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Welcome to my world, isn't it *exciting*?

 
So I went to the neurologist at CHEO and he basically didn't get why I was there. To describe him in one word would be: Santa. That's exactly him! Short, overweight, jolly, grey hair and bread and everything! I saw him and almost died trying not to laugh. Santa was going to diagnose me and tell me what to do about my damn headaches.... He asked a bunch of questions about how I am socially, what sort of things I do and stuff about what I'm like. He basically was just killing time, cause he knew what he thought it was immediately it seemed. I'm "prematurely mature" he said. Gee thanks, tell me something I don't know.... I'm a muler (not a Mulder unfortuanately) meaning I go over things in my head, over and over, which is slightly obsessive-compulsive. Figured that one out myself too. He said to get off the drugs and eat right, exercise and sleep well..... got that one before you did too (though I'd never tell my parents that that's what I planned on doing anyways...except in a couple of years when I was on my own...*sigh* when I'm on my own....can't wait.)....
posted by Eryn at 1:46 AM

 
mood: depressed
music: Faith Hill - There You'll Be

Well...........I really do think I'm depressed. I'd tell someone, try to talk about it, 'cause that might help....but who would I tell??? And what would I say? Everything I think of saying sounds so stupid, like I'm depressed for not good reason. I don't even see why I'm depressed. As far as things go everything is peachy for me. My parents are together, I am not teased and torchered at school, I get good marks, I live in a nice house, in a nice neibourhood, in a nice town, with good food, nice clothes, tones of electronic stuff, lots of great friends........everything should be great, and there are lots who have it far worse. Ya, I know depression is a chemical imbalence in the brain, and it can be cured with drugs and/or therapy, but that would involve telling someone. It might be easier in a city where I could go to a councellor, but to get to one here I'd need a ride......*sigh* What to do? It's hard to believe I've been trying to cope with this for over a year and a half now - way over the "you should seek help if you have feelings of sadness that last for at least 2 weeks"!!! Time flies when you're having *fun*, eh?

Any ways, this seems pointless,
Love and hugs,
Kathryn
posted by Eryn at 10:33 PM

 
mood: crushed
music: Matchbox 20 - Unwell

I can't stand it...Every time I hit a high, where everything's okay, and I'm happy, the next day I crash. It never fails. Last weekend I had two great days in a row (Fri & Sat). Everything was great, and I had a great time with my friends (Fri: Neivvie, Canis and I wrote a letter to David Eddings, Sat: Doc, Baggy, Canis and I went to Neivvie's and watched "Murder by numbers" and talked, always fun). Sunday we had a dress rehersal for musical...CRASH...no one would listen to me...*sigh* I have no idea how to fix this, but I can just invision the conversation with my parents....*shudders* it would leave me worse off than before....I'll get away from them for a week next week, so that is good - I find I have a better time away from them than with them; it used to be the opposite, and home used to be my shelter - not any more though. The sad thing is they used to know tons of stuff about me, now, if I tell them they usually find some way (not meaning to) to pop that "bubble." I won't tell them that I want to be an astronaut, or that I want to go bungee jumping and skydiving, or that I would love to go to The Royal Military College of Canada because they have a really great space science program. I'd have to brush up on my French though. I can do it, I know I could. It's just...I don't think my parent's would support me. I could probably get Mr. Steer to be a reference, my mid-term report was great (and my parents didn't believe what was said...*big* surprise there). One thing I can't believe I'm doing is my eating habits - I only eat dinner. That's it! And I only eat dinner because that's the only meal I'm with others (my parents) for. If they knew that.... They don't thinks that they pressure me, but every mark I bring home gets me a look of dissapointment and a "Is that the best you could do" and Dad is always making comments about peoples' weight - even Mum's, and she's got nothing on her anymore. He makes comments and physical moves based on females, and I can't stand it any more - the slapping my butt is soooo annoying. I don't think I can take them much more. Every opinon I have gets

*sigh* Will this never ending circle ever end? And when it does what will the outcome be? I just hope I live to see that outcome...
Love always,
Kathryn
posted by Eryn at 10:22 PM

 
mood: sore - stupid rag...
music: Christina Aguilera - Reflection

Well, yesterday (friday) was great. The guy I like put his arm around me (at lunch I was sitting next to him in the T-RACK room. He was talking to the people around, I wasn't really paying attention, then he put his arm around my sholders and said "Yah, me'n Sarah are are real colse friends".... eeeeeeeee!! I have no idea what they were saying but....^_-)

And I spent all day in the computer lab working on the web page. Brendan, Jesse and I plunking out code...Andrea came in and said "So how are my little nerds doing?"!!! I'm such a nerd, it's great!!! I love fidling with HTML, I can spend hours doing that, and not notice the time going by.

In the evening Lavie, Neivvy, Canis, Baggy, Glueby and I went to Harry Potter #2 movie night at school. Baggy drove us there - don't tell my dad!!!

My week of hell started today ...not fun. I worked 10:30-2:30 - new rule: no bagging for other cashiers.... what is their problem??? After work Neivvy, Baggy, Canis and I went to Canis' house and watched Bridget Jones' Diary....very funny. Barrett is staying over for a sleepover tonight.

Tomorrow I'm working 11-5 curtesy...not fun... especially on the 2nd day of hell. I'm in such a *great* mood! ^_^ (not)

write later
Me, the self proclaimed *Nerd*
posted by Eryn at 9:44 PM

 
mood: productive
music: Matt *Bad* - Strange days

I wore my Leaf jersey today - much fun!! Steer said I was going to be the first student to fail TAMARACK, Sims comented on how wrong my jersey was, Miller commented on how great the jersey was....funny!! People even made comments at the parent's meeting tonight - Dad wore his too! GO LEAFS GO!!!

Any who, I've got an essay I should finnish - are hydro dams good or bad? I say good. Which fit's my role in our debate, (random role that just happened to be my exact opinion!! do I believe in fate or do I believe in fate?!?!)

Andrea (x Tamarack student, now a consultant for the government doing web design)is showing us tons of cool stuff for the TAMARACK website, it's gonna look soooo cool!!! And professional too! I'm learning lots, and she thinks I'd make a good web designer!!! Wai!!! :D YAY!!!


Ja!
Eryn et al.
posted by Eryn at 9:19 PM

 
Well, today wasn't the greatest of days. We did a lot of work on the magazine. Danny and I tend to each do an article instead of together on each. I'm not looking forward to my mark in this class. My degree of helpfulness is getting better but still sucks. Hmph, if someone would listen to me then I could do so much more, but no one does so I can't accomplish anything. We've got this mini town-council meeting (role playing a debate about a proposal to construct a dam in the area - which is a made up village). I'm an environmentalist but I'm pro-dam, because hydro is cleaner than fossil fuels. I *can't* wait [insert sarcasm here] *yay*

*sigh* I guess I'll have to over come all this but it's so hard. If people would listen then it'd be so much better. I would actually participate in class and activities instead of waiting till someone asked something of me.

Better say good night,
love and hugs
Kathryn
posted by Eryn at 11:30 PM