It was it at that moment that Redd Darengers chose to walk up to the outside of the dining room, even as he observed the battle between Tarry and her mother. "Well, they certainly got up with the rosters early this morning, didn't they," Dusty said under his breath. "Well I guess they are pretty good," Redd said. "And so full of energy to," Dusty said, "Their energy is infectious, don't you think? I think they will be excellent for the new gym." "That is exactly what I'm hoping for," Cindy Darengers said. With that she put down her paper, and yelled outside. "When ever you two are done, breakfast you know." "Sure thing Cindy, I does not teach this the little whipper snapper a lesson of our recapture breakfast," Kelley said. "Whipper snapper?! Why I'll show you who is the... AH!" "Alley opp!" With that Kelly Clearwater tossed her daughter into the nearby hoarse trough with a resounding splash. Kelly then stood over her vanquished daughter and opened up with a hearty laugh. "Well, I see that you haven't improved anywhere near is much as you claim. Come to think of it, I can't see any real improvement at all." Kelly said, "What!" Suddenly, boy type Terry landed on top of his mother with a bucket of horse trough water in his hands, with which he promptly slammed, on top of his mother's head. The attack floors his mother allowing Tarry to stand over his vanquished victim, dusting his hands off with satisfaction, even and his mother, now in the form of an albino colored grizzly bear, struggled to cake the bucket of her head with her hind paws. "Not such a wimp anymore, and I mother?" Tarry said, "Oh ho." A shadow fell over Terry as he looked up at the towering form of his mother. She had managed to remove the bucket from her head and was in the process of crushing it like a paper cup between her paws. "Are you two going to come in and eat or not?" Cindy said. < + + + > Redd walked into the dinning room with a large seaming bowl of scrambled eggs and sausages. "Here you two go," he said as he placed the bowl before them. Kelly and Tarry looked on in wonder, as if they were eyeing a feast after starving for weeks. "Look Ma, eggs," Tarry said, practically drooling, "Scrambled eggs, with cheese and beacon bits." "Yes sir Tarry, it looks like we have finally come home," Kelly said. With that, both of them tore into the food like starving beasts. Their apparent lack of table manners momentarily caught the Darengers by surprise as all four of them blinked in astonishment. "That reminds me," Cash said, the first one to snap out of there daze, "Mom, you and me need to go down to the bank and sign the loans we need." "I can't do that," Cindy said, "Today was the day that I was going to discuss the order at the lumber yard." "That's okay mom, I can take care of that for you," Redd said. "Oh, I don't know Redd. You aren't vary good at hardware you know," Cindy said. "That's okay. I can take Dusty with me," Redd said. "Sorry, but I can't go with you little brother," Dusty said, "I promised old man Sedgwick that I would help him mend some fences today." While the Darengers discussed there plans for the day, both Tarry and Kelly looked on as if they were a bit lost. "That's okay mom, I can handle it," Redd said, "It's just a list after all, right?" "Well Tarry," Kelly said, "Looks like you and me get to kick back, watch a little TV, maybe take a nap if we should become aggressive. I was kind of wondering what all happened with General Hospital while we were in Argentina all this time." "Yep, nothing like a little R&R after being on the run, ah Ma'?" Tarry said as she leaned back into her chair. Cindy, Cash, Dusty, and Redd all glared daggers at the two of them. Cindy cleared her thought. "The two of you will have to pull your weight around here to you know," Cindy said. "Why of course we will. But there ain't a hole lot a students around here at this here moment," Kelly said, "Not much for us to do." "Oh there is work for you all right," Cindy said. < + + + > "Tada! May I present to you the Darenger Gym," Cindy said with grand showmanship and clear pride. She had taken them outside, to another portion of the ranch, just a short walk away from the main house. "Ah, correct me if I am wrong here," Tarry said, "But this is just a big red barn." "Sure'in it is," Kelly said, "And I think that I am a bit at a loss my self." "It is a barn," Cindy said. "Wait just a cotton pick'en minute here," Kelly said, "Of course it's a barn, but it's one of them theme things isn't it. And why not, after all, there ain't a whole lot a gymnasiums floating round here." "Oh, I get it." Tarry said, "The barn is the gym. Boy, I can be a real dim at times." "No argument from me," Kelly said. Tarry shot her mother a stabbing look, even though Kelly wasn't looking at her at the moment. "Actually, the both of you are half right," Cindy said. With that, she walked up to the barn, and pushed the huge track doors aside. "Ladies, I present to you, the Darenger Gym," Cindy said. Tarry and Kelly Clearwater stared blankly inside the barn. "Ah, mother. Correct me if I am wrong again, but this still doesn't look like a gym," Tarry said, "It still looks like a barn." "I was kind a wondering about that my self. Sure if it doesn't look like a barn to me," Kelly said, "Cindy, just what the darn heck is going on here?" "You looking at the Darenger gym all right. Or at least it will be in the near future," Cindy said, "Just needs some work on the structure, a new coat of pain here and there, some excursive equipment, to have the electrical system updated, some pluming added, and maybe some decorations here and there. Oh, but first we have to get this manure and old rotting hay as well as all that junk pulled out of there and get the place cleaned up a bit." With that, Cindy stepped just inside, and produced two old rusted scoop shovels, and tossed them to Tarry and Kelly, who then went on to stare at the tools as if they were foreign objects. Just then, a car horn sounded from the driveway. "I will be there in a moment Dusty," Cindy called out. She then returned her attention back to Tarry and Kelly. "Well, you two are set for the day I think. Have fun." With that, Cindy left them where they stood, still staring into the cavity of the barn. The inside was filled from floor to ceiling with old moldy hay bails and old wooden grates filled with old tools and scraps of wood and metal. There was a number of collapse and half collapsed fencing and railings for various livestock the used to be kept inside in the past. It was definitely a vary intimidate mess that looked as if it would take hundred years the cleanup. Finally, Tarry crossed her arms and looked away in an unimpressed manner. "Well Ma, this is another fine mess you seem to have gotten us in," Tarry said. "Mess? Oh don't be such a ninny. What, you maybe wanted to be bare foot and have babies all day?" Kelly said, "So this isn't going to be the cake walk I made it out to be. It ain't like a Texan to turn tail and run at the first sing of a little hard work. Besides it might be interesting to building a business from scratch, don't you think? Why after all, work is not stranger to the Clearwaters. I am remembering when my great uncle told how he came to Texas in a covered wagon with Indians on his heals..." As her mother talked, Tarry lip synced her words as she went on and on about the Clearwater family tree. Suddenly, Kelly grabbed Tarry by the back of the shirt, and hefted her up from her feet. "Then again, why merrily just talk about the rewords of a good hard days labor, when you can experience it first hand. Now get in there, start getting your hands dirty," Kelly said as she tossed her only daughter into the barn with an audible splat. "I said to get your hands dirty, not your face," Kelly said. Suddenly, a fistful of manure struck her dead square in the face. Kelly simply but her hands on her hips as the manure slowly fell from her face from the force of gravity. "The trouble with kids today, is that they have no respect for their elders." < + + + > The day was beginnings to come into it's full force as the rays of the sun became strong enough to clear away the morning dew from the grass. And to burn away the small patches of fog that hovered stubbornly in the low laying places of the streams and puddles from last nights rain. Not to far away from the Darenger ranch, just darting threw one patch of thinning fog, passed a long silver colored limousine. It's driver focussing his attention on the road before him as pavement unexpectedly gave way to lose gravel. "The trouble with kids today, is that they have no respect for their parents," one of the two passengers said with a bitter voice. He was dressed in a dark navy blue business suite and slacks, and as he glared at his progeny sitting on the bench opposite him. His daughter. "I don't care what you say Pa, I find this whole thing to be quite unethical," she said, "And respect is earned, I might add." "Marry Lou, I own and run a multi-billion dollar land development company. I manage nearly 40,000 properties all across the globe. One dose not get that kind of responsibility without earning respect." Marry Lou's father said, "So respect is something I have in abundance. You on the other hand, are nothing but a wet nose trouble maker. You don't even act like a lady." "Oh please pa, let us not get into that old mud pit again," Marry Lou said as she rolled her eye's into her head. "Honestly little darling, what use do you have for marshal arts? Especially while your bother is around to protect you?" her father said. "Daddy, marshal arts is not about fighting, its about meditation, coordination, achieving a balance between the spirit and the body," Marry Lou said, "Its about discipline." "Discipline? Hah! If you want discipline, then you earn it throw a good days of honest hard work," her father said. Marry Lou couldn't help but role here eyes as her father launched himself into a long monologue. "That is how we Collinger's have acquired our discipline. Why, I remember the story my great grandfather told me..." <+++> "Clean out the barn she says," Tarry says under her breath as she forked another scoop of manure into wheal barrel, "You're doing a great job, she says. I'll be right back, she says. Hah!" Suddenly, Tarry stops her shoveling and stands it up next to her. "That walking hair ball that I call my mother left me holding the pitch fork, again!" "Think again!" "What?!?!? AHHHHH!!!"Suddenly, a stream of water strikes Tarry square in the chest, and knocks her over the wheelbarrow of manure. In turning, dumping the manure on her. "Hah! Now that is getting into you work!" Kelly suddenly said, now welding a water hose. "MOTHER!" a male Tarry Clearwater, said with a now deep voice and black hair. He stood up and tried to brush the manure off his shirt. "What's the big idea!" "You can be such a weenie some times," her mother said, "I just went to go get this here water hose. Working smarter not harder you know. A little water will cut this job in half." "That was three hours ago!" Tarry snapped. "That's graduated for ya'," Kelly said, "Here I go and do something productive, and I get hit with a dead line. Why, when I was your age, we didn't have water hoses. We had to every thing by " Suddenly, Kelly Clearwater had a wet, manure covered blouse thrown into her face. She tumbled over backwards, sending a spray of water into the air. "Did you talk as much when you were my age too?" Tarry said. Kelly-grizzly sat up, her face still covered by Tarry's blouse until gravity peeled it away, reveling the fact that Kelly- grizzly's mouth just happened to be open when the blouse landed on her face. she said with a gruff. "Serves you right, your mouth being open more often than it is being closed," Tarry said. "Don't get all huffy with me, you over grown throw rug." Kelly-grizzly held up the water hose, and doused Tarry again, along with a grizzly bare laugh. "Hay! Stop that!" Kelly-grizzly responded only by laughing harder and louder. Serving only to build Tarry's ranker all the more. "Stop laughing you fir brain. Before I make you stop! You here me?" < + + + > Marry Lou was nearly comatose in her seat. Her eyes were glazed over, and a dribble of drool dangled from her unconscious lip as her father continued his monologue without mercy. "Marry Lou? Marry Lou! Dag nabit, you need to respond when your father talks to you!" "Huh? Uh, yes daddy, I am listening," Marry Lou said. "I was asking you why you don't seem to like guys," her father said, "Your not one of them, are you?" "Oh please daddy. I am not guy, if that is what you think," Marry Lou said, "Not even close." At that moment, the glass wall that separated the driver from the two of them was lowered. "We will be arriving at the Darenger Ranch Shortly, Sir," the driver said. The window was then discretely raised. "Then why aren't you dating?" Mr. Collinger said, "I understand Hartford asked you on a trip to France." "That wimp?" "I am told that Prince Norman personally brought you three dozen roses, and you walked away," her father pressed. "Hah, Prince of the Pansies, maybe." Marry Lou said. "What's wrong with them?" "Daddy, their all wimps. There idea of a work out, is arranging there daily planer," she said. With that, she turned away from him to look outside the window, and at the small humble ranch that they were just now pulling on. "I want a real man. A man, who climbs mountains on a whim, fly's fighter jests or rides a rocket into space. I want a man that bench presses a Volkswagen when he gets depressed. I want a man who wrestles bears with his.. bare.. hands..." Just then, the limo that she was in drove past the opening of the large red barn that dominated the ranch, and looked inside. She just happened to see a tall and impressively beefy man, who was just happening to wrestle with a white albino grisly. Then, like all divine visitors, he was gone, as the limo continued past the barn. But she saw him long enough to have permanently burned his vision into her mind. Bulging muscles straining sweat being thrown from a wet brow. He ware his hair long, tied behind in a vary masculine pony tail that gave just the hint of a rebel "Marry Lou?" Oh, the vision that she beheld. His every motion was a statement of physical poetry. The apex of human evolution. "Marry Lou? Dag-nab-it, are you getting out of the car of what?" "Huh?" Marry Lou was suddenly snatched from her dream like state into a harsh and brutal reality. She suddenly noticed that the limo had already came to a stop, and that her father was looking at her expectantly, clearly wanting her to dismount. "All right. I am coming," she said. Marry Lou dismounted the limo, then looked around the ranch hopefully. Almost desperate just to get another look at the god she spotted before, fearful that all she saw was a dream. Eventually, she followed her father up the front steps to a quaint looking ranch house. "From the looks of things, one good shove from a bulldozer and this heap of scrap lumber would fall over on its own," her father said. "Pa, this is some one's home. An I think is it full of color and heart," Marry Lou said, drinking in the scenery. "Heart? More like they're being lazy to me. There don't even have enough pride to keep the place up. Probably spent al there money on food," her father said, "In any event, in one week this place will be mind. And it won't be my home, I promise you that." Marry Lou's response was to place her hands on her him, and glared daggers into the back of her fathers head. "Is any one here!" her father shouted, "I am here to foreclose on your mortgage!" < + + + > -Peek- Boy type Tarry suddenly looked out from the exit of the barn. A moment later, Kelly-grizzly appeared just above her, also taking a look. "Who are they?" Tarry said. Kelly-grisly gruffed as she shrugged her shoulders. "Do you here that?" the man said as he waived a document of over his head, "I know that you' all are here, and that you can hear me. I am here to foreclose on the mortgage!" "Foreclose?" Tarry said, "Once again your hair brained scam comes to is sad and depressing conclusion, dear old maw. Just when you got me all worked up to. Well, I guess that is that, and we can go back to Argentina then." "Hay! What did you hit me for, you flee bitten mongrel?" Tarry said. "Okay, okay. I'm going, I'm going," Tarry said, "But if you think I am going to talk to them like this, you got another thing coming. Stop kicking me!" Tarry and her mother silently and invisibly made their way to the back of the house. Where they could inter without being observed from the front. Where once again, Kelly-grizzly kicked her daughter in the rear once more. "Look. Will you stop that?" Tarry said. Kelly-grizzly only pointed to the front of the house. "Yes, I know that. But the kitchen sink is in the back of the house. Not only can I wash out my blouse, but get some hot water to boot." Kelly-grizzly slammed her paw against the side of her head, then nodded her agreement. "I though that you might like that," Tarry said as he moved over to the kitchen sink, and lifted the water lever to the hot water position. But instead of the sound of rushing water, came a loud sucking sound, followed by a rude gurgling. Not a signal drop of water came out. Tarry blinked in confusion as Kelly-grizzly looked on in total bemusement (or at least as bemused as what an albino grizzly can look). Tarry cycled the water level a few times. Still no water. He cycled the handle a few more times, this time with increasing desperation. Until it dawned on him that there wasn't any water to be had. Tarry stood still for a moment. Then he drew in a large breath to respond. "NOOOOOOOO!!!!" < + + + > "NOOOOOOOOOO!!!!" Marry Lou's attention was suddenly grabbed by what was clearly a desperate pee for help. What attenuated her attention was the fact that it was clearly a hansom and powerful, male voice that was calling out. It had to have been the man she saw in the barn. It was the only possibility. Marry Lou's heart took flight. "Sounds like trouble," she said as she bolted around the house, "And it's a good thing I am ready for it." "What the?" her father said, "Marry Lou, where in heck do you think your going, get back here!" Marry Lou didn't listen to her father for a moment, and broke into a full sprint. "I'm coming, my hansom angle!" < + + + > "I don't get it?" Tarry said, scratching his head, "Why isn't there any water? Unless this place is on a well or something," Tarry said. Kelly-grizzly suddenly turned in an innocent direction. Looking another way, and deliberately away from Tarry. "Wait just one cotton, picking, minute!" Tarry said, "This place is on a well, and some one used all the water TO WASH DOWN SOME SMELLY OLD BARN!!" With that, he grabbed his mother by the front of the neck, "That means, I can't turn back into a girl! You sorry excuse of a floor covering! This is all your fault!" "Don't worry hansom! I am here to save you!" a female voice shouted. "Huh?" boy type Tarry said. Suddenly, there was a piercing, high pitched, female rebel yell. One that could have shattered glass. Boy-type Tarry saw her mother kicked off to one side, all the way to the far side of the kitchen, and was now resting upside down against the wall. Standing her place, in a clearly Karate offensive posture, was a long haired, young woman, with a low cut blouse and a short skirt that ended half way up the thy. "What the....Eeeep!" "My hero!" the girl suddenly said, and charged after him, tackling him to the floor before he could respond. Before he could say something in protest, she had locked her lips with his, and proceeded to suck the air from his lungs, even as Tarry half gagged. "What in the... WHAT ARE YOU DOING WITH MY DAUGHTER, SIR!!!" It was at that moment that Kelly Grizzly stood up behind the imposing father figure, holding up a sign that no one else saw. [Yay, what are you doing with my daughter?] The distraction was just enough to allow Tarry to brake the lip lock, but not enough to brake out of her locked embrace. "What do you mean, what am I doing to your.. umph!!" Tarry was once again silenced as Marry Lou sought to take his breath away. Finally, Tarry had managed to kick the girl off of her, jumped to his feet, and retreated behind his mother, while covering his chest for modesty reasons. "You. You keep a way from me! I am not that kind of girl!" boy- type Tarry said. Kelly-grizzly responded to her "son's" words by slapping her paw onto her forehead. "I don't care what kind of person you are fella," the girls father said, clearly fuming, "No man touches my daughter that way until they talked to the preacher. No mater who you are. Wait just a minute here. Just who are you any way? You ain't one of the Darenger boys." "Oh, now you ask. Well its about time," Tarry said, "Just who are you any way?" "My name is none other than Billy Joe Collinger Sr. Am I am the one who is going to foreclose on this ranch. Now who are you, Sir?" "Tarry Clearwater, and this is my mother... uh.. pet bear, Mother. Yay, that is what I call her, Mother. Because she acts like an old red hen." With that, Kelly-grizzly began to growl in disapproval as she glared at Tarry, who promptly growled back. "And what dose that mean to me?" "Well, me and my mother here are going to be instructors for new Darengers new gym," Tarry said, folding his arms over his chest with pride. "So let me get this strait. You and a grizzly bear are going to teach aerobics?" "No, marshal art," Tarry said. "So, you and a bear are going to teach marshal arts." Collinger said, "Sounds to me "Yep. No, wait, that wasn't what I meant," Tarry said. "So Cindy Darenger is running some kind of circus then?" Collinger said. "That is not what I said. Um, I think." "You heard what he said daddy. He is going to be a Marshal arts instructor," the girl said, "And a really good looking one at that." "That's a hair brained idea," Collinger said, "You will never get any students out here. There ain't no people out here." "Oh, I am sure that will change, wont it," Tarry said, "Why else would you want the property? Besides, with as good as I am, students will come to me." "It ain't going to mater on hitch either way, because I own the lease. Cindy can ether come up with $15,000 in one week, or I foreclose," Collinger said, "And I ain't going to be lick no wimpy small town bank, and let you file for an extension loan. No Sir. This here is my la. So you and your animal act can teach basket weaving for all I care." With that, he tossed the lease notice down onto the kitchen floor. "Come on daughter of mine, we are departing this hick ranch." Collinger then reached over, and dragged out his daughter by the hand. "Wait pa, I don't want to go. Pa!" his daughter protested as she was dragged away. "I ain't got for the puppy love syndrome of yours girl." Collinger said. All this left both boy-type Tarry and Kelly-grizzly alone to stair at the lease termination notice that Collinger had tossed onto the floor. "Well, isn't this a fine kettle of fish," Tarry said to his mother trapped in grizzly form, "The evil land lord trying to kick the family off there farm. That's real original. What next, the A-Team going to show up next.?" Kelly-grizzly just stared at her daughter in boy form for a moment. Then, at the last moment, smacker her on the top of the head, almost as if to say "Just for being stupid." "Hay! What did you do that for?!" --> Insert a kazoo anthem here. <---- [ ___/\/\___ ]Code Name D. [ _(_@ @)_ ]code_name_d@my-deja.com [ \__\/__/ ]Fan Fiction Underground http://www.geocities.com/Code_Name_D