Did you hear about the blonde coyote?	Got stuck in a trap, chewed off three legs and was still stuck.
Did you hear about the blonde that was treated at the emergency room for a concussion and severe head wounds?	She tried to commit suicide by hanging herself with a bungee cord.
Did you hear about the blonde who just bought an AM radio?	It took her two weeks to figure out that you could play it at night.
Did you hear about the blonde who stood in front of a mirror with her eyes closed?	She wanted to see what she looked like asleep.
Did you hear about the blonde whose boyfriend said he loved her?	She believed him.
Did you hear about the new epidemic among blondes?	It's called MAIDS - if the don't get one, they die.
Did you hear about the new form of birth control for blondes?	They take off their makeup.
How can you tell if a blonde is a good cook?	She gets the pop tart out of the toaster in one piece.
How can you tell if a blonde's been using the computer?	There's white-out on the screen.
How can you tell when a FAX had been sent from a blonde?	There is a stamp on it.
How did the blonde break her leg raking leaves?	She fell out of the tree.
How did the blonde burn her nose?	Bobbing for french fries.
How did the blonde die drinking milk?	The cow fell on her.
How did the blonde die ice-fishing?	She was run over by the zambonis machine.
How did the blonde try to kill a bird?	She threw it off a cliff.
How do blondes pierce their ears?	They put tacks in their shoulder pads.
How do you change a blonde's mind?	Blow in her ear.
How do you confuse a blonde?	You don't. They're born that way.
How do you describe a blonde, surrounded by drooling idiots?	Flattered.
How do you get a blonde to marry you?	Tell her she's pregnant.
After you tell a blonde she's pregnant, what will she ask you?	Is it mine?
How do you get a one-armed blonde out of a tree?	Wave to her.
How do you keep a blonde busy all day?	Put her in a round room and tell her to sit in the corner.
How do you keep a blonde busy?	Write 'Please turn over' on both sides of a piece of paper.
How do you keep a blonde in suspense?	(I'll tell you tomorrow.)
How do you kill a blonde?	Put spikes in their shoulder pads.
How do you know if a blonde writes mysteries?	She has a check book.
How do you know when a blonde has been making chocolate chip cookies?	You find M&M shells all over the kitchen floor.
How do you make a blondes laugh on Monday mornings?	Tell them a joke on Friday night!
How do you make a blonde's eyes sparkle?	You shine a flashlight in her ear.
How do you measure a blonde's intelligence?	Stick a tire pressure gauge in her ear!
How do you plant dope?	Bury a blonde.
How do you drown a blonde?	Put a mirror at the bottom of the pool.
How do you drown a blonde?	Put a scratch and sniff sticker at the bottom of a pool.
How does a blonde kill a fish?	She drowns it.
How does a blonde spell farm?	E-I-E-I-O
How does a blonde commit suicide?	She gathers her clothes into a pile and jumps off.
How does a blonde get pregnant?	And I thought blondes were dumb!
How does a blonde high-5?	She smacks herself in the forehead.
How does a blonde like her eggs?	Unfertilized.
How does the blonde turn on the light after she has had sex?	She opens the car door.
How does the blonde car pool work?	They all meet at work at 7:45.
How many blondes does it take to make a circuit?	Two, One to stand in the bathtub, and another to pass her the blow dryer!
How many blondes does it take to play Hide and Seek?	One.
How many blondes does it take to screw in a light bulb?	Blondes screw in back seats, not in light bulbs, silly.
If you drop a blonde and a brunette from 100 ft, which hits the ground first?	The brunette, because the blonde has to ask directions on the way down.
What are the worst six years in a blonde's life?	Third Grade.
What can save a dying blonde?	Hair transplants.
What did the blonde guy whose wife gave birth to twins say?	He wanted to know who the other man was...
What did the blonde do when her doctor told her she had sugar in her urine?	She peed on her corn flakes.
What did the blonde do when she noticed that someone had already written on the overhead transparency?	She turned it over and used the other side.
What did the blonde say about blonde jokes?	She said they were pretty good, but they might offend some Puerto Ricans.
What did the blonde say when she looked into a box of Cheerios?	Oh look! Donut seeds!
What did the blonde think of the new computer?	She didn't like it because she couldn't get channel 9.
What did the blonde think of the new computer?	She didn't like it because she couldn't get MTV.
What did the really dumb blonde say when someone blew in her bra?	Thanks for the refill.
What do UFO's and smart blondes have in common?	You keep hearing about them, but never see any.
What do you call 10 blondes at the bottom of the pool?	Air pockets.
What do you call 10 blondes standing ear to ear?	A wind tunnel.
What do you call 15 blondes in a circle?	A dope ring.
What do you call 20 blondes in a freezer?	Frosted Flakes.
What do you call a blonde golfer with an IQ of 125?	A foursome.
What do you call a blonde clutching at thin air?	A woman collecting her thoughts.
What do you call a blonde in a black leather jacket?	A rebel without a clue!
What do you call a blonde mother-in-law?	An air bag.
What do you call a blonde skeleton in the closet?	Last year's hide and seek champ.
What do you call a blonde with 2 brain cells?	Pregnant.
What do you call a blonde with 90% of her intelligence gone?	Divorced.
What do you call a blonde with ESP and PMS?	A know-it-all bitch.
What do you call a fly buzzing inside a blonde's head?	A space invader.
What do you call it when a blonde dies their hair brunette?	Artificial intelligence.
What do you call three blondes in a Volkswagen?	FARFROMTHINKEN
What do you do when a blonde throws a pin at you?	Run like Hell....she's got a hand grenade in her mouth.
What does a blonde say during a porno movie?	There I am!
What does the postcard from a blonde's vacation say?	Having a wonderful time. Where am I?
What happens when a blonde gets Alzheimer's disease?	Her IQ goes up!
What is every blonde's ambition in life?	To be like Vanna White and learn the alphabet.
What is it called when a blonde blows in another blonde's ear?	Data transfer.
What is the blonde doing when she holds her hands tightly over her ears?	Trying to hold on to a thought.
What is the mating call of the blonde?	I'm so drunk!
What is the mating call of the ugly blonde?	(Screaming) I said: I'm drunk!
What job function does a blonde have in an M&M factory?	Proofreading.
What's 2 blondes in a car?	Dual Airbags
What's blonde, brunette, blonde, brunette, blonde?	A blonde cheerleader doing cartwheels.
What's brown and red and black and blue?	A brunette who's told one too many blonde jokes.
What's the difference between a blonde and a computer?	You only have to punch information into a computer once.
What's the difference between a blonde and a light bulb?	The light bulb is smarter, but the blonde is easier to turn on.
What's the difference between a blonde and a shopping cart?	The shopping cart has a mind of its own.
What's the difference between a blonde and a toothbrush?	You don't let your best friend borrow your toothbrush.
What's the difference between a blonde and an ironing board?	It's difficult to open the legs of an ironing board.
What's the difference between a pit bull and a blonde with PMS?	Lipstick.
What's the difference between a smart blonde and a UFO?	You know they are out there but people have reported sighting UFO's
What's the difference between blondes and traffic signs?	Some traffic signs say stop.
What's the difference between Elvis and smart blondes?	Elvis has been sighted.
What's the difference between Indiana and a blonde?	A blonde has larger hills and deeper valleys.
What's the disease that paralyzes blondes below the waist?	Marriage.
Why are blonde's coffins Y-shaped?	Because as soon as they are on their backs, their legs open.
Why are blondes so easy to get into bed?	Who cares?
Why aren't blondes good cattle herders?	Because they can't even keep two calves together!
Why can't blondes make ice cubes?	They always forget the recipe.
Why did the blonde take 16 friends to the movies?	Under 17 not admitted!
Why did the blonde bake a chicken for 3 and a half days?	It said cook it for half an hour per pound, and she weighed 125.
Why did the blonde climb up to the roof of the bar?	She heard that the drinks were on the house.
Why did the blonde have blisters on her lips?	From trying to blow out light bulbs.
Why did the blonde snort Nutra-Sweet?	She thought it was diet coke.
Why did the blonde stare at frozen orange juice can for 2 hours?	Because it said 'concentrate'.
Why did the blonde take two hits of acid?	She wanted to go on a round trip.
Why do all blondes all have a dimple on their chin and a flat forehead?	Finger on chin = I don't know. Hits forehead = Oh I get it!
Why do blondes find it difficult to marry?	Because you don't have to marry them to have sex with them!
Why do blondes drive BMWs?	Because they can spell it.
Why do blondes drive cars with sunroofs?	More leg room.
Why do blondes drive VW's?	Because they can't spell PORSCHE!
Why do blondes hate M&Ms?	They're too hard to peel.
Why do blondes have big bellybuttons?	From dating blonde men.
Why do blondes have little holes all over their faces?	From eating with forks.
Why do blondes have more fun?	Because they don't know any better.
Why do blondes have square boobs?	Because they forgot to take the tissues out of the box.
Why do blondes have TGIF on their shirts?	Tits go in front.
Why do blondes have TGIF on their shoes?	Toes go in first.
Why do blondes like lightning?	They think someone is taking their picture.
Why do blondes take the pill?	So they know what day of the week it is.
But why do brunettes take the pill?	Wishful Thinking.
Why do blondes wear green lipstick?	Because red means stop.
Why do blondes wear hoop earrings?	They have to have some place to rest their ankles.
Why do blondes wear panties?	To keep their ankles warm.
Why do blondes wear shoulder pads?	To keep from bruising their ears.
Why do blondes wear tight skirts?	To keep their legs together.
Why do men like blonde jokes?	Because they can understand them.
Why does a blonde only change her baby's diapers every month?	Because it says right on it "good for up to 20 pounds."
Why don't blondes double recipes?	The oven doesn't go to 700 degrees.
Why don't blondes have elevator jobs?	They don't know the route.
Why don't blondes like making KOOL-AID?	Because they can't fit 8 cups of water in the little packet.
Why is it good to have a blonde passenger?	You can park in the handicap zone.
Why should blondes work seven days a week?	So you don't have to retrain them on Monday.
Why was the blonde disappointed with her trip to England?	She found out Big Ben is only a clock.
Why was the blonde got fired from the M&M factory?	She was throwing all the W's away.
Why won't a blonde drink beer at the beach?	She's afraid to get sand in her Busch.