QUOTES:PAGE 1

"It is bad luck to be superstitious." - Andrew W. Mathis

"It is impossible to make anything foolproof, because fools are so ingenious." - anonymous

"It is now proved beyond doubt that smoking is one of the leading causes of statistics." - Fletcher Knebel

"It usually takes more than three weeks to prepare a good impromptu speech." - Mark Twain

"It's a small world, but I wouldn't want to paint it." - Steven Wright

"Love your neighbors, but don't pull down the fence." - Chinese proverb

"Make things as simple as possible, but no simpler." - Albert Einstein

"Military intelligence is a contradiction in terms." - Groucho Marx

"My life has a superb cast but I can't figure out the plot." - Ashleigh Brilliant

"Never invest your money in anything that eats or needs painting." - Billy Rose

"Often it is fatal to live too long." - Racine

"One way to prevent conversation from being boring is to say the wrong thing." - Frank Sheed

"Our existence is but a brief crack of light between two eternities of darkness." - Vladimir Nabokov

"Pedestrians never seem to realize that they are a threat to the safety of cars." - Thomas Sowell

"People who feel well are sick people neglecting themselves." - Jules Romains

"Real knowledge is to know the extent of one's ignorance." - Confucius

"Rivers in the United States are so polluted that acid rain makes them cleaner." - Andrew Malcolm

"Space isn't remote at all. It's only an hour's drive away if your car could go straight upwards." - Fred Hoyle

"Tell the truth and run." - Yugoslav proverb

"The art of medicine consists of amusing the patient while nature cures the disease." - Voltaire

"The best measure of a man's honesty isn't his tax return. It's the zero adjust on his bathroom scale." - Arthur C. Clarke

"The brain is a wonderful organ. It starts working the moment you get up in the morning and does not stop until you get into the office." - Robert Frost

"The fewer the facts, the stronger the opinion." - Arnold H. Glascow

"The first thing we do, let's kill all the lawyers." - Shakespeare: Henry VI, Part 2, act ii

"The future, according to some scientists, will be exactly like the past, only more expensive." - John Sladek

"The mistake you make is in trying to figure it out." - Tennessee Williams

"The most incomprehensible thing about the world is that it is comprehensible." - Albert Einstein

"The shortest distance between two points in under construction." - Noelie Altito

"The universe is looking less and less like a great machine and more and more like a great thought." - Ortega y Gasset

"There is only one difference between a madman and me. I am not mad." - Salvador Dali

"There is a fine line between genius and insanity. I have erased this line." - Oscar Levant

"Throw a lucky man in the sea, and he will come up with a fish in his mouth." - Arab proverb

"Too much of a good thing is wonderful." - Mae West

"Unless a man feels he has a good memory, he should never venture to lie." - Montaigne

"We are continually faced with a series of great opportunities brilliantly disguised as insoluble problems." - John W. Gardner

"What counts is not necessarily the size of the dog in the fight; it's the size of the fight in the dog." - Dwight D. Eisenhower

"When a dog bites a man, that's not news because it happens so often. But if a man bites a dog, that is news." - John Bogart, American journalist

"When angry, count to ten before you speak; if very angry, a hundred." - Thomas Jefferson

"When things go wrong, don't go with them." - anonymous

"Why is this thus? What is the reason for this thusness?" - Artemus Ward

"You can't have every thing. Where would you put it?" - Steven Wright

"Do not unto others that you would not have them do unto you." - The Golden Rule

Save the whales. Collect the whole set.

A day without sunshine is like, night.

On the other hand, you have different fingers.

I just got lost in thought. It was unfamiliar territory.

You have the right to remain silent. Anything you say will be misquoted, then used against you.

Remember, half the people you know are below average.

Despite the cost of living, have you noticed how popular it remains?

Depression is merely anger without enthusiasm.

The early bird may get the worm, but the second mouse gets the cheese.

I intend to live forever - so far, so good.

Support bacteria - they're the only culture some people have.

If at first you don't succeed, destroy all evidence that you tried.

For every action there is an equal and opposite criticism.

Monday is an awful way to spend 1/7th of your life.

You never really learn to swear until you learn to drive.

Change is inevitable, except from vending machines.

Plan to be spontaneous - tomorrow.

If many of you believe in telekinesis? Raise my hand.

If at first you don't succeed, skydiving is not for you.

Everybody is somebody else's weirdo.

The truth hurts for a moment. A lie hurts for eternity.

Live forever, or die trying

Nothing lasts forever, even cold November rain. . .

A Dream is a Wish your Heart makes...

Begin at the beginning and go on till you come to the end: then stop.

If it happens, it must be possible.

HELP! I'm trapped inside a human body!

Never do card tricks for the group you play poker with.

"Push" is the force exerted on the door marked PULL.

!rotinom siht edisni deppart ma I !pleH

You cannot kill time without injuring eternity.

Never leave your fly open in a pressure suit.

Due to lack of interest, tomorrow will be canceled.

Monday is a hard way to spend one-seventh of your life

Never underestimate the power of human stupidity.

Sometimes I sits and thinks, and sometimes I just sits.

To err is human, but to really foul things up requires a computer.

Imagination is more important than knowledge, for knowledge is limited while imagination embraces the entire world.

There is no great genius without some touch of madness.

Some painters transform the sun into a yellow spot; others transform a yellow spot into the sun.

Any smoothly functioning technology will have the appearance of magic.

I don't give a damn for a man that can only spell a word one way.

I don't have any solution, but I certainly admire the problem.

I am so poor I don't have a penny to put on the train tracks!